Nervously I glance at the clock above the door.

I've been sitting here for almost two hours now and still no sign of Gloss.

He should be home by now. Maybe I should just swallow my pride and try to call him.

It's not like I have any dignity left after I begged my father on my knees to marry Gloss off to me. I should have listened to father back than, a district boy is not fit to marry the daughter of the president. But I was so stupid and in love with what Gloss represented, I just didn't care and here I am.

All alone in a strange district with no friends or luxury. Well all too soon, I would at least not be alone anymore.

Twenty more minutes pass before I can finally hear the front door.

I try to stay still as I listen to my husband of two years, dropping his bag on the floor and kicking his shoes off. It's his daily routine, he comes home and leaves a mess in the hallway before going to the kitchen and causing even more chaos.

I can literally see his jaw dropping when he sees me sitting at the kitchen table. He sure didn't expect me to be up at this time and even less for me to wait with dinner.

"Hello", I get up slowly. My knees feel like pudding as I fill the two plates and just place them on the table.

Apparently I really caught Gloss off guard because he actually sits down across from me for once.

"What is this about?", he raises his eyebrow in the pale light of the candles I lit.

Not sure, how to answer this question, I just shrug. "Am I not allowed to cook for my husband?"

"No", Gloss shakes his head but than pinches the bridge of his nose. "Well yes but you never do. You've avoided me for the past four months."

I bite down on my lip ashamed.

He's right. I have avoided Gloss, but only because I am so ashamed of myself. I felt so dirty after we had sex at that party. It's not like I didn't enjoy it, no it was better than I could have ever dreamed of, but when he was gone the next morning, I realized it was a mistake. For the first one and a half years of marriage, Gloss barely looked at me and now, he had only slept with me because he was drunk. Sober, he had rejected all my efforts to seduce him or just climb into his bed at night to sleep besides him, so after the party I just wanted to forget it.

But now, I can't pretend nothing happened anymore.

"I am sorry", I just whispers into the uncomfortable silence. "Actually we need to talk about that night, four months ago."

A hint of anger flashes in Gloss' eyes. "If you have a STD, it's not from me. I am clean!"

What the hell is he even talking about? Does he really think, I have some disease? I mean, I don't look my best and I was sick the past days but not because of a STD.

"No!", I blurt out more shocked than angry. "I was feeling sick lately and the cause was sexually transmitted by you but not what you think."

Groaning Gloss slams his fist on the table. "Can't you just for once talk like an actual human being? You capitol clowns just all talk nothing but shit, day in and day out!"

Tears well up in my eyes but I quickly wipe them away.

His words hurt more than he could ever imagine. It's not the first time, Gloss insulted me or just lashed out on me for no reason. He may not hit me or anything physical but his words are much worse sometimes.

I wish, I could just go back home to my family. I really miss my mum and my dad, I even miss my brother sometimes. Everything would be better than this but I just don't want to give all of Panem the satisfaction to see me fail. Everyone is just waiting for me to come crawling back to my father.

"I am having a baby, Gloss", I barely get the words out before breaking down in tears.

This pregnancy was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I always wanted kids and I still do, but it's not fair on this tiny human being to be brought it into this loveless marriage.

What if Gloss will hate this baby - our baby- just as much as he hates me? I can't even really blame him. I ruined his life by asking my father to force him into this marriage. I can only imagine what my father did to get Gloss to agree or rather who he threatened. It was egotistical from me and now I am forcing this baby on him.

Technically it takes two to make a baby but if I hadn't forced Gloss into this marriage and to go to that party, we would have never gotten drunk and ended up sleeping together.

What am I even thinking? It's like my whole head is completely messed up, the longer I am locked away in this house totally isolated from public.

Actually I am not even locked away but whenever I go out, people give me weird looks or avoid me. They treat me like I have some deadly disease.

Even when I went to see a doctor, most of them sent me away. I had to go to the poorest part of district one to find a doctor who would treat me. Thankfully the doctor herself saw me as her assistant also turned me down.

"That's not possible", Gloss eventually breaks the silence again.

"Why would I make something like that up?", I ask him hurt. "You can call my doctor and ask her yourself."

"Maybe I will do that", he gets up and grabs his phone angrily. "Tell me her number."

"I don't have one", I sigh desperately. "Doctor Markle is in the poorest part of one, I can give you her adress."

Another wave of anger seems to hit Gloss as he throws the phone against the wall, breaking it.

"What were you doing so far from home?!", he shouts at me. "And why did it have to be her?"

What was his problem now?

"She was the only doctor who didn't turn me down", I admit ashamed. "What is wrong with her? She was very nice to me and seemed more than just competent at what she did."

Gloss just shakes his head and stomps off without another word. Only seconds later, I can hear the front door slam shut.