surprise! i'm not dead. sorry it's short. oh, also, i'm starting to crosspost everything on my ao3 account: DancingLilies

Disclaimer I do not own anything related to BBC's Merlin

Summary Uther Pendragon knew there were some threats he could not hope to defeat without magic and so when he heard of the most powerful sorcerer, he naturally searched for him. Now, years and years later, Arthur finds a man in the deepest part of the dungeons whilst wandering around.

Sometimes he had dreams of Before. Sometimes he dreamed of laughter and trees and a warm fire. But when he woke up, he couldn't remember anything.

He couldn't remember anything except for a sense of happiness.

And so he didn't feel guilty weaving an enchantment around the knights. He didn't feel guilty pretending to follow them around when in actuality he was leading them.

Besides, he reasoned to himself, it was partly their fault. They had followed Uther, and they had helped capture the countless warlocks and witches. They were the ones who had never once thought to dissuade Uther from his wrong ideas.

(and sir kay had been one of the two knights who had held him down when uther had shoved tongs straight from the fire into his mouth) (but that didn't matter anymore, because sir kay was dead) (he was dead and he would never be able to hurt anyone anymore)

The only one he was entirely truthful to was the Once and Future King. The Once and Future King was the only one who deserved his truth, his trust, his everything.

(everything he could give him, that is)

..O...O..

It was a little less than a fortnight later when they stumbled across a town. Sir Leon had said they had made it into Escetir; had crossed the border merely a day ago. Arthur couldn't determine whether it was good news or not. Camelot had never been on good terms with Cenred, and if he found her knights on his land... Arthur preferred not to think about what might happen. On the other hand, until Morgana allied with Cenred, she wouldn't be able to attack them out here.

All in all, they were neither safe nor in danger. As long as the villagers welcomed them, they could stay here for a bit and make a plan of attack.

The villagers more than welcomed them. They appeared to be overjoyed by visitors, particularly royal ones. And although the knights had worried that they would be turned over to Cenred, it appeared as if the town had no alliances whatsoever. It was small enough and far too close to the border for Cenred to pay it any mind, and Camelot had considered it too risky to invade a town that produced little more than could sustain the villagers.

And yet... There was something strange here. He couldn't place it, and he knew his knights felt it as well.

(the villagers watched them, yes, but they studied emrys)

"Do you know this place, then?" Arthur sat by Emrys and handed a bowl of porridge to him. "You seem to recognize it."

Emrys turned his head to him. I don't know. It's as if… it's as if there's a part of me here. Not anymore, of course. But there used to be something here, something of mine. He sighed, handing the bowl back to Arthur. I already ate, but thank you. You'd best get back to Sirs Leon and Bedivere. They're looking for you.

Arthur stood, nodding to the man at his feet. "Thank you. You won't be joining us?" Emrys shook his head, not looking away from the log he had been staring at since Arthur had sat down with him.

I believe they wish to speak to you alone, and I'd like some time by myself.

He nodded once again and strode off, running into the knights a moment later. They didn't appear worried, but then again, they had long been skilled in the art of courtly affairs.

"Sire," Leon spoke after receiving a nod from Arthur. "There is a man here who claims to have information on Emrys. He says," he glanced at Bedivere. "He says that Emrys was born here."

..O...O..

What he had said to Arthur hadn't necessarily been a lie. There was a part of him here, and it wasn't here anymore. It wasn't, however, his anymore. It was Merlin's. And Emrys wasn't Merlin anymore.

He hadn't been for a long time now.