This was something she never thought she would have to face. Because she was always certain of one thing. Her feelings for Maggie and that Maggie felt the same. But sometimes feelings aren't enough. Life without Maggie was a life she didn't know how to navigate but she was Alex goddamn Danvers and she was going to move on with her life. She wasn't going to do what everyone expected her to do and drown her sorrows in bottle after bottle of whiskey. No, she was going to drown her sorrows in women.

But she only came to this conclusion after a week of nights spent alone in her apartment with a bottle of whiskey to drown her sorrows just like Kara said she would. She had come out because of Maggie and as much as she wanted to forget about the woman that opened up a new world for her she couldn't deny that she was in fact a lesbian. She would always thank Maggie for opening up this part of herself that she always knew existed but didn't know what it was exactly. Now that she knew she needed to see what else this newly discovered life held.

If she was being completely honest taking random women home for a night of debauchery wasn't exactly her idea of a fun time but if it meant that she could forget about Maggie without drinking herself into oblivion then that was what she was going to do. She had been out of the clubbing scene for years but it didn't take long to get back into it. The first night she laid low sat at the bar a sipped on her drink. Scoping out the place really. She and Maggie were never into the clubs they had their bars and a few restaurants they frequented but never anything like this.

It was the third night that she saw someone that she thought would be a good time. She approached the woman asked if she could by her a drink. Surprisingly the woman said yes. A few hours and drinks later Alex was taking Addison back to her place. As soon as the door shut bodies and lips collided. She pushed Addison down on the couch feeling the desire in the movement of her lips, in the way her hands explored Alex's back underneath of her shirt. Alex left hand had found its way underneath Addison's shirt before she knew what was happening.

She pulled back and looked into this woman's eyes and asked if this was ok? If she was ok with this happening. Addison looked at her quizzically and replied with a smirk, "I thought my coming home with you was all the consent that was needed."

With her own smirk Alex went in for another kiss this time a more passionate kiss. A kiss that left Addison breathless and wanting more of Alex Danvers. Many more of these nights ensued. Alex bringing someone home and having meaningless sex and kicking them out the following morning. Until she met Olivia.

She had seen Olivia at the club several times but she never approached her. There was something about her that kept Alex away. But tonight, Alex was tired. Tired of feeling sorry for herself and tired of picking up women to help her forget about Maggie. Because truth be told she would never truly be able to forget about Maggie. All those night of taking a random woman home with the hope that tonight would be the night she finally forgot. Forgot about the woman that she was still madly, deeply and passionately in love with.

She approached Olivia cautiously because she wasn't sure how she would react. Alex had garnered quite the reputation in the last few months. She decided sitting next to her and ordering a beer was the best option she had.

"You look like you are finally ready to face whatever demons you have been running from or in the very least your tired of running from them."

Alex gave her a tight-lipped smile. She hated that Olivia was right. Because Alex was tired of running from her feelings but she also wasn't ready to feel them. Not completely.

"I see I'm not the only one who has been keeping tabs on a total stranger."

"Yeah you've been making your rounds. I was waiting for you to approach me but you've always kept your distance."

Alex took a sip of her beer, twisting the bottle around in her hands before responding. "Yeah there was something about you that told me I should keep my distance."

Olivia could only shake her head in response and with a smirk replied, "Your good at reading body language. Probably why you've been able to take home as many bimbos as you have."

Alex almost spit out the beer she had in her mouth with that last statement. She took a minute to compose herself and turned her head to look at Olivia.

"Not all of them were bimbos. A few of them deserved better than a one night stand." Alex downed what was left of her beer in 2 gulps and turned back to Olivia, "I'm not proud of the reputation I've gained in these last few months but it did keep me from doing what everyone said I would do if I lost the woman that I loved."

Olivia hadn't been expecting that from Alex. She honestly had expected her to be a total player. Because that is the vibe she had gotten from this beautifully intoxicating woman. But it turns out Alex was just a broken mess trying to forget about the woman she loved.

"Well she must have been a hell of a girl to let you go or did you end things?"

Alex really didn't want to talk about this but she didn't have anything else to talk about so why the hell not.

"My fiancé and I had a disagreement about our future and it was something neither one of us would change our minds about so we both agreed to end it. Some days I think it was the worst decision I've ever made because I would still have her. But then I remember that she doesn't want kids and that is something that I want desperately. When the time is right of course and I just get sad again and think about all the good times we had and the cycle just continues without end. So instead of drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey every night I came here to pick up women."

She really had read Alex wrong. She hadn't expected her to be trying to move on from a fiancé that didn't want children. Hell, it was surprising that Alex wanted to have children in the first place. This interaction with Alex was proving that she wasn't as good at reading people as she thought she was.

"What do you say we go back to your place and talk. Sounds like that is what you need more than a bottle of booze or a night with a total stranger."

Alex had to admit that sounded nice but she was confused, "Why my place?"

"Because mine just got painted today and I'm not sure if the paint fumes are still going to be there."

Alex wasn't going to say anything about not believing her she was just going to let tonight be what it was. Maybe she would get a new friend out of this. Because that was something she desperately need right now. Whether she wanted to admit it or not. Alex paid both of their tabs and lead Olivia to the front of the club.

As she was leaving the club with Olivia a pair of eyes caught hers from across the room. A pair of eyes she would never forget. A pair of eyes she thought she would always be able to look into. Would always be able to get lost in. Maggie's eyes. Eyes that she has longed to look into for months but now finds that she can't hold their gaze. Not because she feels ashamed of her actions the last few months but because looking into those eyes is now too painful. But she holds their gaze because she is Alex goddamn Danvers and she doesn't show any kind of weakness. Ever. What she sees melts her heart. Those eyes convey that they still love Alex despite everything and they just want her to be happy and that they wish things could have been different for them. That they could have gotten the happy ending that they both wanted. Maggie raised her glass in Alex's direction and gave her a wink. Alex gave Maggie a small smile in return before returning her attention to Olivia.

"That has to be the ex that has messed you up."

"Yeah that's her."

"I can see why at least from a looks standpoint she is gorgeous."

"She is but that was one of many reasons I liked her. All the other reasons for liking her are why I fell in love with her and why I will always wish things could have worked out between us but they didn't and I would really rather not think about any of this right now so if your still up for it lets head to my place."

"Lead the way Alex."

With one last look at Maggie Alex left the club. Hopefully for the last time. She was taking Olivia home but not for sex. She just needed someone to talk to. Hopefully this was a new-found friend that would help her get over Maggie. Because if she was being honest with herself that is all she really needed was someone to talk to about the pain and help her make sense of it all.