Summary: To get his do-good, wanna-be evil minion out of his hair, Madara ships Obito off to Kiri. What's the worse that could happen? (Madara, you poor, poor fool...) AU, Mizukage!Obito

Or: That one Obito redemption story that doesn't involve time travel, Rin's ghost, or any real involvement from Konoha.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Madara had a problem.

One might assume that it may have been his looming death, or the viability of his plan to use the freaking moon to make the shinobi nations enter a massive mind-trip. Maybe the problem could have even been a dreaded sense of conscience, a lapse in his crazed behaviour in which a semblance of guilt at what he had done leaked through.

Hell, the problem even could have been him finally realizing that he had actually been in love with Hashirama, and that his anger against Konoha had, in fact, been more of a crazed ex-girlfriend blowout than any real sort of revolution of the injustice against the Uchiha.

That would explain Madara's irrational hatred for any and all redheads... Damn that man-stealing Uzumaki!

Though all of these were possible, none of them were the case.

Madara's problem was Uchiha Obito.

His old plan had seemed brilliant in the heat of the moment- brainwash the young Uchiha to become his loyal henchman, and… well, make him do henchman type things, like enslave the Kyuubi to attack Konoha, or have the kid run his organization of doom, etc. etc, until he ultimately aided in resurrecting Madara (who was currently nearing the end of his rope) for the final battle.

Madara had actually been planning to die a bit sooner, to be honest, but seeing how Obito's conscious refused to be crushed, even after 'the incident'… had made him decide to stick around. Extra attempts had been made afterwards to try and curb Obito's tendencies, but Madara sometimes wondered if he should have just let Obito naturally become evil on his own…

No matter- the past was in the past. And thanks to the joke fate seemed to be playing on him, they were behind schedule for Madara's plans. But things couldn't possibly get worse! Some of Madara's evil had to have rubbed off on Obito by now.

…Right?

In hindsight, he should have realized the proverbial wrench coming his way sooner, but Madara had never been very good at dodge ball.

The terrible truth was… Obito sucked at being evil.

The kid tried, Madara would grant him that, but his attempts to be the greatest minion… honestly just made his already do-gooder tendencies worse. Sure, Obito's initial rage after that girl he had a crush on died had fuelled him to attack Konoha, and even aid in the death of his former sensei, but lately… Obito was really shitting the bed at this whole evil minion business.

From his first failure to make the Kyuubi crush Konoha's ninja academy to ruin their future generations, because he claimed he 'didn't want to crush his favourite tree', the hidden goodness within Obito only continued to emerge over the next three years.

Like the time Obito had helped lead a strike against the daimyo of Kusa to get the citizens better working conditions, claiming he was 'causing civil unrest'… Or the countless times Obito had stopped during the missions Madara had sent him on so that he could rescue some Kami-forsaken cat from a tree, or help some brainless brat find their parent, justifying that doing so would help to lull the common masses into complacency before ultimately enacting the moon's eye plan.

Worst of all was the time Obito had uncovered a treacherous plot of a jashinist cult to enslave the world, and had worked with some Kumo shinobi to save humanity- all while making some bullshit excuse that only the moon's eye plan was allowed to take away free will. Honestly! The boy was supposed to fly under the radar and carry out Madara's work, not be some paragon of kindness and justice while pretending it was for evil causes!

But Madara, for the most part, could handle these inadequacies. Obito was still necessary, considering the power of his mangekyou sharingan, his rather formidable fighting skills, and his surprising affinity for completing paperwork along with handling bureaucracy.

Madara had actually almost kissed Obito after the then seventeen year old had volunteered to file the taxes for Madara's schemes. The boy, though a moronic do-gooder, was a god-send when it came to any and all things filing related.

It was mostly for these reasons that as long as Obito didn't abandon the plan, or actively work against Madara's schemes, that he would remain. Zetsu, after all, was more than capable of cleaning up after Obito's various wannabe-evil blunders.

…Until recently, that is.

"Madara, there's no way to fix this- the boy has… Well, there's no easy way to say this…"

"He ruined the plan- he's completely out of control, and if he's left with any more tasks, he'll probably ruin those too."

"Not that things are completely unsalvageable, considering the Rinnegan still exists- but due to his actions, our version of Akatsuki will not be able to have a permanent base in Ame."

"…Or use the name Akastuki, actually… Do you know how difficult it is to come up with a catchy name for an evil organization? Do you?! Why do you think we planned to pawn it off of a bunch a wimpy freedom fighters? Now, thanks to copy right scandals, that's never going to happen!"

"You need to put that boy in his place- preferably, somewhere he won't be able to ruin anything else."

Madara stared blankly back at Zetsu, and under their angry gazes, he felt the cave around him close in. Sharply exhaling through his nose, Madara brought a shrivelled hand up… And smacked it against his face with a desolate, echoing crack that was reminiscent of the whipping of the damned.

Damn you Uchiha Obito! Madara was at his wits end, and even Zetsu, whose spiral form had some degree of affection for the teenager, had gotten fed up. They needed to come up with a plan of action before Obito got back from the 'mission' Madara had sent him on.

"…If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them," Madara grumbled.

"…"

"…"

Madara blinked in surprise, and after a moment his usual scowl resumed its place on his wizened face. "Don't tell me we can't come up with a single place to put him! He's a twenty year old man-child; it can't be that difficult to find a place to stow him away until our plans advance." Madara's face pinched into an even more consternate expression. "Granted, it needs to be out of the way of the important shinobi nations so Obito can't mess up the political climate like he did in Kusa, and somewhere unnecessary to our plans…"

Zetu furrowed their brow before nodding their head, their white half speaking once more. "It also needs to be a place where we can give him some sort of fake task- he needs to think he's there for a reason, and not just so that we can get him out of our hair…"

"…And it needs to be a place that hardens him- the Uchiha is too soft, and a peaceful place might pull him back completely to his foolhardy 'goodness'," Black Zetsu murmured, its face pinching into a scowl as he finished his sentence.

Madara groaned. "It's a tall order… That moron is almost more trouble than he's worth, especially after what he did. If I could, I would hand him over to Danzo- considering Obito's track record, he would probably demolish Root from the inside with his idiotic, accidental purity of heart and power of friendship. He's already messed up that old Hawk's latest scheme, after all." Madara wrinkled his nose. "Too close to Konoha, though. He might have a complete relapse, staying near his old home."

A silence fell between the three shibobi. Or two? Did Zetsu count as more than one person? Regardless, the ominous quiet in the cave made it clear how severe the situation was. They were running out of time as well- Obito would only be distracted by the nearby ice cream stand Madara had sent him to to 'investigate' for so long…

Zetsu awkwardly shifted in place. "Well, if you want a place to put him where he can't cause any more harm-"

"-Because it's already a hell hole , and can't be made worse-"

"-A place where we can give him a bogus mission-"

"-And not worry about him relapsing into his previous self, because he'll be surrounded by the worst scum in existence, and carrying out heinous acts himself-"

"-There's only one real solution."

"Kiri." Zetsu finished in unison.

Madara stared blankly back at them before letting out a sigh. "Very well." Madara shook his head, his mouth twisting into a wry, commiserating smirk. "Even Obito won't be able to screw up Kiri anymore than it already is, disaster or goodness inducing wise. Which means we won't even have to expend resources to baby sit him! Besides, if there's one thing Obito actually hates, other than the Hatake, it's Kiri. He still thinks they're entirely responsible for kidnapping that Nohara girl, after all, so there's no chance of him going native."

Zetsu smiled. "As for the fake mission… We can have him infiltrate the Kiri forces and seize control of the Mizukage. Even Obito will stay under the radar if he thinks it's an undercover mission, and it appears important enough and is long term. He won't question why he's cut off from Akatsuki or not taking on more missions."

"And while Obito is busy enslaving the shinobi nation that no cares about, which is also currently cut off from the outside world due to only recently coming out of civil war-"

"-We can move forwards with our plans for Akatsuki. We'll set up base in Iwa instead, and with Obito no longer around to mess things up, our plans will fall into place-"

"-Until we once again need him, years in the future. The only thing he has to do that's actually important is keep track of the Jinchuriki of Kiri until we're ready to extract them. Otherwise, Obito will not be involved in any of Akatsuki's plans- letting him know of our schemes would only incite the risk of him ruining them."

And so it was decided- Obito would be shipped off to Kiri, where he would be disconnected from the world and unable to screw up any more of their plans. Obito would no longer be privy to Akatsuki's workings, and they in turn would wipe their hands of him for the time being. In the coming years, he wouldn't be their headache to deal with.

Zetsu finally departed the cave, and only a half hour later, Obito returned. As the young Uchiha finished off his ice cream cone ("Investigation complete- this is definitely some of the better ice cream I've had!") Madara revealed his newest mission. Obito solemnly accepted it, grabbing the mission sheets in the hand not occupied by his ice cream cone, and within the day left for his new home.

Despite his talk with Zetsu, Madara had a few misgivings he couldn't seem to crush as he watched Obito depart. Were the mission details too vague? What if Obito went mad with power, or revolted against Madara's control? The control seal, after all, was not infallible- if it was, Obito sure as hell wouldn't have messed things up in Ame like he had!

Even worse than these worries were Madara's regrets. With Obito in Kiri, someone else would have to be hired to handle the paperwork…

However… the pros definitely outweighed the cons. Madara's worries were insubstantial, while the problems Obito caused were certainly real. Besides, even though Obito was amazing at taxes, he was also borderline OCD and highly controlling in regards to Akatsuki's monetary funds. Madara could finally get the statue of Hashirama without it being blacklisted for being 'frivolous spending'…

…So that he could blow it up, obviously! Madara certainly would never keep around a statue of his greatest enemy for teenage-girl worthy angst sessions, no siree! Madara didn't have some misplaced celebrity crush- he had a rival!

Regardless, at the thought of the statue which he would soon be able to buy and… 'destroy' (aka, keep in his room rant to late at night), Madara's misgivings faded away. The old Uchiha leaned back and smiled, satisfied with what really was a wonderful solution to his problem. After all, even Obito couldn't mess up Kiri more than it already was.

What was the worst that could happen?

A/N: Alright, I'll be honest- I don't have as much in depth Naruto info as I should. But any and all changes you see from canon will be because of (or will be attributed to) a certain change... If you can guess what the change was that resulted in Obito never actually caving into evil, fantastic! If not- you'll have to wait and see, all the while enjoying the chaos induced by a wanna-be evil Uchiha with a conscience :)

This is a bit of a tester chapter- based on feedback, I may or may not continue it, though if I don't, I'll publish the rest of what I have and put it up for adoption. In addition, I have, or will be publishing, tester chapters for two other stories- 'Amnesiac' and 'Not the Team Seven you're looking for'.

Thanks for giving this a read!