I don't own Fairy Tail

The Perverted Virgin

Bickslow, Cana and Lucy were sitting, and drinking, at the bar in the Fairy Tail guild hall. Lucy was still nursing her first drink, Bickslow was halfway through his sixth mug of beer and Cana was on her twelfth?... sixteenth?... or twentieth? barrel of beer, who can keep track with the way she drinks. The conversation had somehow steered towards Cana's sex life, or lack there of lately. At the moment she was trying to persuade Bickslow into taking her home and having his way his way with her. Bickslow was trying to convince her it wasn't a good idea, at the same time saying how much he would love to, but he had other plans. Cana had made up her mind and was not letting do of the idea that easily.

Bickslow finally admitted "I don't want to accidentally hurt you Cana."

"I'm not that fragile Bicksy boy." Cana slurred drunkenly.

"That's not what I meant" Bickslow stated frowning.

"Are you saying you can't control your magic during sex?" Cana asked in surprise "Have you hurt someone during sex before?"

"Um... well I... you see..." for the first time in Bickslow's life he had no comeback.

"Bickslow are you a virgin?" Lucy asked quietly, a surprised look on her face.

Bickslow jumped in his seat, having forgotten Lucy was there, as his face went pale. He looked down at his now empty mug, wishing that it was full, but not game enough to call Mira over just in case she caught onto what was being said.

"WHAT?" Cana yelled finally catching onto what Lucy had said.

The whole guild turned to look at the three mages. Upon seeing who it was, they all turned away, going back to what they were doing before the interruption, figuring Bickslow was just being a pervert like usual.

Bickslow let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding and threatened "Tell anyone and your soul is mine."

Not sure if he was joking or not, Lucy merely nodded her head, still trying to process the fact that the guilds most perverted man was still a virgin. Cana, on the other hand, had questions that needed to be answered before she would agree.

"How are you not sexually frustrated all the time? I haven't had any all week and I'm ready to take someone right here and to hell with whoever's watching," Cana was waving her arms around as she talked.

"Please don't" Lucy said, not that they took any notice of her.

"They're called toys Cana" Bickslow laughed, poking out his tongue.

"Yeah, yeah, but they don't have a life of their own" Cana said, still in disbelief.

"Who says they don't?" Bickslow smirked while wiggling his tongue around.

Lucy, who had just taken a drink, spat it out everywhere and screamed "YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BABIES!"

The whole guild went dead silent, you could hear a pin drop.