"I'll always be your friend. I'll always protect you. I promise."

Lena gazed out the massive windows of her balcony, watching the city lights blur. It was evening, and the darkness contrasted with the brightness underneath, and if she gazed upon the lights too long, the ache along her temples became unbearable. It didn't matter. She scrunched up her eyes. When she was a child, she would play a game with her brother in the back seat of her parents' limo. They would squint their eyes, watching the glare of the street lamps extend into beams. Lasers to fight the monsters.

Don't let them touch you, Lena.

Of course, the lasers would cut through anything and the monsters never touched them. As she grew older, the monsters became the faces of her mother and later her peers. Her mother's cold indifference ripped Lena to shreds with the cruelty of a surgical scalpel. Leaving her less willing to trust, to feel, to yearn for anything resembling love.

Her mother taught her that everyone was the same. Lena learned the hard way, each betrayal or disappointment striking another broken nail into her already violated trust.

Never let them in. Never let them make you vulnerable. Never let them touch you.

Lena never let anyone touch her again, cutting everyone down with barbed comments and cold detachment before they could ever pierce her heart. It worked...until Kara.

Kara ripped through her defenses, slammed through her walls and burst into her life. Lena couldn't resist her, and after a time she had not wanted to. Even when Kara chose Mike—Mon-El, Lena would rather bask in her shadow than be cut out of her life. Kara accepted her. Kara believed in her. Kara supported her. No one else had, and she yearned for it. And Lena couldn't let go.

So, when Kara shut her out of her life, Lena did not know how to cope. And that would never do. She needed to control herself and this shattered being drowning herself in alcohol was not an example of control.

A Luthor did not love. A Luthor did not care. Yet, Lena did. Lillian's harsh voice rasped deep inside. You did this to yourself, foolish child. Who could love you?

Lena raised her shot glass, taking another sip of the amber colored liquid. Another shot. Another sip. She couldn't remember how many glasses this time, everything seemed to blur together. Why are you feeling so sorry for yourself, Lena? You caused this. You and your pathetic need for acceptance.

Guilt tasted bitter and she gasped under the weight of it. She would never free herself of it. How could she when she couldn't escape the crimes of her brother or her mother. Their crimes paled in comparison to her own. She was cursed.

She slammed her hand on the desk. Hard. Her palms stung, and wetness tickled her cheeks. Her fault. It had all been her fault because she was a fool who allowed her world to be invaded because someone offered affection. The affection her own mother refused to give her. Pathetic. Her mother had always been right. Love was the reason her hands shook in her office while she drowned her misery in yet another glass. She should have known. Mother always had said love was a lie. The tightness in her chest confirmed the authenticity of that statement.

I'll always be your friend.

Lena let out a sardonic chuckle. It had not taken long for that promise to be broken. Oh, Kara had not said it so many words. But her silence spoke volumes. After the first few weeks of Lena's calls not being answered and her texts looking like a one-way spam, the answer was obvious. Kara hated her. Lena understood it. She really did. She'd hate herself.

I'll always be your friend.

A harsh cry escaped her mouth and her fists collided against the smooth surface again. Bang. Her fists started growing numb, but it didn't matter. Bang. The pain just fed her anger, and the anger felt so much better than the nothingness encroaching her.

I'll always be your friend.

Where was her friend now that the latest glass of bourbon clogged her throat, turning her carefree laughs into acridity? Where was her friend when her self-hatred threatened to take her place and leave her dangling on the edge of some crevasse?

I'll always be your friend.

Fire raced through her veins, and she couldn't breathe enough. She hated that word. Friend. All of her friends lied, one way or the other. Lied about who they were or what they wanted. Kara was no exception.

Lena closed her eyes. Her lungs trembled with the effort of holding back the scream that began to topple over, and it was hard. Too damn hard to hold back. She wanted to rage against the night, throw her glass against the wall and scream until her last breath.

She reached for her cell, out of habit, out of desperation. As if on autopilot, Kara's image flowed on the screen. Vivid blue eyes shone beneath wide-rimmed glasses, and those eyes had captured her long ago.

Lena swallowed and her fingers traced the pixelated edges of Kara's face. Beautiful. Exquisite. A rush of yearning engulfed her senses.

She heard the dial-tone and let the phone ring until it went into voice mail. Again. Lena knew her call would never be returned, but she left a message anyways.

"I'm sorry, Kara. I'm sorry you had the misfortune of knowing me. Your friends were..." A strangled sob cut off the next word. "I—your friends...they were right about me. I'm a Luthor. I'm broken, Kara and I...I'm headed...I'm just going to..." Lena muted the phone as more cries rippled through her. "I...I don't deserve you. I never did. And I...I just want to apologize for all the anguish I have caused you...please...I'm sorry..."

Lena couldn't continue and ended the call. Kara. Please come back...

I will always protect you.

I promise.

Lena laughed, a bitter sound, sharp like glass, ripping the empty room.

Kara, you couldn't protect me from yourself...