Chapter Six

Starfleet rarely allowed individuals with symptoms that led to panic attacks or any other disorders that could lead to disasters such as yesterday's incident. It was a wonder that casualties hadn't been worse. Anderson was the only one who'd sustained any serious injuries. Her quick thinking was what had saved the two women. Kirk and Sulu just barely escaped the Orions, and with Green's death labeled as murder, everyone had been talking about the mission that went so horribly wrong.

She sat at the corner of her biobed as she listed through all the misdemeanors Giotto had thrown at her when Hawkins spilled the beans. The corners of her mouth were tilted into a frown as she let out a heavy sigh. McCoy had been watching the young woman out of the corner of his eye every now and then, fully aware of her nervous disposition. Given how she reacted upon the planet and her own medical exam, he should have seen the signs of a panic attack when he she had one. Annoyingly, the woman did a good job at hiding them.

"I don't know why I signed up for this in the first place," she finally spoke out loud, catching McCoy by surprise. "All I ever seem to do is mess up, and just when things are starting to look up."

Well, at least she was finally being honest with herself. McCoy thought of reaming her out, thought of chewing her out for everything she had when she put everyone's lives in danger. But, something held him back. Seeing the look of rejection written across her face was almost painful.

"I know it ain't in my place to ask, but what made you think of enlisting in Starfleet, especially if you're prone to panic attacks?" McCoy finally deadpanned.

Of all the people who could, in a way, sympathize with her, it was him. After all, he didn't want to be stuck in these metal death traps anymore than she wanted a panic attack to hit. Even if he wasn't fond of being trapped on a ship like this, he still performed his job as admirably as he could. What happened on that planet could have easily been avoided had she warned the medical team of her conditions.

"Pike convinced me," she shrugged, refusing to make eye contact as McCoy looked at her in surprise, "He said I had potential to follow in my father's footsteps… but, after what happened to him, I wanted nothing to do with Starfleet."

"What'd your dad do?"

Considering this was the first real conversation he was having with the same woman who tried avoiding medbay since her medical exam, he figured that was a win in itself. Though, judging from the way her face fell, it wasn't a happy story.

"He died, four years ago," she explained warily. McCoy's face fell with realization, and he clamped his mouth shut as she looked down at the wall thoughtfully, "It was a freak accident, they told me. Something that shouldn't have happened, during a malfunction on a Starship. He along with thirty other Officers were killed, that day."

McCoy sucked in a breath when he caught the look written across her face.

Way to go, McCoy, he mentally scolded himself. He should have known better than to bring up family. He was ready to say something else when the doors slid open. If he wasn't so relieved for the random distraction, McCoy would've slapped Kirk for barging in on him.

"How's she doing, Bones?" Kirk asked once he strode across medbay and reached him.

Anderson had stopped talking, and she was now looking once again at anything but them. McCoy held back a sigh of frustration as he realized that was just another symptom of extreme anxiety.

"What do you think?" McCoy grumbled, crossing his arms when he realized that what little progress he made with her went down the toilet. "Ya know, when Giotto reamed her out for lyin' to him, I thought I'd heard it all. Things could've gone better if you'd been there."

Truth be told, Giotto was anything but happy with the way Anderson handled the situation. Hawkins hadn't been any better with her temperament making things worse. Anderson had already built a wall, and it was going to take more than a few words to climb over it. Maybe a long talk with a therapist would help resolve the problem at hand. But there was only so much a therapist could do on a ship like this. A panic attack was going to happen again. It was inevitable, and no one wanted to admit that she was more of a liability now than an asset.

"Look, I'm sorry," Kirk sighed, his voice dropping to a whisper as he knelt down beside McCoy, "I had to get a few things cleared with Admiral Archer before we continued on. The Orions shouldn't have been there in the first place."

"Even if that is the case, I'd hardly consider what happened back there a win. Losing a life is never a win in my book," McCoy scoffed, gesturing to Anderson and the fact that Lieutenant Green had also been killed during that mission. Kirk just looked at him sheepishly, and McCoy rubbed the temple of his forehead in frustration, "Jim, you talk to her. Or, find someone she can talk to without freaking out on me."

Kirk must have considered his options, because he fell silent and looked at Anderson thoughtfully. There seemed to be more than a few unanswered questions that were left out in the open. Which left McCoy wondering how once again, Anderson got accepted into Starfleet in the first place. Pike must've pulled some heavy strings to get her enlisted.

"Alright, I'll talk to her," Kirk finally relented, earning a look from McCoy. The gleam in his eyes was enough of a reminder why McCoy rarely let him talk to his patients, especially if they were women in particular, "Without you in the room. It's obvious she's terrified of you, Bones."

McCoy was ready to argue when he thought better of it. After finding out that Anderson did suffer from severe panic attacks, and the confrontation with Giotto and Hawkins, he was in serious need of a drink. He'd let Kirk deal with Anderson for the time being. Maybe the Captain would have a better chance of finding a way of getting through her head.

"You make one move on her, Kirk, and you'll be answerin' to a hypospray with your name written on it," he growled out the words after standing up from where he'd been sitting for the last couple of hours. "I've got enough crap to worry about with you makin' it worse."

"Don't worry about it, Bones," Kirk clasped a hand over McCoy's shoulder, and the doctor scowled in annoyance as he brushed off his hand, "I've got this handled."

"Handled my ass," McCoy grumbled under his breath as he left, shaking his head in grim amusement.

God, help him. It would take more than a few drinks to get him through these next five years.

…

She'd been staring at the data PADD for what felt like hours now. When McCoy talked to her for the first time for just a few minutes, Kate felt the weight suddenly returning to her chest. On any normal occasion, she would have been happy to avoid talking to the good doctor. He may have tried making things somewhat more tolerable, but in the end, she just couldn't bring herself to open up to him. The familiar spark of fear that made its way into her chest kept her from talking any further than she had.

Kate scowled as she thought of how miserably she'd failed on that planet.

The anxiety attack had occurred so suddenly that she wasn't given a chance to react to it. Hawkins and Kirk were the ones who ended up saving their sorry asses. Kate knew she was in for an earful the moment they were beamed back aboard the ship. Hawkins had been furious, and understandably so. When she lost consciousness just as the transporters were about to beam them up, she knew she was in deep trouble. The worst part of it was waking up after they'd arrived in the transport rooms, just as the medical team arrived.

Now, what am I going to do? she wondered, suddenly aware that everyone now knew of her 'condition', as Giotto had 'politely' described it.

As if getting an earful from Hawkins wasn't embarrassing enough, Giotto had charged into medbay with a look of fury written across his face. She knew from the look of disappointment and anger that he wouldn't let her back on the job any time soon.

Now, she sat in medbay to await whatever punishment McCoy or Kirk gave her. Giotto had already banned her from working in Security until she straightened herself out. It meant that she held no position on the ship, and she could just as easily be left behind on a Starbase, somewhere. The thought sent a shiver of fear through her. She couldn't imagine being dumped on some miserable Starbase far from everything she knew, but it was a real possibility, and one that left her mind churning with anxiety.

"Pike was the one who convinced you to enlist, wasn't he?"

Kate glanced at Kirk in surprise when he grabbed a chair and pulled it up, sitting down as he looked at her thoughtfully.

"Yes, sir," she replied.

Her throat tightened with that familiar sense of fear. Talking to Giotto had been the least of her problems. McCoy was at least a little easier, because she knew what to expect out of the southern doctor. Kirk, was a whole different story. He was the Captain, and the highest authority on the ship. Though, McCoy would've likely argued with that notion.

"Look, Anderson," Kirk started, then cleared his throat, "Kate," he quickly corrected, earning a look of disbelief from her, "Formality really isn't needed unless you're on the bridge, or unless we're on duty. Right now, it's neither, so, you can drop the act."

It took everything she had not to bolt from the biobed and look for some form of escape. The room suddenly felt as if it was getting smaller, and her breathing became quick and labored. She couldn't explain these anxiety attacks. They happened so randomly that it became overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, finally dropping her gaze as Kirk frowned and leaned forward.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She blinked in surprise at the soft way he spoke. Despite the obvious tension in the room, Kate found herself looking back at Kirk, noting his blue eyes were dark with concern.

"I'm sure by now that everyone knows I suffer from severe anxiety," she muttered, the bitterness in her own voice taking Kirk by surprise. "I'm guessing you're looking for some excuse to dump me off at a Starbase where I can work out my problems."

"Of course, not," Kirk snorted, as if he couldn't believe what he heard. "Bones is already working out a way to help you, if you're willing to accept it."

Kate grimaced at the thought of letting another doctor try and 'help' her. The last time she tried letting a doctor offer any help, it ended miserably, with her life at stake. She immediately thought of arguing, hoping that she could avoid having to work alongside McCoy all-together.

"I'm not exactly a fan of doctors, especially one with as terrible bedside manner as McCoy," she admitted, trying to keep her voice from sounding so shaken.

She knew Kirk would see right through her fear. Lying, at this point, was obvious. At least if he understood a small part of her fear towards medical visits, maybe he could figure out a way to prevent them at all. Though, she doubted McCoy would allow that to happen.

"Believe me, Kate, you're not the only one who hates doctors and hospitals," Kirk laughed it off.

She looked at him in surprise, noticing for the first time that the tension from earlier had dissipated.

"How exactly did someone who hates doctors become best friends with one, then?" she asked incredulously.

"That's a good question," Kirk admitted, running a hand through his hair while putting some thought into it.

She'd heard enough stories of how Kirk and McCoy became friends. From what she gathered, their friendship had been strained, at the beginning. Eventually, Kirk wormed his way into McCoy's heart. And while there were still obviously a few cat fights, here and there, between them, she could see that McCoy clearly cared about Kirk.

"Guess we sort of needed each other, at the time," he finally shrugged. "Bones may not be the easiest person to get along with, but he does care… in his own way. Just give him a chance; he may surprise you."

Silence followed as Kate considered her options. She could always turn it down, and just accept whatever punishment followed. Yet, there was the small voice in the back of her head that told her she should accept. That things would get better, in the long run.

"Alright," she finally relented, knowing that if anything, maybe this would help with her 'condition'. "When do I start?"

"As soon as Bones is sober enough to hold a decent conversation," Kirk replied, offering a wide smile.

She couldn't help but return the gesture, already guessing what he meant by that. If McCoy was anything like the rumors suggested, he was probably drinking away his problems. Not that Kate didn't blame him. If there was any alcohol in the vicinity, she would have likely done the same thing.

"So, what now?" she asked after Kirk stood up and reached her. Once again, Kate found herself looking at Kirk, feeling that same rush of anxiety sweeping through her. She had to keep her breathing in check, and make sure that dizziness didn't try overwhelming her. Kirk had been kind enough to not send her away, and, she couldn't thank him enough for that. "I'm not even sure where to begin, and anytime I get so nervous, I just start—"

"Talking?" Kirk guessed, grinning once more when he caught what she was doing.

"Yeah," she breathed out. Heat rose to her cheeks when she noticed Kirk was watching her every move. Since she was placed in a separate room from the rest of medbay, Kate was thankful no one had been watching them. She could only imagine the embarrassment that would follow if anyone caught her, now. "I'm sorry."

Kirk took her by surprise with another charming smile. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he was getting a kick out of seeing her this way. All nervous and ruffled around the Captain. Then again, he was probably used to it by now.

"It's alright, Kate," he reassured her, "You'll be fine."

Kate simply returned the gesture with a smile of her own. For once, she believed him. It was the first time she ever felt any sense of hope in getting out of these anxiety attacks. Anything was better than putting herself through them again.

AN: I know it's been ages since I've last written a chapter for this, and I apologize deeply for that. Truth be told, I did have this chapter typed out, but I wasn't sure how readers would receive it. I guess I'm just as bad as Kate when it comes to worrying over what people think of my stories ^^

I also wanted to let everyone know that I've started a crossover fic. The first chapter is posted, so if anyone is interested in that (again, extreme anxiety over what people will think of it kind of kept me from posting it in the first place), please feel free to check it out. Thanks again for your patience, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I will continue working on it, but it's going to take time for me to post new chapters (hopefully not too long).