Well, here we go again!

01/10/17: Oh No Not Again

The Man in Black walked through the ground floor of the Queen Victoria Building. The clicking of his shoes echoed in the great, spacious, Romanesque building. It was late at night, and he had a rendezvous to make.

He met the other figure, clad in a trench coat to protect from the cold, at about the centre of the building. They nodded - the Man in Black presented a briefcase.

"Here it is," he said, "Your payment."

The trench coated fellow peeked inside the briefcase and nodded stoically.

"Very well," he said, "The project goes ahead for another year. Give the imps my regards."

The two turned and walked off into the night.

"There we go," I said, putting the briefcase on the shelf, "They paid the price."

"The price?" asked Danny, standing in the doorway, "You made them pay you?"

"Yep," I nodded, hanging up the trench coat which I had worn for dramatic effect, "They paid me with the full collection of Rick and Morty Funko Pops."

"...you're an idiot," sighed Danny.

"Maybe, but it was worth it," I nodded, "Let's get this show on the road."

I stepped briskly out the door and to the front porch of my house, where a makeshift wooden counter had been set up. I turned a hanging sign from 'Closed' to 'Open' as cheery music began to play. I began to sing.

Who can take the franchise?
Twist up a bit?
Write a tale with gusto
even though he's full of-

A car horn beeped loudly.

The Fanfic Man!
Yes, the Fanfic Man can!

Slowly but surely, people began to approach the stand, although nervous looking fellow seemed to be pondering whether or not to call the police.

The Fanfic Man can 'cause
he mixes schlock with art
And makes Dan Brown look good.

As I began to hand printed fanfics to the people outside, Danny and Timmy emerged from the house, taking up the song themselves.

Who can take a idea?
Write it in a rush?
Mix his thoughts together in an unappealing mush?
The Fanfic Man!
Yes, the Fanfic Man can!

I stepped back up, joining back into the song.

The Fanfic Man can 'cause
he mixes schlock with art
And makes Snyder look good.

Meanwhile, Plankton had climbed onto the counter. He looked in confusion at what was going on, shrugged, and took up the next verse.

The Fanfic Man writes
Endless piles of tripe
Mediocre and valueless
Mercenary and horrendous
The moron thinks it's all tremendous!

I was now standing on the counter, throwing fanfic pages into the crowd with no regard for the possibility of paper cuts. Timmy and Danny took the song up, now joined by Mabel.

Who has too much free time?
No attention span?
Who can spend the whole day
viewing fanart from Japan?
The Fanfic Man!
Yes, the Fanfic Man can!

The Fanfic Man can 'cause
he mixes schlock with art
And makes Ayn Rand look good.

Pearl watched from the pavement. She shook her head and crossed her arms as she sung the next verse.

The Fanfic Man writes
Endless piles of tripe
Mediocre and valueless
Mercenary and horrendous
The moron thinks it's all tremendous!

"Everybody!" I yelled, extending my arms.

Who can take a idea?
Write it in a rush?
Mix his thoughts together in an unappealing mush?
The Fanfic Man!
Yes, the Fanfic Man can!

The Fanfic Man can 'cause
he mixes schlock with art
And makes The Host look good.

The Fanfic Man can 'cause
he mixes schlock with art
And makes Ed Wood look good.

Fanfic man, fanfic man, fanfic man!
(Makes George Lucas look good.)

Fanfic man, fanfic man, fanfic man!
(Makes Tim Kring look good.)

"Actually, now that I think about it," I said, scratching my chin, "That song was actually pretty harsh."

I thought it over for a moment and shrugged.

"Ah well, doesn't matter."

There was a moment of silence.

"All you people get off my lawn."

AN: No contest this year, because it doesn't work most of the time. Sorry.