~AN~

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P.S. Sorry for the sporadic updates! Ya girl is a college student.

Chapter 3:

Edward POV

I was hesitant to head back to Forks. For such a small town, it sure held a lot of emotional turmoil. I knew it would make Esme ecstatic though; she loved the town. Theoretically, it was the perfect town for a family of perpetual teenage vampires. I hated that I was the reason we had even hesitated to go back to begin with. I didn't want to cause my family so much pain, and I knew that's what I was doing. When you live as long as we do, there aren't many things you regret. We have so many chances and do-overs. We're constantly moving around and having fresh starts. But with each fresh start it's only a painful reminder of the biggest regret of my existence. For a while I couldn't take it. I had to be alone- away from my family and their thoughts.

We arrived in town at our usual place of residence. I had to laugh at the thought. We were walking oxymorons. Ever-changing. Ever the same. Always frozen in time yet always moving. It was like living and reliving the same lives a million times, and yet completely different all at once. We had moved and moved and moved again and yet this felt completely foreign to us. There was an uncomfortable level of uncertainty in this move. No one really knew what to expect and at the same time we knew exactly what to expect.

Unlike us, the people of Forks never moved. Maybe that's part of the reason we were drawn to it. Forks was constant. The people were the same- always relatives of the people who had lived here in the years prior. Forks was our routine; we were always able to pick off exactly where we left off, seemingly without missing a beat. Carlisle would be at the hospital, Esme would get involved in various philanthropic opportunities, and the rest of us would be off to school.

I had moved my boxes to my room and was standing on the small balcony outside of my bedroom. My head was filled with thoughts of our brand new, old life.

"Woah woah woah! Tone it down, brother. You wouldn't want to give us the impression that you're excited to be here!" My thoughts were interrupted by a booming voice. I had to grin at his antics. Emmett was standing in the frame of the glass doors behind me. I sighed and turned around, leaning against the iron railing. A small smile played at my lips and I took a deep breath and blew it out exaggeratedly.

"Well you see, Em. If I were as enthusiastic on the outside as I am on the inside, Carlisle may have to take me to the hospital and commit me." Of course he knew I was lying but I didn't give him the change to cut in. "Plus, between you and the pixie, I would have to worry about the structural integrity of ol' faithful here if I were to join in." I bantered; patting the railing I was leaning on- referring to the house.

His laugh practically echoed. He bounced on his feet and crossed his arms across his chest. I could practically see his smart-assery about to come out of his mouth.

"Well by all means, join in. The demise of "ol' faithful" would just give Esme a reason to redecorate." Yup. Smart-assery.

"As if she needs another reason to stress, you oaf."

"Nah- you do enough of that for all of us." His face shifted from playful to slightly more serious- but only about as serious as Emmett could ever get, which meant the shadow of a grin still threatened to make an appearance.

I couldn't deny it. I was tightly wound with all things considered. Well, with one very large thing considered. Her. Emmett must have seen my train of thought make its way to my face.

"You miss her." It was obvious who he was talking about. It wasn't a question.

I shrugged and avoided his eye contact. "It had to happen, Emmett."

"She was your mate." This was also not a question.

"She was human, Emmett. It's been 50 years. We need to let it go."

"What if she's still here in Forks?"

"She's not." My tone was a little more clipped than I had intended.

"Dude what if she is? How would that be any different than any other family in this town that stays here through generations? And how the hell do you even know? Alice hasn't been able to see her in years. For all we know that could mean she's dea—"

"That's enough, Emmett." I didn't want to hear that. Of course it's always been in the back of my mind. That's what happens to humans, of course. That alternative was worlds better than this life. "I didn't want this life for her. She was too good for it."

"Too good? What is that supposed to mean?" He was becoming irritated.

"It means given the choice no one should have to live this life, especially not her."

"Aren't you just the least bit curious about what happened, Edward?"

"It's none of my business. It's not yours either. We all need to leave it alone. We came here to start over again."

"Oh please, Eddie, we all know you've been hung up on her for the past half a century. I mean it's understandable- I mean you were in love with her. Why did you never go back?"

He wasn't the only one getting irritated but I was trying to keep my cool. Emmett and I had never really spoke about this is detail, but he accidentally let it slip into his thoughts a few times before pushing the thought away with some stupid joke. Emmett was usually pretty good at hiding his thoughts. I think out of everyone, he understood the most how hard it was for me to never have silence. No one gave him enough credit for being so intuitive.

"It was never my place to take away her humanity. She was better off living her life. I would never have been able to live with myself if I took that away willingly." He seemed to contemplate that for a few beats before sighing and looking at his feet. His next words came out softer.

"I was human when Rose met me." I could see where he was going with this.

"That's different. You were dying Em. She had a whole life ahead of her."

"Yeah but…Rose and Carlisle could have chosen not to change me." I didn't know what to say to that. Honestly, I couldn't have imagined our family without Emmett. Lord knows Rosalie would be even more insufferable than usual.

"That was their choice then. And I made mine. We all have our opinions on this life."

Emmett was still quieter than his usual self, obviously taking in what I was saying. "Can I ask one more question?"

"Will you drop it afterwards?" I just wanted to be done with this conversation.

He nodded before continuing, "If given then chance, would you make the same decision?" My breathing caught and I was thankful I didn't actually need the air. For once I found myself wishing he wasn't so good at hiding these thoughts so I had a chance to brace myself.

I took a long time to answer. I waited for my breath to come back to me while I thought about it.

"I think I may have stayed a while longer, but I could never bring myself to changer her." The thought of going back to her had crossed my mind a few years after we left and I was living on my own, but at that point I figured she had moved on. That's just what humans do. They change quickly whereas we are forever frozen in time. They fall in and out of love like season changes; we fall in love and time freezes. I knew I couldn't go back to her. I couldn't ruin whatever progress she had made only to yank her selfishly back into a life with me. One where she would continue to age, and I would not. I would have had to give her up eventually, it was just better to do it when she could still go and build a family and a life and accomplish her goals. Go to college. Find someone. Have a child. Everything I wish I could have done in my human life.

"How do you know you would have been able to leave her human?"

"You said one more question, Emmett." From my voice he knew I had been pushed too far and was done with the conversation. His facial features morphed back into his normal goofy grin as if it was a mask being snapped back into place.

"Well unpack, kiddo. We have school on Monday and your ugly mug needs as much beauty rest as you can get this weekend." He winked and turned to leave. I rolled my eyes and turned around to look at our wooded backyard. I could hear Emmett trample down the hallway yell "COWABUNGAAAA" as he hopped over the railing of the staircase. Esme's chastising voice was accompanied by the slight shaking of the house. As I mentioned- structural integrity. I chuckled slightly and shook my head. Emmett was a lot to handle but I was always thankful for his comic relief.

I could hear everyone continuing to unpack their belongings. Our strength and speed made the work load much lighter. Within only a few hours the house was looking almost like we had never left. From my room I could hear Alice's twinkling laugh as she and Esme rearranged the living room. Everyone's thoughts were focused on beginning anew yet it still seemed like we were stuck on the past. As much as I don't like to think about it she changed us all. Bella changed us- not the other way around. She had been family to us- to me. My heart will forever be pained by her absence and I could only hope that my attempt at giving her a normal life was not futile. For the first time in a long time I prayed. I prayed that she had gotten out of the small town of Forks and was happy wherever she was.