Just a little something that came into my head when I was reading one of zippizappi's fics.
My take on a glimpse into life post 7x20. Baby girl is deliberately kept nameless to keep it canon.
Enjoy below...
The Baby Wrap
Hanna Rivers tried not to frown as she rifled through the bag in front of her for the second time in half an hour, making sure she really did have everything she'd need to leave the house with a newborn baby that was only two weeks old. After 14 days of riding the crazy wave that was having a tiny living, breathing, screaming baby in their apartment, Caleb had convinced her that morning that they should go out for coffee down at The Brew.
She'd been reluctant at first – she'd only taken the baby out twice and one of those times had been to the doctor's for a 5-day check-up – but Caleb had shown her how nice the weather looked on his phone and after holding her close in bed and telling her that he thought he might go crazy if he couldn't go out in public with her again, she'd agreed.
But that didn't mean she wasn't freaking out.
This whole Mom thing was proving to be ten times harder than anything any baby book had told her. Even her Mom's advice over the past few months hadn't prepared her for what being a parent was going to be like. She was pretty sure that no one had told her that having her vagina ripped in half was the easy part; that the sore nipples, sleepless nights and constant worry would be the real test of her resilience.
God, she was so tired. As amazing as Caleb had been since they'd come home from the hospital, Hanna was completely adamant about doing things perfectly. It meant her and Caleb had agreed that she'd breastfeed exclusively which really meant that she was up every two hours in the night, doing her best to get her baby to latch on and eat properly so that she'd fall asleep on a full stomach before doing it all over again a few hours later. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten more than three hours sleep in a row.
But then it was all countered by this overwhelming feeling of love and completeness that suddenly hit her when she was sat in the chair in her and Caleb's bedroom, her baby in her arms with nothing but the sounds of their breathing filling the room as they connected whilst the baby nursed.
She could see why people got addicted to having babies.
"Han?" Caleb appeared in their open-plan living room, their two-week-old daughter held against his chest as he pulled her attention from the bag in front of her. "You want to feed her before we go out? I've just changed her."
"Is she hungry?" Hanna asked, standing up to take a look at the baby's cherubic face. They were still figuring out exactly what the newborn wanted every day.
"If I put anything near her mouth she tries to suck on it, so I'm gonna go with a yes."
"She's like a barnacle," Hanna muttered, carefully taking the baby into her arms. She was still so tiny and Hanna's just wanted to make sure she was doing everything right.
"I thought you reserved that nickname for sweaty bodies that lingered against lockers."
Hanna rolled her eyes up at him as she took a seat on the sofa, arranging her top so that she could bring the baby towards her breast just as she'd been taught to do, "Well, she just latches her mouth onto anything and stays there until milk either comes out or it doesn't, in which case she tries the next thing."
Caleb laughed, taking a seat next to her to pull her close, "She likes her food," He shrugged, pressing a kiss against her hairline. "She just needs to learn to be a little more polite and take her time, rather than diving straight in."
"My nipples have never been so abused."
"Your nipples have never had to feed anyone before."
Hanna sent him a small smile, tilting her head up for a tender kiss, "She is getting better," She conceded in a whisper, feeling the hand that was on her shoulder run up to lace through her hair. She'd never felt as close to Caleb as she had done since they'd brought their baby into the world - she always wanted them to be like this.
"Of course she is," He agreed reassuringly, "She's never had to eat before, it takes a lot of practice to get the hang of it."
"And we're definitely getting in enough practice," Hanna glanced down at the baby that was hungrily gulping away, running her hand across the thick strands of blonde hair that were already growing across her head. Right now she was a drinking, pooping, sleeping machine and Hanna couldn't wait for her personality to start to come through.
"You know I'll get up with her in the night," He said, standing up to grab a muslin cloth from the pile of recently washed baby items that were stacked on the kitchen table.
"I know," She murmured, focusing down on the tiny girl who'd stopped guzzling away quite so much, "I want to keep feeding her though. She's almost got the hang of it," Caleb took his seat next to them again, just as the baby slowed once more. "You done birdie?" Hanna whispered, pulling her off and handing her to Caleb before she readjusted her top again. "Maybe next week my nipples won't feel like they're about to fall off anymore."
Caleb laughed, shaking his head at her as she cupped her chest with her hands before he diverted his attention to the baby he'd propped sideways on his lap, "Was that good?" Caleb cooed quietly, the baby sat up with his hands supporting her neck and head from the front as he rubbed her back, "Mama tastes so good, doesn't she?"
Hanna smiled and headed over to the mirror hanging on the wall to check her appearance. For the first time in her life, she hadn't put any thought into what she'd been wearing for the past two weeks – getting out of her pajamas was victory enough – and now, she had to leave the house remembering to look somewhat respectable.
"You ready to go?" Caleb looked up from the baby and watched as Hanna moved from the mirror back towards the giant handbag she was doubling up as a diaper bag.
"I think so," She muttered, just checking over the contents of it one final time. "How much stuff does a baby need, anyway?"
"All she really needs is a blanket, a jumper, diapers, some extra socks, her paci…"
"Just a small list then," Hanna rolled her eyes, checking she had her nursing cover too in case the baby wanted to feed again. "You want to take her in her stroller?" She called, zipping the bag up. "That way she can just sleep wherever."
"I was thinking I could just wear her," He murmured, shifting the baby to his chest once he was happy she wasn't going to throw up her mid-morning feed.
"Sure," She tried to hide the grin that spread across her face. He was just the best Daddy, desperate to be as close to his baby daughter as possible. "She seems to like being in a wrap anyway."
"You wanna hold her and I can sort it out?" He suggested, wasting no time handing the baby back over to Hanna before reaching for the baby wrap that was draped over the back of a chair at the kitchen island.
"Hey birdie," Hanna cooed quietly, lightly swaying the baby in her arms, "Is your Daddy the best Daddy?" She whispered, stroking her cheek. "He can put a wrap on like a pro," She said tenderly, glancing up at Caleb who was now just waiting for the baby, the wrap proudly over his shoulders and tied around his waist.
"I had to watch a lot of YouTube tutorials," He shook his head with a grin on his face, "Okay," He muttered, checking it was tight enough around his waist before taking his tiny girl from Hanna and expertly tucking her inside the wrap against his chest.
"One final bit," Hanna said, pulling the part that was around his middle up over the baby's back, "Now she's happy."
"And so am I," Caleb murmured, tilting his head down to press a soft kiss against the blonde hair that was already starting to come through. He just loved having her this close to him the whole time, being able to peak his head down to check she was okay, being able to feel her chest rising and falling against his - it was his ultimate type of perfect. "Let's go for coffee," He smiled, reaching for his wallet on the side and shoving it into his back pocket before he held his hand out for Hanna to take.
She grabbed her bag that seemed to have doubled in size since she took their baby girl to her doctor's appointment the week before and shoved it over her shoulder, lacing her fingers with Caleb's as she followed him out of their apartment and locked up. They began their slow walk along the sidewalk, Caleb deliberately leading them through the park near their house when he had a chance; he knew he couldn't have looked any prouder.
He smiled to himself, letting go of Hanna's hand so that he could wrap it around her shoulder instead and pull her closer, "Feel good to be out?" He asked tenderly, stroking her jaw with the back of his thumb.
She nodded, leaning her lips up for a gentle kiss. He always seemed to know what she needed. "I think I forgot what fresh air smelt like," She told him, leaning into his side as they slowly made their way towards downtown Rosewood. "And how close we live to everything."
The loft wouldn't be their home forever, but right now being so close to the centre of town felt pretty good. "We can take her out for daily coffee walks."
"Decaf coffee," Hanna reminded him with a wry smile - she'd been addicted to that stuff before she got pregnant and yet now, she couldn't imagine putting it into her body.
"Hey birdie," Caleb cooed down at the baby who was still awake, cupping her head against the wrap as they meandered out of the bottom of the park and back down the street, "You know your Mama's given up caffeine for you for 10 months now," He murmured, "If that doesn't tell you how much she loves you, I don't know what will."
The baby tried to make a noise, opening her mouth at the sound of Caleb's voice, "She knows," Hanna smiled, reaching her free hand up to stroke down the wrap. "I think this might be her favourite thing," She added, watching as Caleb left his spare hand resting on the bottom of the wrap. "Good job we spent $1000 on a stroller when she just wants to be stuck on someone."
Caleb chuckled, "She'll end up loving her stroller," He told her, "But right now, she just loves being against a warm body."
"I think she likes your smell."
"And yours," Caleb nudged her, "Nothing smells better than a Mom who's full of milk."
"That's true," She grinned, her eyes lingering on the baby who was gurgling lightly, her eyes blinking heavily.
Caleb leant his head down too, both of them just pausing to make sure she was okay. He smiled, watching as the pair of blue eyes began to droop shut, stroking a hand across her back, "I think we're about to lose her until she wants more food."
"Sleep tight," Hanna whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against the baby's forehead, before Caleb took her hand again and interlaced their fingers as they headed into The Brew, guiding her to the counter to pick out what she wanted before they were interrupted by a familiar voice.
"Han!" Emily called excitedly as she spotted the pair of them walking through the door from her spot tucked away in the corner. She had Grace settled on her lap, playing happily with one of her toys. "I can't believe your'e out of your apartment. Come sit with us."
"Hey," Hanna smiled, separating from Caleb to go and give her a hug. "Where's the other two ladies in your life?"
"Lily's sick," She pouted sadly, "So we agreed that I'd take Gracie out in the hope that she doesn't catch whatever has kept us up all night," She explained, "But enough about us, I wanna scrunch that newborn baby. Where is she?"
Hanna laughed, taking a seat opposite her as she glanced over her shoulder at Caleb who was waiting for their coffees to be made, "You'll have to wrestle with Caleb to get her out of that wrap."
"He looks pretty natural," Emily grinned, both of them watching as Caleb cupped the back of the baby's head and pressed a casual kiss against her hair.
"He loves wearing her," Hanna agreed, smiling at her, "He'll just wear her around the house sometimes." She added, pausing the conversation as Caleb made his way over, holding two hot drinks out in front of him.
"Hey Em," He grinned, letting Hanna take her coffee from him, "Hi Gracie," He waved at the toddler who stopped her playing and smiled, reaching for him. "Woah," He said as she lurched forward, "One minute."
Hanna placed her hand on the top of his back as he sat down next to her, both of them checking to see if the baby had stirred, but she was still asleep, her mouth hanging open with her head tucked against his chest. "Look at her," Emily practically squealed, sitting forward on her seat as Grace wriggled to go down. "She's so tiny."
"Tiny but eating like she's never had a meal before," Hanna remarked, taking a sip of her coffee as Caleb carefully helped Grace up onto the seat next to him.
"God you forget all about the constant feeding once you can sleep again," Emily commented, standing up and following her daughter, "Grace, this is Uncle Caleb and Auntie Hanna's baby," She explained softly as Caleb held the wrap back slightly to let Grace see the baby's sleeping face.
"Can you say hi?" Caleb asked gently.
"Hi," Grace repeated in her sweet voice, reaching a hand out to touch the baby's cheek.
"Gentle," Emily told her, showing her how to softly stroke the newborn's skin.
Grace copied her, looking up at her momentarily for reassurance, "Good job," Emily whispered, running a hand down the toddler's back.
"Hi," Grace said again with a smile on her face, leaning forward a little more.
Caleb adjusted his arm and held onto her waist, making sure both the toddler and baby were safe against him as Emily sat back down, "Look at you," She teased him, "You're already a pro with two."
"Woah, woah, woah," Hanna interrupted, "My vagina is still recovering from the first one before anybody starts mentioning more babies."
"I'm just saying," Emily held her hands up in defense, "The man can work with two."
"That's right I can," Caleb agreed, kissing his daughter's head again as Grace settled against his chest, tucked underneath his arm as she watched the baby with intrigue.
"She's taken my space," Hanna pouted before taking a sip of her coffee, "I can't share him any more than I already do."
Emily smiled at her, encouraging Grace back over to her so that Caleb could actually drink his own coffee too. "You can have him back," She agreed, "As long as I can scrunch that baby girl the moment she wakes up."
"Deal," Hanna agreed, standing up and moving round to Caleb's other side, cuddling up under his now free-arm as Grace headed back over to her toys. "Hi," She grinned up at him, accepting his lips on hers as she rested her hand over their baby girl.
"Hi," He chuckled, stealing another kiss before he settled his hand in her hair and let her drink her coffee.
"You guys look so perfect," Emily said, her heart clenching a little. She knew how hard her best friend had fought for her happiness and right now, that was all she was emanating right in front of her.
"It's the baby wrap," Hanna murmured, "Men wearing babies make any situation look perfect."
"No," Emily shook her head, "It's you guys," She told them, distractedly handing Grace her soft doll as she kept her eyes on Hanna and Caleb. "You're so happy."
Hanna sighed, a smile on her face as she moved her hand up to lightly stroke her daughter's face. Having coffee with her husband and her baby girl suddenly seemed like the best thing in the world, "We are definitely happy. Tired but happy."
"The perfect kind of tired," Caleb murmured, squeezing Hanna just that little bit closer.
"Then I guess having coffee is the perfect kind of happy," Emily smiled at them, still desperate inside to hold the tiny baby. But for now she'd let them have their moment.
"I guess it is," Hanna agreed, tilting her head up with a gentle smile for Caleb again, stealing one, two, three soft kisses. This was her life now and it was as surreal as it was perfect. Right there, tucked against Caleb's side she was glad he'd convinced her to go out, she was glad they'd got coffee, she was glad he'd worn the baby wrap. Their next mid-morning adventure into Rosewood couldn't come soon enough. It really was the perfect kind of happy.
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