AN:

Before you start reading, I just want to let you know that this fic is part of my Modern AU series, which includes the fics "The Woes of a Matchmaker" and "The Woes of a Father". This fic is set before the events of "The Woes of a Matchmaker."

However, you do not need prior knowledge of these fics to understand this one.

Enjoy :)

...

Konoha High — a warm, friendly, inclusive environment, dedicated to furthering and strengthening the minds and lives of their students. A place where respectful families sent their smart, respectful kids; where their dedicated and highly qualified teachers worked to their full potential to turn said respectful kids into respectful adults.

A place that Principal Hiruzen Sarutobi loved so much that he'd spent the majority of his life here — starting as a student himself, then becoming a teacher, and finally, the headmaster. A place that Vice Principal, Danzo Shimura, watched over with a fond eye, grateful for the opportunity to have a key role in such a warm, immersive community.

That was what they sold all the students, and the families of said students, and Sasuke knew it was utter bullshit. This place was basically an insane asylum masquerading as a school, and the only reason Danzo paid them any attention was a) to attack the moment anyone stepped out of line, and b) the hope that Hiruzen would one day retire, leaving him to rule the school with an iron fist.

Right now he and Naruto were sitting in the Principal's office, with Danzo shooting them a look of pure loathing, while Hiruzen stared at them with a mixture of disbelief and exasperation.

Frankly, Sasuke didn't know why he was so surprised. Things like this happened all the time, and by this point, the man should have been used to it. Sure, the morning assembly had been interrupted, there had been a bit of chaos, a bit of scuffling — but that wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened around here, and in Sasuke's opinion, they should just get over it.

(Because right now he really wanted to get out of here. He had to talk to Naruto, now preferably, because shit, they had a lot to talk about. And then he'd go and grab an ice pack from the nurse's office, because Naruto punched hard, and Sasuke was pretty sure his cheek was swelling up).

Hiruzen sighed. "Boys, what you did was very — "

"Yes, but there's a good explanation, Jiji!"

Naruto, unlike Sasuke, didn't seem bothered enough by this whole situation. Maybe because he'd spent quite a bit of time in this office, what with the Principal being a close family friend and surrogate grandfather figure.

Hiruzen frowned. "Naruto, it's Mr. Sarutobi when we're at school."

"Sure thing Jiji!" Naruto nodded his head enthusiastically, while the older man sighed in exasperation. "But honestly, there is a really good explanation!"

"They need to be taught a lesson for this!" Danzo snapped. "I'm considering suspension — "

"What," Sasuke said flatly. Suspension? Really? Sure, what they had done wasn't exactly in line with school rules, but this was taking it a bit far.

"Suspension?!" Naruto exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Whoa, hold it old man! I'm telling you, there is a really good reason for all of this — " He paused, frowning slightly. "…At least I have a good reason. I'm not sure what the teme was doing."

Sasuke glanced at him. "I thought it was pretty clear what I was doing, dobe."

Sure, there were a lot of things they still had to talk about. And maybe it wouldn't go well — considering Sasuke's luck, there was about a 90% chance of all of this going to utter shit, and him spending the rest of the weekend brooding in his bedroom, and binging on chocolate ice cream.

On the bright side, that would mean extra attention from Itachi, since his big brother always hovered like a worried mother hen whenever Sasuke was upset. And Sasuke could never say no to quality time with his beloved big brother.

On the not-so-bright (devastating, horrible, mind-numbingly painful) side…well, he didn't want to think about that just yet.

"Well, I like that you kissed me," Naruto said, and Sasuke's mind short circuited. "Although I'm a bit confused, since I thought you were with Sakura — "

"Wait, what?"

Naruto thought what? And he liked — he liked —

…And again, he thought what?

Naruto sighed. "You and Sakura? What, teme, you think I don't know?" He paused, and scowled. "By the way, that was a really shitty thing of you to do. I mean, yeah, I liked it, but Sakura's a really cool girl! I woulda totally asked her out…you know, if I liked girls. So what the hell, teme?"

"What are you talking about?" And there was more than a little desperation in his voice, because not for the first time, Sasuke felt that he and Naruto were on completely different pages.

"Enough of this!" Danzo yelled, and Sasuke twitched. "We need to call their parents, and have them face an appropriate punishment!"

Hiruzen sighed. "Naruto," he said, "you said you have an explanation for this. So…explain. Please." He sounded exhausted.

Naruto hesitated, and then nodded. "Yeah. Fine. So it started like this — "

...

"Sooo, what do you think?" Naruto gave Gaara a bright smile, and was rewarded with a blank stare. He added 'make Gaara smile more' on to his to-do list. He was sure he could do it. After all, Gaara had hated all form of human contact before this, and now look at him! He was the life of the party.

…Sort of. They still had more work to do. But he would totally help his friend, believe it!

"It was fun," Gaara said flatly, and Naruto inwardly cheered. Yeah, score for him! This was going great. Everyone had said that Gaara was a creep with no friends, but now he was…well, still a creep, but a creep with friends.

(Sort of. Well, he had one friend anyway. But again, they were working on that).

"See?" Naruto grinned, and nudged Gaara's shoulder. "I told you you'd love it!"

Gaara ducked his head slightly. "You weren't incorrect."

"Nope," Naruto agreed. "Fantasy Roleplay Club rocks! We get to pretend to be magical demon ninjas — "

"Yes, who came up with that concept?"

Naruto shrugged. "Oh, well, Bee wanted superpowers, and Yugito wanted demons, and I wanted ninjas, so we combined all of those ideas and become ninjas with superpowers and demons living inside us! How cool is that?"

Gaara considered this for a moment, and then nodded his head. Naruto grinned. Yeah, Fantasy Roleplay Club was the best. He'd come up with the idea at the beginning of the year. He'd tried to get Sasuke to join, but his friend had just rolled his eyes and called him an idiot. Well. It wasn't like he wanted the teme to join anyway.

Well…most of his friends hadn't wanted to join. But he'd found some people eventually, and that just meant that he'd made even more friends, so he was totally fine with that.

"So, wanna go and get some…" His voice trailed off.

"Naruto?"

"Uh, ramen? Want to get some ramen?"

Gaara shook his head. "I have to go see Ms. Yuhi about that art project." His brow furrowed. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing!" Naruto yelped, but Gaara had already followed his line of vision. The red-head stared at Sasuke and Sakura, looking even more confused than before.

"Aren't those your friends?"

"Yup!" Naruto grinned widely, and tried to ignore how strained that smile felt. "Yeah, that's Sakura and the teme, alright. I'm, uh, going to go talk to them. See you later!"

Gaara gave him a small nod, and walked off.

Naruto shot a quick glance at Sasuke and Sakura, and then hurried off in the opposite direction. Yeah, no way was he going anywhere near that. He wasn't an idiot, no matter what Sasuke said. His best friend may not have said anything, but he'd been spending so much time with Sakura lately. Sasuke didn't spent that much time with anyone (well except for him and Itachi). It didn't take too long to reach the obvious conclusion, that Sasuke and Sakura were dating.

Naruto was cool with that. He was completely and totally cool with that.

…Or he would be. Eventually. He just needed some time. And the teme sucked anyway, so Naruto didn't think it would be that hard. He just had to remind himself of all the things that made Sasuke a bastard, and then he would definitely be over him. And then he'd find someone way cooler to date, like — like —

Well he'd worry about that later. None of it was important anyway. He was feeling things for Sasuke that he really shouldn't be, because Sasuke sucked. Yeah, okay, he was his best friend. But he was still a bastard, and he was probably using his bastardly powers to brainwash Naruto into liking him.

Well, no way was he falling for that! Sasuke and Sakura could date, and Naruto would…eventually…tell them how happy he was for them.

...

"If you use the word 'bastard' one more time, I will be extending your suspension!"

Sasuke ignored Danzo, and stared at Naruto in shock.

"Did you just — what? You — you thought — me and Sakura?!"

Oh god. Oh god, what? Okay, Sakura may not have been completely awful these days, but for God's sake, she'd been a fangirl, and — no. Just no.

"Well yeah," Naruto said, nodding.

"…She's with Ino."

"Would you two focus?!" Danzo roared, while Hiruzen sighed tiredly, and rubbed his fingers on his forehead in circular motions.

Both teens ignored him.

"Well yeah," Naruto said, "she is with Ino a lot, but that's because they're best friends."

Oh god. "She's dating Ino!"

"Oh my god, I knew it!"

Sasuke seriously shouldn't have been surprised that there was now a small crowd of his teachers gathered at the doorway. Seriously, if it wasn't for the few people he actually liked in this school — Naruto, his brother…okay yeah, that was it — he would have convinced his parents to transfer him years ago.

The teachers — Anko Mitarashi, Kurenai Yuhi, Asuma Sarutobi and Gai Maito — looked unashamed at being caught eavesdropping. Sasuke heard Hiruzen murmur, "Oh dear Lord," and Danzo's frantic pacing seemed to have increased.

Well, at least he wasn't the only one suffering.

"What are you all doing here?" Naruto asked, staring at them in confusion.

"Oh, for God's sake Hiruzen!" Danzo snapped. "Just suspend those boys, so we can — "

"Shh!" Gai said, his eyes shining in that usual (and frankly creepy) way of his. "They are discussing true love right now! How youthful! How — "

Hiruzen turned to Naruto. "Please, hurry this up," he said, with a note of desperation in his voice. "And Naruto, we really don't need to know all of this. Just…explain what happened at the assembly."

"Wait," Sasuke said, and turned to Naruto. "Dobe….I never liked Sakura that way. We aren't dating. I was…she was trying to…" He flushed, and glanced away.

Behind him, the four teachers leaned in closer, while Danzo stared at him with loathing.

...

Sasuke will never admit this aloud, but he spent the first year of elementary school having nightmares about Sakura Haruno. The girl was tiny, pink-haired, and completely terrifying. The word fangirl had become synonymous with things like ghosts, and monsters, and the boogyman. And of all those fangirls — because God, there'd been a lot of them — Sakura had been the worst.

She'd gotten better over the years. Become gradually less-obsessive, found herself a girlfriend (something Sasuke still couldn't wrap his head around)…and with these changes, she'd become…somewhat tolerable.

(Of course, she'd also gotten rid of another of his fangirls, what with Ino Yamanaka, Creepy Fangirl no.2, becoming her girlfriend. So, for that, Sasuke was sure he could at least attempt to forgive her for those first few terrible years).

But recently, Sasuke was starting to realise that there was another side of Sakura, less frustrating than the fangirling, but still pretty damn awful.

She'd become a…different sort of fangirl. One that apparently longed to see him and Naruto of all people together.

Sasuke would have been way more forceful in his requests for her to leave ("Sakura, for fucks sake, get out of here") if he had been more opposed to the idea.

That did not mean he wanted her around though, constantly bringing it up. Because yeah, maybe he sort of liked Naruto more than a friend. But it wasn't like Naruto reciprocated those feelings, and it wasn't like Sasuke couldn't deal with this himself.

Sasuke tried his best to ignore the pink haired girl sitting on the table across from him, but it was getting way too hard. She'd cornered him at lunchtime, and now she just wouldn't shut up. While it usually would have been easy to block her out, it was kind of hard to ignore this line of conversation.

"Okay," she said, "obviously, it's my job, as your friend, to help you out."

Dammit, she was supposed to be less annoying now that she wasn't a fangirl anymore.

"So — this is what's going to happen. I'm going to — "

"Sakura."

" — help you win Naruto over!"

Oh god, he needed to leave. Now.

"No," he said flatly, as his eyes flittered around, looking for the nearest escape route. The library was close by — he briefly considered coming up with an excuse, but then decided he really didn't care either way. He'd just get up and leave, and then —

"You're not leaving," Sakura said cheerily, and Sasuke inwardly winced. "You like Naruto. It's obvious, because you keep staring at him."

"He's an idiot," Sasuke muttered.

"True, but he's also a pretty great guy, and you like him. You're also not doing anything about it, so I feel the need to step in. And don't say that you're not interested in him, because it'd be more convincing if you were actually looking at me when you said it."

Sasuke grimaced, and looked away from where he'd been staring at Naruto. At Naruto and Gaara.

(He blamed Sakura for this. He'd done a pretty great job of blocking out thoughts of Gaara and Naruto, and Naruto and Gaara, and thoughts of them spending quality time together — ugh. No).

"Hmm?" Sakura looked thoughtful. "If you really aren't interested, I suppose Naruto and Gaara wouldn't be terrible…"

Sasuke's eye twitched.

"In fact, maybe I'll go and talk to them…"

Sasuke ignored her, and stared pointedly at Naruto and Gaara. Naruto leaned over and whispered something to Gaara, who…well, he didn't smile, because Sasuke didn't think Gaara even knew how to smile, but he was sure he saw the red-head's lip twitch. His eyes narrowed. Dammit, what was Naruto doing?

"Okay fine," he said, "what do you want?"

Sakura grinned, a little too enthusiastically. Sasuke was instantly reminded of a much younger Sakura, his self-proclaimed number one fan, and he shuddered.

"Oh, this is going to be good," she said. "Trust me Sasuke, I know what I'm doing."

...

As desperately as Sasuke wanted to tell her to go away, and go back to enjoying his lunch in peace and quiet, there were a few things that stopped him from doing this.

Firstly, Naruto and Gaara had been spending an awful lot of time together lately. Gaara, who had transferred in from Suna Academy earlier that year, had soon taken the title of the school psychopath. He was weird, creepy, and more antisocial than Sasuke, which was saying something.

Of course, despite these traits (or maybe because of them) Naruto had latched on. And now, they were…something. Sasuke wasn't sure what but whatever it was, Naruto was now spending a lot of time with Gaara, and Gaara looked slightly less homicidal.

Secondly, there was a very real possibility that they were dating. After all, as much as Sasuke loved Naruto, the guy was insane, and dating a guy like Gaara would be just the type of thing he'd do.

Lastly…Sasuke did not want Naruto dating Gaara. If Naruto was going to date anyone, he wanted it to be him.

(Goddammit).

...

As expected, Sakura's matchmaking advice ended in failure. If Sasuke was feeling more generous he would have admitted that it hadn't all been bad.

He wasn't feeling generous though, and most of it had been bad, so he was sticking by his view that this was all her fault.

...

Plan 1 — "Be nicer. You're really good looking, but you can be a bit of an arse at times."

"You spent the first few years of school obsessed with me," Sasuke said flatly.

"You're also conceited," Sakura said, frowning thoughtfully.

Sasuke stared in disbelief.

Sakura sighed. "Look, Naruto is all bubbly, and happy, and hyper all the time, right? And while opposites definitely attract, I don't think they attract that much."

"Gaara and Naruto?"

"…Fair point." Sakura pursed her lips, looking thoughtful. "Just…be nicer. And compliment him more."

Sasuke frowned. "Compliment him?"

Sakura nodded. "Yeah, you know, something like — hey Naruto, cool jumpsuit!"

"No," Sasuke said flatly. "That thing is hideous. I'm not encouraging him."

"Okay fine, how about you tell him he has nice hair."

"His hair is a ridiculous shade of yellow."

Sakura's eye twitched. "Then, just, I don't know…compliment his lunch or something!"

Sasuke gave her a flat look. "Sakura — he eats ramen on a daily basis."

"Oh my God Sasuke, just be nice!"

...

"How did it go?" Sakura asked cheerily, sitting down next to him. Sasuke ignored her, and took another bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly.

She continued to stare at him. Remembering just how persistent Sakura could be, Sasuke sighed, and turned back to her.

"I told him I liked his jumpsuit."

Sakura beamed. "And? It worked didn't it? I bet he was so surprised — "

"He called me a bastard, told me I looked emo, and asked if he could borrow some money to buy ramen for lunch."

"Uh…" Sakura's mouth opened and closed. "That's…uh…the ramen thing, was it a date?"

"No."

"…Oh." She looked genuinely confused. "And…he didn't notice a difference at all?"

Sasuke shrugged, and took another bite of his sandwich. He chewed, swallowed. "I think he thought I was being sarcastic."

"Well, did you sound sarcastic?"

Sasuke shrugged again.

Sakura groaned. "This is going to take some serious work."

…

AN:

Hey guys! So yeah, this is the 3rd story in my Modern AU series. It's going to have 4 chapters in total, so hopefully you enjoy this! Tell me what you think!