A/N: This is based on the country song of the same title. I'd thought before the song would make a good fic, but after hearing the song recently for the first time in years I had to write it. It pretty much wrote itself. While this is complete, and it was intended to be a one shot, its already nagging at me a bit in the back of my mind to add another chapter or post an epilogue. Not sure if that'll happen or not yet. I really enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoy it as well!

She hated functions like this; cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, mingling with the higher ups. It was all a farce though, just a requirement that came along with her position now.'Thank goodness for the alcohol.' She thought to herself as she took a gin and tonic from the bartender. She wandered through the crowd, avoiding certain groups of people, figuring there was bound to be someone she could stand to talk to for a bit. She'd planned to show up, mingle a bit for appearances sake, then after an appropriate amount of time make a discreet exit. She passed a small group of coworkers from another unit, keeping her head turned in the hopes she wouldn't get drawn into their conversation. As she turned her head though she stopped dead in her tracks. It took her by surprise to see the other woman turning away from the bar. Of course she knew there was a possibility of her being there, but it still caught her off guard. Immediately she felt all the feelings and emotions she'd done her best to suppress rise to the surface. The really didn't have any encounters at work and that had made it a little easier, this was the first time they'd been in the same room in longer than she could remember. Her hands began to tremble and she knew the tears weren't too far behind. She had to get out of there. She sat her drink on a nearby table and turned for the exit.

"Alex?"

The blonde froze. She took a steadying breath and pushed her emotions down, willing herself not to cry, as she turned. "Olivia, hi." Alex wasn't sure how, but Olivia seemed to just become more beautiful with age. Her hair was long again, her makeup flawless as always. Even though she was admiring the older woman she was also fighting internally. She couldn't believe they were this close, they could almost touch, they were breathing the same air. 'Just stay calm. You can do this.' she told herself.

"I didn't expect to see you here." Olivia tried "You've never been a big fan of these political things."

"Neither have you." Alex countered.

"True." Olivia chuckled "Goes with the territory of being a commanding officer."

"Same for a Bureau Chief."

An awkward silence fell over them for a moment when Olivia spoke again. "So, how are you?" This time her voice was softer.

Alex paused for a second, wondering if there was something in the brunette's voice or if it was just her imagination. She recovered quickly though "I'm fine." 'I'm dying inside. I miss you more each day.' "How are you?"

"Busy as ever."

Alex nodded, she was dying to run but at the same time she couldn't quite bring herself to leave. "How's Noah?" Alex felt her breath catch at how Olivia lit up at the mention of the little boy.

"Ugh, into everything." She laughed. "He's good though, he's amazing." She opened her clutch and pulled out her phone then looked up "Would you like to see a picture?"

"I'd love to." She watched as Olivia flipped through her phone, obviously looking for the perfect picture. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that the brunette's phone was filled with pictures of the boy.

"Here." Olivia held her phone out. "We were at the beach."

Staring back at her was a smiling Olivia and Noah. Alex once again found herself fighting tears, wondering what if. For a brief moment she imagined herself in that photo with them and her heart broke. She put a smile on but she knew there were tears in her eyes as she handed the phone back "He's adorable, Olivia."

"Can I get you anything?"

Alex's heart dropped into her stomach when she saw Ed Tucker standing next to Olivia. She'd heard rumors he'd been hanging around SVU a lot lately, and Olivia, but she never bought into the whispers there could be a relationship there. She'd chalked it up to Olivia moving up the ranks, IAB keeping tabs after her abductions. Now it appeared it might be more than whispers and rumors.

"No." Olivia held up her wine glass.

"You want another?" he smiled.

"Not at the moment, thank you." Olivia said awkwardly.

"Okay, I'll be over there." He nodded toward a group and headed off. Never acknowledging Alex's presence.

"Sorry about that." Olivia said. 'I'd hoped you wouldn't see him.'

"It's fine." Alex waved a dismissive hand. 'So it's true.' A silent conversation going on between them that neither wanted to acknowledge.

The awkwardness and tension grew in the space between them. "It looked like you were headed out when I stopped you. So, I guess I'll let you go."

'I've cried almost every night.' "Okay. It was good seeing you."

"It was good to see you too." Olivia said before turning to walk away.

'I'm still in love with you.'

Alex stayed where she was, unable to move. Her words echoing in her mind 'I'm fine.' They felt like a knife, cutting so deep it hurt. She should go after her, Olivia was right there. But instead, Alex held onto her pride, swallowed her tears and watched the brunette go. She finally stepped out of the ballroom and made her way into the hotel lobby, taking a seat in a chair in the corner. Her mind drifted over the last few years and how they'd ended up where they were now.

There had always been something there, something between them, but neither admitted it. Maybe if Witness Protection hadn't happened they would've made a go at it. After her return and their strained relationship she was sure it would never happen. They had become friends again and were slowly moving in the direction of more when she decided to head to the Congo. Naturally that put a wrench in everything. When she returned again, she knew she was home for good. Olivia however, dealing with Elliot's retirement, made it difficult to make an attempt at something more. Finally, about a year after her return they went on a date. In no time they'd fallen into a wonderful relationship, then William Lewis happened. They tried, both tried so hard, and it continued to work for a while, but eventually it started to fall apart. It wasn't for lack of trying on Alex's part, but Olivia began to slowly push her away. Alex allowed it at first, figuring it was natural after what the brunette had been through, but eventually she'd allowed Olivia to push too far. She didn't want their relationship to end, but she would do whatever Olivia wanted. And if not being together was what would make Olivia happy, then she'd do it. The night it ended, she told Olivia she'd always love her. Olivia repeating the sentiment.

When Olivia was kidnapped again Alex was torn as to what to do. On one hand she wanted to be by the brunette's side but on the other she didn't want to overstep her bounds. She'd showed up at the hospital and spoke to Fin, he'd wanted to tell Olivia she was there but Alex wasn't sure how she'd take it so he didn't. She did call her later that evening once Olivia was home and offered to come stay. While Olivia appreciated it she declined the offer.

They'd spoken only a handful of times since then, mostly when they bumped into one another at the courthouse or the DA's office. She'd heard about Linden's offer for Olivia to foster Noah. While she worried how it would affect the brunette's recovery she was glad that Olivia was getting the opportunity to have something she'd always wanted. When she later heard Olivia was finally adopting the boy she was over the moon for her. She sent a bouquet of flowers for Olivia and a teddy bear for Noah, along with a card congratulating her and wishing them both all the best. She'd been surprised to receive an invite to a little get together at Olivia's celebrating Noah's adoption but she politely declined, unsure she could control her emotions. She'd imagined they'd be a family one day. Seeing Olivia with a child would just tear her heart out knowing she wouldn't be a part of their family.

Sitting there quietly she gently dabbed at her eyes to stop the tears. Now knowing Olivia was with Tucker was the final nail in the coffin that was the hope they could be together again. Alex knew she was on the verge of a breakdown, she'd had several since their breakup, and she knew she needed to get out of there. She headed toward the coat check to retrieve her coat when she saw Olivia heading toward the restroom. Unsure what came over her Alex followed. She knew this was her last chance. Even if Olivia still wanted to move on without her, Alex needed her to know how much she still loved her.

Olivia entered the bathroom, thankful to see it was empty. She stared in the mirror and took a few deep breaths. She pulled her phone out and sent a quick text to Lucy to check on Noah. The nanny replying he was sound asleep.

"Liv?"

She froze at the sound of her name. She turned to see Alex entering the bathroom.

Alex sent up a silent prayer that no one would enter the bathroom for a few minutes. "I won't keep you long, I just need a minute." She took a steadying breath and continued "Earlier you asked how I was, and I said I was fine. That was a lie." She saw a look of shock cross Olivia's face but she continued before the brunette could speak "What I really meant to say is I'm really not that strong. No matter how hard I've tried I'm still holding on. The honest to God truth is I'm still in love with you. I've been in love with you for over fifteen years. Now, I know I went along with it when we broke up but it was only because it was what you wanted and I would do anything for you. But I also know I should've tried harder. I wish so badly I would've tried." She grabbed a tissue from the counter and wiped her tears "I'm sure this is the last thing you expected to hear or wanted to hear, especially tonight, but I had to say it."

Olivia stood still, unable to move or speak.

Not receiving a reply was all the answer she needed. Alex nodded slowly "I wish you and Noah all the best." She turned to leave but looked back, Olivia still in the same spot "I um…I hope you and Tucker will be happy." With those final words she left.

Alex was two blocks from the hotel and the tears were still falling. While she hadn't expected much from her confession, she'd been surprised Olivia hadn't spoken a word.

"Alex!"

Alex spun around to see Olivia rushing toward her.

"Olivia?"

The brunette stopped, nearly out of breath "I forgot how fast you walk." A sheepish smile on her face.

As much as she was hurting Alex couldn't help but grin a bit.

"Can we talk?" seeing Alex hesitate "I don't like how things ended back there."

"Oh…okay." Alex stumbled.

They walked into a nearby café, both thankful it was relatively empty. Taking a seat at a back table they each ordered tea, awkwardly fidgeting in silence while waiting for their drinks.

"Alex…" Olivia started but trailed off. "I don't even know where to begin."

Alex reached out and lightly pat the brunette's arm, unsure if the touch would be welcome "Just take your time."

"The last few years have been so difficult." She sighed "I don't know why I pushed you away like I did. I was just so unsure of myself after Lewis. I was so broken and damaged…I just…I felt like I was drowning at times," tears filled her eyes as she finally looked at Alex "And I couldn't bring you down with me."

Alex's heart broke at hearing the older woman's words. She was about to speak when the waitress sat down their cups of tea. She waited till they were alone again and reached out for Olivia's hand, grateful the brunette didn't pull away "Oh Olivia." she whispered as her own tears fell "I wanted to be there for you. I wouldn't have let you drown, I swear it."

"I know."

They were quiet again, barely sipping their tea as their emotions whirled inside them.

Olivia looked at Alex's hand that was still holding hers "I've been drinking."

Alex looked up. The words stunned her but she kept her best courtroom face on. "Oh, Liv."

"It's not that bad, I don't guess." She was still unable to face the blonde "It didn't really start until after Lewis died. First it was an extra glass of wine at night, maybe an extra beer. Then after I got custody of Noah it stopped. But the nightmares were still there. Not like it mattered much because I wasn't sleeping a lot, Noah wasn't sleeping through the night due to being bounced around so much. It was months before he slept a full eight hours." She finally chanced a quick look at Alex, thankful she didn't see anything but concern. "It was just so stressful. Being a new parent, in charge at SVU, still dealing with everything I went through." She sighed "An extra glass at night lead to two," a lone tear escaped "And two lead to an extra bottle."

"Olivia." Alex said gently "How serious is this?" she chose her next words carefully "Do you need help?"

"I don't think I'm to that point yet, but I'm terrified I'm going to be." She finally let the tears fall.

Alex quickly moved to the other side and wrapped her arms around the brunette. She held her as Olivia cried, thankful they were the only ones in the café. "Liv." she waited till Olivia looked up "I know we're not together but I'll do anything to help you." she grabbed a napkin and gently wiped Olivia's tears.

Olivia burst into tears again at the love and concern in Alex's voice. "But why?"

"Because I love you."

Olivia pulled Alex in for a hug "I love you too. I never stopped."

They sat quietly for a bit longer, until their tears finally stopped. Stepping out into the night air burst the bubble they'd been in. "Are you gonna be okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"I'm sure Tucker is worried about you." she hoped she kept her contempt for the man out of her voice.

"I ended it." Olivia sighed.

"When?"

She met Alex's gaze "Just before I came after you."

"Olivia I never intended for you to end your relationship. I only wanted you to know how I felt. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Olivia said as she took the blonde's hands "It needed to, it's only been a few dates. It started with the offer of a drink, which turned into occasionally meeting for a drink. Eventually it turned into a date." She blushed a bit "We haven't even slept together."

Alex breathed a sigh of relief.

"I think it was because I was struggling, and lonely, I just went with it."

"Forgive me Olivia," Alex cautiously began "Was he encouraging your drinking?" I'll kill him if he was.

"No." she tilted her head a bit "Well, he didn't encourage it, but he didn't try to deter me either."

They started walking now, both living on the Upper West Side but in different neighborhoods. Their trip was spent in silence, both contemplating everything that had been spoken. Finally coming to the corner where Olivia's apartment, their apartment, was located. They stopped and faced one another.

"Are you sure you're okay to continue home by yourself?"

"I'm sure, it's not that far."

"Call me when you get home?"

"Of course." Alex smiled.

"Listen, Alex." she paused "About us." Alex seemed to stop breathing. "I was wondering, would you be open to giving us another shot?" her voice cracking "Maybe we could be a family?"

Alex felt her knees go weak at the words. She walked over to Olivia, standing right in front of her "I'd love nothing more."

"You do realize you're not getting just me, Noah is included."

"I do. I want both of you." she couldn't hold back any longer and leaned in. Their lips met for the first time in a year and a half. The love was still there, they could feel it.

Finally parting, tears in their eyes, they simply smiled at one another. They held one another without saying a word, simply enjoying the fact they could do so once again.

"He sleeps with your teddy bear." Olivia whispered.

Alex pulled back slightly, looking confused.

"Noah." Olivia clarified. "He sleeps with the teddy bear you sent when I adopted him. He won't go to sleep without it."

Alex felt the tears again.

"He knows Mommy's special friend Alex gave it to him."

Alex pulled the brunette into her arms and held her tight for a moment.

"How would you like to meet Noah? Obviously not tonight since he's asleep," Olivia laughed "But maybe tomorrow?"

"I'd love to meet him!"

"Come over in the morning? We could go to the park, have lunch."

"It sounds perfect." Alex leaned in for one more kiss before turning to walk away.

"Hey Alex?"

The blonde turned.

"Earlier, when you asked how I was?"

Alex nodded.

"I'm sorry, I love you, and I want you back. That's what I really meant to say."