When Wendy Grew Up

{ title is from the epilogue from 'Peter Pan' by J.M. Barrie.}

When Rose Tyler was a little girl growing up on a London estate, she loved to pretend that she was Wendy Darling waiting for Peter to come back and take her on a new adventure in Neverland. She would leave her window open at night and her mum would tuck her in, close the window tight, and tell her to stop being silly. Now that she's older and the man, well, Time Lord, that she is desperately in love with has left her back in London whilst he has gone off to fight in the Time War, well, she has a new found respect for Wendy and her patience.

Rose had tried to get the Doctor to take her with him. She had reasoned, debated, fought, cajoled, she had tried every recourse she could think of yet, in the end, he had tricked her, taken the TARDIS, and had left her behind. She had tried the TARDIS phone and even when he did answer, desperate as he was to hear her voice, he still refused to come back. She had tried their bond but even then, he refused. He had also started blocking her more often than not and Rose was terrified that that was a sign the war wasn't going well. She would not accept that something had happened to him and he was trying to shield her from it. She had even tried contacting the TARDIS through the bond she shared with their ship but even the TARDIS was against her in this.

Rose doesn't share Wendy's patience. She wants the Doctor to come back to her and she wants him to come back now. She's been wishing on stars and eyelashes and stones and acorns, she's poured her heartache and fears out to the moon, but so far nothing has changed. She's taken a job working in Mr. Copper's antique shop where she finds some old wartime letters forgotten in a chest. She reads them with a new understanding of things like longing and heartache, of not being able to hold your lover in your arms when you need them the most and they need you. She takes the letters home with her and cries herself to sleep.

She leaves her bedroom window open, she always leaves the window open. Part of her is still Wendy after all and Peter needs a way in when he comes to visit. When the nights grow colder, she doubles up on bedding and duvets but the window remains open.

Months pass, nothing changes. She goes to work, (and as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she adores Mr. Copper and his little shop), she buys necessities, pays her bills, but she has a letter for Mr. Copper in a bag that she keeps packed by her front door. She is ready to run whenever the Doctor comes back for her. He is coming back. She will not allow for the possibility of anything else.

There has been quite a bit of snow over the last week. It's somewhat unusual for London but Rose doesn't mind it. It's pretty to look at and it makes the city look magical, if nothing else.

She hasn't been feeling well today. There is a burning sensation in her chest, her head is throbbing, and she is being assaulted by waves of grief and rage, terror and desperation. She knows it isn't coming from her. Rose has been bonded with the Doctor long enough to know instinctively when the emotions she feels belong to him. She would give anything to be by his side, holding his hand, even if she was powerless to do anything else.

The sensations of physical pain, terrify her. He's injured, hurting, and somehow, she knows he's alone, and she has no way to reach him. She has been trying their bond but it feels different, almost as though there is static coming across the line. She doesn't understand and she doesn't know what to do. She gets home from work, changes into her nightie, makes a cup of tea, and falls asleep without realizing.

She is awakened several hours later and it takes her a moment to process that something is happening. The first thing she notices is that her TARDIS key is glowing, pulsing for the first time in months. The second thing she becomes aware of is sound, that unmistakable sound of the universe. The sound of her home.

She grabs her coat and runs outside through the snow in her stocking feet. And there it is. Oh, the TARDIS is looking a little worse for the wear, it is perfectly clear that she has been in a battle but she's real and she's here. And that means the Doctor is here as well.

Rose remains still for a moment, expecting that any second now the Doctor will open the doors and come running out to meet her in his velvet coat and cravat with his fob watch positioned perfectly. She used to tease about dressing like a Victorian but when he swapped it out for the leather and tall boots, when he began to accept that he wouldn't be able to run from the war for much longer, she realized how much she missed the softness and the almost innocence of the velvet.

The fact that he doesn't come out to greet her, impossibly tight hugs and passionate kisses run through her mind, is what spurs her into action. She is running towards the TARDIS and inserting her key in the lock before she is even fully aware that she's moved.

Inside, everything is still smoking slightly and the console room is singed as though it had been burned by something (and she doesn't really want to think about what). This is not the room she knows, even though it has a natural, organic, charm all its own. It looks as though, maybe, it's made of coral or something like it anyway? Still, where are their comfy chairs? Where are the candles and the bookshelves?

She's glancing around for the Doctor when she spots a body on the floor. She runs over to see who it is and whilst she doesn't recognize the man, she does recognize the clothes. He's wearing the leather and denim that he had swapped the velvet and cravat for but he doesn't look anything like her Doctor.

She approaches the man and gently turns him over so that she can get a better look at him. Harsher features, close cropped hair, she isn't certain how else to explain it, gone is her romantic Victorian poet, he looks like a soldier now. He had told her about regeneration, how Time Lords cheat death, he had given her photos of his younger selves to illustrate the point, and Rose had thought she understood. She had understood, she just hadn't truly expected it to ever happen again. She closed her eyes and shook her head, frustrated with herself, "Stupid, stupid, stupid," she whispers under her breath.

She places her hand on his head to feel for a fever and his body temperature is definitely still Time Lord and it seems a bit off but she doesn't think it's anything she needs to worry about. She places her hands on his chest and yes, his two hearts are beating steadily. His eyes open suddenly, blue eyes still, he's delirious but somehow manages to focus on her, "Rose, darling," he whispers with a what she assumes was meant to be a smile but looks more like a grimace of pain.

"Doctor?" She finds she can't keep the questioning tone out of her voice.

"How did you get here, my love? You shouldn't be here. Not safe. Need to go. Need to keep you safe." His voice is gruff, his accent completely different from what she was still expecting despite all his other changes. This is not the voice she has come to know; the one that recites poetry to her, the one that loves explaining about scientific theories and alien cultures, the one that whispers in her ear late at night when they are both cuddled up in their bed.

No, this is not the voice she has dreamt of during the months that he was gone but it's a voice she knows she could just as easily come to love.

"No, my love. We are safe. We're in London. You came back to me."

"Did I? How did I manage that?"

She brushes her fingers across his face and he sighs in gratefulness, "I don't know," though she suspects the badly damaged TARDIS may have had a hand in it, "but it doesn't matter right now. Can you stand? I think it might be best if we put you to bed."

It's a struggle but eventually he does manage to get to his feet. He needs her assistance to walk though and she's perfectly fine with him leaning on her. She has been aching for his touch and whilst this isn't what she dreamt of, she will take what she can get for now and if he's in her arms, then she knows he's safe.

Rose helps him change and tucks him in, as she turns to leave the room, he grabs her hand, "Stay with me? Please. Don't leave me alone."

She smiles softly, even though his eyes are already closed again, "I told you I want to stay with you forever. I just need you to stop sending me away."

She crawls into the bed that they haven't shared in months and she knows that he needs time to recover and so does the TARDIS from the looks of her. But Rose is home now and she is going to take care of both of them. And when he is better, she is going to get the answers to her questions, like how did he think leaving her behind was a good idea, what happened to him, what took him so long to come back to her, how long has it been for him, and so many others that are running on a loop in her brain. She isn't going to leave him, she will never leave him, she loves him too much for that, but she is entitled to answers and he isn't going to get out of giving them to her.

She's grown so much from travelling with him and now to living her life without him that she is no longer that wide-eyed, naive shop girl that he first met years ago; the one who would let him get away with anything he wanted because she was afraid he might leave her behind if she pushed too hard. After all, even Wendy chose to grow up eventually.