Frozen Hearts Doesn't Melt

Chapter 1

This is partly an alter universe fic. I can't really remember the criteria for rating a story but there is bad language at the start and, as the story goes on, there will be explicit scenes of a sexual nature, voluntary and involuntary, violence and rape. If this bothers you in any way then don't read it. Obviously.

The darkness fell and so did the cold November temperature in New York City. There was no snow yet but the air held a damp crispness to it that indicated that it wouldn't be long before the ground was covered with a sheet of white fluffy flakes. This time of year was the most difficult for Amanda Rollins. Being homeless was difficult, period, but when the temperature began to drop, after the warm summer months, the worry of not surviving another winter would slowly creep up and cause a state of constant anxiety and panic.

She should be use to it by now, after almost four years on the streets but every year was still the same. Would this be her last winter? How would she survive in freezing temperatures with hardly any suitable clothes, minimum supply of food and water, no shelter and no warmth? But somehow, every year, she always managed to pull through, coming out stronger in the end.

She slept where she could. Sometimes under a bridge, in a cardboard box, a shelter, a park bench or even in the entrence to an apartment building or any other building that held a large and suitable sleeping space. Tonight, however, was cold and windy. Too cold for a park bench or a cardboard box and no room at the shelters in the nearby neighborhoods. She had now two options, two different things to choose from and she didn't really like any of them. She could walk through the night to keep herself warm or she could find a sleeping space in a doorway somewhere, at least that would give her some protection against the howling winds and the biting cold.

She eventually decided to go for the latter.

She was so tired, cold and hungry. It had been almost twenty hours ago since she has her last meal, if you could call it that. It was more of a hasty snack that she managed to take from people's left overs at a dodgy burger joint somewhere close to Brooklyn Bridge. She had only managed a few bites before the manager had stormed out and threatened to call the cops of she didn't leave right away. She was use to getting that kimd of treatment everywhere. It was like she was a stray dog or a cat, prowling the neighborhood for some scraps to get through the next twenty four hours without collapsing from hunger or malnutrition.

She never begged for money. People never gave much anyway, probably thinking that the small donation would more than likely used on drugs or alcohol like so many homeless people and druggies out there. Drugs weren't her think. She had tried it a couple of times but didn't like the way she felt afterwards, all dizzy and shaky, dazed and foggy. Alcohol, on the other hand, was something she didn't say no to and especially on a cold night as the intoxicated liquid would usually provide her with some sort of comfort and not to mention warmth. It was hard to get a hold of, since money was something she didn't have, but sometimes a good Samaritan would provide or she would trade for something else that was of more value to the other person.

This night she would've done anything for a few swigs of vodka or bourbon, almost anything. It was bitter out there. The wind was picking up, strong gusts sweeping across her already frozen features and hair, her hands were cold to the bone, even though they were shoved as far down her pockets as they possibly could, and her feet were getting numb since her only pair of shoes were worn, thin and too small. Getting clothes and shoes was extremely difficult, almost impossible, and sometimes you just had to take whatever was there even though they didn't fit or suit properly.

She rounded a corner in a neighborhood she wasn't very familiar with. She had only been there a handful of times before, never stayed long and never hung around. The streetlights, bars and restaurants provided enough light into the dreary and dingy alleyways, the wet ground shining in the dark night, red, yellow, blue and green reflected in the pools of water here and there, making everything look a bit more colourful even in such a dirty and gloomy places like the one she was currently in. She had to find somewhere to sleep for the night. At least for a few hours.

Dead on her feet, she eventually settled in a small alcove somewhat protected from the biting wind. She shivered as a gust blew past and pulled the zipper all the way up to her chin, rested her head against the brick wall behind her as her tired pale blue eyes fluttered close.

A noise startled her awake. She didn't know how long she had slept but it couldn't have been more than a couple of hours because it was still very dark and windy. Then, suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she could make out a big tall and dark shadow almost hovering above her like a giant evil entity that had no other indications but to hurt her. For a second she was paralyzed and couldn't move, think or scream but when the shadowy figure came closer she somehow managed to let out a strangled shriek that echoed through the alley, bouncing against the heavy brick walls, travelling back and forth several times before fading out.

Something hard hit her over the side of her head and a searing pain tore through her whole being. She could almost feel her brain bouncing around inside her skull, causing everything around her to appear blurry and unfocused. Her hearing was temporarily impaired as all she could make out was distant sounds and words coming from the imposter that was now grabbing and clawing at her clothes and hair.

Slowly her vision and hearing came back but it was still too dark to make out the face of the man attacking her and all she could do was to try and cover her face and head with her arms as the man kept on raining his punches down on her. Then everything went black and silent.

"Homeless, female, early thirties, found beaten and unconscious in an alleyway, hypothermia had already set in but she's starting to come around."

Fin informed his Lieutenant as she entered the hospital in the early hours of the morning, wearing a thick coat, hat, gloves and a scarf to keep the biting winds at bay. "She could've frozen to death out there if no one would've called for help. She's lucky to be alive." Olivia stated, shaking her head in a defeated fashion, wondering how anyone could do such a thing and then just leave her to die in the cold. Humanity was failing.

Fin agreed. "Someone heard her scream, called 911 but the man was already gone before they got there."

"Did they do a rape kit?" she asked as Fin guided them both towards the room their victim was currently in.

"Yeah. She wasn't raped, no fluids, no prints and no DNA. She's got defensive bruising on her forearms, looks like the perp caught her off guard and she had no chance to fight back. She suffered a concussion so they're keeping her here over night."

Sighing, Liv ran a gloved hand over her face, tired, cold and would rather be nicely tucked into her own bed than being here. "Okay, um, take Carisi and start knocking on doors in the neighborhood where she was found. Maybe someone saw something. I'll stay here and talk to the vic. Let me know if anything comes up."

Fin left and Liv found herself standing outside the victim's room with a nurse, sad to face, yet again, another beaten and violated woman. It never ends. "Do we have a name?"

The nurse just shook her head. "No, she had no ID on her and she's slipping in and out of unconsciousness so we haven't been able to get a name yet. She'll probably sleep for the coming hours but you're welcome to stay since we don't know anything about her family. It would be nice for her to see a friendly face when she wakes up, Lieutenant. Let me know if you need anything."

Liv smiled politely towards the nurse, watched her scurry down to the nurse's station and and entered the room.

It was gloomy inside, the sun had yet to appear in the east and the light in the room currently consisted of a small lamp on the bedside table. The silence was heavy. There were no beeping or buzzing sounds from various medical machines since she was stable enough to not need any monitoring. All Olivia could see, from where she was standing, was the petite frame of a woman, hidden underneath blankets and heating pads as she involuntary shivered from time to time as her body temperature slowly increased towards a more comfortable and reassuring state.

As she got closer to the woman that laid there, motionless, she was amazed at how beautiful she really was. Her skin was pale but clear, lips rosy red and plump, high cheekbones that most people would die for and blonde long toussled hair that framed her face perfectly and softly fanned itself out on the pillow her head was resting upon. Beautiful didn't even measure up to what Olivia was seeing.

The woman, for some reason, looked and seemed familiar to her, like she had met her before but couldn't quite put a finger on from where or when. She was positive that this woman hadn't been a victim in a previous case because she would've remembered such a striking face. There was, however, something about her, something very well known but still unknown about this stranger that laid in deep sleep before her, trembling and whimpering in her unconscious state, causing Olivia's protective instincts to kick in as she heard the pitiful sounds emitting from those pink, slightly parted, lips.

"Shhh." she gently cooed before she could stop herself and took a seat on the hard plastic chair next to the bed, pulling it closer so she had a clear view of the woman in case she woke up. A little while later, the small blonde began to stir underneath all the blankets and her right arm slipped out from it's warm cocoon and hung over the edge of the bed, exposed to the coolish air inside the room. That's when she saw the bruises.

Littering her whole lower arm were dark marks in different shapes, size and form, evidence of a vicious attack that she had tried desperately to protect herself from but without much luck. The dark bruises created a stark contrast to her porcelain skin which probably made it look worse than what it actually was but, still, Olivia couldn't help but to frown in concern and sympathy for the victim that she knew nothing about, not even her name.

Gently, as to not wake her up, she wrapped her fingers around a slender wrist, planning to replaced it underneath the layers of blankets, but was immediately startled by how cold she was to the touch. Gasping at the icy contact, she couldn't help but to hold onto the hand a bit longer, wrapping it between her own and softly began to rub her thumbs over the back of it, transferring her own body heat into the frozen limb, amazed at how soft the assaulted skin was against her fingertips.

Minutes passed and Olivia was still holding onto the cold hand, warming it slowly, when all of a sudden the blonde shivering form shifted between the crisp white sheets and the mountain of blankets, tossing her head from side to side, murmuring incoherently before two pale blue eyes popped open and blinked several times, getting use to the light that couldn't even be considered as bright.

"Hey." Olivia whispered softly, smiling gently to reassure the woman that she meant no harm and that she was safe. "I'm Lieutenant Olivia Benson from the special victims unit. The doctors couldn't find an ID on you so can you tell me your name?"

The woman frowned deeply, eyes still blinking rapidly, flickering around the room, obviously trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. The blue eyes suddenly wandered towards their joined hands where Olivia's thumb was unconsciously stroking the soft and cold skin of the woman. Quickly, she pulled it away from it's warm and comfortable position and cradled it against her chest, pulling the blankets tighter around her body, winching in pain as she moved too fast. "What the..." bringing her hand up to her head, she could feel a nice size bump on her left temple, prodding it gently with her fingers.

"Where the fuck am I?" she stated in a firm and demanding tone, nothing what Olivia had expected. Then, she noticed all the bruises on her arms and also realized that she was naked underneath the pile of throws and quilts. "Why am I here? What the hell! Why am I naked?"

"Easy," Liv calmed, a bit embarrassed for being caught holding her hand in such an intimate and tender way. "You were found unconscious a few hours ago just outside Midtown. You were badly beaten, hence the bruises, and you also have a concussion so it's important that you don't get up just yet. They want to hold you for observation."

The woman just shook her head and tried to sit up, clutching the blankets close to her body, keeping her modesty intact. "I don't have money or insurance. I can't stay here." she huffed and pushed herself up into a sitting position, head pounding and spinning from the movement and a nauseous wave slowly washed over her but she managed to breath through it.

"Don't worry about money. The state will pay for it but you need to lie back down. A head injury is not to be taken lightly." Liv explained. "What's your name, honey?"

The blonde stopped the strenuous act of trying to get to her feet and visibly calmed when she realized she didn't have to pay for her stay. She could never afford it anyway. "Amanda." she muttered and shifted uncomfortably between the sheets. "Amanda Rollins."

"Okay, Amanda, did you see the person who did this to you? Did you see his face, any tattoos, piercings or other marks on his body that could help us find him?"

Amanda almost broke out laughing as she studied Olivia's serious face. "Why would you bother finding him? He didn't steal anything, he didn't rape me. I'm just a homeless street rat who doesn't matter in this society." she paused briefly. "Besides, I never saw his face or anything else for that matter. It was too dark, all I saw was a black figure hovering over me. Could've been anyone. Don't waste your time, Lieutenant."

It saddened Olivia to hear the woman degrade herself like that. Like she didn't matter because she didn't have a place to call home, or money to pay for food and clothes. She was still a human being with qualities, skills, character and feelings just like everybody else, including herself. She knew it was going to be difficult to try and push Amanda into pressing charges against the man but she had to at least try.

"Amanda, what he did to you is a crime. It doesn't matter what he didn't do to you. He physically assaulted you and he should be prosecuted and punished because of what he did." she had explained this hundreds if times to victims before and a lot of the times it felt like her words were just falling on deaf ears but she couldn't let that happen to Amanda. She already thought so little of herself, disposable and useless, and she wanted to show Amanda, to prove to her that she did matter and that both Olivia and her squad took these crimes seriously, homeless or not, rich or poor, black or white, straight or gay.

"Yeah well, good luck finding him." the blonde chuckled sarcastically and leaned back against the pillows. "Next time a guy decides to use me as a puncing bag I'll let you know and I'll make sure to take a good look at his face before the first blow, maybe I'll even draw you a little sketch." her voice was dripping with sarcasm and venom, thinking that the Lieutenant was, quite frankly, stupid for believing that they could find this guy.

"I know this is hard and I know that it doesn't seem like it now but things will get better." without thinking much of it, Olivia placed a hand on a bony shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze of reassurance and strength.

As the warmth of Olivia's hand radiated into her cold skin she flinched and pulled away. "You know what would be better? If you could just leave me the hell alone, forget about all of this, go back home and eat some expensive shit caviar on cream crackers and watch Rachel fucking Ray on your flat screen plasma tv. I'm homeless, for fuck sake, I've been through worse than this shit and I know it doesn't go anywhere. Just do both of us a favour and don't waste precious time on chasing ghosts."

She was feisty, bitter and cynical. The blue eyes darkened as she spoke, letting Olivia know that she wasn't messing and that she was truly angry with the world and all the crap she had been through. It was going to take some time to crack this one open.