Hello, and thank you for reading! This fic was started for Uihai day, but, uh, it's gotten out of hand and shall be multiple chapters. I should warn that there are references to childhood indoctrination (hello, Sunlit Garden), a whole lot of self-hatred, and for the first few chapters anyways, not exactly the most healthy of relationship dynamics.

This is also gonna be long-ish. Think around 16ish chapters. I'm pretty far into writing (around eight chapters) and so plan to update 2-3 times a week.

"You didn't!"

Ui Koori rubs his temples. Bickering slings through the air, splattering the blissful silence and jarring his concentration.

"Yes, I did!"

"That's an exaggeration!"

"How would you even know? You were—"

"Is there a problem?" Ui finally asks, craning his neck back to where the three youngest squad members stand, all arguing over—what, he doesn't even know.

"He's—" starts Arima Yusa, but Ihei Shio steps on his foot. "Ouch!"

Souzu Rikai rolls their eyes.

"Hey, I heard Arima's on his way," says Hirako Take, clutching a cup of coffee as he strolls back towards his desk, where they've all been pouring over information from the auction raid. A success, largely. Though Sasaki…

The kids straighten, and Shio whispers Yusa an apology. Ui raises his eyebrows. Of course that works.

What is it with these Garden kids? Ihei Hairu's no different, always standing taller, smiling wider, whenever Arima's around. Ui picks up his coffee mug. Only a few milliliters remain, and it's cold. He scowls.

"Works every time," Hirako whispers as he walks past. Ui presses his lips together. They don't have time to waste arguing over petty things. His lungs ache. He wants a cigarette.

Hands descend from behind him to pinch his cheeks. Ui yelps. His arms flail. The coffee mug tips over, those few milliliters spilling across his keyboard.

"Good morning, Koori!" sings Hairu from behind him. "Why do you look so sour? You should smile more."

"Hairu, my keyboard!"

"Oops." Hairu releases him and leans over Hirako's desk, turning around with a fistful of tissues as if it's a trophy she won. "Here you go!" She blots the mess. Not that there's much of one.

She winks, and Ui swallows.

And then Arima arrives, and Hairu bounds over to him, chattering up a storm like she's his kid sister or something. She pats her hair, and Ui realizes she's wearing the hairpin he gave her for Christmas. He smiles.

Hairu hops back over to her desk, where she slouches in her seat and drums her fingers against the desk. "This is boring."

"What, having a day where, so far, our lives aren't in danger?" Ui asks.

Hairu's brow creases. "But then there's no chance to prove ourselves."

"Here." Ui hits send on an email. "I just sent you a bundle of paperwork. Prove yourself to me."

Hairu's jaw drops. "Koori!"

He rises to get more coffee. Hairu moans and drops her head onto the desk, mumbling either nonsense or some choice words he doesn't want to decipher.

By the end of the day, Hairu's massaging her hands and grumbling about her fingers cramping up and casting side-eye at Ui. Her green eyes look stormy, and he gives her a nod. "Good job."

"Thanks." Her eyes skitter past him, towards the window.

"What are you doing for dinner tonight?" he asks.

Hairu offers him a grin. "Can we get ramen?"

He nods. Hairu chatters constantly as they stroll down the streets, the sky gray and bloated as if it's threatening to a storm, and the cold wind gnawing on his face. Her voice is warm, bubbling with sunshine.

"Hirako said it's going to snow," Hairu says. "Can we stop by my place? I need to change my shoes in that case."

"Sure. Okay." Ui follows Hairu as she bounds ahead, calling over her shoulder to him about how she's ready for winter to end, ready for flowers and birds and spring. The hairpin glints in her pink strands. They head into her apartment building, where she unlocks the door. Ui lingers in the doorway as Hairu heads in.

And she promptly screams.

"What the hell?" Ui lunges forward, half expecting to see a ghoul standing in Hairu's small kitchen.

Instead he just sees water. Everywhere. Soaking her yellow counter, pouring from the ceiling. Freezing water.

"A pipe must've burst!" Hairu yells. "My fucking neighbors—" She glares up at the ceiling. She clutches her face. "What am I going to do?" Her lip trembles as she looks at him as if she expects him to be able to wave his arms and wash away all this water.

"Call your landlord," he urges. "And you can stay with me. At my place."

Hairu glances over her shoulder as she fumbles to pull out her phone. "You don't have a guest room, Koori."

"I have a couch," he says. "You can take the bed." He swallows. "It's really—not a problem, Hairu." He mentally runs through his apartment. Everything's always in its place, thankfully. He won't have to do any emergency cleaning.

She quickly packs a bag, and they troop back outside. She sniffles. "Thank you."

He nods. The ramen fills their stomach and then they're in Ui's apartment. He quickly rushes into his room, gathering what he needs.

"Can we play a game?" Hairu asks, sitting cross-legged on his living room floor.

"I think we've already established I'm not a decent shiritori partner for you," Ui responds. "Arima's better suited for that."

Hairu perks up. "He's great at it."

"You knew him from your school days, right?" Ui adds.

"Mm-hm." Hairu rests her chin on her fist. "Even if you lose, can we at least play? Or at you just afraid of losing?" Her eyes sparkle. Her tone lilts.

I'm afraid of looking like a fool. "Um… okay."

Ui loses three games, badly, and then she bids him goodnight. His alarm goes off in the morning. He pries his eyelids open and hears something rustling. Sitting up, he spots Hairu heading into his bathroom. "Morning!" she calls, her hair sticking out from her head and her filmy white pajamas barely covering her.

"Morning," he croaks, averting his eyes. Dammit, Hairu. Damn me.

"My landlord called," Hairu announces after he showers. "It'll take three days—I can get a hotel—"

"No, no," Ui says quickly. "It's fine. I'm happy to have you here." He really is.

Of course, when they arrive at work together, Hirako casts him a sideways glance. "Did you guys get breakfast or something?"

"No fair," whines Shio. "You should have invited us." Yusa jabs him with his elbow. "Ow!"

"My pipe burst," Hairu says brightly. "So Koori let me stay over his place."

Hirako's eyes latch onto Ui. He scowls. "It's not like that!"

Hirako nods, raising a mug to his mouth. "If you say so."

"Don't—Hairu doesn't deserve you to—" Ui protests. "I wouldn't—she's my partner!"

Hirako's eyebrows fly up.

Dammit. "I didn't mean—"

"I know, Ui," Hirako assures him.

"I bet he has his books arranged in order of tallest to shortest," Shio teases. Hairu laughs. Ui rolls his eyes.

"He does," Hairu confirms, and Ui glares at her.

Hirkao's still watching him.

Ui looks down at his desk, hair covering his burning face. It's not like that. She's his colleague. A colleague he enjoys spending time with. And who's beautiful and sweet and like coffee in a person.

He glances over at her. The pin holds her pink hair back again.

It's not like that, but he wishes it were.

Your human side won out in the womb.

Hairu's lips curl as she looks at the file of a new ghoul they're supposed to be pursuing.

That makes you uniquely able to defeat ghouls. You've been doing it since before birth.

She decides this one might make a nice quinque and sets it to the side. Akira Mado waves as she passes, and Hairu waves back. Akira works with Sasaki, who mentors the Qs. Hairu wants to meet them. And be their friends. They're close to her age. And they have a part of a ghoul in them too, but just like her, they're human, and they fight for side of justice. Which is something Ui should appreciate, even if he gets salty towards Sasaki sometimes.

She fights for justice too. Hairu chews on her pen. And for Arima. She wants to make him proud.

We all wanted to be you, but not me, Hairu thinks. I just want you to notice me.

Akira has a somber look on her face, and Hairu wonders if the snow reminds her of the Owl Suppression Operation. She lost Amon Koutarou and Takizawa Seidou then. Hairu didn't know them well, but it'd be sad to lose someone who anchors you to the world.

At least she doesn't have to worry about that. Arima's undefeatable. He's the CCG's god of death.

What if I don't seem human enough? How can you seem human when the standard the Garden kids are held to is a god? A knot forms in Hairu's stomach.

She's quiet on their walk back to Ui's apartment. The snow turned out to just be a dusting. She hopes it melts soon. Her boot crunches some ice, and she catches sight of a smooth, thick patch. Hairu throws her arms up in the air, sliding on one leg. She squeals, arms windmilling, as she almost falls.

"Careful!" Ui cries.

"It's fun!" Hairu spots another patch and grabs Ui's hands, yanking him onto it. He gasps, legs wobbling.

This is human enough, right? Laughing, having fun?

Hairu stumbles, falling to her knees. Her fingers dig into the small clump of snow on the side of the road. Who cares that it's gray and dirty?

"Hairu?" Ui helps her up.

She shoves the snow down the back of his neck. "Got you!"

Ui shrieks. Hairu races ahead, skipping over the sheets of ice on the sidewalk. She makes it to his apartment first. Shit, I don't have the keys!

"You can sleep outside tonight," Ui says dryly as he comes up behind her.

She bats her eyelids. Ui opens the door.

Hairu gazes at several photos on the wall as Ui heats up some dinner. She focuses on one of him on a white horse, his face all small and round, his hair the exact same as it is today. "You liked horses when you were young?"

"That's not a secret," Ui says.

"Are your parents happy you joined the CCG?" Hairu wonders, accepting a bowl of soup from him. She settles down.

Ui freezes. "Where's that question coming from?"

"Pictures of little Koori," Hairu informs him.

He grimaces. "They're—fine."

The soup burns Hairu's tongue. She doesn't care. "That's not an enthusiastic response."

"They had other careers they would have wanted me to consider," Ui says carefully.

Hairu sips. "Why'd you want to be an investigator then?"

A smile crosses his mouth. "I wanted to do something worthwhile with my lives. Justice is important."

"Same," Hairu says.

Ui swallows. "What happened to your parents?"

"Hm?" Hairu frowns.

"You never mention them," Ui says. "You don't—have to—"

I don't even know who they are. Maybe Tsuneyoshi is her father. One of the Washuus, surely. She examines her hand, wrapped around a spoon. CCG blood runs in my veins.

"They were killed by ghouls?" Ui asks softly.

Hairu nods. She can't get into it. People won't understand that your human side won out. You can't trust them.

Arima understands. And Shio, Rikai, and Yusa, but they're so young. She wraps her arms around her legs.

"I'm so sorry," Ui tells her, voice etched in regret.

"I was too young to remember," Hairu says. That's somewhat true, at least.

His brows swoop together. "That's not right."

One was a ghoul. One was a human.

But I'm a human.

Ui puts his hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him. He winces. "Sorry, I—"

"No, it's okay," Hairu interrupts. You're being kind.

Like when Arima smiled at her.

No one smiled in the Garden. There were more important things to focus on.

Loneliness chafes at her. If I wasn't born the spawn of a monster, I might've had a childhood riding horses too.

She realizes she's leaned her head back against Ui when she hears him suck in his breath. Oh. Two spots of color pool in his cheeks. Are you embarrassed?

His eyes widen, darting away. The color spreads until his chin and nose and ears are aflame.

Are you—attracted to me?

For real? Hairu bursts out laughing.

"Are you—" Ui starts.

"Don't worry, Koori," she says. It's just strange.

But it shouldn't be. I'm human. You're human. This is a normal thing for humans to do. She's seen movies. And TV. And read books. She thinks of Akira, how Akira said she loved Amon Koutarou and Takizawa Seidou. Do you wish you'd done something about it?

Ui's eyes shift to her lips, and then away again.

She wants Arima, but Arima's not here. Ui's chest rises and falls against her. A crushing feeling she hasn't has since the Garden closes in on her, claustrophobic, like she's going to be crushed by the enormity of the task. Fight for humanity. You are human, but you must constantly be on your guard, constantly resist any ghoulish instincts.

Ui hasn't moved. He looks terrified, and Hairu doesn't want that. Don't be scared.

He thinks she's human enough to care for.

She leans forward and presses her lips against his. Is this how you kiss? She has no idea. Romance isn't her priority. Her purpose is killing ghouls.

Ui jerks back. "Hairu—"

"Sorry," she ekes out. "You just—you looked like you were considering—like you wanted to—"

Ui's face is now redder than if he was sitting in a sauna. "I—"

"Sorry," Hairu stammers, heart hammering. Was I wrong? "I thought—you liked me—at least how you were looking at me—"

"No," Ui cuts in. "I—do like you, Hairu."

He reaches for her hand. She frowns.

And now he's kissing her. Oh my god. Hairu opens her mouth. His lips are slightly chapped and they scratch hers. He tastes like tobacco and spicy soup and coffee. His hand cups the back of her head.

I like this. Hairu leans in, her hands digging through his hair. Her mind goes blank as she focuses on the hands roving through her hair, the warmth of his breath against her face. You really like me.

I'm enough for you. And I can be. I will be.

It's not a transaction with the intention of getting something—another experiment, really—out of it, like in the Garden. Hairu's heart pounds. She slides her hands down to Ui's shirt.

And he draws back. "Hairu—"

"You want to, don't you?" she asks. Please be with me. Maybe then she'll feel like she's arrived.

You like me.

He closes his eyes. He gets to his feet. He holds his hand out to her.

She takes it. And then they're sitting on his bed, her lips still locked on his, his hands still in her hair. Hairu's fumbles to unbutton her vest. Blood thrums in her eardrums. Ui pulls back. His eyes bug. "You okay?"

He nods, reaching out to help her slip her shirt off. She pulls his up and over his head, setting his bowl cut askew and revealing his toned abdomen. "Wow," she teases, reaching out to poke him.

He snorts as he looks at her lacy hot pink underwear and bra. They match.

"What?" she asks, tilting her head back.

"They're pretty, that's all." He looks as if he's afraid to touch her, as if she's otherworldly, and Hairu's desperate for anything but that. She gets to her knees and leans her face down, kissing him again. Please.

And now, finally he holds her tightly, guiding her back, her legs wrapping around his hips. Their bodies work together, and she sees a look on his face that she's never seen before, eyes wide, lips parted, brows crunched, and it shocks her.

Is your usual face a mask?

He rolls next to her, and Hairu interlaces their fingers and wonders.

What would you think if my mask slipped?

Ui wakes up when dawn peeks its orange eyes through night's veil. Hairu snores lightly next to him.

What have I done?

He claps his hands to his face. She's my—partner—

This is so unprofessional! I should be fired. Arima wouldn't approve. Ui doubles over.

Hairu stirs. One eye cracks open. "Morning."

He gulps. Hot shame creeps over his face, shudders through his spine. "Hairu—I'm sorry."

"For what?" She sits up, teal blanket falling off her chest.

"I—shouldn't have—"

"I liked it," Hairu states bluntly. She scowls at him.

His face burns. "Well, I'm glad, but—"

"I can make my own decisions," Hairu declares, her voice wobbling and cutting at him. "And you said you liked me—why—"

What even is the ethical thing to do in this sort of situation? Dump her the morning after? Continue this? "I'm—your partner. At work. There could be a conflict of—"

"Do you really think I'd jeopardize a mission?" Hairu snaps. Now she crosses her arms over her chest. "I want Arima's praise."

He never gives it, though. Ui swallows.

Her green eyes swim, and horror bites into him. Did I hurt her? He would never. Never, ever. She likes me. Clearly, or else she wouldn't have slept with him. He reaches out to catch her arm. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry as in I shouldn't have said that or sorry as in pack your things?" Hairu asks, reminding him again of why he likes her. Because she lights something in him.

He gets to his knees and pulls her closer. His lips brush hers. She's here. And he feels like his life is more than even just Arima Squad, more than just the justice he usually focuses on. He feels light.

Hairu's apartment is fixed soon enough, and she invites him over. He goes out with Hirako for coffee and wonders if he should say something. Hairu assured him she has no plans on telling anyone.

I'm dating Hairu.

Hirako gulps his coffee, and Ui swallows his words. What's the point of telling?

Why are you hiding it?

He's not ashamed of it.

He just can't shake this sensation that there's something wriggling just underneath the surface.