…

Levi could barely believe his eyes, stood right in front of him after all these years was Eren. Night after night he imagined this situation, what he'd do and say if he was ever confronted by him again. But not of these visions involved mayonnaise over their feet and Levi gapping like a fish out of water.

"Levi, please say something." Eren laughed nervously, a few of the other shoppers giving them curious looks.

There was so much Levi wanted to say, so much he needed to say but instead he stared with his heart caught in his throat. There he was again, sure he was older, his hair was longer and he had rugged stubble rather than his smooth teen cheeks but it was definitely Eren, his Eren.

"Hi." Levi stuttered, of all the words this was all he could say?

"Hi." Eren greeted again with a smile. "How've you been?"

But Levi didn't respond, he'd obviously used up his quota of words around Eren for today.

Without even thinking about it his hands began to move, Levi wasn't sure where they were headed but he knew he had to touch. He needed to check this was really happening, not just another bad dream where the vision in front of him melted away and left him cold, alone in bed.

Levi gasped as he gently cupped Eren's face, so warm, so soft, so solid, so real. Not just another illusion.

"Eren." He whispered.

How long had it been since he'd said that name in happiness rather than thinking about the negatives? How long since his heart had beat this fast because of another person instead of fear? How long since he'd cared this much about the person in front of him?

"I missed you." Eren smiled, turning to nuzzle Levi's hand. "So much."

"Yeah." Levi agreed because full sentences still alluded him.

All that love he'd pushed down came rushing back to the surface, Eren, his Eren was finally back. He could stop being a background character in his own life and finally start living. This was the moment he'd been waiting for since he was young, the moment Eren came back.

That smile he thought of night after night was finally his to claim again. Levi would hear his laugh again, feel his touch again, his kiss. Everything that he'd been yearning for was his again.

But it wasn't right. A harsh reality suddenly bit through Levi's hazy mind. All those memories he held so dear were not the real Eren. The real Eren had abused him, had raped him, had forced a young, ten year old boy to things he was not emotionally and physically ready for.

The old Levi might have held onto the fantasy of a perfect Eren but the old Levi was dead. It was time to grow up and let Eren go.

Without thinking, he pulled on of his hands back. Eren barely reacted to the movement, his eyes still closed as he enjoyed Levi's gentle caress. But the moment quickly ended when Levi's hand quickly came back, the slap echoing around the once quiet aisle.

"Levi!" Petra shouted, rushing over to the pair. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I…" Levi awkwardly pulled his hands back, how to explain this situation to Petra. If she knew who Eren really was she'd probably be on his side but was he really ready to expose the truth.

"Well?" She prompted, still staring at her boyfriend in disbelief.

"This shithead spilt mayonnaise on my feet." He defended.

"Seriously?" She spun around. "I'm so sorry… Eren?"

"Hi." He grumbled, rubbing his sore cheek.

"Wait, you know each other?" Levi asked, his panicked eyes flitting between the two of them.

Was he not the only one from the past Eren had sought out? Despite all the memories and feelings was there connection nothing more than serendipity? Eren would have just as easily settled for another face from the past? All the pining and hurting had been over someone ready to cast him aside at less than a second's notice.

"Yes, this is your new neighbour." She hissed.

"What?" Levi blinked.

"Sorry." Petra said, addressing Eren. "He's extra grumpy when he's hungover."

"Is he now?" Eren smiled, Levi easily reading the smile. It was condescending and smug, as if Petra could tell him anything he didn't already know about Levi. As if there was a mood, a feeling, a sensation he didn't already know.

"Don't you have something to say Levi?" Petra asked, Levi squirming in embarrassment as he was scolded. Feeling just like he did when Raquel used to tell him off in front of Eren. So childish and foolish.

But he wasn't going to apologise, he hated Eren for making him feel this way. He shouldn't be excited that Eren walked back into his life. He should be disgusted, he should feel violated that this creep had found him again and felt that he had the right to act as if nothing had happened.

"He should say sorry first." Levi rose an eyebrow.

"Jesus." Petra sighed. "It was an accident, your reaction was…"

"No, he's right." Eren nodded. "I am sorry Levi, honestly I am. For everything. I wasn't thinking straight and I made bad choices. But part of me doesn't regret it completely, because it led me to you and that is something I will never be sorry for."

"Hm." Levi shrugged, pretending the words were nothing more than water off a duck's back but as much as he wished to brush them away they cut deep. Despite everything Levi was the same, he'd never regretted meeting Eren.

Petra looked between the two of them and frowned slightly, as if she had missed a major milestone in their lives.

"Do you two no each other?" She asked.

"No." Levi answered quickly. He was afraid, she couldn't connect the dots, she couldn't rip Eren from his life the moment he came back. "He's just the poor guy I was about to give a bollocking to for spilling mayonnaise on my feet."

"He acts scary but he's a kitten." Petra joked, squeezing Levi's cheeks.

"I bet he is." Eren fake laughed, hating how Levi didn't pull himself from the hold.

Instead he blushed, his Levi honest to god blushing because a pretty girl was touching him. Eren wasn't sure how, but Petra had got to Levi. She had changed him, she'd never understood the real Levi. Always saw him for the flaws that needed to be fixed rather than the man he was.

"Right, well I should get this grump home." Petra smiled, placing the eggs in the trolley.

"Sure." Eren nodded.

As he watched them go, he almost choked, he felt that same distance from years ago. Watching Levi's cape helplessly as he desperately tried to keep up, to prove his worth. He thought he'd shown his love enough but maybe not. Maybe everything he'd done had been forgotten.

"See you around." Eren called after the couple, Levi hearing the hope in his voice.

"Yeah, you will." He nodded before briskly walking away.

…

"I thought we'd moved on from this." Hanji frowned as she watched Levi waltz into the room and lie on his back. The past few sessions he had sat up, she was sure they were making a breakthrough and now as she watched Levi pick the skin around his nails, she felt they had taken a step back.

"Because I don't want to look in your eye when I say this." He admitted, nibbling his lip.

"Levi, I've told you this is a safe place. Nothing will be judged." She promised but Levi refused to move but he did stop nervously twirling his thumbs.

"I saw Eren again." He said, the silence that followed felt like hours but it couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds.

"Through choice?" Hanji prompted.

"No, in a super market of all places. Bloody idiot dropped mayonnaise on me." He laughed softly before shaking his head. Why was he making it sound like a adorable meeting from a romcom, rather than the tainted moment it was.

"And how did that make you feel?" She prompted.

"I was angry, I guess. But not for the right reasons." He sighed.

"You have the right to be angry. He used and manipulated you from the day you met him to feel…" Hanji started but Levi cut her off. He didn't need to know what he should be thinking and feeling, it would only make everything else he needed to say harder.

"I wasn't angry about what he did, at first I was angry that he'd come back. I thought it was because I didn't want him ever to come back but the more I thought about it I realised…" He swallowed, trailing off.

"You realised what?"

"I realised I was angry that he'd taken so long, that he'd waited ten years to find me again!" He groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes. He always felt less vulnerable with his eyes covered, it was probably a childish notion to believe if they couldn't see him, he was safe. "I'm sorry Hanji."

"Why are you apologising?" Hanji asked softly, reaching out to place her hand on his wrist. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I know but…" He sighed. "But you're trying to fix me and I'm just… unfixable."

"I am not trying to 'fix' you." Hanji denied. "No matter what you think you are not broken, I am just trying to help you."

"Thanks." He smiled, placing his spare hand on top of hers.

They sat in silence for a moment, Hanji waited until Levi was comfortable enough to remove his arms before asking her next question.

"I want you to do something for me." She smiled, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"I want you to think about what Eren means to you. Not what he meant to you all those years ago, not what people think he should mean, what you feel when you think about him." Hanji said, leaning back to sit in her chair again.

"I've told you, I love him." Levi frowned.

"No, that's what you felt years ago and you've never given yourself to think what he means now. Close your eyes and just think of Eren." She told him.

Levi closed his eyes and huffed, did Hanji not think he'd tried this before? He spent night after night trying to work out what Eren meant to him but there were too many conflicting emotions running around in his head. Disgust. Love. Anger. Lust. Fear. Yearning. How could he really know what he felt?

He could hear Hanji pottering around the room when suddenly he heard a repetitive clicking sound fill the room. He opened his eye a crack to see Hanji stood by a metronome.

"This better not be some sort of hypnosis shit." He mumbled.

"It's to help you clear your mind and focus your thoughts." Hanji rolled her eyes. "Now close your eyes and take all the time you need."

"Right." He closed his eyes again and listened to the steady beat, it was surprisingly comforting. "Where do I start?"

"From the beginning."

From the beginning? He could do that.

Levi cast his mind back, going back to the place it all began. Titans roaring in the morning sun while everyone longed for a better day. A time of peace. But that wasn't the world they lived in, they could never stop the fight.

But through all the hardship, Levi had his own personal light, someone who made it worth being alive despite all of that. Eren. Life may be insane but with Eren by his side it was happy. For once felt like he wasn't just existing, going through the motions until he died. He felt like he was striving. He heard that familiar voice call his name and he felt alive.

Then it changed, the titans had come and gone, a new world was just beginning. Eren came back just as suddenly as he had appeared before. Levi felt a connection, something his young mind couldn't even comprehend. That smile told him he'd never be alone. Eren made him feel like he should take a risk, even though he wasn't sure what that risk was.

In hindsight, Levi knew it was wrong. That the foolish notions of a child in love was not something to trust but even now it felt right. Their love felt like something worth taking a stand for, something to hold onto. It was too precious to ever let go, he was ready to fight for it.

But how to put all of that into words for Hanji? How to describe everything that was swirling through his mind and heart with a simple sentence?

His eyes shot open and Hanji must have seen the movement because it prompted her to speak up.

"Levi? Have you thought about?" She asked.

"Yeah." He nodded. But you're not going to like it – was added as a silent afterthought.

"And? How do you feel about Eren now?"

"He feels like coming home." He whispered, afraid to say the truth out loud. "I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else, more than I could possibly love anyone else. He's my home."

He looked at the clock and realised his time was up, but that was alright. What more was there to say? He'd made his breakthrough, it may not have been the breakthrough Hanji was expecting but it was enough for Levi. He was finally seeing things clearly, all those thoughts fighting for room in his head were the voices of other people. When he finally thought for himself it all made sense.

"Same time next week?" He asked, heading towards the door.

"Sure." Hanji nodded. "Levi, wait."

"What?" He asked, hand freezing above the door.

"What I'm about to say is as your friend not your therapist. Please don't do anything stupid between now and next week, what we have discussed today is just the beginning of layers upon layers of repressed feelings. You're not ready to face him with clarity, please. Promise me you won't see Eren again." Hanji begged.

"I'll try." He bit his lip. "But I can't promise anything."

…

Hanji walked through her front door with a sigh, it had been a long day and if she were being honest, she hadn't been at her best. After her morning session, all she could think of was Levi. She'd barely listened what her other clients had said, for the fear that Levi would have done something he later regretted. This is why you didn't mix business with pleasure, she supposed.

She'd text him the moment she had left work offering him dinner with her and Erwin, but he'd declined saying he was looking forward to a quiet night in. But did he really mean a night alone or a night with someone else?

"Rough day?" Erwin asked as she flopped onto the sofa.

"Yeah, I guess so." She half smiled as he kissed her forehead.

"Tea? Or something stronger?" He offered.

"Gin." She replied. "Thanks."

"Wow, that is a rough day." He laughed, walking into the kitchen.

Hanji nibbled her lip now she was alone, her mind still worrying about Levi. Wondering what he was doing and who with.

"Maybe we should go and see Levi?" Hani suggested, trying to sound casual but Erwin knew today was their sessions so he'd know something had happened.

"Why? Is he okay?" He frowned, leaning his head around the door.

"Yeah, he's fine." She attempted to dismiss, taking the drink from Erwin's hand.

"Did he say something today?"

"Even if he did, you know I wouldn't be able to tell you." She rolled her eyes. "I just want him to know we're here for him, if he needs us."

"That's sweet of you, but he knows that." Erwin smiled.

"I guess." She agreed.

What was she supposed to do? Force Erwin into babysitting duty for the week just in case Levi decided to seek out Eren again. She could hardly expect him to do that without a full explanation and that would break the oath she had taken.

As hard as it was, Hanji just had to trust Levi would make the smart decision and stay away.

…

Levi pressed play on YouTube and lay back on his sofa, the metronome he'd found was a bit mechanic but it was better than nothing. He was amazed that it had helped him so much earlier that he was using the technique again.

Sure, he'd had his moment earlier but that didn't mean there wasn't more to think about. He could forgive Eren but he couldn't forget. He needed to think of their relationship, both past and present and see whether they could come back from it.

It had all started when Eren was young, Levi hadn't even been aware what was happening. Eren and his father had come to see the victory march and he'd been mesmerised by Levi, this great hero that was everything Eren wanted to be. His father had given him something to aspire to when he grew up.

Then they met and everything changed, Eren realised that Levi wasn't a hero, just a man. And in turn, Levi saw Eren as a boy rather than the saviour he was made out to be. That was why it had been easy to fall in love, they saw each other's shortcomings and didn't care. It was a type of unconditional love Levi had never experienced before and he relished the feeling.

But like all lovers, they were damned from the start and soon Levi was taken from him, nothing more than a phantom of love once been.

Then there was nothing for Levi until they met again, but for Eren there had been so much. He'd had to carry on living, carry on the fight with the memories that refused to fade. A sad man, broken and defeated pining after someone dead and gone. Suddenly, thrust into a new life with a promise on his lips to find Levi.

Sure, he should have waited but Levi could finally understand why Eren had done what he did. The pain of losing a loved one would make you do things that you wouldn't normally, the desperation would take control.

Levi knew that feeling all to well, he felt it now. He knew he was hiding behind his fears of disappointing the others when all he wanted was to be with Eren. They wouldn't care because that was who they were. Unashamed and in love.

Unless, it was all the power of suggestion. That Eren had fed him lie after lie of past lives until it was so deeply rooted inside him that Levi believed he had come up with the ideas himself. He was impressionable and Eren had known exactly how to manipulate him.

"Fuck!" Levi called out, slamming his laptop shut. It wasn't working this time, the doubt was seeping in again.

He lay in silence for a while, but no great discovery came to him. He was just as confused as he always was, his mind jumping between love and hate when he thought about Eren. Why couldn't he just let it all go? Forget about the past and live in the present?

He gasped slightly when he heard a loud bump above him, sounding like someone had dropped something heavy on the ground. Which was strange in itself, because the last Levi knew the old couple who used to live there had moved into a retirement home.

"Eren." He whispered.

Of course, he lived directly above him, where else would he live? The universe liked to play a cruel game with Levi and this was obviously the most recent hand they had dealt.

Without thinking, Levi was rushing out of his apartment and up the stairs. Not even sure what he would say or do when he arrived. As he ran up the stairs the voices in his mind were fighting so much it made him want to scream, he practically doubled over in the confusion of his feelings.

He raped you, he's a disgusting excuse for a man and he doesn't deserve your forgiveness.

He loves you, he's always loved you. That's why he did what he did because of love.

If he really loved you he wouldn't have touched you, he would have respected you enough to wait.

Like you waited when he was just fifteen? You were hardly a saint, lusting after an underage child.

Love knows no age, that just proves how pure it was.

You're both disgusting, you deserve each other.

"Shut up." He growled, running his fingers through his hair.

With shaking hands, he reached up to knock on Eren's door, he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Excitement. Anger. Fear. Love. It was all blurring into one. Even the voices in his head couldn't pick a side.

But when the door opened to a smiling Eren, saying his name in that soft way he always did Levi knew which was the strongest emotion he felt.

"Eren." Levi cried, throwing himself into the other man's arms, holding him tight for fear of losing him again.

Safe in Eren's arms again, Levi knew it was love.

…