Author's note: I've been reading too many NCIS fanfics lately – and I stopped watching the show pretty soon after Ziva appeared, so, actually, I don't have any clue and my timeline is most probably beyond mixed up. Anyway, I'm still a major Iron Man fangirl, and, come on, hooking Tony up with Tony? That's hotness and awesomeness squared.

Chapter 1: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated (Confucius)

It was raining cats and dogs when Tony and Tony met for the very first time at the very first boarding school they were sent to, both of them more than aware that it was a means of their parents to outsource them and their education to a third party. Though, most probably, it was less to make sure they learned their manners and their Shakespeare, but to get them out of their parents' hair.

Anthony DiNozzo Senior had been thrilled to bits that his son had befriended the Stark heir, weaseling his way into the good graces of the weapons manufacturer immediately. Howard Stark liked Senior's contacts all over the world more than the man, not caring that some of them were dubious at best. He needed money, a very well-kept secret by the Stark Industries board members – but the search for his super soldier was expensive, and he for sure would not give it up.

Tony and Tony had a rather matter-of-fact view on their parents already at the very ripe age of 5. Howard Stark was a raging functional alcoholic already before he met Maria, but Isabella DiNozzo, née Paddington, gave him a run for his money even on a good day. Maria Stark was a society trophy wife trapped in a loveless marriage her parents had forced her into after she found out she was pregnant, and Anthony DiNozzo Senior had only had one good reason to marry his wife, pregnant or not: her family's money.

Both children had been shy, not used to being around other kids, the Stark heir too intelligent for his own good and neglected, and the DiNozzo scion smart, but weary and distrustful of any other person thanks to various broken promises by his parents and his Dad's con-man attire.

They bonded over robot pets that Tony Stark built to substitute a furry version none of them ever was allowed to have, and hilarious stories and movies Tony DiNozzo told and made his friend watch, respectively, and the weirdness of eidetic memory. They decided early on that they might be better off where they were instead of having to suffer the craziness of their parents at home.

By the age of 8, Tony DiNozzo had lost his alcoholic mother and the one trust fund Senior knew of to his rapscallion of a father. The Paddington side of his family started making preparations that this would not happen again, practically disowning the boy so his Dad could not get his greedy little fingers on their money. Tony Stark didn't care for any of that as he comforted his friend, and organized for Jarvis to take them to the funeral, as DiNozzo Senior conveniently had "forgotten" to fetch his son.

By the age of 11, Tony Stark had skipped so many grades that he was starting High School, meaning that they would get separated rather sooner, than later. Anyway, Anthony DiNozzo Senior had fucked up really big this time, his former friend Howard ending up suing him for everything but his underpants for embezzlement, leaving him no other option than asking his late wife's family for money to care for his son while wooing replacement-Mommy number three at the same time for some start-up resources.

The Paddingtons, surprisingly, paid for the Military School his father opted to send him to, and also did not ask about the additional fees Senior claimed, most probably knowing that the money never made it to his son.

Tony DiNozzo finished school on top of his class more or less at the same time that Tony Stark graduated from the MIT with God knows how many Master degrees and a PhD in engineering. He also was the one person holding a shell shocked Tony Stark during the funeral of both of his parents while dealing with the fact that his own father had disowned and more or less dropped him like a hot potato after finding out that he would be pursuing a sports career at the Ohio State University.

By the age of 21, Tony Stark had stepped up as CEO and powered through the task of leading the almost bankrupt company his father had left him back to the top of the Fortune Fifty. At the same time, Tony DiNozzo powered through one of the darkest hours in his life so far – his knee was broken, and his dreams of a career in either basketball or football were shattered.

It was not the first time that either Tony cried in the arms of the other. Though, it was the first time they kissed, confused at first of what this might imply, both of them struggling with their sexuality for a minute or two, before deciding that they would continue comforting the other by any means available – it proofed to be rather satisfying in the end, so why change it?

Tony Stark helped Tony DiNozzo figure out his plan for his further life, and after it was clear that his knee would heal and be as good as new, just not good enough for a sports career anymore, it was an easy decision to apply for the police academy and take up some criminology and psychology courses while his leg was healing.

Tony Stark learned a lot more about criminology and psychology in the next few years than he might ever care for, while Tony DiNozzo at some point thought that he might be able to build a Stark Industries sniper rifle from scratch without ever having touched one.

They made it through hiring the BAMF temperamental lovely Miss Potts who, weirdly enough, firmly approved of their friendship as she took over ruling Tony Stark's life. Obadiah Stane wanted nothing more than get rid of the DiNozzo kid and lost some spectacular pissing contests against the fiery redhead.

They made it through the "Wendy affair" and being left at the altar, both of them glad that all this change came at once. Tony DiNozzo was a Federal Agent now (with a secret crush on his boss that only his best friend knew about), and Tony Stark was leading a thriving company from the other end of the country. They did not see each other that often anymore, but it was still the most stable relationship in both of their lives.

Then, Afghanistan happened. Iron Man. The betrayal by Obadiah Stane. Followed by Palladium poisoning and the Plague. Kate's death, the short and rather quietly failing stint at a relationship with the lovely Miss Potts. Being framed for murder, Gibbs being blown up and losing his memories, Gibbs leaving and coming back, personal problems with team mates, and the unsanctioned undercover op. Jeanne. Jenny Shepard dying. The various Ziva fuck-ups. Not all of that necessarily in this exact order. Not to mention the broken heart over Gibbs' abrasive behavior towards his senior field agent that made various insecurities rear their heads again.

"I feel like I have all of the problems, lately", Tony DiNozzo complained when informing his best friend that he would be sent as Agent Afloat to the other end of the world. It was either that or being fired, and Tony did not even know why Leon Vance hated him that much.

Then the Battle of New York happened.

"Can we go back to you having all the problems, please? Those we can solve somehow. I wanna kick in Captain Spangles' teeth every time he opens his mouth", Tony Stark whined, noticing the dark shadows under his friend's eyes. He was not made for boats… ships… whatever was moving on water.

"He is over 90, T, we don't kick in the teeth of the elderly."

"He thinks he can order me around simply because of the fact that he knew my father, Dino. I flirted with Loki yesterday during a hearing, and the Capsicle tried lecturing me how it was inappropriate to do that with a male war criminal. I guess a female war criminal would have been fine. I'm so thankful that you talked me out of offering all of them a floor in the tower."

"I thought Loki was cleared of all accusations? Even Asgard exonerated him and admitted that he was under the influence of this Thanos guy."

"Yeah. I might have spelled that out again and very slowly to our geriatric friend with a liking for blue, white, and red spandex. I think he just doesn't like me because a) I'm not fainting every time he enters the room, and b) I discovered S.H.I.E.L.D.R.A, castrated the World Security Council for trying to drop a nuke on my head, got Nick Fury fired, and the important people realized that he is a relic from the 40ties and thus are talking to me even though he is the self-proclaimed team-leader."

Tony DiNozzo rolled his eyes and smiled at the same time.

"J.A.R.V.I.S., the lovely Miss Potts, and your lawyers did most of that, while you were broadcasting that Captain America was no real Captain. I saw the interview, T, and how you kept calling him Private Rogers. He was frothing at the mouth."

"It was funny, though, right?"

Tony DiNozzo half-heartedly grinned at that. Yes, it had been funny watching the super soldier loose his cool. He did not know what the other man had said to Tony that he chose to embarrass him that publicly, but even the lovely Miss Potts appeared to have no problem with it. She definitely would have stopped and/or chastised Tony if she felt it was unwarranted. He had a feeling it had something to do with the self-proclaimed. Tony had been named the leader of the Avengers, and was working very closely with Phil Coulson, the new Director of the new S.H.I.E.L.D..

"Yeah, it was…"

His friend's expression turned serious after that, warm, brown eyes looking at him worriedly through the crystal clear image on his Stark phone.

"How are you holding up? Just say the word and I'll contact the SECNAV, or have J.A.R.V.I.S. get creative with your transfer papers, or Vance's bank account… you don't look good, Dino."

"I am locked up in a swimming coffin with 2500 people who think that I am the enemy. What do you think? And no, I don't want you to contact the SECNAV. I worked hard for my position, it will only look like I was using you for all my career if you step up now. Gibbs said…"

Tony Stark interrupted him there. They'd had this discussion. Multiple times.

"Gibbs said he'd get you back four months ago, Dino. He's got the spy back, and the nerd, even though I don't know why, their solve rate dropped to 50% since you're gone. They could flip a coin by now and not be worse. During his stint in Mexico you've more or less worked on your own because Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber are worthless as investigators, and you kept it at 93%."

"Have you been spying on me, T?" Tony DiNozzo asked, leaning back on his bunk-bed that seemed to be at least an inch too short for him. At least he did not have to share his cabin with anyone – little mercies…

"Nope, that's totally on J.A.R.V.I.S.. You know that he loves his weird Uncle Tony and was beyond pissed about what happened to you in the past years."

"Why am I his weird Uncle Tony? Just Uncle Tony would be enough, don't you think?"

"Both of us are too weird to be just Uncle Tony. I'm worried about you, Dino. As much as I want you off of that swimming coffin, I don't know if I want you back with them. I'm not sure they will have your back, and obviously nobody cares about your team and individual evaluations of them. It's all in their files, yet, they are back and allowed to play being a cop, while the only one who knows how to do it is locked away on a naval air craft carrier."

Tony and Tony just looked at each other for a while, both sighing when they could not come up with an instant solution for this problem.

"Give him… give me another month, T. Then you can call the SECNAV, Superman, Chuck Norris, the Tooth fairy, and the lovely Miss Potts to get me off this goddamn casket, and I will hand in my resignation to the NCIS signed with a pink glitter pen and a big FUCK YOU! note. You still need a reliable bodyguard, right? I might finally take you up on that offer."

"You know that the lovely Miss Potts would get you off that goddamn casket before any of the above have found their telephone, so you should put her on first place. And you could stay a Fed, I do have some connections with an agency that's hunting aliens, you know? I miss you, Dino. Take care, will you?"

Tony Stark rubbed a hand over his face, sighing heavily again when they had cut the call after their version of no, you hang up first that at least made his best friend laugh.

Dino was so good at suppressing all the bad things happening to him – not that Tony himself was any different in this regard. However, he had looked up the regularities of becoming an Agent Afloat. Agents applied for this position which actually was quite prestigious for any CV, and were not forced to take it by threatening them with losing their job.

Dino's crush on his Boss and his almost imperturbable trust in that man had been forged in the almost two years they had worked together as a two-man team. Tony had listened to the tales and the unveiled pining back then and had hoped it would work out for his friend. After Kate's death, though… that the other man's behavior and respect for Dino had deteriorated somewhere along the way was something that Dino was still willing to suffer. Tony was not so sure he was willing to watch it much longer, though.

A small hand touched his shoulder, making him jump as he sat there on his couch, phone still in his hand, staring into nowhere.

"I've been calling your name for the third time now, Tony. Is everything ok?"

Pepper Potts sat down right next to him, disregarding his personal space in a way that he allowed only two people on this planet – her, and Dino.

"He's miserable, Peps, and nobody is doing anything against it. They've been working on breaking him since his accursed Boss was blown up and hightailed out of NCIS."

The one and only woman in his life pulled him into a hug, knowing very well what having to watch his best friend's misery was doing to him. Tony Stark was a pro-active man, if he knew he could do something to fix things, he also wanted to do it – and not have to watch.

Dino still trusted that his Boss would get him home and would not let Tony help, though. Not yet, at least. His resilience was slowly crumbling away with every day more he spent at sea.

Carding her fingers through the unruly mop of hair on her genius' head, she waited for him to start nosing towards her left breast before breaking the embrace, grinning at each other.

"You're impossible."

"Nope. The girls are irresistible. What am I gonna do, Peps? I can't drag him back by his hair, and he seems dead set on waiting for that Gibbs person to save him."

"You've never met that Gibbs person in person, and neither have I. I understand your ambivalence, though. He has not been very nice to our Dino."

This got her another smile. In the 15 years that he knew her, she had been the one person who always supported their friendship, no matter who thought that he should get rid of the liability that Anthony DiNozzo Junior was because of his father.

Senior had severed all ties to the Stark family, though, after all, he had been severely burnt already once. Not to forget the restraining orders that were present throughout all subsidiary branches of Stark Industries worldwide to keep him away.

Pepper had grown fiercely protective of both Tonys once she figured out their family history. Tony Stark was quite positive that she outmatched Leroy Jethro Gibbs in that regard. And would also win most other pissing contests against the former Marine. Dino had mentioned Gibbs had a thing for redheads, right? Maybe he should sic Pepper on…

"Whatever you are plotting, stop it. I have to go back to California to overlook the progress of our wind-power plant. If you wanna do something for Dino, the Navy bought a couple of freight Quinjets that will be delivered in a few days. Hitch one and take it to the USS Reagan. We will sell it as a publicity thing, and you can visit him."

She did not expect the two hands that were cradling her face, nor the kiss that was firmly planted on her mouth, the resident genius resting his forehead against hers when he was done showing his enthusiasm over this idea.

"You're a Godsend, Peps, you know that, right?"

She received another kiss to her forehead before he jumped up and turned away to leave, before abruptly turning back to her.

"What did you originally come for?" he asked, getting a frown as answer.

"Well, you are accommodating Loki and Bruce in the tower. Agent Romanov and Mr. Rogers seem to think that this is enough reason to demand being housed here, too."

That caused this steep furrow that she hated so much to appear between his eyes.

"They demand to be…?"

"Yup. Phil… I mean, Director Coulson seems to be at his wit's end with the Super Soldier, too. He's gone from fanboy to annoyed by only the sight of him in under two months. He says it's your decision."

"Well, it's also my tower. I won't have the spy anywhere near my stuff, and I sure as hell won't have Mr. tactical genius I should be the boss of you and not the other way round anywhere near me. This is my house, I chose who lives in it. S.H.I.E.L.D. has accommodations at their base, if they're too broke to get a flat, and too good to work for money. I won't be their sugar Daddy."

Pushing his hands into the pockets of his pants he waited for her reply. It was a small, yet proud smile.

"That's what I told him. S.H.I.E.L.D. is a federal agency, and the Avengers are a last resort emergency rapid deployment force. They don't necessarily have to live together, and Stark Industries is no longer involved, you have a job, they don't own you or your time, and you don't owe them anything after your stint with the nuke."

"I bet Private Rogers brought up his knowing my Dad again, and thinks I owe him simply for that fact? Most people on Earth know Howard Stark, if this was any reason to let them into my life I'd need more towers. Thanks for sorting that out. Tell Agent I said hi when he calls for your next date."

He winked at her when he saw her blush at that comment.

"So you and Phil, huh?"

"It was just one date so far…"

"So, that means hands off the girls? And tell him I'll come by for the shovel talk sometime soon." Their 'friends with benefits' agreement after the failed attempt at a relationship had been mutual – and beneficial to both of them. And it worked way better than the relationship stint. They loved each other. Just not like that.

His question got him a snort as answer.

"I guess it does, yes."

"Make sure Phil gets his hands on, then, Peps – otherwise I'll have to tell him what he's missing!"

He ducked around the corner to evade the couch-pillow she threw after him, laughing loudly before asking J.A.R.V.I.S. to contact whoever he needed to be able to hand-deliver a Quinjet to the US Navy.