THOMAS

You've been brainwashed, bamboozled by her bouncy breasts!

ALEXANDER

I object-

THOMAS

You obsess!

Give it a rest!

She's been using you for the last few months,

each paycheck going into her plastic surgery funds!

ALEXANDER

I don't want to hear it!

THOMAS

I'm not trying to shit on your happiness,

but if you're going to be with that bargain bitch

then at least realize that she's filled with lies

that you fantasize while I stand by,

helpless,

to the fact that I'm desperate, breathless, every time you-

ALEXANDER

Now wait a second,

you think I go to her every beckon' call,

like this is a counterfeit relationship

where neither of us give two shits

about where the other stands when we hold our hands?

THOMAS

Now I'm sure you care, Alexander,

but Maria is a snake who doesn't play fair.

ALEXANDER

She's my girlfriend!

THOMAS

And that's the problem.

ALEXANDER

She's not playing pretend!

THOMAS

Yeah, and I'm from Harlem.

Alexander, I just don't want you to get hurt.

ALEXANDER

That's a first.

THOMAS

You don't believe me?

ALEXANDER

How could I? All we do is disagree!

THOMAS

Alexander, I'm serious, she's just going to hurt you!

ALEXANDER

I'm not listening. Find some other relationship to screw.

Tell me what you think? I guess?