1500 hours, Footrot Flats ("Luxury apartments at fair dinkum prices."), Apartment 4C

"There's something deeply weird about staking out the building you live in," Nick noted, as he watched Judy fiddle with the parabolic microphone mounted next to the open window.

"Well, if we can catch those two raccoons completing their drug deal, it'll be worth it just to clean them out of the building," she replied, as she finished double checking that it was aimed at the window of the apartment directly across from them, in the Pangolin Arms.

"How dumb do you have to be to run deals in a building, when you know/i there are two cops living there too?" he wondered.

"How many dumb criminals have we met?" Judy asked, settling down onto a folding chair. Next to her was a laptop hooked into the microphone, recording everything that would be said across the street. It was even sensitive enough to "hear" conversations from the vibrations of the window, if it was closed.

"That's a point," Nick agreed. He pulled out his radio from his pocket. "Central, this is Stakeout Four. We're starting our shift."

"Roger, Stakeout Four. Have a fun evening!/i" Clawhouser called back.

"Staring at an apartment building for twelve hours straight. Oh, it's gonna be a barrel of laughs," Nick replied. "Stakeout Four out."

"We might get lucky and get something right away," Judy said. "Anyway, where's your sense of drama? Listening in covertly to hardened criminals making nefarious deals…"

"Listening to two not very bright mammals argue about what kind of pizza to order..."

"Oh, come one. It beats sitting in a patrol car for the same amount of time."

"In a patrol car we're doing things," Nick countered. He waved his paw briefly in dismissal. "Eh, let's get started."

1650 hours.

"So I'm think about going on a cruise to Cape Suzette."

Judy twitched an ear towards Nick as she continued to watch the readout on the laptop. "How are you supposed to afford a cruise on your salary?"

"I'd get it for free."

"Come again?"

He grinned at her. "C'mon, haven't you seen those ads from real estate companies, offering a free cruise in return for listening to their pitch for a timeshare?"

"Yech/i, that's the worst/i," she declared, glancing back at him. "Who wants to have their vacation interrupted so they can spend a day locked in a room and forced to endure a hard sell to buy something they don't need and can't afford?"

"Ah, but they'd be pitching to me/i, remember? You can't scam an old scam artist, Fluff."

"Oh? Oh!" She smiled back at him. "I'd like to see that."

"Well, these cruises are generally for two."

"Well, yeah." Judy felt her ears heat slightly, so she decided to change the subject. "I'm a little surprised you never went for that yourself, selling timeshares or whatever."

Nick rolled his eyes her. "Give me some credit, Judy. I may have been a scam artist, but I did have ethics/i."

1815 hours

"I want extra cheese."

"And I want the pineapple topping."

"Pineapple on pizza is gross."

"So's extra cheese!"/i

"Kill. Me. Now." Judy intoned flatly, turning down the volume on the laptop.

"Told you it was going to be boring," Nick said.

"You were right."

He tapped his holster briefly. "If it gets to be too much, I can always dart you so you could take a nap."

"Don't tempt me. Anyway, we've only got eight hours to go."

"Eight hours, forty-five minutes," Nick corrected.

"I hate you so much."

2020 hours

"A still more glorious dawn awaits, not a sunrise, but a galaxy-rise/i…" Judy heard Nick sing from the direction of the kitchen, as he fixed two coffees.

"That's a pretty song," she said, as he came back and handed her a cup. "Who's the artist?"

"It's not exactly a song," Nick said, settling down on the couch. "Somebody autotuned a bunch of dialog from Cosmos/i and set it to music a few years back."

"Cosmos/i? What's that?"

Nick frowned, his left ear rotated in momentary confusion. "Y'know, Cosmos/i. Carl Sergal in his Spaceship of the Imagination saying, 'Billions and billions/i of years ago…'" As she continued to stare him blankly, he asked, "You honestly have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"It was a kids show?" she guessed.

He threw up his paws in the air, coffee slurping over the edge of his cup. "It's was the biggest science show from the 80's! I watched it a million times when I was a kit! How could you have not seen it?"

"I was born in '91, Nick," she reminded him. "I got my science from The Magic School Bus/i."

"It's not like they didn't have reruns…" Nick sighed, set his coffee down, and went back to the kitchen grab some paper towels. "Next thing you're gonna tell me is that you don't like MMT3k."

"What?"

"Mystery Mammal Theater 3000/i," he said in exasperation.

"Oh, that show with the muskrat and the two robots watching old movies?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you. You were making me worried there for a second, Carrots," Nick said, tossing the wet towels in the garbage and sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, I never watched it," Judy admitted. "It looked pretty stupid."

She ducked down as Nick snorted hot coffee from his snout. "You don't like/i MMT3k? How could you not like/i MMT3k?"

"Oh, come on!" she said. "Who wants to watch a movie with a bunch of people talking over it making dumb jokes?"

"You have no soul/i, Carrots," Nick declared.

2132 hours

"What are they talking about now?" Judy asked Nick, as he took his turn at the laptop.

"They're arguing about the wire," he reported, tapping his claws on the folding table.

"That was a good show."

Nick shook his head. "No, an actual wire that's hanging from the ceiling apparently."

"Oh, God/i," Judy groaned

"If I come out this with my sanity intact, I'll hit Mrs. Dharma with a fire hazard citation."

"I'll be right there with you."

2348 hours

Nick stretched his fingers out, staring at them intently.

"What?" Judy prompted.

"Why do we have a base ten numbering system, when almost all mammals have eight digits on their paws?" he asked.

"I honestly have no idea," she admitted. "You waste your time worrying about stuff like that?"

"Thinking, not worrying," he said. "I worry/i about stuff like ice cream."

She leaned her ears towards him. "What about ice cream?"

"Well," Nick said, frowning. "Where does the milk come from to make it?"

"I… don't know," Judy admitted. She and Nick stared at each other for a moment.

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Agreed."

0040 hours

"Francine?" Judy prompted.

"Pass," Nick replied. "Wolfard?"

"Mmm, Date, I think. Fangmeyer?"

"Date. Grizoli?"

"Pass." Judy grinned at him. "Clawhouser?" she teased.

"Fuck," Nick said.

She blinked. "What, seriously?"

"Well, I mean I don't swing that way, but he's got a certain Big Beautiful Mammal charm to him, wouldn't you agree?"

"I guess. I always just looked him and thought he was…" Judy pressed her palm to her face. "And now I'm fat shaming, aren't I?"

"Yes, but it's sweet to see you confront your personal prejudices," he told her, patting her head briefly. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure he and Bogo are an item anyway."

"What, you think so?"

"Well, they were dancing together at the Gazelle concert after the Night Howler case wrapped up."

"That doesn't mean anything. I mean it might, but I doubt it." Judy waved her paw briefly. "Bogo can be a real jerk, but do you think he's the sort of commander who would break department rules and a date subordinate?"

"Huh, good point." Nick cocked his head. "I'll note you didn't argue about whether Bogo is gay or not."

"He's in his early fifties and never married. I'd be kinda surprised if he wasn't/i gay."

Nick grinned evilly. "Assumptions again, Carrots. He could be just asexual."

Judy facepawed again. "Cheese and crackers/i, you're right! Augh!"

Nick snickered.

0115 hours

"I spy with my little eye…"

"We're not doing this, Nick."

"Sorry."

0200 hours

"Don't those idiots ever sleep/i?"

"They're raccoons, Nick. Nocturnal, like you."

"Even I get tired at 2 AM. If they're going to stay awake, they could at least leave their apartment and find a nice garbage bin to explore."

"Now who's letting their personal prejudices get the better of them?"

"Hush, Carrots."

0230 hours

"Thirty minutes until Francine and Fangmeyer relieve us."

"Don't watch the clock, Nick. It makes the time go slower."

"Twenty-nine minutes, thirty seconds."

"Cheese and crackers/i…"

0300 hours

There was a knock on the apartment door. Judy hopped up onto Nick's shoulders to peer through the peephole, then opened the door eagerly. "Francine, Fangmeyer, great/i to see you!"

"Hi, Judy. Anything happen while you were watching?" Francine asked, sliding through the door with only a little effort, Fangmeyer following.

"Not a darned thing," Nick said. "Enjoy the next twelve hours of excruciating boredom."

"That's okay, I brought a book," Fangmeyer told them, holding up her tablet.

As they headed down the stairs, Nick said to his partner, "Judy, I know this great place across the street where we can sack out."

"Looking forward to it," Judy agreed with a yawn. She pulled out her radio and called, "Central, this is Officers Hopps and Wilde. We are officially off/i the clock."

"Hopps and Wilde, stand by/i," Clawhouser's relief called back. "Your assistance is needed."

"What..?"

From the top of the stairwell they heard the thunder of elephant hooves and tiger paws. The two smaller officers had just enough time to plaster themselves against the wall as Francine and Fangmeyer rushed past, the latter shouting, "Follow us, the deal is going down!"

"We're not going to get to sleep for another three hours, are we?" Nick asked dejectedly.

"Nope, c'mon partner!" Judy ran down the stairs, Nick following, into the early Zootopia morning...