Title: The Misadventures of Self-Appreciation Boy and Bondage Boy!
Rating: R
Warnings: Cursing, DMG-bashing, YAOI!, and general stupidity.
Summary: It's the Misadventures of Self-Appreciation Boy and Bondage Boy, with appearances by Gaia the Salesman, Panny Springer, and other fun characters!
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The Misadventures of Self-Appreciation Boy and his sidekick, Bondage Boy!
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It was a sunny, sunny day in Domino City.
Yugi Mutou was walking down the street, humming a very happy tune.
When all of a sudden…he was ATTACKED!!
The notoriously EVIL Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut was standing over the hurt short person, laughing insanely.
Yugi gasped. "Why are you doing this, Dark Magician Girl?!"
"YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE, YUUUUUGI!!" She screamed in her high pitched nails-on-a-chalkboard voice. "FOR I AM DR. PINK HEART KAWAII SLUT, AND I WANT ALL THE HOT GAY MEN!!"
Yuugi thought he was doomed! But, just as he lost hope…
A shrill whine sounded in the distance.
"Why do I have to be the sidekick?!"
Because Melissa thought up your nickname second. Now get back to the script.
"…Stupid…oh no, Self-Appreciation Boy, look. Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut is at it again."
MORE FEELING!
"OH NO, SELF-APPRECIATION BOY, LOOK!!!!!!! DR. PINK HEART KAWAII SLUT IS AT IT AGAIN!!! IS THAT BETTER?!?"
…muchly.
"…damn, Dark, can't you ever just READ the script? I'm the hero, and you're the dork-tastic sidekick!"
"Shut up, Celtic! At least I don't look like I'm MASTURBATING!"
Well, Melissa thinks you just have more to uhm…yeah. NOW, GET BACK TO THE SCRIPT!!
"Meep!"
And so, Self-Appreciation Boy looked at the predicament. He was shocked!
"I am shocked!" He said, his eyes widening.
Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut laughed more insanely. Because she was more insane than she was 5 minutes ago.
"MUAHAHAHA!!! YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BEAT ME!!" She said, while laughing insanely.
"…you're right." Self-Appreciation Boy said. "…because a CERTAIN 14 year old girl DIDN'T GIVE US WEAPONS, OR SUPERPOWERS!!"
…oops. Sorry about that! Here's a whacking stick.
And so, Self-Appreciation Boy had the Golden Whacking Stick of Doom bestowed upon him by the goddess of stupid one shots, and there was much rejoicing.
"Why don't I get a stick?! HUH?! I'm getting SO shafted here!" Bondage Boy screamed.
…and uhm…Bondage Boy had the Plastic Handcuffs That Cost A Dollar bestowed upon him by…uh…the lemurs…and there was MORE much rejoicing!
Self-Appreciation Boy laughed out loud. "Plastic Handcuffs! Bwahahaha!!"
"SHUT UP!"
Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut had gotten much more evil, much more sinister, and even more slut-tastic!
WHAT WILL OUR HEROES DO?!?!
"Fuck you, My-Right-Hand-Is-My-Date BOY!!!" Bondage Boy screamed.
"You shut up, Tie Me Up and Fuck Me HARD Boy!!" Self-Appreciation Boy yelled.
…this is gonna be a long one.
~~~~***~~~~
"Gasp! I have a red wine stain on my precious white Persian poodle! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?!" A dark haired woman shrieked as she looked at the precious Persian poodle.
"Don't worry ma'am! With the new Feral Imp Stain Removal System, your troubles will be a thing of the past!" A bright, happy man said, riding up on a horse.
"How?"
"Let me show you!" The man on the horse picked the poodle up and gave it to the green imp thing behind him. "Now you will see---"
He stopped as the green imp popped the poodle into its mouth and swallowed.
"MY POODLE!!!!"
"Errr…my work is done, I hope you're satisfied, BYE!" He and his horse ran off.
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DON'T LET THE KIDS WATCH!!! TURN TO ANOTHER CHANNEL!!
"Oh God…harder, my sexy, sexy superior…"
CHANGE IT!!! …while I grab my popcorn and drool at the sex-tastic lemon.
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"Panny! Panny! Panny!" The crowd yelled.
"Hello, hello. Welcome to the Panny Springer Show! I'm Pandora your host and.." A tall man in a mask said, holding a microphone.
"PAAAAAANNY!!!!"
"…yes. Panny. Today's topic – Incest! Twin lovers who have cheated on their twins! Our first guest today is Akai! Akai, please, tell us your story."
"Well, Panny…I'm in love with my identical twin brother Rufus, and I-" The red-clad silver haired magician said, slouching in his seat.
The crowd booed.
"Go ahead, Akai."
"…and I love him with all my heart, but…I've been cheating on him."
"Cheating on him? With who?"
"…not with who Panny, with what. I've been cheating on him…with Demon Cross!"
"OOOOOOH!" The crowd yelled.
Panny looked shocked. "Demon Cross?"
"Yes, and…I'm pregnant, and I don't know who the baby's father is!" Akai put his face in his hands and cried.
"Well, Akai, we have both Demon Cross, and Rufus here today! Let's bring them out! They've heard everything!"
Akai sobbed more.
"DAMMIT, BITCH! What the hell is this [beep]! I can't [beep] believe this! You [beep] cheated on me, with that [beep] piece of mother [beeeeep] crap?! You [beeeeeeeeep] BITCH! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING!"
"I'm so sorry Rufus…so sorry…"
Panny sighed. "Would you like the paternity results?"
He pulled out an envelope. "In the case of unborn baby…Rufus…you are…NOT the father."
Akai screamed into his palms and ran off stage. Rufus followed.
Demon Cross just stood there, being all cross-y and demon-y.
~~~~***~~~~
Ahem. And we're back! When we last left our heroes, they were fighting each other, but they've made up!
Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut laughed insane-est. She couldn't get any more insane. But she could get sluttier.
"Oh no, Bondage Boy! She is blinding me with her female body!"
"Me too, Self-Appreciation Boy! I can't see!!!"
ALL HOPE IS LOST!!!
"KUUUURIIIIIII!!!!" A brown fuzzball flew through the air. It hit Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut, stunning her into putting clothes on.
"Fuck yeah!" A masculine voice yelled.
The man was clad in tight black leather and was wearing his black hair in a ponytail.
Oh my gosh! It's I-Make-Up-For-My Inadequacies-By-Being-A-Fucktard Guy! And Obligatory Cute Thing!
"CHAOS?!" Both of the REAL heroes yelped.
"That's fucking right, you fuckin' queers! I'm here to save the FUCKIN DAY!"
"KURIIIIII!!"
"Oh. And Kuriboh's here too. We needed a cute thing. Now, Masturbation Boy! Finish her off!"
"It's SELF-APPRECIATION BOY!!" He yelled.
"…right! Masturbation Boy! Kill her with your Golden Whacking Stick of DOOM!!"
"..never mind…" Self-Appreciation Boy sighed.
He raised the stick over his head and brought it down on Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut's head, killing her.
…YAY!!!!!
Bondage Boy leapt in to Self-Appreciation Boy's arms and began a long snog session.
"Fuck, Yuugi, you okay?!" I-Make-Up-For-My Inadequacies-By-Being-A-Fucktard Guy asked the small boy.
"Uh…yeah…who are you?"
"Oh. I'm Chaos. Masturbation Boy is Celtic and Bondage Slut Boi is Dark. We're crime fighters…kinda."
"Oh…okay…I'm gonna go home now…and…sterilize my eyes…and maybe my ears while I'm at it…or my entire body…"
I-Make-Up-For-My Inadequacies-By-Being-A-Fucktard Guy grinned, closing his eyes. He waved. "Okay! Bye bye!"
Yuugi stood up and started walking home again, muttering something about never using those cards in battle again.
Self-Appreciation Boy and Bondage Boy were still making out, and having a very good time.
I-Make-Up-For-My Inadequacies-By-Being-A-Fucktard Guy grabbed The Guy From The Fake Commercial [Who is REALLY Gaia] and started snogging him.
And that concludes today's episode of The Misadventures of Self-Appreciation Boy and Bondage Boy!
…damn I need a job…if I had money…I wouldn't write any more crap like this…oh! We're still rolling?!
THE END!!
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Yeah. That was the STUPIDEST thing I have EVER written. This is most likely a one-shot…
I know, many want to know where the idea came from.
I have the Celtic Guardian figure…his right hand is molded to where he can hold his sword. Innocent, until seen by a yaoi fangirl.
I responded to it, and came up with Self-Appreciation Boy. Since it looks like he's finished/getting ready to masturbate.
Didya get confused at all the super heroes/villains? Here's a list!
Self-Appreciation Boy – Celtic Guardian
Bondage Boy – Dark Magician
I-Make-Up-For-My Inadequacies-By-Being-A-Fucktard Guy – Magician of Black Chaos
And Obligatory Cute Thing – Kuriboh
Dr. Pink Heart Kawaii Slut – Dark Magician Girl [No, I DON'T like her. She needs to die a horrible death.]
Bring on the reviews! Tell me how stupid this was, flame me, praise me…whatever!