Disclaimer : Gintama and all the characters belong to Sorachi Hideaki.

Note: I love Okikagu, and i hope you love them as much as me! Please read and review, thanks :)

She uttered a moan, almost guttural, he squinted his eyes on top of her, as he continues racing his pace for few more seconds, they were close, sweats dripping all over their faces as their bodies mingled together in the last few seconds of their lovemaking, he opened his eyes, and take a good look at her face.

So beautiful, he almost uttered it, while his member was deep inside of her, her blushed face radiates with the moonlight, the sweat glistened against the sparkling white skin. His heart felt full, all the nerves on his body was simulated, she moaned one last time at her climax, while Sougo finishing his penetration few more times and brought himself to climax himself. They were both exhausted, it was a long and cold night, and they had spent it in the hottest way they knew how.

Kagura opened her eyes and looked at the man on top of her, they locked eyes for a while, and in a tender moment of defeat and fragileness, Sougo leaned downward and plant a kiss on Kagura's flat, smooth stomach.

"That was intense" Kagura said with a sly smile, almost teasing. She had already stood up and gathered her clothes to head straight to the bathroom. While Sougo just looked at her back, still lying flat on the futon of his bedroom, moon shining lit up the futon sprawled out on the floor, messed up, and was still too warm from her body. He had felt it, the fullness of his heart when they were together, but it was starting to constrict now. As he watched her came out of the bathroom, fully clothed, up and ready to leave.

He hated this part. Yet he could not say it. He didn't even remember when he started to feel this way.

They were in this relationship to close to 6 months now, of intense, short or long durations of sex, usually here in his place. And Kagura was always the one who will come to him, whenever she felt that she wanted him. He didn't realize how they really came to this agreement before, he was just going with the flow at first, feeling that the friends with benefit terms between them is benefiting him since he doesn't need to worry about commitment. Or of breaking anyone's heart, since there will be no feeling involved.

The sex between them were always good, their body chemistry perfected each other completely, and they were both so strong to handle each other, which made for many wild nights and many unexplored positions which made it very exciting to both of them. And he wasn't too bad himself, with his God given talent (and he is well endowed on certain significant part). He was sure that Kagura is as addicted to him as he was of her.

But that feeling was replaced with a daunting pits in his stomach now. When he realized that she never wanted to stay long. And even as of now, he had hoped, she will at least kiss him goodbye.

But Kagura turns back to him "till next time" and hopped out of his front door. No kisses, or hugs, or even a smile. The cold wind blew through the door as he got up in irritation to close it. She was already gone, the wind was cold, and it hit right through to his heart.

It felt lonely.

Not that he wasn't grown accustomed to it, he was always a lonely child. Being orphaned at such a young age, his sister, Mitsuba, is pretty much the only one that has a place in his heart. He didn't made friends with any of the kids his age back then, and things simply gotten worse after his sister died.

He just wasn't expecting this.

His vermillion head china girl, with whom he had always fought with, had grown up to be a mature, seductive young lady with insurmountable amount of beauty, far exceeding most of courtesan he ever saw. But she wasn't a courtesan, she was just a simple helper in Yoshiwara, helping out the Hyakka, while still covering her odd Jobs with Gintoki and Shinpachi when he first met her again.

And to his endless surprises too, Kagura was the one who offered her first time with him, and he had nonchalantly accepted, since the fact was unknown to him beforehand. Then she learned from there, in their exchanges of endless nights, she had become a very addicting lover, once that Sougo felt making an opening and crawling into his cold heart.

At first he thought it was just due to the sex, but there's nothing beats watching her smile, and Sougo known then he had been doomed.

He had been lonely most of his life, and this, damn her for making him think that he could actually felt happy.

But she always left him after, everytime, and Sougo wondered, is there anything that could make her stay?

…

It was a busy street, and he was patrolling around while taking a peek inside a candy shop, subconsciously, his eyes darted at a mom with her infant on the arms, the baby beaming, her mom kissed him with such a tenderness that made Sougo's heart ached. Damn this.

…

He hated going back to his house now, he had moved out of the Shinsengumi quarters since 4 months ago, and during the beginning of it, he had come to love his new house. A small, wooden structure, village style house with a small balcony in front, connecting to the main hallway with 2 rooms opposite to each other, a small kitchen on the back. The front lawn is kept, and a small pond in front. He had got the house for a very good price, and his years of saving had managed him to buy the property. Kondo himself had approved of it, since the house was kind of similar to their house back in Bushu, of his and Mitsuba's house.

He felt that it was quite sentimental of him to have bought it because it was similar, but he had done it because it will make it easier for Kagura to come visit him. She had said that it was fun sneaking around in the Shinsengumi quarters, but Sougo knows that they had to keep quiet for most of the time, and he loved it when they were loud.

Their nights had been very satisfying since he got to do whatever he wanted in their own privacy.

This house, he had thought of it again and again, was meant for her to stay in.

Yet he never said it, he couldn't even go find her when he wanted to. Kagura had regularly come to him, usually 3 times a week, or when she was especially horny, she would come every night. There had been instances when he came home late after a job, and found out that she already waited for him inside. He still remember the feeling clearly.

And of how much he wanted that to the how it is every day. But he can't say it.

Now, since their last night together, Kagura had ceased coming, and it had been close to 1 month, and Sougo's patience was at his end.

The first week, he had let it slide and thinking that Kagura must have been on her period, she usually won't come during that time, and Sougo had kept himself busy and waited for the week to past.

The second week, he started to grow irritated. He wanted to play it cool and said that it doesn't matter. It's really up to her and he knows sooner she will just burst out through the door and hump him like there's no tomorrow.

But she didn't come.

The third week, Sougo didn't even go home, he stayed at his quarters, busying himself with paperwork after days of missions. His heart felt deserted, his head so heavy. He wanted to punch her on her face, he wanted to kick her ass to submission. He wanted her on all four begging for his forgiveness. He hated her so much it burning his heart like wildfire.

He missed her. He felt so betrayed that he wanted to cry. She had said 'till next time' and in his head it was supposed to be the next day. But the days passed and Sougo had not seen her anywhere. Not even when he purposefully wandering around Kabukichou hoping he would saw her and then he could beat her ass for being such a selfish bitch.

His fear, finally materialized before him. He had thought about it before. Of how fragile their arrangement was. Of how Kagura was the one who's left with the power of choosing whether to come or to stay away. He knows it was a mistake. He had thought about the possibility that Kagura will stop coming to him, and what he would have to do when the time comes.

For most other nights before, whenever she came to him and love him, when she was in his arms, writhing and panting beneath him, or on top of him, he felt so reassured that this never going to end. Her smiling face as she kissed him, all over his body, the warmth of her. It made him forgot about his insecurity.

There's no way she's going to leave.

And because of that, he had been a very attentive lover, always putting her needs before him, always loving her with all the cards he could present. And Kagura loved it. He was sure of it.

But why now?

In a rampant anger of agony, he had slaughtered more rebels and criminal than he would like to admit, his inside boiling. The pits in his stomach was never going to be filled with all this blood and severed head.

…

Kagura stared at her own reflection in the mirror, of how she looked now that she's all grown up. Her hair long and flowing, almost reaching her midriff, her face flawless, despite many cuts and bruises sustained from endless fighting, being a Yato, her wounds always healed and left no scratch or marks at all.

"I look like Mommy" she mused.

She thought about her mom, and then her dad, still fighting somewhere she didn't know where, another planet, another galaxy. She thought about Kamui, also whom which whereabout was unknown to her. She thought about Gin Chan, and Shinpachi, and everyone else that mattered to her. She had a good set of friends, she is loved. But now, as she watches her face in the mirror, her minds darted to him.

She is in love with him. There's no denying that. He had grown to become so handsome, as he always had. And his teasing of her never stopped. It had irritated her for a while, but she become more excited by him when he started to smile mischievously to her during their fights. And Kagura knows her hormone had gotten the best of her when she started to felt turned on when they would touch.

She went around to ask her older friends, such as Otae, and Tsukuyo. Even Sacchan and Hinowa. She never told them that it was him she was attracted to, but they all was so excited with Kagura being so bold and asking things like this, and all of them suggested that she should just do whatever she wants, and that's what strong woman would do.

She is undoubtedly strong, and beautiful, but she didn't know it. She wanted to make Okita Sougo hers, she wanted to touch him, and kiss him, and do all other things lovers should do.

They were alone in the park when she decided to just tell him. They were fighting as usual, and in a moment she overpowered him and pinned him down on the ground, her legs pinning down his legs and he's trapped beneath her.

She can't believe how fast her heart was beating, and how much she wanted to kiss him, his smells overpower her senses, and she leaned down and kiss him hard.

"What the fuck!" he had exclaimed and thrown her aside, but Kagura had landed on her feet gracefully, Sougo got up frantically, his face blushed, he looked at her with murdering vibes.

"Ah, is it your first kiss? Sorry I didn't know you are such a cherry boy" Kagura teased him, when in fact she herself was almost died of embarrassment. This is the first time she had kissed anyone too, and she didn't know about Sougo. Being older, she knows that he must have had his share of experience, and Kagura's heart was paining like hell when she imagined him kissing another woman.

Sougo was immobilized, as if planning his next move, while Kagura looked at him, trying to act cool as cucumber while her insides was turning into melted butter. What if Sougo hated her? What if the kiss disgusted him and he turned away and left her cold. What if he is already in love with someone else, and that she is kissing another woman's lover. She hated it, the moments seems silent for an eternity.

But Sougo was already jumped and ready for his next attack and Kagura was caught off-guard, this time she was the one pinned down as he smiled mischievously "Did you call that a kiss?"

The he leaned down while both his hand is on Kagura's neck. In a choking motion that made her almost breathless. He descended his open mouth on her, capturing her lips, while his tongue went inside her. His movement deft, quick, but the kiss was tender and passionate. Kagura almost passed out from the sensation, of hotness of his hand and body on top of her, his mouth claiming hers until they were both breathless.

Sougo hand's left her neck and went downward, Kagura knows that she felt panic but try to stay cool, she didn't believe it will turn out to this. She was so excited but she was really, really inexperienced, and she was scared of what will happen when Sougo found out. But both of them was so turned on already and she reacted purely on instinct as Sougo was already leading somewhere.

It was short and intense, even for their first time, it doesn't felt awkward at all. They body moved at an automatic rhythm, as if their soul had waited for this for a long time.

But Sougo soon realized that despite her boldness, she was also a virgin. It was almost overwhelming, he had wanted to laugh. And so he did. Kagura's face flushed and she raised her hand to hit him again but he captured her by the wrist and open kiss her on her palm.

"This is a good fight, let's do this again" he said with a smile. But Kagura had jumped up and ready to run away. She was really embarrassed, she didn't expect things would turn out this way.

…

The second time it happened, Sougo was fast asleep when his senses was alerted with intruders as he felt a presence nearby him. Still closing his eyes, his body was already in conscious mode and he jumped to the back of the intruder and held his katana on her neck.

"Such a fast reflex" Kagura applauded but she was faster when her feet made a backward swing and Sougo was flat on the floor, then Kagura kick his katana while her hand went to covering his mouth, silencing him.

Sougo was so shocked, but the gestured was turning him on faster than he had thought, so they had sex soon after, and she left him after she was done with him.

From then on, it had become a regular thing for them. Sougo doesn't complain except that he said he hated being quiet and he told her he's going to move out of there, and build his own torture room for her.

She rectify and said it was going to be a torture chamber for him.

But they continued on with their routines, of Kagura continuously surprise her with her nightly visits, and Sougo continuously upped his game with more new skills and positions.

…

She had not felt well since the last month, she had suspected it but was nervous to find out. Since a long time, she had thought of this probability too, she wasn't stupid, but this is a stupidity in which she had chose.

She loved Okita Sougo, she had known it from the start, and when she come to him and spend her nights with him, it was one of the highlight of her life. She loved his smell, his face, his thoughts and everything he had made to her, and with her.

But she buried her feelings because she didn't want to scare him with her feeling. She knows Okita is a cold hearted person, and that she should have known better than to fuck him all the time like this without knowing any way to get out of it.

She had thought that if he doesn't want her anymore, she would simply stop going to him, attended to her own heartbreak and move on, eventually. But he was always so enthusiastic, and their relationship was good. Sougo is an outstanding lover, it drives her crazy that one day he will just tossed her away like she doesn't matter. Therefore she held on to the power of coming and going at her liking, continuously assuring herself that she is the one using him for her own benefits, and that Sougo is just compliance since its sex anyway, and that she will never ask or expect anything more out of him.

She had always play it cool, as far and as best that she could, but she had kissed him with all the thoughts of love, letting him inside her, inside her body, inside her heart. She had always looked at him with heart full of love. She dreamt of him when he was not around. And for god sake, she hated leaving him so coldly after they were done.

But she held on strong, if it is what it takes, to stay like this. All the moment they were together, she had whispered to all the gods she knows, to please let them stay this way.

The air is cold every time, she had to disappear into the darkness, never actually got to lie down next to him, and slept in his warmth.

She let out a tear, but quickly catch it and wipe them away

Her mind goes back to her mom, of the lonely nights she had spent while her father was away looking for ways to cure her. She knew sadness when she remembered her eyes, it's the same somber look her eyes had now.

It had been 3 weeks and Kagura had tried her hardest to hide from all the places she might run into Okita Sougo. Not that he will look for me. She mused.

She had stayed in Yoshiwara for a while to avoid Sougo, she knows she would run into him if she stayed in Kabukichou. She had told Ginchan and Shinpachi that she wanted to stay in Yoshiwara with Tsukuyo and Hinowa for a while, but doesn't tell them about what had happened.

She missed him so much her heart ached. Whats more is that she hated that she couldn't go and meet him anymore. But it wasn't all bad. All the love she accumulated for him had taken seed inside her belly now. She held her stomach, still flat as ever, but she felt the beats of a different rhythm there.

She is pregnant with Okita Sougo's child.

She had felt happy for a millisecond. She had always picture a family, of wanting to chase after her kids, and raising them to be powerful and strong like her. Then she pictured Sougo came home from work, kissed her and kissed their kids and take turn to hold him for a while, while Kagura went to the kitchen to fix dinner.

She smiled at the thought, her heart overjoyed but then it dawn on her.

Sougo did not sign up for this. There is no fantasy in which she should include him in. And the biggest fear that dawn on her is the rejection, of the possibility that when Sougo knows about this, he would turn her away coldly, or worse, suggested that she abort the baby.

She felt anxious for a while, then gathered her thoughts after few days. This baby that grows inside her is her choice alone. This is the proof of her unrequited love, but a grand one at it. She would raise the baby and have fun with him/her, while teaching him/her to grow up strong and independent.

She will never felt lonely again when she had the kid. Ginchan will be his grandpa, and Shinpachi and Anego will be his uncle and auntie. They all will love him unconditionally as they had loved her. That thought brought joy to her heart again, as she decided that there will be no need to involve Okita in this matter. This is her life after all.

She took a walk around Edo for the first time in 3 weeks of confining herself in Yoshiwara, she felt bored most of the time and she thought of why she was so afraid of meeting Sougo. Sougo is merely a sperm donor to this kid, and there's no way he would blame her or get angry at her if she doesn't ask of anything from him anyway. So she thought fuck it.

It was when she was on the bridge that she senses danger coming on, and danger it was. Sougo had rushed to her with his murderous intent and knocked her out the bridge, but it was nothing to Kagura due to her agility and she landed safely inside the water. Without warning Sougo jumped towards the water himself but she dodged him and he landed on the water, splashing the water towards her as she took a backward stance to kept away from him.

"Wait, stop!" Kagura pleaded, and Sougo stops his attack and still glare at her, his inside raging. He had saw her from far, minding her own business while strolling around with her purple parasol, and he was enraged he had wanted to cry. She looked so beautiful, and he felt so betrayed. He missed her, and after not seeing her for almost a month, he had forgotten just how beautiful she looks, and how much he hated her for abandoning him.

"You can't say stop to the enemy that wanted to kill you" Sougo replied, while rushing to her and wanting to launch an attack, but her eyes widened in horror as Sougo prepared to kick her, she instinctively protect her stomach and curled downward, she raised her arms to hold his kick, it wasn't a strong one, so she didn't have a problem stopping them. But her face become pale, as she still crouched down and hugs her stomach to safety. She didn't know how fragile the baby inside would be, but as of now, she was really concern with its safety.

Sougo stopped dead in his track and senses that something was really wrong with her, he almost felt apologetic. In instinctive thinking he managed to feel that he was always so self-absorbed with himself that he had forgot that maybe Kagura was unwell and didn't manage to come meet him. He felt a twinge of guilt as he watch her pale face.

"China, what's wrong" he finally managed to say. Kagura looked away from him, trying to hide her almost teary eyes. Be strong Kagura. She wanted to run, but Sougo was faster and he took her shoulder and swing her around to him.

He saw her teary eyes, but Kagura kept silent, watching him. He still held her shoulder facing her, and repeated the question. His heart was beating loudly, Kagura is acting way too strange. And her eyes was clouding too much emotion he had never saw before.

She then use both her hand to release Sougo's hand from her. Slowly, she brought her right hand towards her stomach and almost incoherently, mouthing the word.

"I'm pregnant"

While he watches Sougo's eyes widened in disbelief, she wanted to cry, she wanted to run away. But this is her choice, and now and here, is the time to really just told him to fuck off and never bother her again, because she won't.

She wanted to tell it all before Sougo could react, because if Sougo turned her away first, she would be so hurt beyond repair, and she knows she will never recover from such sadness.

"But you don't have to worry! This is my kid alone and I will raise him to be a strong fighter, so much stronger than you he will kick your ass!" Kagura told him, while braving a smile. Yes, it all sounded good, and when she had said it like that, she had believed it too, and all Sougo had to do is say, oh awesome, and then left her alone.

But he still gape in front of her in disbelief, his face so flushed, with unknown emotion that Kagura couldn't place. She was scared for a while, but she didn't do anything wrong, didn't she? Even if Sougo had lost his mind and wanted to kill the kid then, she was still strong enough to kill Sougo first. But while Sougo kept his face down, he finally lift them up and look at her.

His eyes teary. And Kagura's heart crushed like cookies. She never saw him like that, so hurt, she wanted to cry, and she wanted to take him into her arms and apologize for whatever is making him made a face like that.

"Why? Do you really hate me that much?" He whispered. "Why are you doing this to me" He added. To add to how dramatic the scene is, Sougo fell on his feet and crouched on the ground. His eyes still look down, and Kagura hated herself so much at this moment. She didn't expect this reaction. What could she had done? Except being stupid enough to let herself become pregnant. And that too, she had already decided not to burden him.

"What do you mean? I told you, you don't have to worry about it" Kagura replied, she got closer to him even though she wasn't sure if he would like it. At this moment, Kagura felt so sorry towards him, she knows it was her fault to fall in love with him, and unexpectedly carrying his child. But as much as it was a heavy news for him, it was even heavier on Kagura herself.

"So you just use me all this time, and run away from me with my child inside your belly, is that what you're doing?" Sougo said, his heart is so crushed. He hated her with all his being right now. He wanted to beat her and punish her, he wanted so much to carve her heart slowly with knife, so as to make her feel what he felt right now.

"Fuck Kagura, why are you doing this to me?" he added. Kagura was dumbfounded. But she crawled to his side and held his hand.

"I didn't mean that, I just don't want to involve or burden you, this is my fault and my decision" Kagura now wasn't sure of what to say, of which way to go with her words. It felt that every second of this discussion in agonizing, and Sougo was acting so out of character she doesn't know what he wanted.

"Your decision. Yeah right, it was always your decision, I had no say in your life doesn't it. I had no say in how you came to me and how you left me. I had no say now that you wanted to take away this child and make him only yours. I had no say that you are leaving me alone doesn't it. I hate you so much, why are you so selfish?" He had come to a rant now, he felt like all of his soul is leaving him.

A kid. He had always wanted one. Ever since Kagura had come to his life, he had picture the end of which they will be surrounded by their kids someday. He had always been lonely, and in few instances of happiness when he was with Kagura, he had pictured a kid. He had never thought that Kagura will take that away from him, and left like she always does.

What does it take for her to stay? Why does she hate me so much? Is a torture that always kept running inside his head. And now that it become reality, he felt lifeless.

Kagura was so shocked to hear that, and her heart broken intto a thousand of pieces, Sougo is crying in front of her, completely fragile, completely out of place. Just like the day he had lost his sister, and Kagura cant help it.

She loved him with all his heart, she does. But he hated her, and now why is he crying with all fragility when logically, she should be the one who wept. He is weaker than her, after all. Kagura smiled a little, and take him inside her arms. It doesn't matter anyway. He was crying and all she wanted was to protect him from whatever is paining her. Even if it was herself. If he hate her so much he would just shoved her away and left her there alone. But Kagura held him carefully, his head was resting inside her arm, while he continued his silent cry. Her hug seems to hold all his broken pieces together. Her smells seems to calm his senses. If she hated me so much, why would sbe come and hug me like this, like I'm the only person that mattered to her?

"Why are you crying? If you want me to stay I will stay with you, I just don't want to burden you with things you never wanted" Kagura still trying to make her point. She was still confused. She doesn't think that she did anything really wrong up to this point.

"Burden? You had always burden me! You had always become a pain in my ass and now a pain in my heart ever since I can remember, and now you wanted to run away and said you don't want to become my burden? Have you ever ask me how I felt, of every time you left me in the dead of the night, and never even look to me once? Of how I waited for you this whole time, but just left in a nightmare that you will never come again?" He let it all out.

"And now you want to go and made a family of your own, without including me. Why are you so cruel China? You are taking my family away from me." He said with such a low voice. Kagura's heart continue to break, she had heard enough.

She lift his face up to her and kissed his lips to silence him, Sougo was shocked with the kiss and wanted to return them but it was over as she started it.

"Are you an idiot? If you had felt that way why don't you tell me?" now it was Kagura's turn to get angry, her face darkened to beet red at Sougo's confession, and warmth started seeping to her heart seeing Sougo in all his vulnerability like that.

Sougo looked at her and realized his mistakes, he did kept silent all these time without a good reason. He had known that Kagura wouldn't have been so cold to not have an inch of feeling towards him. He knows how stupid he was, but Kagura was even stupider in his point of view.

"I am idiot? You are even bigger idiot! How dare you get pregnant with my child and then disappear from me! You deserve to be killed if it's not for my child you were carrying right now!" and somehow that lighten up the mood between them. They both got up and Kagura leaned towards his embrace. Sougo felt his heart was full, fuller than any other time he had felt. Kagura felt so right in his arm, her hair smells is intoxicating, he leaned down and kiss her forehead.

A minute passed as he delve into the feeling of bliss he felt.

He disentangled her from his arm and look into her eyes, she's so beautiful, and he loved her with all his heart. He took her lips for a kiss and she replied with all enthusiasm, filled with hunger and love. All her doubt flew away. She loved him more than anything else.

"China, for once let me make a decision in our relationship… will you marry me?" Sougo asked with brimming hope, it was the heat of the moment, he was holding on to her so tightly like if he let go of her, she would break. But this is his one chance to be brave, in front of a strong and beautiful woman he had always love, that if he didn't say it now, he will doubt himself and his strength, and he might miss his one chance at finally knowing happiness, and never be able to say it again.

He knows she loves him. He knows she wants him. At this moment, he was praying to all the gods that will listen, that Kagura will simply say it. Say the words he had always wanted to hear from her.

She smiled, and then he smile.

"Yes"