A/N: I really wanted to post something before I left for school, as I don't know how much time I am going to be able to spend writing. I don't know how good this is, but here you go.
Twists of Fate
Chapter 3: Don't Hold Back, Now.
+++++
"Catherine, I don't blame you. I wasn't there. I don't know what happened beyond what Brass told me. I understand that you're upset, but I don't blame you for what happened. I never have."
Your voice is deceiving, but the look in your gives you away. She knows. Everything. Her eyes are piercing. All knowing.
"Yes, you do. I would blame me too. But don't tell me you understand. You don't understand a damn thing." The look on Catherine's face was not of anger, but of hurt, guilt and frustration.
"You don't think I understand? He was my boss too! My friend too! Did you ever stop to think that maybe I loved him just as much as you did?" Realizing what you were admitting to Catherine, that you had fallen in love with the man she was supposed to marry, you clamped your mouth shut, face flushed with embarrassment.
"Which is exactly how I know that some part of you, somewhere deep down, blames me for what happened. I know it's my fault Sara. I know that if I'd gotten there a few minutes sooner, if I had realized what was going on, then maybe I could have stopped them. Gil would still be here...admit it; you're angry!"
"Maybe I am angry, but it still doesn't change anything Catherine! It doesn't change the fact that he's gone, that he's not coming back. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you can't change."
Putting a hand on her shoulder, she turns to look at you, her blues eyes filled with salty tears. It's times like these where you curse your lack of people skills-your inability to relate. You hadn't expected Catherine to cry. In fact, you were almost certain this was the first time she had.
This was something you weren't equipped for -you never had been.
"I know he's not. God, how I wish he were. There are so many things I'd tell him. He was going to adopt Lindsey...did he ever tell you that?"
"No, he didn't," you admit half-truthfully. Grissom hadn't ever told you his plans to adopt Lindsey, but you had accidentally overheard him once, while he was talking on the phone.
"He loved her so much. I remember, when I was pregnant with Lindsey...he was more excited than Eddie was. Guess, I should have taken that as a sign -we wasted so many years dancing around each other...and now, I've lost him for good."
"What happened out there? Maybe if you...talk about it...it'll help." you know it's not really your place to ask Catherine, but for some reason you don't really care. Brass knew what had gone down out in that desert; but then again, he had taken Catherine's statement after the fact.
"I don't need to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I've spent the past week replaying it over and over again in my head, reliving it, trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out what went wrong. I can't do it. I can't relive that day again, just so you can understand what happened."
"I can't understand something I know nothing about! I just want to know what happened. We all want to know what happened."
She hesitates.
You have a right to know how Grissom died, and she knows it.
"Why don't you just go find Brass? He knows everything. I'm sure he'd be just as able to tell you what happened as I would."
"I've tried. Apparently he has fierce loyalty to you -told me what you had said to him was in complete confidence, and that he wasn't about to break that."
Another moment of silence swept between the two of you. Catherine ran her fingers through her hair, tucking the ends back behind her ears. Then she used her good right hand to straighten out her shirt.
"I don't remember everything...hell, it took me two days of laying in hospital before I could really remember anything at all." She finally spoke, her eyes downcast, hands still fiddling with the hem on her shirt.
"What do you remember? Start from the beginning."
You watch as Catherine lets a out a soft sigh before opening her mouth to speak. "It started out as any other typical night. Slow...nothing particularly interesting going on. Unless you count seeing Greg dancing in the DNA lab trying to work his mojo, interesting..."
Leaning back onto the hood of the Tahoe, you listen intently to her as she talks. It was tine to find out what really happened.
TBC.
Twists of Fate
Chapter 3: Don't Hold Back, Now.
+++++
"Catherine, I don't blame you. I wasn't there. I don't know what happened beyond what Brass told me. I understand that you're upset, but I don't blame you for what happened. I never have."
Your voice is deceiving, but the look in your gives you away. She knows. Everything. Her eyes are piercing. All knowing.
"Yes, you do. I would blame me too. But don't tell me you understand. You don't understand a damn thing." The look on Catherine's face was not of anger, but of hurt, guilt and frustration.
"You don't think I understand? He was my boss too! My friend too! Did you ever stop to think that maybe I loved him just as much as you did?" Realizing what you were admitting to Catherine, that you had fallen in love with the man she was supposed to marry, you clamped your mouth shut, face flushed with embarrassment.
"Which is exactly how I know that some part of you, somewhere deep down, blames me for what happened. I know it's my fault Sara. I know that if I'd gotten there a few minutes sooner, if I had realized what was going on, then maybe I could have stopped them. Gil would still be here...admit it; you're angry!"
"Maybe I am angry, but it still doesn't change anything Catherine! It doesn't change the fact that he's gone, that he's not coming back. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you can't change."
Putting a hand on her shoulder, she turns to look at you, her blues eyes filled with salty tears. It's times like these where you curse your lack of people skills-your inability to relate. You hadn't expected Catherine to cry. In fact, you were almost certain this was the first time she had.
This was something you weren't equipped for -you never had been.
"I know he's not. God, how I wish he were. There are so many things I'd tell him. He was going to adopt Lindsey...did he ever tell you that?"
"No, he didn't," you admit half-truthfully. Grissom hadn't ever told you his plans to adopt Lindsey, but you had accidentally overheard him once, while he was talking on the phone.
"He loved her so much. I remember, when I was pregnant with Lindsey...he was more excited than Eddie was. Guess, I should have taken that as a sign -we wasted so many years dancing around each other...and now, I've lost him for good."
"What happened out there? Maybe if you...talk about it...it'll help." you know it's not really your place to ask Catherine, but for some reason you don't really care. Brass knew what had gone down out in that desert; but then again, he had taken Catherine's statement after the fact.
"I don't need to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I've spent the past week replaying it over and over again in my head, reliving it, trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out what went wrong. I can't do it. I can't relive that day again, just so you can understand what happened."
"I can't understand something I know nothing about! I just want to know what happened. We all want to know what happened."
She hesitates.
You have a right to know how Grissom died, and she knows it.
"Why don't you just go find Brass? He knows everything. I'm sure he'd be just as able to tell you what happened as I would."
"I've tried. Apparently he has fierce loyalty to you -told me what you had said to him was in complete confidence, and that he wasn't about to break that."
Another moment of silence swept between the two of you. Catherine ran her fingers through her hair, tucking the ends back behind her ears. Then she used her good right hand to straighten out her shirt.
"I don't remember everything...hell, it took me two days of laying in hospital before I could really remember anything at all." She finally spoke, her eyes downcast, hands still fiddling with the hem on her shirt.
"What do you remember? Start from the beginning."
You watch as Catherine lets a out a soft sigh before opening her mouth to speak. "It started out as any other typical night. Slow...nothing particularly interesting going on. Unless you count seeing Greg dancing in the DNA lab trying to work his mojo, interesting..."
Leaning back onto the hood of the Tahoe, you listen intently to her as she talks. It was tine to find out what really happened.
TBC.