Chapter 1: The Dragon and the Mailman

"Bring me a champion! Rend the flesh of my foes! A mortal champion to wade through the entrails of my enemies!" -Sheogorath, Oblivion

A wizened old man lies on his deathbed waiting for the end. This old man ounce tall is now hunched over from many hours of working his body, his once strong body is now weak and feeble, his once well groomed black hair is now a messy and disheveled snow white mop.

The once proud warrior, Hamhjolf Stormcrown is now a broken old hermit from years of keeping Skyrim safe. The dragonborn now resides in his house in Whiterun, Breezehome, waiting for his final breath alone. Very few people even know that he still lives which includes the latest Jarl of Whiterun, the Companions, and finally his only two remaining friends on Nirn, Odahviing and Paarthurnax not even the Empire knows he is still alive.

Hamhjolf knew his time was coming to an end he had except the idea of death a long time ago. He knew he would be drinking and reveling with his ancestors soon. He wanted this, to see those whom died before him, like the many of his companions and friends that have past before him and maybe even a few enemies, why not, there was nothing left for him on Nirn so death sounded pretty good to him.

But the world is cruel, and as an old dragonborn breaths his last a mad prince is watching and he is so very bored and good things never happen when he is bored.

"BWAHAHAHA" the mad god Sheogorath hysterically laughed, he had just taken the dragonborn's soul before any of his brethren were able to notice and was feeling really pleased with himself.

"Wait!? Where in oblivion am I!?" Shouted a very confused glowing orb of energy that floated in the center of Sheogorath's throne room. This was the dragonborns first time ever coming to the Shivering Isles in his long life as an adventurer, not even when he became Sheogorath's champion did he come to the Isles.

Sheogorath's throne room, split down the center much like its owner. The left seemed cheery, airy, happy, and artistic with its bright red and gold embroidered carpet and warm braziers, while the right seemed to be gloomy, drab, and orderly with its dark blue and gray embroidered carpet and the cold blue fires that glowed within the braziers, while both sided are the complete opposite they both had its own hint of madness and insanity and also came with its own scent of cheese as well.

"Why you are in my throne room you had just died and I decided to pluck you up" said a very amused daedric prince. Sheogorath silver goatee and all was now residing on his throne looking down on the newly dead dragonborn's soul.

"You…." growled the glowing orb, his very words made small earthquakes from the use of his Thu'um "Why am I here and not the Hall of Valor drinking and reveling"

"Why? Because I'm bored! bored! booored! And I am in need of entertainment"

Sheogorath said in a very over dramatic tone.

'Shit' was all he could think it was never good to have a bored daedric prince especially the mad god.

"So what now are you going to do play jump rope with my intestines" Hamhjolf sarcastically asked.

"Bah, no, though that would be fun, I am in need of more long term stimulation" the daedric prince looked a bit disappointed at that fact, but seemed to quickly remember why he took the dragonborn and started to beam with excitement.

"And I am involved because?" nervously asked Hamhjolf.

"Well, let's just say dragonborn's have always had such…. Entertaining lives to watch" the daedric prince cryptically replied.

"Um, thanks…. I guess, but what does this have to do with me, I'm dead"

"You're welcome! But it does, it has everything to do with you" Sheogorath said emphasizing it by pointing at him

"How?" Hamhjolf was now very confused how could it have anything to do with him he was dead right?

"Well, who said you couldn't live again!" answered the rather excited god whom seemed very pleased with himself for coming up with the idea even though it was probably his butler Haskill's idea.

With this new information Hamhjolf's metaphorical jaw dropped he was not expecting this he was expecting a massive cheese party or something…. well what can you expect from a mad god.

"Oh, so uuuhh where are you sending me Hammerfell, Blackmarsh, Valen…."

"NO! Now who said you going back Nirn" interrupted the mad god.

With this Hamhjolf's face would have paled if he had a body "Where are you sending me?!" asked a now panicked dragonborn.

"Oh a nice little world which is being ravaged by creatures of darkness which are no good at a cheese party trust me I tried it was a horrible mess" with that statement Sheogorath face morphed into a thoughtful look the kind of look a craftsman would give when they were thinking a new project, "I need work on that" Sheo muttered to himself.

"So let me get this straight you are going to send me to a world full of 'creatures of darkness' alone" asked a now incredulous Dragonborn

"Now who said anything about you going alone"

At that moment Hamhjolf was thanking all nine divines though he knew he probably could do this by himself but having a companion will make this new life hopefully easier.

"So who are you going to let me bring maybe Farkas, Lydia, ooooh maybe even Serana?" Hamhjolf eagerly asked

"No, I have already chosen your partner and let just say he is an amazing mailman" said the now smirking god "I got an amazing deal at the MHRS or the Multiversal Hero Retail Store! Where you can find all the dead heroes you need!" said the enthusiastic god whom seemed to be bouncing up and down in his throne with enthusiasm.

Hamhjolfs gave the mad god a blank stare before responding "Are you fucking kidding me a FUCKING mailman!" he shouted caused the earth to shake.

"A courier actually but trust me he's good! I once had him at one of my parties he got so drunk off Sanguine 'special drink' he beat the shit out of a whole entire squad of Dark Seducers and Golden Saints with his fists!" Sheogorath interjected, "To bad he won't remember"

"Fine…. " the dragonborn said dejectedly, "Let's meet the new guy"

And with wave of Sheogorath's hand and a poof another glowing orb of energy appeared next Hamhjolfs orb

"Wait where am I is this hell or is this heaven I can't tell" came the surprisingly young and calm tone of the new orb, "because I definitely don't deserve heaven"

"Bah, no you are not in one of those cliche after lives you are in my throne room" said the usually the cheery god who was now seemed disappointed and slightly angered by the mention of these new after lives. Hamhjolf had no idea why Sheogorath had reacted in such a way but he had a feeling he didn't want to know.

"Then why am I hear and who the hell are you?"

Though the Courier was trying to stay calm he felt both panic and anger rising in his 'chest'. Panic for the fact he had no idea who this powerful person or thing was or what he wanted and anger for the fact it took him from going to one of his 'cliche after lives'.

"For who I am, I am Sheogorath the daedric prince of madness! At your service!" Sheogorath was instantly back to his normal cheery self and was out of his throne bowing in a deep and eccentric manner.

The Courier's small orb body focused onto Hamhjolf with complete confusion, "What's this guy on? I want some." The Courier laughed the echoed laugh of a lonely soul who was the only one to get a joke, "What? Only me? Fine."

Sheogorath could only shake his head, as Hamhjolf corrected the Courier's mistake, "He's a Daedric Prince. We're in his realm and so far he can do anything he want's to us both."

"Oh... So he's Super-Duper powerful or some shit?" The Courier's orb chimed with realization.

An annoyed sigh was heard from Hamhjolf, "Yes..."

"Alright... Thanks dude." The Courier's orb tried to bob about as the only way he could physically say thank you

Hamhjolf could only shake his 'head' from the pure immaturity emanating from the Courier as he mumbled, "Fucking kids."

"Are you two done?" Sheogorath was already on his throne again with the exact same expression he had when Hamhjolf arrived, "I wanted immediate fun! Not bickering! Save it for when you arrive!

"For why you are here you are going to help my dear nephew here survive a new world!" Sheo continued gesturing to the dragonborn with his hand.

"Wait, he's your uncle!?" shouted the surprised Courier

"Eh not really sure how that works myself" replied Hamhjolf

"So are you some kinda 'demigod' or something?"

"Basically I'll explain if you join me in this 'new world'"

"Yeah speaking of which, hey Mr. Mad God sir hypothetically saying what would happen if I refused" the Courier asked

"Well Mr. Courier I would hypothetically rip your intestines out and play jump rope with them until I'm bored then I will knit them into a new scarf!" answered the cheery god who had instantly jumped out of his throne and started to bounce on the balls of feet and clap his hands like a small child before sitting back on his throne making his answer even more creepy. "So are you going or are you going to stay here with me" Sheogorath asked with a malicious smile.

The Courier had to admit that it was a pretty obvious choice even before the mad god had 'offered' to rip out his intestines this was because going to a new world with (hopefully) a very powerful demigod, going on new adventures and quests sounded a lot more interesting and fun than both heaven and hell at that moment (especially hell), "Yeah I'll go…."

"Good!" Sheogorath interrupted "before I send you two on your merry way I have some parting advice, First nephew you should change your name to something more…. Colorful like cheddar or something, Second magic is all wonky there so your magic won't work besides your voice, of course, and lastly have FUN!"

And with a snap of a finger both the Dovahkiin and the Courier 6 disappeared.

In a dark dank abandoned alleyway somewhere in the city of Vale two naked figures appeared out of thin air with a poof and the sudden smell of cheddar under the constant stare of a shattered moon.

*Author Notes*

I hope you enjoyed it, this is my first fict so constructive criticism is welcomed but please don't be a dick.