I know now what I didn't realize the day that I'd first laid eyes on Bell Cranel, and it was not something all that easy to figure out.
I'd spent weeks puzzling over exactly what I felt, why I wanted to know more about him, why I wanted to speak with him, why it felt so amazing to help him train.

I've never felt like I've been so out of control with any situation as the way that Bell makes me feel as I know that I've yet to really be the sort to have any chance for him to be mine; he couldn't even speak to me for the longest time.

I'm not the jealous type, because I know this and yet it's almost strange in a normal way to see how close he is to his goddess and those that met him before me.

It's weird to see the way the twins treat him, the way he fumbled was adorable though didn't seem quite right; I'm not emotional, and it's taken me forever to realize how exactly I feel about him, why I longed to really know him.

I have no words to express to him how much I just want something with him though I'm not the sort for affection or for anything more intimate than that; I've never been someone to long to get to know someone like this.

I think that I'll need to let him know despite the fact that I'm well aware that I'm not at all permitted to be with someone from another familia, and I know that Loki would not approve for her star, her sword princess, to ever be with someone that is not her.

I'm not oblivious to her affection though it is not something easy to handle, and while I pay close attention to others, their emotions are still often lost to me.

I just hope that he'll be able to understand when I press closer and hope that we'll at least talk about what I feel even though I still do not like talking about my feelings in general; I want to at least give this a try and work something out even though it may just be a closer friendship as he has others in his life.