Chapter 1 - Resolve

No one helped me. Not when I screamed, not when I begged. No one came to my rescue. Not the heroes, not the villains. Not even I could help myself. I was abandoned. Forgotten. Isolated from the rest of the world. Trapped inside my own home, sanctuary. A place filled with dear memories and foundations, one that held a place in my heart was transformed into a prison I would never be able to escape. Paranoia, fear etched into my heart. It carved itself into my bones, my body. It gripped me and wouldn't let me go. I might not be able to feel physical pain but that doesn't mean I can't hurt on the inside; It doesn't mean I can't be afraid.

Even though I wasn't hurting, wasn't the victim of some vicious plot to end the society we know now, I couldn't help but have that gut feeling that something was wrong. Something was wrong and I wouldn't be able to help it. Maybe I would go insane, which was a likely choice given my situation. Maybe I would die here in a way even I couldn't describe. Or maybe it was something else. Maybe something else would go wrong and I would stand there, helpless and defeated. Anything could happen. But that's what makes things interesting. Or horrible. It doesn't really matter anymore. Not to me anyways.

I've given up hope. I won't escape from this psychotic prison, filled with bittersweet memories. I can't even escape from her, the one who haunts me, day and night. I couldn't kill myself to get out of this mess, every time I try I can't even feel it. My body won't allow me to do it, my brain won't either. I'm out of options. I don't have anything left. Nothing but a paranoid father and the corpse of my mother. She's six feet under the ground and my father won't let that fact go. He won't let anything go. If he truly loved me as a daughter, he would've forgotten about her and raised me instead. But he didn't. Instead he trapped me in this mad house we live in. He's pulled me below the surface with him, and now we both can't return.

Annoyance. A feeling that won't leave me alone. She won't leave me alone. I don't even know who she is, what she is. She could be a delusion, a fantasy or something from my messed-up imagination. Anything she could be. Or a hallucination. Either's fine. She's a taunting figure that has no respect for personal issues, boundaries or space. She digs into my mindset and tries to break me. She could be a silhouette that emerged from this catastrophe and will put me to rest or she could be something that will keep me sane. Whatever. I don't care anymore.

A door. An exit to this hell I call home. But I can't reach it. No one in this house hold can. He pulls me back and I retaliate. It's a never-ending cycle of lies. Crafted into my head and his. He's fearful. Ever since that fateful day my mother died, he hasn't let me go. I've been trapped, he's been trapped and we both can't get out. This cursed family of mine is an abomination. I can't even call it a family.

I don't even know why I can't get out. Physical pain doesn't reach me and I can't get killed without effort. It takes a lot to even reach me nowadays. I've been trained. On the ways of the world and on my exclusive ability. An ability that is both cursed and blessed. I don't even mention it when asked and if I did I would be judged. Thought of in a way I shouldn't be. I'm not a villain, I want to be hero. To help those with bad circumstances that occur every so often. Some like mine and some like others. No matter what I would help them. Unlike the others, the others that didn't help

I often wonder what would happen if I walked outside right now at this very moment. Would my supposed 'friends' see me and offer their assistance? Have they forgotten about me? Would there be police surrounding my house and bring me to safety? Would a hero swoop down and save me from my crisis? But those are just positive suggestions. Anything could happen. Would my dad be right and someone kills me when I take my first step outside? Would I be attacked, tortured? Thoughts swirled in my flooded mind and they wouldn't stop. It didn't help my situation.

Even though I was born and raised in the darkness, brought up to be a villain, I couldn't help but be curious about many things on the opposite side. What did the light feel like? Were good people nice, did they offer you hugs and say nice things? Villains didn't do that. Why would they do that when they could be mean instead. Why do nice things when they could break this cracked society. Why help people when no one helped them. I understand villains. They wanted to help people once upon a time and become the heroes of tomorrow. They wanted to be branded as people who helped their country and fought back when things got tough. But they were broken by the people they wanted to be. They fell into the darkness and couldn't get out. They drowned, they struggled and eventually they gave up. They lay back and embraced it. I admire them for many things but one thing I don't admire them for is that they gave up. That's what separated them from the heroes. That's why their dreams got crushed.

I kept on struggling. He pulled me back again and again but I tried not to drown in the shadows. I tried not to give up. Not to give up like them. When I was pulled back deeper, and lost all life within me I still struggled. I went on. Even though it's inevitable, even though I will likely drown in this darkness and let it consume me whole, I don't want to go down just yet. Not now and not like this. I want to go out, to die saving someone, give my life for someone else even if they were a complete stranger. I want to become a hero. I want to be the light that shines through the darkness. I want to use my power for good, my quirk for good and make sure the citizens make it out alive even through the apocalypse. I do have wishes too. I want to meet people and go places.

But no matter what, I want to see the light.