Dear Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III,

Knowing that of all Vikings, you are the least inclined to even own a cellphone (being technologically disinclined), I have taken it into my responsibility to write you a letter. Yes, I can hear you laughing and asking when I learned such big words, so don't try to pretend otherwise. It only makes me madder at you than I already am for getting yourself landed in the hospital. It took you long enough to get out of that coma, and I didn't think you'd be able to read while you were unconscious so I didn't send anything. It was really inconsiderate of you to get injured like that.

Since you've been asleep, things on Berk have really been changing! More dragons have been arriving from the Alpha's nest. Your dad is building a dragon hangar and a hatchery, although everything is still made out of – you guessed it – wood. I'm not sure how long that will last until one of the testier dragons accidentally burns it down. Why can't your dad just give in and build modern, fire-proof buildings for once? At least we have electricity and WiFi!

The only disadvantage to our new "pets" is the dragon poo. The smell is starting to get to the people with more sensitive nostrils. Stoick wants you to come up with a system to fix the problem or something. Just another thing to keep you busy while you enjoy your vacation in the hospital, recovering!

Mulch still remains the crankiest Viking in all of the Archipelago and protests vehemently at all of the changes going on. The twins are planning to prank him soon, something involving spray paint and three sheep in retaliation for crashing their ghost hunting party. It's better not to ask. They've doubled their Loki-ing, and their worst debacle is yet to come, I'm afraid. We need you around here to keep them in line. My threatening tactics only go so far.

Toothless gets more anxious by the day without you. I think he feels a tad bit guilty for biting off half of your leg. He keeps moping around, so I try to fly him as much as I can. He is the cutest dragon ever! (Besides Stormfly, of course.) Toothless and I both hope you get better soon, because six months in the hospital is far too long for any person to stay there! How's therapy going? What's the hospital like? Is hospital food worse than I hear?

Snotlout sends his apologies for being a rotten cousin – again. I think you can at least get three ice cream cones out of him when you come back. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that he's started a pizza business. He's calling it "Snotlout's Superb Slices" and Hookfang burns the pizza for him. I'm not sure how healthy it is to eat charred pizza, but everyone likes it around here. If I can get away from my job at my karate dojo, do you want me to bring you a slice along with a thermos of my world famous yaknog?

Fishlegs is at the library, still working on his degree in literature. On the side, he's compiling a book of dragon stats, and it's more accurate than the one Gobber had us read for dragon training. I'm glad we don't have to kill dragons anymore. Flying is the best thing in the whole world, and Stormfly and I get out every chance we can. I'm thinking of selling my car and just flying to work. We can't wait to race with you, although you'll probably beat us for the hundredth time.

Gobber has upgraded his forge. It's the most modern building around Berk, except for the fighting arena. Now he has a rack for his interchangeable prosthetic and his dragon, Grump, blows up the forge (or whatever technical term you blacksmiths use) for him. Gobber says this method is more efficient than watching you struggle to pull the bellows down, no offense intended. He also told me to tell you that he wants his apprentice back, so hurry up and get better! :)

Stoick is in a tizzy over your impending return to Berk. This is the most agitated I've seen him since the dragon raid when you burned down one of the catapults. (By the way, Stoick burned down the dragon bola shooter and the rest of the catapults after you left.) You have been upgraded from the "Worst Excuse For a Viking That Ever Lived" to the "Pride of Berk". Be prepared to be famous when you get back. Don't be surprised if you come home to find the whole house decked out in streamers and balloons. The whole neighborhood is excited! Have the doctors given you a date on when you can come home yet?

Well, that sums just about everything that's changed around here. I've prattled on enough and the twins are sure to need bailing out of something. As I've repeatedly said, hurry up and get better. My ax needs sharpening, and you're the only blacksmith I want to fix it. Miss you, Dragon Boy.

Waiting to punch your arm,

Astrid Hofferson