COUNTLESS

"I can't come up with a quote about time" - Me

Onodera Ritsu rolled over on the grass and closed his book after placing his bookmark in it. He laid it down on his chest and looked at An. "Don't you ever think maybe you're broken?"

His best friend looked over at him, too, her long hair sweeping over her shoulder as she tilted her head at him. She considered this for a moment, putting down her homework. "…I don't know, are you thinking about your countdown again? I told you it would drive you crazy, you should focus on your school work."

"Yours says less than two months, mine says ten years, obviously I can be worried," Ritsu sighed and looked up at the clouds sprawled above them. They had been lying around the whole day, partially studying, but mostly just hanging out and talking. It had been a few days since they had spent time together properly, so An had practically dragged him away from his endless collection of books and gotten him out of the house.

An put her pencil down and pat him on the head, smiling now. "It'll be okay …I'm worried, too. What if I don't like them? What if I already know them and I just haven't noticed I love them? This stuff will eat you up, Ricchan. That's why the grown-ups are always telling us not to worry."

Ritsu had spent the majority of his teenaged life both relieved and stressed out by the fact that his timer said he would not feel true love until he reached what he had estimated to be the age of twenty-five to twenty-six years. He was only fifteen now, so he often avoided thinking about the subject if he could help it. If he wasn't going to fall in love any time soon, why let that consume his everyday life? He wanted to opt instead to immerse himself in school—he hoped he would accomplish all his goals in life before he became preoccupied by love. However, the timer was still there and telling himself not to look at it or think about it just made him think about it more.

"I just don't like that I notice it more now than before, when I was nine or ten I didn't care," he sighed again and picked up his book, but he didn't open it. "I suppose my only expectation for the future is that whoever it is I am meant to love is, at the very least, likeable."

An laughed and put her hand on her mouth in that adorable habit she had. "You are more honest around me than others, aren't you? Though you should have more expectations, don't you think? That they might like what you like and share opinions and hobbies?"

"I don't know," he shrugged and dropped his arms to his sides, pressing the book to his thigh and closing his eyes. "An… has your timer ever changed?"

"Hm?" An looked confused now, she tucked her hair behind her ears and thought about it. "No…? I don't think so. Why?"

Though Ritsu had the firm belief that he could avoid the topic of his love life until the very last minute, or so that was his unrealistic plan, sometimes he did think about that day almost three years ago, when he had run into someone at the library that had made him feel a skip in his heart beat and warmth in his face. For a moment, he had felt something hot on his arm where his timer was, but later when he looked it had not changed or dropped at all, so he had shook it off and gotten back to his regular everyday life.

"No reason. Do you want me to help you with your homework?" he changed the subject.

An really did laugh this time. "Last time we checked, you are the one who needed the tutor."

The next day after class, Ritsu checked that no one was looking at him as usual, and then he headed off to his follow new routine—one which he knew would only lead to bad things.

It wasn't like he was the only one who was constantly checking how much time was left. He took a little comfort in the fact that when he was in class, he noticed the other kids fidgeting with the sleeves of their uniforms, itching to look at the numbers only they could see. He knew that recently he was more aware of it because he had run into that person again in the library. They had not exactly 'run into' each other, it was more of he had purposefully gone to the library to look for the boy and then hidden behind a bookshelf and peered around the corner to watch him.

That was what he had been doing for the past few weeks and it also was what had started his recent obsessing. Before, he would just ignore it because the time would come when it came there was nothing to do about it. But now as he headed for the library, he wondered if maybe something was wrong with him because he would not realize until he was almost twenty-six. Was he so hard to like? Was he so hard to love? There were so many people and friends around him that had already found their soulmates and stopped constantly pouring over their timers.

His recent light stalking of the boy he didn't really know made it difficult for Ritsu to come to terms with it, but he knew also that he did not have a choice.

The day he had developed a crush, well, that had been an alarming surprise. He had considered that maybe he should not like this person. It had only been a few weeks, his counter had not stopped moving at its usual pace and had just continued counting down, unaffected by him closing his eyes and wishing that it would drop even just a little bit. Ritsu had wondered for several days, stressed and anxious and doubtful; maybe his timer was not right? Maybe it was invalid or broken, just like he felt sometimes.

What if my crush… my feelings, what if they're not real and just a manifestation of my anxiety over not loving anyone until I am twenty-six? Am I defective? Is it defective? He wondered this as he picked out a small stack of books so he wouldn't seem so out of place. He walked over to a nearby shelf, the one which he already knew made it easy to glimpse the boy that he liked, even if a part of him knew that he shouldn't.

Saga Masamune wasn't sure why, but his timer had gone down from counting down for over ten years to counting down only a few days in the course of a moment. He felt the drastic change with a bit of a sting and he jerked his arm up, staring at it. When he looked around here was no one nearby that he knew, or that he could see, but he stared down at it and then looked around one more time and wondered what had caused his timer to jump so drastically.

He had never bothered to check it before, in fact, Saga had not looked at his timer since he had first started being aware of it, simply because he knew already that it was counting down to a date that was over a decade away and there was no point in worrying himself over it.

Something squeezed tightly in his chest, and then he decided it felt more like someone had their hand around his throat, and he swallowed. He considered maybe his soulmate had gotten closer to him and altered the course of their potential meeting, but when he looked at it again he realized it had gone back to its original count. He shook his head and considered that maybe he had imagined the numbers changing, but his heart beat just a little faster and a small part of him hoped that he was wrong.

Yumiko Airi was practically vibrating with excitement. She could not stay still and her hands kept messing with her long black hair, pulling at it and twisting it between and around her fingers. She had been waiting for Saga to get home for over an hour and it was practically killing her not having her best friend around to talk to about what had just happened.

She stared again at the line of zeros on her arm and could not contain her squeal of delight. She was about to find her phone to call him, when Saga came around the corner down the street.

"Ma-sa-mu-ne!" she called out to him in a sing song voice and raced down the sidewalk, running straight into him.

"Ngh," Saga grunted and barely managed to stop her from tackling him to the ground. "What? What happened? Are you okay?"

With another excited squeal, Yumiko jumped up and down, holding on to his arms, her hair falling her face as she grinned big. "My countdown! It's zero! Masamune, I love her! It's really her! I really did find her!"

Saga blinked at her with raised eyebrows, and then he gave her a small smile. "Oh, wow. Really? What… um, how did it happen?"

Yumiko quickly recounted the event, grabbing his hand and starting to drag him towards her house, which was next door to his. "An was so excited, her face turned bright red when she realized hers was at zero then too! We just met, you know? Like two months ago, and we literally just had one date but we had been spending a lot of time together so I was hoping that it was her because, oh, I did really like her! I do really like her! Oh, oh, Masamune, I love her! I love her, this is it!"

She would have kept walking if Saga had not pulled at her hand where she held his and stopped her. When she looked at him she expected to see a little more excitement, but instead he looked troubled as he dropped his arms to his sides.

"Not that I am not happy for you," he started to say, and then he shook his head and blurted, "My timer changed. It changed again, then it changed …back."

It had been a few months since Saga had asked her this question originally, and the fact that he was bringing it up again concerned her. Yumiko looked worried and crossed her arms over her chest. "Did it? What do you think that means? I mean, they're supposed to know the exact moment, down to the second, I have never …heard of them changing, you know…?"

Her hesitation only made him start to get worried, so Saga shook his head again and shrugged. "Never mind. So An, hm? Want to tell me more about her?"

"I mean…" she started to protest, really wanting to talk about his issues, but she could see that he was starting to get a little worried so she decided to go along with him. "Okay, yeah! You have to meet her, she is so super nice and sweet and small and cute! And she has the cutest best friend I bet you guys would get along, too! Actually, I think you go to the same school!"

It was only two days later that it happened, on what was possibly the most anxious day for the both of them. Their hands reached for the same book, and when they looked at each other, the smaller boy said, "Uh, S-Saga-senpai…!"

"…Why do you know my name?"

For one mortifying second, Ritsu did not believe that it was Saga who was standing right in front of him and that they had both reached for the same book. But it definitely was, just as it definitely was that Ritsu did not notice his words pouring out of him until the confession was out with no possible way to be taken back. "I like you, senpai."

Those stunning amber eyes stared back at him, and Ritsu could only look back and hope and wish that he had not just made a terrible mistake.

His timer had not come to a stop like he had been told it would by other people. For days, Ritsu worried about this. For days, Ritsu denied his crush and his confession, For days, he went back and justified his silly crush by telling himself that it was okay to like someone else before he met his soulmate.

"So what if I have a little crush?" he and An were sitting on his bed, books and homework around them as they ate chips and did little schoolwork. "Is it wrong to like someone and want them to like you back between now and the time my soulmate shows up in my life? I can't just not like anyone for ten years, can I? What if I just suck and don't realize I really love him until ten years from now? But I think I like him now, but I am doubtful. Is my doubt why my counter hasn't stopped?"

An had been understanding so far, sympathetic and kind, and she took a sip of her iced tea and looked concerned for his mental health. "Ricchan, I really don't know…! What I do know is that you have to calm down, you're too anxious."

"Would anyone even wait ten years for someone to realize they love them?" Ritsu felt defeated and he collapsed back on his pillow. "What if his counter is at zero? How would I even ask? What if his says twenty years? Oh, that's even much worse."

"You talk a lot more when you're anxious, is this how it's like to be inside your head?" An put down her tea and reached up to tie her hair back from her face. "I'm sure he likes you. He asked you out!"

Ritsu felt his stomach lurch and he made a whining sound of panic. "Please don't remind me."

"Plenty of girls in my class date outside of their countdowns," An reassured him. "It'll be okay."

But a smaller part of him considered, if Saga was not the person he was meant to fall in love with, was he betraying the right person that would eventually come around?

But oh, he truly did feel something overwhelming for Saga Masamune, and he wondered constantly, when it came time to part, would he be able to do it?

Several weeks later, Saga was lying in bed with Ritsu curled up at his side. They had gone on many dates and spend many endless afternoons and nights together, either studying or out together in a way that he guessed was how all couples were.

Gazing down at the sleepy, tired out boy and feeling his skin get warm, Saga felt something that he acquainted to happiness. He was not sure what prompted the question, but without being able to stop himself, he blurted, "Ritsu, what does your count down say?"

The smaller boy blinked sleepy and then he was suddenly awake, as if the question barely registered. He hesitated for a brief second and then he rolled over and away from Saga's gaze. "…I …don't want to talk about that."

Saga was silent, but he lay back on the pillows and held up his arm, folding the other behind his head. There were the white numbers, still counting down slowly to the date they had been counting down to since the day Ritsu had confessed his affections. Four days, seven hours, and thirteen minutes, with the seconds dropping steadily. "…Alright."

"Do you like me?" the words repeated themselves on a loop.

What kind of question had that been? Ritsu had surprised him by asking something like that after everything they had done together. Why had he laughed? He had been so nervous that he wasn't sure what to do. Why hadn't he stopped his small lover from running away from him? Why was his arm burning? Everything was a blur and Saga couldn't concentrate over the ache where Ritsu had hit him and the burning sensation on his arm.

But he was alone now, sitting there, his breathing panicked and his thoughts in disarray. The only thing he was sure of was that as Ritsu had run away from him, a pain had gone through his arm, and he had looked down and what he had seen had broken his heart in pieces.

The white numbers read 00:00:00.

It was like that, in that moment, that Saga Masamune had realized that he was in love. And his soulmate had just run away from him.

Another moment passed before he realized he was still just sitting there, unreactive, and the panic finally made him get to his feet. "I have to go after him…" He was about to get dressed, redoing the buttons on his shirt and looking for his shoes, when another pain seared his arm and he looked at it with alarm.

"Wh…? Ah, ow…" He looked at his arm.

- - : - - : - - was all he saw. The familiar white color of his countdown had turned black, and now had no numbers at all. He swallowed and sat down, feeling weak at his knees. He wasn't sure what to make of this; he had no recollection of anyone's timers ever looking like this and he wasn't sure if he should feel sad, panicked, or maybe even afraid.

Squeezing his fingers into fists, Saga stared down at the black lines and he could not feel anything at all.

"Oh, I used to do stuff like read all the library books at my school regularly, so…"

Takano Masamune jerked his head back to look at the newest member of his team and he stared at him. "Ah—" before he could say anything, his arm stung a little and he winced.

A day had not passed since that time in high school where he had not stared at the black pattern on his arm every morning when he woke up. It had become an unhealthy ritual to look at it every day, and every day it had stayed the same, unchanging, marking him and reminding him that he did not and most likely would never have a soulmate.

But that warm sensation on his arm, a feeling he had almost forgotten, tingled under his skin and he sat quickly at his desk. He discreetly yanked up his sleeve and for just a moment, he was confused—in fact, it was exactly thirteen seconds, which was the time that was being counted down on his arm in that exact moment. And he realized as the counter hit 00:00:00 that the guy he had been having suspicions about since they had met really was who he thought it was, though different he looked from that time ten years ago.

His heart beat frantically but he kept cool on the outside, sitting back in his chair as it became nearly impossible to contain what he was experiencing in his mind and his heart. He had no idea that realizing he was not defective or unlovable would make him feel so much relief. As he turned back to his work to consider what he would do, he smiled—Onodera Ritsu was his soulmate and though it seemed the other had yet to realize that, he would enjoy helping him figure it out.

for a friend! a little rushed since i wrote it at work lol but i'm a sucker for soulmate AUs and i am not sorry. and yes, i did stupidly google how they write time in japan and I found nothing, so!