Addict

Part 1 - Toxic Dependency

R-M VERY MATURE CONTENT

When I get to an impasse with my writing, I write a bunch of stories on the side. This is one of those stories, Ive already written. It's ALL from Damon's POV. And even though, there is other characters in the story, its about 85-90% BAMON. This story is a short five-part story, involving two people who don't realize, they need each other. It's about sex addiction.

The walk from my Beachfront to the ocean is five minutes. I'm a lazy spoiled bastard. I should sit on the beach more often. Instead I kick my feet up on my bed, and stare out at the colossal crashing of waves. They say nature is best reserved for adventurists. People who walk the thin line between life and death. I'm too selfish for death. I'm vain, and narcissistic when it comes to life. Adventurists, live life so fully, that they'd gladly die, being spontaneous.

You know what I'd gladly die doing?

Having sex.

Not just any sex. Mind blowing sex. Out of this word, toes curling, waist gripping, lip biting, back scratching, hair pulling, ass spanking, wrist pinning sex. Maybe two women. Maybe an orgy. It sounds disgusting, and stereotypically basic of me, as a man. I'm well aware, that my primal urges simplify my desirability, to the opposite sex, assuming I'm desensitized to the meaning of it.

I'm not concerned with their meaning. I'm concerned with what it means to me. And what makes, my meaning any less comparable to life's meaning than the people who believe sex should be a sacred and cherished act of love between two people who chose each other... blah, blah, blah bullshit? One meaning, no matter how politically correct, makes it more significant in importance. Just makes some people, behave far more self-righteously.

Outside of my wildly, dissociative behavior in relationships, I'm a regular guy.

Inside of a woman, is where I'll die. Buried, deeply, and collapsed on top of her, from a heart attack, at age sixty-five. I want to die young, so women will always remember me for who I was.

A magnificent fuck. The best fuck. The one they told their friends about.

Am I single?

Well, that depends...

Singular, as opposed to a one half of a monogamous relationship? Yes. Am I ever alone? No. Except on Sundays. Sundays I'm single. Sundays are reserved with negating my responsibilities to the world of adulting, and allowing myself to enjoy the passions, in which keep me sane, outside of sex. Sunrise watching, sunset watching, stargazing, and somewhere in between, dabbling in taking pictures and listening to music.

Sundays are dedicated to the ideas that remind me, there's a human being inside of me, when I'm not using my body to connect with someone. Sundays are the days dedicated to my entire mind. If I ever fuck a woman on Sunday, I've lost my mind, and probably all free will.

...

Therapy Session

...

"Mr. Salvatore, how has your social life been this week?"

Sitting on the couch across from his therapist, he pondered that question in its entirety. White colored walls, cream colored blinds. Deep blue couch and pillows just a drab as the rest of the neatly propped office. "It's been fine."

"Just, fine?"

"Well yeah. It was a slow week. I went to the studio several times and developed film. You know, I always love that." He paused for a few seconds. "Outside of work, I went to several functions."

"And how were those functions?"

"Same as every day. A lot of my associates were there. I had some drinks, some laughs."

"Did you take anyone home with you?" I thought back to the beautiful long-haired brunette. The one with olive-toned skin, and a flirty disposition. Whose name, I can't remember.

"Of course, Doc. Come on. This is me. I take a woman home nearly every night. Well, there was one woman I slept with a few times. But, I'd say we had... amazing chemistry."

The therapist nodded looking at him. He hated when she nodded, and took notes. He tilted his head, twitched his notes and bit his lip. "What makes you say, you had amazing chemistry?"

"From the moment we met, we were really flirty. She read my vibes right away. And because of that, she put those same vibes out there. Anyone, could probably feel the heat between us."

"Wow. That sounds electric. How do you feel your connection with her varies, from other women?"

"I don't know. She gets it, I guess. She doesn't try to stick around in the morning. She leaves on her own. Our time together is quite easy. No complications. This is what I look for in women. Easy. Which is hard to find?"

"Easy? In terms of sexuality?"

"No. In terms of, understanding that it's not about commitment. But, in the right situation, I'd be okay with having a woman around regularly. If she can remember to leave my house. The issue I've had with women, is they think, that by being clingy, I'd want them to stick around. Which is untrue."

"What's the worst thing about having a woman around more often? Still fearing commitment?"

"I don't fear commitment. I don't want commitment. I can't be that guy, you rely on, or that guy who understands what you're going through, I can't develop that emotional connection, that women need."

"What about with this woman? Is there an emotional connection?"

"No. She gets me. She like the female version of me."

"And this makes you comfortable?"

"It does. It makes it manageable."

"Okay, I'm gonna send you home with a special task this week. I'd like to see you hang out with this girl again. I'd like to see, if after a week, you can still find the connection. This is a good sign for you."

"I think it makes it intentional now. I mean, the last three times were pure coincidence. This time, it's like you want me to search for her."

"Well, don't search. If you see her again, I would like you to actively seek her out for another hang out."

"I don't hang out, Doc. We have sex, and that's it."

"Well, whatever happens naturally between you two. Just let it happen."

Damon couldn't comprehend the idea of having to initiate something, and yet, letting it remain natural. He left the therapists office with those thoughts, and drove back home. Today was one of those days, he couldn't understand his life. He knew what he had, he was grateful, but he was definitely filling a void somewhere. But he couldn't figure it out, alone. And hopefully, with the help of his therapist, he was on his way to understanding himself better.

...

Sundays are peaceful. Almost serene. I hate the cliché of it, but it's the truth. The wooden floor beneath my feet, hollows with every step. Hollows like the beating in my chest. The hollow has a feel. It's a thump surrounded by emptiness. Emptiness surrounds, the thump... hollow is the beating in my chest, and the feel of the wooden floor beneath my feet.

After hours of allowing the silence to calm me, I finally let a sound preference sink into my brain. Today, I want to hear The Doors. I imagine, my muse today is a bit of whimsical one. Something more delicate, but retro, light, and mentally... affluent to my restraint. No restraints today.

Today the sun comes and goes. A zoo of clouds infiltrates the sky. I swear every shape is that of a sheep, or pig. Clouds live among us, in the sky, talking to each other. Animals playing on a farm. The wide open, space of the sky is perfect.

After a few hours of being completely unproductive, I walk outside and take my camera. I wanted pictures of the sky. The beauty of clouds, is the sky never stays the same. The clouds move and change throughout, so the look of the sky changes. If it weren't for the clouds, the sky would remain one way, always.

I feel like the sky.

I'm the sky, and women are my clouds. None, stick around long enough to change me, which is good, because love shouldn't change a person. Love should embrace what is real and honest, and keep it from being tainted by the ideas that society instills in our heads that it's perfect, and forgiving, and should buy you a dozen rose three times a year, and make sure that you have sex only on special occasions, and once a week. No, the idea people have of love, is the very core of what's wrong with it. Marriage, leads to unhappiness, bitterness, anger, and lack of sex.

But, we can live inside of the type of love, that accepts us always. The new love. The one-night stand love. The type of love, where no one has an opportunity to find a flaw, and try to force you to change. Love yourself, and it shouldn't matter if you're in love with someone else, for the rest of your life. It's easier to have many, and remain in like, than to love one, and question yourself forever.

I just want, what's easy.

And my life, tends to be easy, and peaceful. Especially on Sundays. But today, is different. Someone is moving into the rental property next door. I hate the owner, who continues to rent this beautiful property out to people who just want to come and party. Although, completely complaining would be a waste. I've had some interesting one-night stands that come out of this horrible rental agreement the owner has with these rich assholes.

I look next door, and this is no different. Wealthy people moving in. Both cars are expensive. And I'm staring too hard, so I move behind a large bush that's between our properties. I don't see a man. I see professional movers. That's all. Where are the renters? It takes a while before a woman pops in to view. Although not a very clear view. She's, short. She has brown skin, her hair in a bun and sunglasses. She's carrying some of her own things inside; that's a first.

Sometimes, I notice things about women that I find simply, irresistible. Women who wear their hair in buns. Not just, any fancy bun. No. The messy buns. The type of bun, where she has an agenda, and her hair is the last thing on her mind, bun. Those are the buns that I can appreciate. Then a woman who wears the kind of shirts that one sleeve falls off her shoulder. It's almost a beautiful, imperfection.

But, since its becomes a style as of late, it's not as attractive as it used to be. But, I guess when you pair it with a woman, wearing a messy bun, who keeps blowing her hair out of her face, no matter how much it falls into her eyes, I find to be one of those untouchable rare moments. It's kind of sexy. Somehow, my hand naturally lifts the camera and I begin taking pictures of her. She was fascinating to me. There was no particular, rhyme or reason, except, I needed to capture this moment. Her exhaustion, her sweat, her naturalness.

Eventually, she realized she needed a break. She sat on the stairway leading up to the porch. Legs bent and open, and her elbows propped up onto her knees. She sat there awhile, focused on nothing at all. And it almost looked like she needed that.

I decided to quit stalking her, before she got the wrong idea.

She definitely gave me Sunday inspiration.

...

Thursday Night

...

Remembering what the therapist said, I decided to approach her again. The woman I'd spent three recent sleepless nights with. It's actually uncomfortable, having to approach someone this way. Especially after having slept together. I hate the idea that she may read much more into this, than I anticipate. Wrong choice of words, because I'm not anticipating anything out of this. But, if she's expecting more, then it's my job to let her know, it's nothing more than casual sex. When I walk up behind her, I couldn't be more cliche. "Hey stranger."

She turned towards me, and smiled. "Hey you. Long time no see." Oh shit.

"Yeah. Well, a week. Not so long." I admitted like a dick. It wasn't my intention, just the way it came out. She gave me a cautious look and I had to break the ice. "But it's nice to see you again." Her smile returned, when I cleaned up after myself.

"Yes, it is. So, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Nothing. I saw you from across the room, and wanted to say hi."

"These get togethers are uncomfortable sometimes, right? I mean, everyone gathers around, drinks, and for what? So, we can just go home with someone at night's end?"

"Is that the purpose of these things?" I mean sure it seems this way, but coming from her, I'm surprised. "I've met a lot of business acquaintances this way."

"Listen, all I'm saying, is let's cut to the chase. We don't have to stay here and wait. Let's just go back to your place, and do what we both want to do." I nearly swallowed the lime wedge in my beer, listening to her. And I felt like no man to argue. So, I up, and obliged. She wants one thing, and so do I.

"Let's get out of here." I held my arm out and she grabbed it and we left within an hour, and that was that. My therapist would be so proud. I took home he woman with long brown hair, olive skin and a flirty disposition after approaching her honestly. But I'll be damned, I still don't know her name.

...

We arrive at my house. And I'm following her up my stairway to the front door. "So, we walk up your doorstep for the fourth time in two weeks." As she speaks, I notice a light on in my new neighbor's house. I see no one walking around in the mostly glass house, but for some reason, the lights are on. I try not to focus on that, because I have a beautiful woman next to me. But for some reason it's distracting. Suddenly her fingers were snapping in front of my face. "Hello. Hey what are you looking at?"

"Oh. Nothing. Just, a new neighbor. The lights are on and I didn't see anyone. Just making sure things were okay."

"Well, hopefully I can manage to distract you." She smiled, and allowed her lips to casually meet mine mid air, and kiss me. She really is beautiful. Beautiful enough to be focused on; and sadly, unable to distract me from the neighbor's lights being on. Our houses aren't all that close. But close enough to notice the lights on. I still don't know who she lives with. As my lips separate from the woman before me, she closes the space between us whispering in my ear. "Come on, let's go inside." Her tongue, plowed into my throat, and she forced me to focus on her.

Who am I to turn her down?

We stumble into my house, because she's suddenly attached to me from the shoulders down. Our bodies are connected, and she's ready for me. She's taking her shirt off before I can make a move. Her lips are all over my face, and sometimes I hate that. If your going to kiss a man's face, do it right. Don't just get your slobber all over it. Kiss it from place to place.

Ah well, she's here, she's almost naked, and I'm ready to be inside of her, as soon as I get this condom on. I don't even feel like getting naked, a simple unbuckle and drop of the pants will work. I'll bend her over my counter top in my kitchen, because we don't make it into the bedroom. I love the feeling this gives me. My hand slides up her back and into her hair, pulling her back towards me. "You want me to fuck you?"

"Yes, yes. Fuck me. Please. I want you so bad." Those are the words S he whispers into my cheek while I get myself ready to enter her. My dick is hard, and it's ready and right at the back of her entrance, tipping her warmth. I ease into her slowly. "Ohhh, ohhh yesss." She licks her lips, and that turns me on to the point, that the high I get, is from that first initial feeling. The feeling of my dick moving into her. Where her pussy swallows me, every time I pull my dick out of the cold air, she sucks me back into her heat. This is the feeling I live for. And even better, I'm facing a large ocean front view. The moonlight, the black sky, and the faded horizon, where the water blends into the endless night.

At a moments notice, she was screaming. "Fuck me, fuck me." I was fucking her, hard and good, and I was into it.

Then, out of nowhere, I look out of the window, and there she was, a beautiful, curvy-bodied woman, walking out of the water, in the darkness. Only thing lighting her way, was the moon in the sky, and the light from her house. She pushed her wet hair back out of her face. The hair she had in a messy bun just a few days ago. She wasn't wearing anything. Her naked body was dripping in salt water and her skin looked like an edible version of a painting, I'd never seen before. I can't take my eyes off of her, the whole way she's lit by the sky, as she walks back to her house. The eroticism of it all, turned me on, in a corner of my mind that had never been reached before. I don't even remember what I was doing a second ago. Suddenly, I got this tightening in my stomach, and my balls, and for the first time, in forever, I came from sex I don't remember having.

I didn't bother knowing if he woman I was fucking had cum, because I came so hard, I was out of it. Loss of breath and almost consciousness.

"Oh my God. Did you cum?"

"Fuck, I'm sorry. It hit me out of no where."

"Wow, okay."

"Fuck, that's never happened to me before."

"It's okay." I could hear disappointment, in her. So, I turned her over, picked her up lay her on my cabinet and finished her with my mouth. Not my preferred method of finishing a woman, but, I have a reputation. And I'm not, going to let her leave here, without feeling satisfied. Once my tongue reached her, she's still so sensitive, that she starts bucking like crazy. Feeling her muscles fight me, was one of those feelings I lived for. "Oh my, God. Yes, right there."

I tongue fucked her soft and deep. And at the moment all I could imagine is, I was tasting the pussy of the woman outside. I had no control over my thoughts, while I ate her like a snack. She came quicker, then I did, and when she finally calmed, she could hardly stay awake. But after what I saw outside, I was in no mood for a slumber party.

But, I couldn't just take her home. It would be tasteless. So, I let her sleep in my bed. I, of course, couldn't sleep. That image wouldn't escape my mind, and it held me prisoner for days. I'd walked out side that night to get some air, and I saw her in her house, alone. No one else. She just, sat alone, reading a book.

I'm absolutely taken by this, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

...

The following morning, I was still bemused by the midnight woman, when a petite sounding voice breaks my concentration. "Hey stranger, it felt like you never came to bed." I already couldn't handle the way she took possession over my bed with that sentence. As if it was our bed. I can help but to feel at fault for this. The therapist tasked me with something that made me come off as misleading. But, I can except that at eight in the morning she's up, and hopefully she can understand my sudden need to take her home.

"Sorry. I realized I had a deadline for a project today, and I ended up staying up all night trying to complete it. I apologize if you're upset."

"No, I'm not upset. I would have loved to cuddle some. But, upset? No." She stares blankly at me. It's weird, because, she's a really nice girl, and I can't find a reason to be annoyed with her, long enough to never see her again. Even though, I should just... never see her again, there's this sudden connection I've built with her over the past four sexual encounters. Nothing intimate, just enough to not have to go out and find a random woman, to bring back tomorrow. She's become, an acquaintance. I don't want this connection to exist, because, it means we will rely on each other physically.

I don't want to be relied on. I don't want to rely on anybody.

I trusted my therapist, and this is what happened. "So, I should probably take you home. I'm sure you have to get your day started, too."

"I actually have a pretty drab day ahead of me. I was relieved to wake up at your place and not mine."

Oh no. Please don't let this be happening. "Really?" I half smirked, but was unamused. I see what she's doing. I'm going to pretend it was subtle enough not to notice. Im going to move forward, and continue pretending to have things to do. Technically I should be at the studio today developing some film for a project. But, my mind doesn't want to force me to lie right now, and I'm annoyed with myself, because I can't stop myself before I say, "Feel free to hang out a while. I guess I don't have to leave for a couple more hours. I can take you home then."

The way her face lit up, disappointed me. Suddenly, sex with this woman is no longer nearly as desirable. She's suddenly too available, and that is such a turn off. But I can't stop myself from being nice for whatever reason; my betraying mouth, defies my brain. "Awesome, I can make us. Breakfast, if you'd like." She smiled sweetly, but not sweet enough to erase my annoyance.

"That'd be great. How about omelets?"

"Sure. Where are your eggs?"

"Fridge, in the top drawer."

"What do you like in your omelets?"

"I like anything really. Whatever you find in there, is fine." I'm so fucked letting her make herself comfortable in my house.

"Okay. I'm a vegetarian, if that's okay."

"I have no preference." I remind her, still swallowing my disappointment in myself, like upchucked vomit. I then quietly walked to my liquor cabinet and poured myself a glass of bourbon. How could I not have? I needed to stomach the pretend girlfriend for a day vibe happening right now. The glass in my hand was rescuing me in these very moments. From both headache and earache. I could hear her start to sing, and it bothered me.

Call me an asshole, but don't judge me. We all strive for different forms of acceptance in this life. Mine happens to be self acceptance. Not love.

My liquor cabinet is in my living room. The room which a large window, like my bedroom, faces the beach and the monstrous water hole, we call an ocean. Today, the sun decides to hide behind the clouds again. It was causing a tango in the waves, and when that happens I can't help but to stare, and lose myself in the beauty of it.

I'm good at staring into the wilderness that is the ocean, and can do so unbothered, and undistracted. Even with her singing, off key and cracking open eggs in my kitchen. I was beginning to find all of the life being sucked out of my morning, until I saw... Her... Again.

Fifty feet away from her house, walking further from it, until she found a place directly between her place and the shorelines place. She sat, with her hair in a ponytail, and one of those off the shoulder sweaters. The color was, such a pale shade of purple it almost looked white. And a long skirt. She was barefoot, and she sat with her legs crossed and her knees bent upwards, with her feet buried in the sand.

I don't know why I'm studying her movements, and body placement. I guess I find it rare a woman is so disconnected with life, and so connected with her own serenity. It's almost like she's all that exists in her world. I have yet to see anyone else on the property, but her. I keep waiting for the day, some man is going to make his presence known. I can't imagine, a woman like that is single, as bad as it sounds coming from my mouth, she appears to be a rare find. But if she does have someone in her life, it seems he's not quite the protective type. She's been alone for four days.

What if that's it? What if her husband died, or she lost someone, and she's alone, because she's coping. Then, I'm some over-zealous neighbor, being overly watchful and a borderline stalker.

"Hey!" She came into my room and nearly scared me, with the way she crept up behind me. I guess my stalker tendencies got the best of me. When my own stalker reminded me, she was here still. I jumped a little.

"Oh, hey." How annoying.

"Oh wow." She laughed at my expense. "Did I scare you?"

"Not so much as you made me forget I wasn't home alone. I'm not used to being here with anyone."

"Aww. That's sad. Maybe you should have company more often."

"It actually doesn't bother me. I work better when I'm alone." I can be a dick sometimes.

"Oh okay. I get that. I guess the important thing is knowing you have someone, if you need them." She couldn't be more obvious, and I'm going to kill my therapist. "So, I'm always here, just so you know."

"Well, I appreciate that." The cleverest gratuity I could give her.

"You're omelet is done."

"Okay, thanks. I'll be there in just a second." I offer another smile, and as soon as she disappears, I turn my attention to the gypsy woman outside. Her sweater doubles as Kleenex, when I find her wiping her eyes. I'm not sure if she was crying, if it was allergies, or perhaps it was a typical eye rub. But for a few minutes, she did it every few seconds. My soul felt somewhat touched by hers. It's as if hers was reaching out and mine, was trying to grab hers. But, alas... an off-key singing sound broke me from my concentration, and I headed towards my kitchen.

One hour later, and a poorly made omelette, that I shouldn't complain about, but I will anyways because I'm an asshole; and I'll say it was still worth a try, and it got her a pat on the back, and one more orgasm, I had to take her the fuck home. The orgasm she received was my attempt to stop eating the burnt omelette she made. I turned my attentiveness to her body so I didn't have to be rude, when I decided not to finish it. I won't say it was deliberately burned. Some people like browning the egg on their omelettes on the outside. I, for one, am not one of those people. I thanked her my way, and took her back to her car.

After I drop her off, I sigh. With the exception, of the moment of connecting to the tears of a woman I'd never met... this morning was a got damn disaster. For me it was a mental disaster. I blame my therapist and I will be telling her, in the next visit.

...

I got home and didn't see a point in dwelling on the morning for the rest of the day. As I walk up the stairs, to my front door I hear a dog barking on the beach side. I get into my house and walk towards the living room, and who do I find outside of my window? The woman in question playing fetch with her dog. I still have a hard time seeing her face. But she has a huge smile. Really captivating. I grab my camera.

I feel like a fucking stalker, I swear. I honestly, think, this is borderline stalker behavior, but she's really an uncontrolled muse, to my camera. I walked up to the window and tried to stay behind one of my bushes, through my glass. The glare is killing me though. Suddenly a frisbee hits my glass, and I'm fucking embarrassed because if she saw me holding this camera directed at her, I'm about to fucking cut my own dick off and hand it to her. I quickly put the camera down, and look at the frisbee. She looks over at my back porch, and I look back up at her. Why am I in the window? That's probably what she's wondering. How can I clean this mess up without looking bad? Quick, Damon, think. Think." She is walking towards my porch and I lost the dog all together. I open the sliding door and grab the frisbee. The closer she gets the more nervous I actually am. All I can think of quickly, is to throw the frisbee back before she comes all the way over here.

I threw it.

Horribly. I'm not a great frisbee thrower. I had no idea there was some focus necessary in throwing that thing. While I'm sitting there beating myself up, about throwing the frisbee like a jack ass, I hear a faint, "Sorry 'bout that. Thanks." She apologized, and thanked me and went back to playing. I was so stuck in my embarrassment I said nothing in return. I walked inside and closed my door. I didn't take another picture that day.

...

I'm not going anywhere tonight. I'm worried I'm going to see burnt eggs girl at the functions. We seem to be entangled in the same crowds, and I'm better off keeping my dick to myself tonight. For the life of me, I never ask her name. Women, can try seducing me, and I'll let them, and sometimes my strongest fight, is not having to put up one.

I lay on my couch watching a movie on Netflix. It wasn't particularly interesting because I can't keep up with the plot. Every few minutes my mind wonders to various things happening in my life at the moment. It's all the things I could want in my career. I'm surrounded by decent people. I don't have any particular drama. So, why do I lay here feeling like there's still some purpose I'm not fulfilling?

I just turn the tv off, and get up and walk through the dark to my room. I left my cell phone on my nightstand, and I realize it's lighting up as a head closer to my bed. Several phone calls missed and a couple texts. I look at the unknown number. When I check my text... fuck! Did I give her my phone number?

Hey thought you'd be here tonight.

Kind of boring without you.

Want to come to my place tonight?

I ignore every single one of those messages. I knew who it was. Sadly, I do not know her name. I know she told me day one, but I can't remember it. It started with an I or an L... maybe an N, but I'm not sure. I think I need to shut my eyes and sleep, and I turn my attention to the crashing waves, to put me to sleep.

And I realize God is punishing me. Somehow, someway.

This woman is once again outside, naked. This is very illegal. Public nudity. Technically, this is a private beach, but when several houses, although spread out, share this space, it's kind of indecent and rude as fuck. You can't just go running around naked, like this. Sans the running around.

She's just in the water. From here, I can barely see her silhouette. But I have a good enough eye to know she's naked, because I can see her erect nipples from here. No matter how far I am, I see it, and the universe hates me, for aligning the stars and the moon in such a way where two hundred yards away I can see a woman's naked body in the dark. I want to run out there, and tell her to put some clothes on. Does she have any idea what it does to a man, to see a woman out there, so naked and free? No matter how dark it is, it's really not dark enough, because my dick is hard. My fucking dick, is hard as a rock.

"Ahhh." I yell into my pillow, and it's not enough. I remember her from the other night. Naked! I remember her messy bun, and her off the shoulder sweaters. She spoke to me for a second apologizing and thanking me. None of which was a big deal. Unless you're a man like me, who is tortured by this woman. One fucking week!

Her smile.

The pillow hears me cry again, in the form of a low pitch scream. I sit up, and my dick won't budge. He's used to fucking something six nights a week. Tonight, I stayed home.

You see, I'm more anti-commitment than I am pro sex, because I stayed home to avoid some definite pussy, out of fear, she'd want more from me. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I whisper to myself. "I can call this girl, or I can take a cold shower. "Hmmm. Definite fuck? Or suck it the fuck up?"

I feel like crying right now. I walk to my bathroom, and turn the cold water on, in my drop-down shower head. I basically jump in the fucking water and let the icy water hit my body. My dick is gonna go down. It's going to go down. I tell myself.

I look down. "Fuck! FUUUUUUUCK!" I scream at it. "Go down you son-of-a-bitch." Ten minutes in the cold water and nothing. I'm gonna have to jerk it out. I'm not big on jerking off. I mean, it's so... not a pussy. I can jerk off. I have plenty of visual, to do it. Just concentrate Damon. Concentrate. I turn the water to hot, and close my eyes. I try to picture burnt eggs girl with the long brown hair. What do I call her? She's technically nameless right now. I remember the first time I saw her, and brought her back to my place. She was so, so... needy for my cock. She wanted it so bad she sucked it for like ten minutes. Oh fuck. I remember her mouth on my dick. I loved it when she stroked it, and sucked it. She wasn't much of a deep throater, but where she lacked in deep throating, she made up for in jerking and sucking simultaneously. My mind concentrates hard on the visual. As soon as we made it in my place, she pushed me against the wall, and unbuckled my pants, yanking them down my legs, she took it wildly. She just... she sucked it, like she was crazy. I don't remember if she was good at it, I just remembered her wanting it, and the thought of that was enough make me focus on jerking my dick.

But for ten minutes I jerked and nothing. Nothing was happening. "Why? Huh! Why?" I couldn't take it, I got out of my shower, and walked to my bed, and lay there. My dick not letting the sheets fall to my body, as it held them up. That's kind of irritating, so I uncovered my body. I looked out to the beach, maybe her body would do the trick. Maybe I could just, look at her and jerk my dick to the image. But she was gone.

I don't want to call eggs girl, I really don't, but... Fuck it.

...

I was at her house in no time. The moment she opened the door, she greeted my wi lip gloss on her dick sucking lips. "Hey. I was hoping you'd call." She's a pretty girl. Maybe I have her all wrong. A two am call means one thing. She wants sex. And that's it. Right?

I look her dead in the nose bridge. Not the eyes, the nose bridge. "Yeah, I'm here. You miss me?" And that's me following every lousy man cliche. This is really fucked up. Let me admit. But if she is calling at two am for sex, I don't feel bad, because it means we want the same thing. I just don't want anything more than sex with her.

"Yes. Please, come in." I thought that was a given. Plus my dick is still hard don't make me stand outside with a hard dick. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Umm, at two in the morning?"

"I guess kind of silly, right. Come on." She pulled me into her bedroom, she had a tall bed. That's all I remembered, because when I lifted her body to it, her pussy was at the perfect alignment to my dick. My lips were finding hers almost right away. "Oh my, you got hard very fast." She smiled. All I wanted to do was end this. Fuck her and go back home to sleep. I'm only here, because my neighbor got my dick hard, swimming naked, and I won't go down, is what I was screaming in my head. I opened her legs, and pushed inside of her quickly.

"Oohhh fuck. Yes. This is what I needed. Fuck, your so wet."

"Yeah. I'm wet for you baby. I've been thinking about you all day." I didn't want to hear that, but I had to play the part, my dick was finally inside of her pussy and I just wanted this.

"Yeah, you missed my dick?"

"No, you I missed you." Her kisses were really lingering and I opened my eyes confused, and she was really into it. I tried hard not to let it distract me. But she was doing the relationship thing. I need to block her out, so I stop talking. "I told my girlfriends, how much we connected, and I realized, how our sex is so good and it's because we connect. It's our chemistry."

Fuck. That's the word I told my therapist. Chemistry. Fuck. I was wrong, so wrong. And suddenly I get it, I get why the therapist had me do this. "Shhh. Don't talk, just take this dick."

"Okay. Okay. Oh yeah. You're dick fits me so good."

"Shhhhh. Let me fuck you so good you fall asleep. Let me fuck your brains out, and make you cum."

"Okay, baby. Okay, make me cum." She started to moan erratically and I'm focused on my dick. I'm focused so hard on everything. Her breasts, her pussy. And somehow it's not enough. My dick is hard, but nothing is happening. Her pussy doesn't even feel the same. I don't know why. But we go at it for about twenty minutes. A little kissing, and she spoke here and there. But the more I focused on her moans, the easier it was to distract myself from everything else. "Oh God, baby, I'm coming, make me cum, please, make me cum."

"Yeah, cum on my dick... cum all over me." At this point I just need her to cum. I can't do this anymore.

"I want you to cum with me though. I want to feel you cum."

"I'm wearing a condom."

"Take it off. Cum inside of me, spill your cum inside of me."

"Holy shit." That worked, that was turning me on. I was feeling the way I was supposed to feel again. Until...

"Put your babies inside of me."

Halt.

As she came, my dick went limp, finally. And I couldn't cum. This girl did a one-eighty in my mind, and I was so done. I don't know if she was serious, or drunk. But I was happy that she came so hard, she fell asleep. And I nicely put her under her blankets, then headed out. But before I head out I try to figure out her name. I look for anything with her name on it. I didn't see anything. Until I found a subscription to Happy Bride magazine, and Dream Gowns magazine. Oh shit, I've done photo shoots and spreads for both magazines. Back when I first started, years ago. Fuck. And they were actual subscriptions. Because there, plain as day on these magazines, was the name Elena Gilbert.

The magazines were in her living room. That's all the snooping I did. I quietly left her place, locking it on my way out.

...

Saturday afternoon, I thought I'd dodged a bullet. I missed the studio twice this week, so Saturday was a good day for me to head out. Get my mind off of the girl I keep fucking, and the woman next door, who almost gave me blue balls last night. I walk out with my film, in tow, and sunglasses. The sun decided to come from behind the clouds today. I had to predetermine the length of time I'd be gone today, so I could come home and get ready for another function this evening. This time, I had to be there. I created the frame work for a project, and this charity event was using my photos to illustrate the image they wanted depicted. I'd gone out and taken pictures for a marathon, and one of the magazines that contracts me. The marathon was for the charity event I'm attending. I was specially invited by the chairman. I'm realizing I only have five glorious hours to play with film today. Not enough time, but it'll have to do.

As I walk out, there she is. Midnight witchy woman. I'm convinced she's a witch, and I'm under this awful spell. I can't stop thinking about her, and every time I see her I'm stuck on the image of her living her life, while mine is in pause, waiting for her to disappear, so I can go back to living life, like a normal, sex addicted guy. From the moment she moved next door, my sex life hasn't been the same.

I walk towards my Jeep, and I feel her stand up from her stairwell, and walk towards me. This can't be happening. And I sound like an adolescent boy with a crush, when truly it's more of a disdain for her rearranging my mind with her voodoo. "Hi."

Avoid her. "Oh, hello." I turn towards her, and pause, because she walks towards me. It's a quiet day in the neighborhood, so pretending not to hear her, would literally, have been obvious, and a dick move.

"We haven't met yet. I'm you're new neighbor." She reached her hand out to me, and I took hers in mine shaking it. "I've met everyone else, except you. I rarely see you outside compared to the other neighbors." I couldn't look her in the eye, so I trained my mind to look at her her nose bridge.

"Yeah, sorry. I spend so much time in a dark room, that when I'm outside my eyes are sensitive to the light. Hints the sunglasses."

"That's unfortunate. I've found that that the sun has only made one appearance since I've moved in. What's the sense of living on the beach of the suns rarely out."

"You'd be surprised. This beach sees more cloudy days than sunny ones. You're likely to see me around on heavily overcast days, or rain. I'm outside taking pictures of the waves."

She gave me a peculiar look, then embarrassed me. "Is that what you were doing the other day?"

"Excuse me?"

"I saw you with your camera in the window. When I was playing fetch with Enzo. I saw you in your window with a camera after I accidentally hit your window with his frisbee." Hmm. She really caught me, and I'm collapsing inside of myself, with embarrassment. "Taking pictures of the water?"

"Umm, that day..." I hesitated, "I think I was more focused on the clouds. But, I didn't want to freak you and your dog out, so I stayed inside to take pictures."

"Oh gosh. You can't freak me out. It's your right to be out there as much as mine." I'm go from looking at her nose bridges her forehead. She's tiny, like five feet. She's wearing reading glasses so I can barely see her eyes over the suns glare. But I took a quick glance at her lips. They were heart-shaped and perfect. "So, if I see you outside, don't be a stranger." She smiled.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind." There goes that dick thing again, I have this tendency sound like a dick, when it's just how the words come out.

"Well, you seem busy, so, I'll quit being a distraction. I just wanted to introduce myself." She raised her glasses and I swear she had colored eyes but my sunglasses wouldn't allow me to notice, because before I could look hard enough, I hear a loud car beeping from around the corner. I tried to ignore it to hear her more clearly, "I'm Bonnie, by the way." Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie. It's different. You don't hear that name too often. Her name is kind of pretty.

"I'm Damon."

She smiled, and suddenly, the beeping car drove right in front of us, not parking in any particular direction, just stopped mid driving, I could tell the car was put in park, before the person took their foot of the gas, because I heard the gears screech. It fucking killed my ears. I look up and what the fuck is this? FUCKING bridezilla.

"Seriously, lover. Leave without so much as a kiss a hug, a good bye? You just come over fuck me, and leave?"

"Whoa... calm down."

"NO! You clam down. I text you last night, straight from the event, and you were literally still awake, obvs. Because you returned my call about an hour or two later."

"Obvs?" I'm confused at this word.

"Means Obviously! Dick hold."

"Can we talk about this after I get back-"

"No, ass. I literally thought we had something..." and she's going on and on, and all the while Bonnie is still two feet away from me, "You're such an asshole." Bonnie smiled, and politely and quietly turned and walked away while this girl, just proceeded to embarrass me, with her brig red Mustang glaring harshly from the sun. I grab her by the arms and shake her. I don't even know if Bonnie realizes I'm shaking her, but I don't care right now.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I knew at this moment, this girl was a no go. But to my unsurprising, surprise, she kept yelling.

"You're a dick!" I couldn't handle her ruining my chakra, so I grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her up the stairs and into the house. She was acting out like a spoiled girlfriend, and this is what I can't handle about women. "Let me go." She yelled with pouty lips. I feel where this is going, and although I'm disturbed and angry, I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't want to fuck her and shut her up right now. "You asshole, I hate-" shut her up with a kiss, and I pulled her panties down. You know, she came over here starting a fight in a dress, so this would happen. "Stop don't touch me." She pushed me and ran towards the window, facing the ocean. I'm not understanding her need to raise the hair on my arm, or the top corner of my lip, into a hiss. But she stood there on the other side of her room.

"Why are you here?"

"You owe me an apology."

"How is that? I'm not exactly your boyfriend?"

"Really? Then what do you call what's we've been doing for the past almost two weeks. Sex five times... come on! If I was just a hook up it wouldn't have happened more than once." I shake my head and look at her like she's twelve.

"I literally have shit to do, so..." she started undressing, and I had to bite my lip, and think, was this fuck worth it? Would it be worth it to fuck her, after all of this? Well, you should understand man logic, isn't always logic. It's dick logic. And, unfortunately, what I'm about to do, is a pretty regrettable, and disgusting act of misogynistic fuckery, that makes me just as flawed as the next guy. And for the record, I refuse to always be this guy, but she is making this difficult, for my jilted willpower to deny this opportunity to de-stress.

"Come make it better." Her clothes are on the floor, and she's in front of my window naked.

"And how do you suppose I do that?"

"Fuck me in front of this window." I looked at her long and hard, and walk over to her naked body, and I contemplate my whole life as she perpetuated this entire situation. Calculated, marriage-obsessed, bitch. Although, my near blue balls experience, thanks to my skinny dipping neighbor, is what really started it all.

So, why not?

As I stand in front of her, she stares at me like she's afraid. She's into role play. I can see that. She wants me to be rough with her. So be it. "Get on your knees. It ain't gonna suck itself."

This was one of those things I couldn't control about myself. The need for sex, all the time. A woman can piss me off, but if she's ready, I almost can't deny it. She did what she does, to get me hard, and then I fuck her standing up. Right in front of the window. She goes crazy mid air, and I slam her against the window. Pants around my ankles, the sweat dripping from my shirt, and my white ass exposed for the entire universe. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I didn't even hold her body. I put both hands against the glass and made her ride my dick. She was loud enough I didn't want to make her louder. Then before I came, I pulled her off, and shot my hot cum onto her stomach. I'm not worried about sounding sexy when I describe it that way either, because I know it was disgusting. It was a simple exchange of fluids, and some dick riding.

I need to go develop some film now. I pull my pants up, and she finally calms down.

"I can only imagine what your neighbor thinks of us. She just saw us fucking from the beach. Or at least I assume. She's playing fetch with her dog."

"What?" I was confused. I turned to look, because I was so focused on this woman's breast bouncing up and down, I didn't look outside while I fucked her. But, there you have it. She's playing fetch with Enzo. Why do I remember her dogs stupid name?

"Well, I guess she can literally, stop flirting with you now."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I pulled up, she was clearly flirting with you."

"She wasn't flirting. We just met half hour ago, and you rudely interrupted us."

"Hmmm."

"Is that what this is about? You gave that scene, because I was talking to my neighbor? You do understand, what we have, is just sex, right? I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but, I don't want a relationship. At all."

"What, you don't want a girlfriend?"

"I don't."

"Then what are we?"

"Nothing. It was sex. Can you clean your stomach off?" She grabbed her dress and panties, and then walked to me, grabbed my shirt, and wiped her stomach with the shirt I was wearing. "I have nothing against you, but I don't need to have a relationship with anyone."

"Then what? You just want a fuck buddy?"

"Fuck buddy? I don't need anything permanent?"

"Sex, that's it."

"I don't need a sex partner." He tried to make it very clear, in the nicest way. "You should go. I'm behind schedule as it is." I waited patiently for her to get dressed and walked her out. I don't feel like an asshole. I feel like, I've tried to be polite more than once. And yes, I've come back twice since. But I need to work on this sex thing. It's a complete struggle for me internally.

...

When I saw her later that night at the charity event I went to, she pretended not to know me. She is a great actress. She was there with someone else. I don't know who he is. I'm not sure who he is in the community, I'm not sure if he's her boyfriend or husband. Either way, she acted as if we didn't have sex just a few hours ago.

Why do I find it sexy that she's ignoring me now? Can someone explain, why men are idiots?

I wait a few minutes until she walks to the bathroom. When I catch up to her, I grab her by the arm. "What the hell are you doing at this event?"

"This is a free country."

"Funny. You play a lot of head games."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Its fine. I get it. You're trying to make me jealous. Newsflash. We aren't together. So, it's not working."

"Good. Because when I leave here tonight, he's the one I'll be fucking. Him. Not you. And when we fuck, I hope you're at home remembering how I good sucked your dick."

"No. I'll remember how, I faked an orgasm with you last night, because when I was hard, and went to your house, my dick was like that for another woman. Somehow, you still couldn't do it for me. So, I got you off, while I faked it. And I left, because I'm not after anything from you but sex. And now, that I know you have another dick, to ride, I can leave in peace, knowing you have no reason to stalk me again."

"Fuck you, shit for brains. You're not even that good at eating pussy."

"News flash, I never ate your pussy."

"Well, no wonder I can't remember it. You didn't do it. Even though I sucked your dick. You're a selfish lover. You make it all about you. And I'm not even mad, that this is over."

"There was no "THIS" to begin with." I almost hissed at her the way it came out. She was really irritating me. She sounded like a brat, and I literally wanted to shake her.

"Fuck you. You came for me the fourth time, and approached me. How is that my fault? You made me believe, you liked me?"

"I said hi, and then you basically asked to go back to my place to fuck. Then you told me to put my babies inside of you. These are facts. I kept allowing us to have sex, under the assumption, you got it. I never, from day one made you believe I wanted more than sex. I was honest. You came back twice after that."

"And now, I'm here with a new dick to ride. So-"

"I don't care about this guy. But, I find it funny, that you knew I'd be here tonight. And you showed up on purpose with some other, poor, unknowing sap, and you're sitting here, at an event that I'm apart of, playing mind games. Go home. Stay away from my functions, please."

"You have nerve. I'm not here for you."

"Okay, what is this charity event for?"

"Uhhh, a marathon. Duh."

"What charity hosts the marathon?"

"Seriously?" She didn't know. Precisely. "I don't owe you anything."

"Exactly, and unless, you, yourself are making a donation, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She pulled me by my collar, and whispered with the most maleficent tone not my face like I was puny and worthless.

"You can't stay away, and the minute I show up at your doorstep, you'll be begging me to suck your cock." Then she pushed me and walked away. She left me standing there, and my entire mood was so fucked, now. Thanks to this lunatic.

Six times, we had sex.

Five times more than I should've.

Four times, was when I realized she was crazy.

Three times, is the number before it all went bad.

Twice, is the maximum number of times, you should hook up with someone.

Once, is all you need before expectations start to happen.

I fucked up with her.

I stayed about another hour, then I left. I was irritated, and my drive home, was plagued with both guilt and annoyance. I need to accept part of the blame of what happened between us. There shouldn't be an "us" with me and her. But thanks to my dick, there was an us, temporarily. I drove absurdly fast. I'm surprised I didn't get pulled over. When I pulled up to my place, why am I not surprised she was there? Sitting on my porch.

A marched up the stairs, and she looked at me, with tears in her eyes. "I'm really sorry. I honestly, have no idea why I do the things I do. I just wanted to make you jealous, because I know we have something. I know you feel it when we have sex. We have chemistry and I don't think we should throw it away, because we are both to foolish to see it." Mascara ran down her face, and I'm so annoyed. Am I an asshole for wanting to send her away?

Suddenly, midnight woman's living room light comes on, catching my periphery. I look at my cell phone and I notice the time.

Clockwork. Same time every time. I finally see her walk out of her back porch with a towel wrapped around her body, and she heads out onto the beach. I follow her body with my eyes, and about half way there, once the light slowly fades, her towel drops.

She's naked, again.

"Don't do this to me tonight." I whispered to midnight woman.

"What?" I look back at the woman in before me, forgetting she was there. I snapped out of it.

"Sorry, I just. I'm tired. Tonight you pissed me off, and I just can't deal with this." I steal another glance of midnight woman's body and there he goes again. My dick getting hard. I'm literally pissed right now, because this crying woman, who I've had sex with six times is standing here, and she's my literal only chance to knock this erection out of my system. She started kissing me, and the moment she felt my dick, she thought it was for her. What am I supposed to do with this? I'm in desperate need of swearing off all women. If karma could just take it easy on me, as I've tried to walk away from bullshit, and drama.

I walk her into my place, and grab a condom out of the kitchen. Don't ask why I kept them there. They're all over my house, you can never know when and where spontaneous sex is going to happen.

This crying, woman, with the neurotic psychosis, wanted me, and she wanted me right now. So, this time, I did what I did earlier. I take her to the window. "Want me to suck you first?"

"No, I'm already hard." The irony, after all the shit she spoke earlier. I ignore the opportunity to call her on her shit, and instead, I fuck her. But this time, I wait for the woman in the water, to get out, and watch her body drip salt water under the moonlight. She must've swam for about twenty minutes, and I didn't care. Because, I waited and I waited. When she stepped out and walked back to her towel, she saw me, and she saw me watching her, and she didn't bother putting the towel back on. She stood there, and let me watch her naked body as I fucked this woman. We just watched each other, while I fucked this woman against the glass. Her eyes were as trained on me, as mine were on her.

She kept her towel off longer than normal, and allowed her body to be adored, by me. This stranger that needed the feeling I got, from seeing her naked. Her body gave me the types of erections that were so hard they hurt. She's playing this game with me, and she's okay with it.

When I came, I came so hard, and so loud... I nearly fainted. Once my head collapsed against the glass, she smiled at me, and walked all the way back to her house, covered in her towel. And still, I couldn't take my eyes off of her, until her living room light went off. At this point, I stumbled to my liquor cabinet, drank a glass of bourbon and collapsed on my bed of exhaustion, I didn't say a word to the crying woman with long brown hair, who burnt eggs. Oh, Elaine was her name. I think. I don't know when she left. But she was gone when I woke up in the morning.

"Thank God." I thought.

Today was Sunday. The day I hated having company. The day, I enjoyed being alone. I made coffee, and didn't comb my hair. I got a text from the woman, I'd now had sex with seven times.

Sorry I had to leave. Last night was the last time. We are too toxic, and I'm not sure it's good for me, to keep coming back to you this way. Good Bye.

And I replied.

Okay.

Short and sweet. I didn't have any other feelings about it. It's almost time for Midnight woman to play frisbee. This time, I'm going outside, and I'm going to take my pictures of the scenery, and maybe we'll talk, maybe we won't.

We'll see.

A/N To clarify, Damon's new neighbor is Bonnie. And the woman he is casually screwing is Elena. Elena doesn't realize Damon's a sex addict, but she fills his need, in a toxic way. Even though he's an addict, he sees nothing wrong with it, at first, until he realizes it can lead to problems. He loves a none-complicated lifestyle. He has one, but, from the moment Bonnie enters his life, she makes him question his whole existence. So, this is a short five-chapter short story. Already written. I can leave it as a one shot, or continue. Let me know what you thought.