'M BACK.

I guess I kinda owe an explanation where the hell have i been, but let's leave it for the next time, shall we? Anyway, I'm going to update all the stories in a couple of days, since now I kinda have time to write (explanation to 'having time to write': my life is shit and i'm avoiding my problems by writing)

So, there you have it.

Reviews are more than welcome xx

Chapter 1

He found it relaxing.

He couldn't exactly recall when he started smoking, he was around 17 or so, stressed to the hills. But when his friend at school offered him this "way to relax", or so he called it, Dean took it without any further thought.

Didn't really think about the consequences of his choice.

Didn't really care.

Although, it didn't take long for Dad to find out, and he wasn't happy with it. Far from it, he was furious. A fact that he used to have asthma when he was younger didn't help the situation either, since it could flare up and leave him choking for air at any time.

As for Sam, he was begging for him to quit. The kid was smart, he knew how unhealthy it was, he was just worried about his brother getting sick.

"You're killing yourself, Dean" Sam would say. "Please, don't do this to yourself, please?"

So, Dean tried to avoid smoking in front of either one of them, because honestly, he was getting tired of those glances he was getting from them, hour long lectures whom usually ended up in one of them storming out while slamming the doors dramatically, followed by long silences.

He didn't need anyone telling him how damaging it was. He knew it himself, he could feel it.

Also, he didn't want to give his dad a satisfaction of being right about his returning asthma. He didn't want to look weak in front of his father's eyes. So, when it got too bad, he got his medication for asthma quietly, all by himself, not telling anyone.

Of course, they found out his dirty little secret when on a particularly bad hunt in the rain and he was left wheezing on the ground on all fours, unable to breathe.

It costed him a trip to ER.

He couldn't exactly remember what happened, but when he woke up hours later with an oxygen mask on his face and a worried, but no less furious John Winchester by his side, he knew he screwed up.

So much for keeping it a secret.

He got a whole speech that night of do's and don'ts . Sammy even pulled his puppy dog eyes look on him.

Long story short, it wasn't pleasant. When he was released three days later, because John refused to sign him out AMA and insisted on him having the treatment he needed for his asthma, he had a new prescription and a new pair of eyes watching his every move.

John took away all of his cigarettes and gave him prescribed meds himself, mentioning from time to time what a stupid thing was to start smoking.

Sam wasn't any better, he was worse, if that was possible.

It went on for about a month, until they released the grip and everything slowly went back to normal. Well, what was normal for them anyway.

Their dad disappearing for weeks, Sammy going through his teenage phase, getting angry at every single thing, because he's the only one who is right in the room, and Dean going back to inhaling a relaxing cloud of smoke into his abused lungs.

So, nothing really changed.

In a lifespan of couple more years he had a few more major attacks that landed him in a hospital, but, besides that, he had it under control.

He knew he was pushing his luck most of the time, he managed to even quit for some time, because Sam literally begged him to, after he almost died, but he never truly gave it up. He just managed to hide it for Sammy's sake.

But nowadays, hiding didn't seem to be an issue anymore.

At least not for him.

Present

"You're smoking. Again." Sam announced, his intonation filled with annoyance.

"Don't like it, don't watch it." Dean answered casually, looking straight into Sam's eyes while inhaling deeply.

He almost coughed at that, but managed to keep himself from doing it. Why give Sam a satisfaction of being right?

"Alright, I won't, but when this catches up with you during a hunt and you will be hacking up a lung while unable to breathe, then don-"

"Jesus, don't be such a drama queen, Sam." Dean interrupted him, not wanting to listen to this shit again. "I'm not exactly asking you to donate a lung or anything, so why does that concerns you, huh? It's not like me smoking makes any difference to you, so just don't nag me about it every chance you get." he inhaled again. " I had enough of that from you and dad already."

Sam just stared at his brother wide eyed, while Dean inhaled again, coughing slightly.

He was at loss of what to do, because he knew that this never ends well. They've been on this path many times before and it always ended in the exact same way. Dean lying in a hospital bed, unable to breathe.

"Apparently, it wasn't enough, was it?" he asked quietly.

He didn't want to start another argument between them, so he left it at that, not waiting for an answer.

A little bit more than a week later, they were on a hunt again, some vengeful spirit bothering a quiet life of a little town in a middle of nowhere.

It wasn't a particularly difficult hunt, but they were still a little banged up after it.

And Dean felt more than a little stressed for some reason, so he was smoking one cig after the other, while coughing horribly.

Of course, that didn't slip throughout Sam's eyes and he was starting to get worried.

By the time they got back from the graveyard, Dean was wheezing, but clearly trying to hide it from Sam. Inhaling smoke of a burning body probably didn't help either.

"Go get a shower, it might help" Sam suggested, once they were inside the motel room.

Dean did, without any questioning and that was even more unsettling.

Of course, they would never talk about it, because god forbid the chick flick moments between them, except on rare occasions, such as almost dying or during a particularly bad argument.

One way or another, Dean was out of the shower quickly and Sam went to grab one too. Once he was out mere ten minutes later, Dean was nowhere to be seen.

"Dean?" he asked, getting no answer.

Brows furrowed, he looked outside.

"Really, Dean?" he asked, a little bit angry when he spotted his stubborn ass brother sitting on the stairs of their motel room and holding a cig between his slightly shaking fingers. "Are you that desperate to kill yourself faster that you can't let go of those fucking cigarettes even when you're wheezing and can't breathe properly?" he shouted, not being able to contain his emotions in check, then grabbed the cig and threw it on the ground. They were suppose to keep it strictly business, but he just couldn't keep it quiet anymore.

"If I say yes, will you stop screaming?" Dean asked quietly, picking it up off the ground.

"You're unbelievable" the younger Winchester stared in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Sam?" the older hunter turned to face him, his face blank and tired, maybe even a little sad. "It doesn't matter what I do, it's impossible to please you. So, if you don't like it, just… I don't know, turn around and let me enjo-" he was cut off buy a coughing fit, that was shaking his whole body.

Sam came closer and hit him on the back couple of times, trying to make it easier. Dean tried to squirm away.

"Sam-" he wheezed. "Don't"

The younger brother just exhaled and sat down next to Dean, feeling defeated.

"I just don't want to watch you kill yourself." he exclaimed, unable to keep sadness from his voice. He hated seeing his brother smoking, now even more than ever.

"You're welcome to leave any time" the older Winchester mumbled, coughing again.

"Jesus, Dean" Sam whispered. "Are you that bad off that you don't even care… I don't- can we at least talk about it, like adults?" he asked, trying to get through his brother.

"There isn't much to talk about, Samm-... Sam." Dean corrected himself, missing the flinch on Sam's face when he corrected his nickname. "Everything's pretty clear to me, I mean, I'm not holding you here, you can go on and do your own thing, you don't have to, like, watch over me or anything, I'm not a liability."

"I know you're not, Dean, but… Jesus, even now you sound horrible. Why are you trying to make it even worse?" he reached out and threw away the cig again, this time under his shoe.

Then he stepped on it.

"I'm not-" Dean was caught off abruptly by another coughing fit that left him wheezing for air and clutching his chest.

"Dean? Dean, talk to me man." Sam grabbed his arm and searched for the inhaler in his jacket's pockets. Then gave it to Dean quickly.

Dean tried his best, but it didn't seem to be working.

"Is it helping? Dean?" the younger hunter asked frantically, when Dean kept coughing and his wheezing got worse.

When his brother kept his eyes close and shook his head, Sam knew they were in a deep shit.

"You're having one of those attacks, aren't you" he whispered in fear. "You need a hospital, now." he announced quickly with a hard voice and stood up.

He hated this. This happened so many times before and each time it was no less frightening.

When Dean had these major attacks, neither his medication nor inhaler would work. It was always bad. Twice his airways shut down completely and he needed to be intubated.

"C'mon, Dean" Sam nudged at his side, holding Impala's keys in one hand. "We need to go, now".

When Dean didn't show any sign of movement, he just hissed angrily and pulled his stubborn ass brother with him and to the car.

He wanted to be angry at him, for not taking care of himself, but he couldn't. Not in this situation, when his anger toward his sibling was at fault too. Stress never worked great with asthma.

It didn't take long for them to reach the ER, although, it felt like forever.

Him, encouraging Dean to try and take deep breaths and stay calm, and Dean, trying to follow his orders, but failing horribly. It felt like he was breathing through a tiny straw, his vision swimming in from of his eyes.

And finally, when the help came and his seemingly not breathing, pale sibling was taken away from him, and all he could hear were voices shouting 'asthma attack' and 'respiratory failure' Sam himself was left there standing afraid and feeling incredibly alone.