Summary: You should always expect the unexpected. Even if it's the Vongola Sky ring rejecting Tsuna. ESPECIALLY if it's the Vongola Sky ring rejecting Tsuna.
Note: I just had to do it.
Alt. title: 'LET'S PARTY!'
WARNINGS: Shameless Self-Indulgence (AHAHAHA), Crack, Not To Be Taken Too Seriously, Written In A Couple Of Hours, Tsuna Snaps (You'll Understand), Xanxus Is As Sane As Could Be, Slight Blood Mention At The Start, Tsuna Advocates Reborn's Suffering, Pole Dancing, Mentions Of Nudity.
Disclaimer: I don't own KHR~
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Tsuna wore the Vongola Sky ring and stared at Xanxus, who scowled at him, "Just fucking do it, trash."
Tsuna breathed in deeply and focused on the ring, pushing his flames towards it like Xanxus told him.
Xanxus stared intently at the civilian brat, observing how the Vongola ring sparked before glowing briefly.
In all honestly, part of Xanxus, a very tiny (microscopic, even) part, expected the ring to accept the brat, Primo's descendent, over Xanxus, a bastard the ninth picked up from the streets. And so, Xanxus was somewhat surprised when the ring sparked again, and the trash's eyes widened before he coughed, blood splattering to the ground and staining his blood.
There was a collective shocked silence as everyone digested what happened: the ring fucking rejected Sawada Tsunayoshi.
The brat shook, breathing heavily as he stared incredulously at the ring. Xanxus gave him, such a soft civilian, a little credit for not dropping to the ground from the shock and strain.
The trash stared at Xanxus, clumsily taking the ring off and throwing it to Xanxus.
"You- you try." The brat's voice shook, thick with emotion, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Xanxus stared dubiously at the ring; it fucking rejected Primo's blood in the brat, what would it do to Xanxus?
Xanxus threw that particular thought down the drain and put the ring on- nothing ventured, nothing gained.
The ring sparked, glowed, and then burst into flames; the fire burned steadily on the ring like it belonged there.
Xanxus stared, almost uncomprehending, as no pain or injury was inflicted on him by the ring.
The silent atmosphere was even more shocked.
The ring… the ring accepted Xanxus.
There was a sob.
Xanxus stared at the brat, who had continuously maintained that he didn't even want to become Decimo, yet here he was, crying over being rejected by the ring.
His constant refusal of the boss position was definitely a ruse-
"Heh."
Xanxus scowled at the brat, what now?
"EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE~ I'M NOT DECIMO!" The brat crowed, the look on his face broadcasting his sheer joy to the whole world, "I'M NOT DECIMO! WHOO! LET'S PARTY!"
The brat dropped to the ground, unconscious, his fatigue and pain clearly catching up to him.
Not that Xanxus cared; he was going to fucking be Decimo! He had his own party to make, involving him and multiple bottles of alcohol.
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The brat ("Tsuna." Sawada Tsunayoshi said, his eyes staring at him unsettlingly) apparently wasn't just talk when he said 'let's party' that night, and had every intention of partying wildly for a week straight.
Xanxus would know because the brat- ahem, Tsuna, insisted on dragging him to the party every time.
"You're the guest of honor, after all." Tsuna had said, beaming, "All of this-" He gestured at the Sawada living room, "-is possible because of you entering my life."
The room was chaotic, there was music, there was food, there were drinks (though nothing alcoholic, mama's orders), there was even the bastard Iemitsu staring blankly at the wall.
(The last one was the entire reason Xanxus allowed himself to be dragged into this mess.)
There was the escaped convict, Rokudo Mukuro (who, apparently, wasn't an escaped convict anymore, Tsuna had chirruped and talked about how he convinced the Vindice to let him go. An early birthday present for Chrome, he had said. Xanxus did not want to know).
There were Vindice guards following Tsuna around as if he was God or something (again, Xanxus did not want to know).
And of course, there was Sawada Tsunayoshi.
"Heeeyyyy Xanxus." Tsuna latched onto his arm, peering up at him, "Do you have any parties to celebrate the new boss after they're inaugurated?"
"There's a formal ball."
"You mean to tell me that you don't have any wild after parties with food and alcohol and strippers?"
Xanxus carefully schooled his expression and stared blankly at Tsuna; were kids his age even supposed to think about such things?
"Why are you asking, brat?"
Tsuna pouted at him, "It's Tsuna. And I was asking because I wanted to pole dance at your celebratory part after your inauguration."
"Fucking trash, you're fourteen."
"So? It'll take a few years for you to officially be declared as boss, right? I'll be like, twenty or something. And I'll make perfect use of the time until then to practice. I'll be like an honorary stripper."
"Tsuna, you know that strippers strip?"
"Yeeesss."
Xanxus stared at the brat, "You have no problems in stripping in front of a mass of people, most of which would be mafiosi at least twice your age."
Tsuna nodded, "I figure growing and embracing an exhibitionist streak will be like a big 'fuck you' to Reborn. Dying Will Bullets-induced nudity won't be embarrassing, therefore 'amusing' to do, if I don't mind it." Tsuna smiled, "Besides, can you imagine his reaction when I do it?"
"Brat." Xanxus was reluctantly impressed.
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And naturally horrified. The brat was serious about the stripping and pole dancing business.
Xanxus was glad he only knew of Tsuna's training after he left Japan, and the only reason he knew was because Reborn thought it suitable to tell the cause (a.k.a Xanxus) about the situation in excruciating details as payback.
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What was Reborn even doing still in Namimori and staying with Tsuna anyway?
(Tsuna sniffed, head held high and looking imperiously at Xanxus through the computer screen, "You think I'll let him go before paying back all the chaos he caused in my life ten-fold?")
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The best part out of the whole situation was the look of unadulterated shock on the old man's and his guardian's faces when they got the news.
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Best. Payback. Ever.
(If Enrico was still around, he'd have cackled at the situation.
"Straight out of a crack fic!" He'd have crowed.)
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"Xanxus," Tsuna started during one of their periodic calls, "You would not believe what just happened."
"Let me guess, the Gesso heir paid you a visit."
"How did you know?"
"He made sure to tell Don Giglio Nero that he was going to visit the Vongola Decimo-to-be. And she asked me about it. It seems that he isn't of the select few aware of the change."
"It certainly looked like it." Tsuna changed the direction of the camera to show one Byakuran Gesso sitting on Tsuna's bed, looking catatonic.
"What did you do to him?"
"Nothing. He's been like that since I told him that I wasn't the Decimo candidate anymore. When he asked why, I told him about the ring. That seemed to throw him into deep shock."
"Heh. And how did he know about you? Your identity is on a need-to-know basis."
"He said something about being able to see into parallel worlds but it was confusing and I tuned him out."
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Xanxus wouldn't meet Tsuna again face to face until the Arcobaleno representative battles months later.
"You're fighting to free Reborn? I thought you were all for his Suffering."
"Oh, I am. It's just that I am the one who will make him suffer, not some stupid curse. And what if the curse caused his life span to shorten? I need to keep him alive for as long as possible to make him Suffer."
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It took years before Nono finally officially declared Xanxus as Decimo.
(The old man did his absolute best to delay it, taking years to try to change Tsuna's mind. Tsuna declined, each and every time. The ninth didn't give up until seven years and 57743 failed attempts to convince Tsuna later.)
There was an after party. Tsuna held true on his promise of being a stripper and pole dancing at the party (there were other strippers, too, but Xanxus didn't remember much about it as his brain short circuited shortly after Dino pulled out the whip for, ahem, recreational purposes).
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There was something completely evil about having to work the very next day after the party.
There Xanxus sat on the boss' chair, behind the boss' desk, sore, hung-over, sleep-deprived, tired and staring at the unholy piles of paperwork in front of him with as close to horror as he could muster.
He thought the Varia, a very rambunctious group with a lot of collateral damage and a variety of eccentricities, caused the greatest amount of paperwork possible.
He… may have miscalculated.
The shark trash wasn't helping the situation at all; hovering over Xanxus and holding his sword over Xanxus' head, his dark expression read: Do the paperwork. Or Else.
The door banged open, and a person entered the office. Xanxus scowled heavily at the sudden 'visitor'. It was Suzuki Adelheid from the Shimon.
She walked up to Xanxus' desk, aura and footsteps spelling Doom, Death and Destruction as easily as an unsupervised Varia could.
"Vongola Decimo," She intoned, red-eyes burning with promises of brutal violence, "One of your strippers made away with our boss last night. Male, brown-haired, early twenties. Called himself the Stripper of Honor."
Xanxus inwardly cursed.
(Was it too late to go back in time and make Tsuna Decimo instead?)
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Extra: deleted scene-
"Hold my cake, Gokudera-kun."
"I'LL PROTECT YOUR CAKE UNTIL MY LAST BREATH, BOSS!"
"Haha, we got your cake, Tsuna!"
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End.
I feel just as accomplished as I did when I finished writing Sawada Ie(Yasu/Mitsu).