The first stirring of consciousness brought pain to Luka, pure mental anguish as she returned to the realm of the waking. She groaned loudly, turning over beneath the covers to get away from the evil sunlight assaulting her eyelids. On reflex, a hand rose to wipe away the sleep in her eyes, and her eyelids fluttered open to behold a pair of turquoise irises staring back at her. She startled, half her mental capacity focusing on the alabaster skin, cute face, content smile, and mass of teal hair before her, the other half fighting a losing battle with the hangover.

Who the hell was this woman?

The stranger blinked. "Morning sweet cheeks!" she chirped.

Luka blinked back. "Uhh…" it was too early in the morning for her to deal with being hit on. "Who are you and what the hell happened last night?"

She received a giggle. "I'm Miku. Hatsune Miku. Nice to make your acquaintance. What's your name?"

Luka stared at her for a few seconds, pondering. "…Luka. Megurine Luka. Didn't you already know that? You don't seem hungover like I am."

Miku shrugged. "Well, you didn't exactly give me a chance to get your name. Since you don't seem to remember, let me remind you…"

Last Night...

A beep sounded through Miku's apartment as the microwave turned off, the tealette popping open the little door and retrieving a mug of warmed tea. Humming a little tune under her breath, she spooned a bit of honey into the steaming mug before skipping back to her place at the couch, the plasma screen TV across from her lighting up with the intro sequence to StarRider, the latest mecha anime managing to feature both the action and adventure of a galaxy at war alongside the comedy and drama of a yuri protagonist dealing with a semi-unwanted harem.

This week, it was the grand finale, where the captain would finally pick which of the twenty-seven princesses, fellow captains, subordinates, mecha-pilots, tsunderes, yanderes, and girls-next-door she would end up with. Personally, Miku was hoping for the OT28.

Just then, someone rapped at her apartment door. Miku frowned at the interruption to her weekly show, but went to answer like a good girl. Standing outside was a true beauty, a distinguished if obviously inebriated woman with streaming pink hair and a chest at least twice as large as Miku's. The tealette felt herself blush, especially when the woman gave her a one over, complete with an approving hum.

The pinkette smirked. "Well aren't you just the most adorable and sexy girl I've ever laid eyes on?"

Miku felt her face explode in a sea of hot red. "I... uh... wha?" she stammered.

Pink-hair giggled, leaning in. "Wanna bang?" she asked. A finger pulled down her top to reveal even more of her gloriously bountiful chest.

With such a wonderful and sexy eyeful, Miku couldn't resist.

"And that's what happened!" Miku finished cheerfully.

Luka stared at her blankly.

"For what it's worth, you were really good and it felt completely natural, even though you were hella wasted." Miku put a finger to her chin in thought. "Really, the only time it got awkward was when I wanted to scream your name. Since I didn't know what it was, I just ended up screaming 'you'."

"I... see."

Miku looked at her, humming in consideration. "You're probably really tired right now. How about I slip out and get us something to eat?" Without another word, Miku slipped out from under the blanket, giving Luka a full view of her curves. Even though she'd just tapped that last night, Luka couldn't help but blush. As Miku passed into the other room, her head popped back. "Just stay there and don't move around too much. I'll be back~!" she sang.

Luka blinked. Then she groaned and lay back on the bed, noticing the figures of spring onions painted above her, all around the ceiling. Huh…that was weird.

Minutes passed as Luka lay there, the throbbing in her head slowly receding. Eventually, she huffed and sat up. She hadn't been drinking alone last night and now that she was relatively together, she needed to check on her friends' well-being in case they'd ended up in other, less comfortable places at the end of the night. Her cellphone somehow wound up neatly laying on the nightstand, almost as if Drunk Luka had anticipated this.

She hit the home button.

Huh. Thirty-six messages.

Well, in times like this, ya gotta call your bestie first, right?

Like Luka, Lily had ended up in another girl's bed. Unlike Luka, Lily had ended up in the bed of a girl whom she knew all too well.

"GUMI?!" cried Lily as she recognized the green-headed girl nuzzling into her chest shamelessly.

Gumi paused her cuddling to look at Lily's face. "Morning, Lily," she greeted lovingly, before burrowing her face in Lily's chest again.

Lily stared in horror, slowly becoming aroused as Gumi hit all the right spots. Before the blonde could be suckered into her ex-girlfriend's charms, Lily pushed her away and jumped off the bed to a standing position. "No, no no no, no no NO!" cried Lily, backing away. She whirled her head around, searching frantically around for her clothes while Gumi pouted. "Where are my clothes?!" she shouted.

"Oh, those things? I threw 'em in the wash when I woke up," replied Gumi angelically. "They smelled an awful lot like alcohol and regret. I thought you'd appreciate the gesture."

"Appreciate my ass!" snapped Lily.

"Indeed I do! Do you appreciate mine?"

Just as Lily was about to bite off another snarky comment, the familiar jingle of her phone went off, and Lily practically dived towards it for salvation. She looked at the caller ID. "Luka! Save me!" she howled into the speaker, oblivious to the cry of pain from the other end.

"…Thank you for blowing out my eardrums. Good morning Lily, how are you on this fine, hungover Saturday?" came Luka's deadpan voice.

"Luka, you have to help me! I ended up at GUMI'S!"

"Oh you say that like it's a bad thing!" commented Gumi without a trace of offense.

Luka sighed audibly. "Lily…look, what happened to you last night?"

Lily paused. "…uh… I remember leaving the third bar, and something about mixing ice cream and rum. That's about it."

"I can help you with that," offered Gumi, speaking up so Luka could hear her.

"No thanks," growled Lily.

"Lily came over when I was getting ready to go to sleep," began Gumi, ignoring her blonde love. "She was obviously drunk, but she was incredibly romantic, and she actually proposed! I said yes, and then…" She put her hands to her cheeks as if in embarrassment, "Then she pushed me down, like a beast, and-"

"Bull crap!" shouted Lily accusingly. "That is utter bull crap!"

Gumi turned away, a dusting of red on her face, before gazing back at Lily over her shoulder shyly. "Hey… you'll take responsibility, won't you?"

"Like hell! There's isn't even any responsibility for me to take! There is no way you would take any shit from me, sober or otherwise!"

"Oh, you know me so well!" gushed Gumi, breaking her persona of embarrassment. "We're perfect for each other!"

"No! No! No! Do not want!" shouted Lily, making an X with her arms.

"Of course we are! We've been dating for seven years! That's longer than some people's marriages!"

"Those years were not consecutive! And two of those years are complete bullshit!"

"If you're done yelling at your ex," cut in Luka sardonically, "Can I assume that you're fine and are in no need of immediate help?"

"No need of help?! Of course I need your help! Free me from her wretched clutches of evil and commitment! Set me free Luka!" Lily wailed dramatically.

Over the phone, Luka sighed. "Lily, you've ended up at Gumi's place the last six times you got pissed drunk. I think it's time to accept your fate and put a ring on it."

"WHAT?!" cried Lily, her voice strangled.

"See?" said Gumi, beaming, "Even your best friend thinks so!"

"Wha…! Wha…!"

"I need to check on the others to make sure they're still alive. Good bye Lily."

The cruel sound of the dial tone signaled the end of the call. Lily sniffed. "Waaaaaah…." she cried, as over-dramatic anime tears began streaming down her cheeks.

"There, there," soothed Gumi, moving in to sweep her love into a big hug. "It's okay Lily. Just let all your tears out. Your Gumi-Bear will always be here for you." She leaned in so her lips were right next to Lily's ear. "Always!"

If possible, Lily cried harder.

Luka sighed in exasperation. Despite what Lily often said (and quite loudly at that), Gumi was good for her, and vice-versa. If that weren't the case, Lily wouldn't keep going back to Gumi over the years. Truly, they made a beautiful couple. Luka shook her head, blinking those thoughts from her brain to focus on the task at hand. The next one for her to call was Haku. Haku was a sweet thing, but tended to lose herself very quickly once inebriated. She was also the likeliest of them to need help getting out of her drunken shenanigans.

The first sensation to reach Haku's addled mind was a gentle touch upon her head, a soft press that stroked her head before trailing through her long, silver hair, tender in its ministrations. The sensation stopped, then began again, once more starting from her head and ending with her hair. The feeling of warmth upon half of her face was pleasant, and she made a soft hum of appreciation as she burrowed further into the softness of her pillow.

As she slowly gained awareness of her surroundings, she took in a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of perfume and vanilla, a little slice of mana from heaven, and she moaned in pleasure. The sound of giggling reached her ear, bouncing around for quite some time before Haku's brain registered the noise. She furrowed her brow, trying to place just what was so important about that singular little jingle when it hit her suddenly.

She opened her eyes, her eyes widening massively as she focused on the bare navel before her, framed by gray fabric touched off with a yellow tie. Nervousness began settling in her stomach, and Haku's gaze travelled upwards to see the smiling face of a beautiful blonde, glistening at her radiantly.

"Good morning," said the blonde softly, continuing to run her hand over Haku's head before trailing her fingers through her hair. "How did you sleep?"

Haku immediately jumped up with a yelp, falling over herself onto the quilted covers of the bed as she scrambled away. She retreated hastily to a corner of the large velvet poster bed, her back against a pole as she took in her pillow with trepidation.

"W-Who are you?" stuttered out Haku, "W-Where am I?"

The blonde immediately frowned with pouting lips, almost petulant as she stared at Haku in exaggerated disapproval. "You don't even remember last night," she stated.

"...I was kinda drunk?" offered Haku hesitantly.

The response was a charming giggle. "Of course you were," she agreed. "So let's do a quick review, yes?" She smiled. "My name is Neru. You're in my penthouse suite." She reached toward an ornately carved end table and removed a paper from the drawer, before holding it up towards Haku. "And this," she said shaking the paper for emphasis, "Is your signed and dated contract promising that you will be my personal maid from now until the end of eternity."

"What?!" squeaked the silver-haired woman. She reached out and snatched the paper from Neru's hand, scanning over it intently. Though it was incredibly detailed in the consequences of breaking the agreement, the actual terms of employment were surprisingly benign.

Neru slowly crawled across the bed to slip her arms around Haku in a gently embrace as the woman read, the blonde resting her head on Haku's shoulder. Haku stiffened slightly, but made no attempt to push her away; spontaneous hugging was in the contract.

The wealthy woman nuzzled against her new maid lightly. "I think you'll find I'm quite a generous lover."

"What?!" yelped Haku.

"I said I think you'll find I'm quite a generous employer," retorted Neru, completely straight-faced.

As Haku opened her mouth to respond, her phone began to ring, and she looked around for where it could possibly be. Nonchalantly, Neru reached into her pocket and presented the device to Haku without a word. Haku briefly wondered why Neru had her phone before she answered.

"Hello?"

"Haku, it's Luka. Are you okay? Do you need any help?"

"Umm..."

"Haku, what happened last night?"

Glancing down at the contract in her hand, she answered as best she could. "I got a full time job that I might actually be able to hold down that comes with luxury room and board, an extensive benefits package, and an annual salary that's probably higher than a small country's GDP."

Luka didn't know what to say to that.

"Also, my boss appears to be rather clingy."

"I prefer the term hands-on," commented Neru as she edged even closer.

"...So in other words, you're good?" asked Luka in mild incredulity. "Like, you didn't climb up onto one of those lights along the highway? Or wake up in an industrial chicken farm? Or accidentally become the city's newest masked vigilante?"

The silver-haired woman winced as the pinkette mercilessly listed some of her previous drunken escapades, though she couldn't help but agree at how unusual this was. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Huh. Alright. Talk to you later then."

She hung up shortly after Haku bid her farewell, leaving the new maid staring at her phone blankly. Haku turned her head to gaze directly into Neru's golden irises, the blonde somehow having wound her arms, legs, and side ponytail around Haku's body.

"Don't mind me," said the mistress with a smile, "I'm just getting comfortable."

Luka wondered silently to herself at Haku's oddly fortuitous situation. If Haku was reading her situation correctly, then Luka wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. Not hangover-wise, at least. After all, for her silver-haired friend, this meant no more temp jobs, no more odd hours, and no more crazy barcrawls to escape the sadness of life that Haku seemed to dwell on. Yes, some stability would do Haku a world of good.

The pinkette turned to look back to her phone. Two down, two to go.

Luka ended up calling Yukari next. Strangely, no one answered. Luka hummed in consideration, before ultimately shrugging it off. "Eh. Out of all of us, Yukari is the most level headed and functional, even when drunk. I'm sure she's fine."

Yukari awoke with a groan, wondering just what the heck had happened last night after the incident at the fifth bar, before ultimately deciding it didn't matter. Thanking her lucky stars that her hangover was already disappearing, she opened her eyes. She was completely taken aback when the first thing she saw lying on the floor in front of her was a vibrator.

A quick scan around saw her surrounded by rope, whips, chains, leather, blindfolds, gags, and certain other anatomically improbable devices. There was a loud crack, and Yukari jumped as her gaze fell upon a woman, standing tall and proud wearing a black eyemask, crimson heels, and an ivory corset. In her hand was a long and flexible riding crop, and long white hair streamed from her head to her waist.

"Good morning Yukari Yuzuki," purred the mystery woman in white as she wore a sadistic smile. "Welcome to my sex dungeon."

Yukari instinctively tried to move herself away from the leather clad mistress but to no avail, for her wrists and ankles were cuffed to a pole behind her. "Oh fuck," she muttered.

The leather clad mistress giggled. "Yes, we most definitely will…"

As the dominatrix closed in on her prisoner of love, Yukari couldn't help but notice the little white card on her person just above the corset displaying the quirky yet helpful message: 'Hello. My name is Ia.'

Finally, all that was left was to call Meiko.

In their circle of friends, each of them was known for some particular quality they exhibited when they were drunk. Luka was the cuddly drunk, Lily the feisty drunk, Haku the fragile drunk, Yukari the stoic drunk. As for Meiko... Meiko was the destructive drunk.

So it was with some apprehension that Luka dialed her number, finally returning those thirty-six messages. Well, most of them.

Picking up on the first ring, Meiko immediately shouted into her ear, much like Lily had done. "LUKA! I think I killed someone!"

After a few seconds of reeling from having her eardrum nearly blown out again, Luka sighed and held the phone up to her ear once more.

"Calm down, Meiko. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is. Just... just take a deep breath and-"

"Luka!" called a twin-tailed angel.

Luka looked up, her jaw dropping as Miku sauntered into the room, clad in nothing but a white apron. A bowl of strawberries was in one hand and a bottle of chocolate sauce was in the other.

"...Sorry you're on your own." And with that, the pinkette ended the call. After all, she had more important things to take care of.

~END~

AN: No, Meiko didn't kill anyone. Kaito's just passed out and mildly dehydrated.