The Hellsings Go Camping

Ch 1: IF Only It was that Easy

DianaPrince31

Author's Notes: So I had this idea have been ruminating in my head for some time now and I decided to see how well it goes. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.

It was too early in the morning to be having this conversation and yet here they were having this conversation. Walter had told Integra that she had been looking tired lately and no woman wants to be told that, so she flipped out on him and he suggested she take a vacation.

"Well let me write a memo letting all the vampires in Britain know that I am going vacation and that they can start attacking humans after I get back. Oh wait, that's a STUPID idea because satanic monsters don't take vacations!"

"Sir, you need time to rest and relax or you could do damage to yourself."

"Walter, I'm a chain smoker, I'm already doing damage to myself."

"I strongly believe that you need a vacation."

"No, I don't."

"Sir everyone takes a holiday once while to relax and refresh their body and mind."

"Your point?'

"Even your father took vacations, Sir. I believe that you should do so as well."

"Fine I'll think about it."

A month later, Walter found Integra asleep at her desk.

"Aha! I told you, you need a vacation, Sir!"

This exclamation startled the commander out of her sleep and she took out a gun and fired it. Walter had to sacrifice the tea tray and dive for cover. When Walter recovered his breath, he gasped; "You shot at me!"

"Well you started yelling, while I was sleeping!" At the sound of gunshots, Pip and several Wild Geese ran into the office and were relieved to see that it was a false alarm.

"Boss, I agree with Walter, maybe you should take a break. Also your right eye is twitching" said Pip.

"Maybe I want it to twitch!"

"Sir, I bought someone here that might be able to convince you to take a holiday."

At that moment, the Queen of England walked into the office; "Sir Integra, I hear that you are not taking care of yourself" the Queen stated primly.

"I do not know where you heard that outlandish lie, Your Majesty. But I will find the slanderer, rip out their tongue and beat them soundly with it."

"There is no need to get violent; also both of your eyes are twitching."

"What's with everyone and my damn eyes?!"

"Walter, I will leave the planning of Sir Integra's vacation to you. And Sir Integra you WILL go on that vacation and relax."

"I can plan my own bloody vacation."

"Your idea of a vacation will be sleeping in bed all day."

"That's where you're wrong, Walter. I would take the time to teach those barbaric mercenaries the fine art of fencing, by beating it into them."

"That's not a vacation, boss, that's torturing my men."

"Sir Integra, you will take a vacation, I can't have you dropping dead from overwork. And Walter don't forget to call me with the details."

As the Queen walked out of the office, Integra stuck up both middle fingers at the elderly monarch's back. Pip stifled a laugh and Walter looked appalled. When the butler returned after escorting the Queen out of the manor, Integra said to him; "I'm disappointed that you would include Her Majesty in my personal affairs."

"Well I'm disappointed that it had to come to this and that you would make such an obscene gesture."

Sticking up a middle finger at Walter, Integra growled; "Here, you can have one too."

"That is very immature, Sir."

"Like I give a fuck."

"Sir, I'm trying to help you."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

Integra took off her shoe and threw it at the butler and when it hit Walter on the head, she laughed.

"Sir! I will not tolerate being treated this way!"

The other shoe was thrown. Walter sighed, most people liked vacation.

"If you don't need anything else, Sir Integra, I will prepare for your vacation."

"There is one more thing; you still have to clean the tea set you dropped on my newly waxed floor." After cleaning up the mess, Walter left the office. He had a feeling that this vacation was going to be a difficult one. Meanwhile Integra sat in her office, scowling, when Alucard and Seras came in. Judging by the looks on their faces, Integra knew that Walter had told them what was happening.

"Master, a vacation can do wonders for the body" purred the vampire king.

"What the hell do you know, your body is undead."

"True, but I don't want to see your body age before it's time." Integra took out her gun and shot Alucard in the face several times before turning her glare to Seras; "Anything you want to say? Chose your words very carefully." The fledgling shook her head and ran out of the office. After regenerating his face, Alucard said; "You really do need a vacation, master. You look tired and your eyes keep twitching."

"GET OUT!"

This outburst just confirmed what Alucard said, but what kind of vacation would it be? He couldn't wait to see what Walter had in store for his master.

Chapter End

Author's Note: This is the beginning of a new series. Poor Integra forced to go on vacation; at least she's not being forced to have a baby. Since the title of the series gives away what type of vacation Integra will be going on, you don't really need to guess. But in the next chapter Integra finds out, wonder what her reaction will be. See ya in the next chapter