A soft sigh escaped my mouth as I gazed through the cold glass. It had begun to rain, the drops peppering the window. Students were hurrying inside at the sudden cloudburst. A lot of them abandoning their outside activities in mild disappointment. Soon the schoolyard was empty save for a few trees and greenery scattered throughout. I sighed again, much deeper this time as my thoughts returned to him.

And every time, that I feel afraid, afraid of what I'll say.

My brow furrowed, tears forming at the edge of my eyes. "Why now," I asked myself, "why does it have to be tonight." The team stepped out for a bit, leaving me alone for however long. I would be by myself tonight. I closed my eyes, seeing his horrible, cocky grin in my mind's eye. Shock woke me from my daze but I could still hear his voice. "You're nothing without me! Without us!"

I towed the line and now I'm alone- it doesn't mean I don't belong.

I clenched my eyes shut and bared my teeth. "I do belong!" I screamed internally, "I don't need you!" Tears ran from my eyes. I asked again, "why does it have to be tonight?" When I'm at my most vulnerable. My scars ached; my body ached like a freshly reopened wound. Memories flooded back, memories of him. His grin returned and spoke, "I'm leaving you, goodbye." He would say with a somber look in his eyes as he shut the door behind him. I'd pitifully squeak out a soft "no" before collapsing.

It's hard to believe you, when you say, "I'll never leave you,"

I could be wrong, but it's been a long, lonely night.

Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. A jolt of pain shot through my arm. I brought my fingers to my injured flesh, trickles of pain danced at my fingertips. Nights like these always remind me of what he did; what he would do. He would return hours later, soaked from the rain. A devilishly smug grin on his face as he noticed my tears. He brought me into his arms, tears smudged against his jacket.

And anytime I feel the pain, out in the pouring rain

You told a lie and now I'm alone - I couldn't see when I was wrong

As much as it hurt me, it was comforting. Being in his arms, the warmth of his body against me. It was poison; but it was a delicious poison. I knew this wasn't right, I knew he was hurting me but I couldn't stop. The loneliness tore at my heart, but was it worth how much he tore at me? Was it loneliness that drove me or was it fear?

And anytime that I feel afraid, afraid of what you'll say.