Petra: Here it is, the third part...
Kati: Third part, might be a fourth part.
Petra: Yes, there is an idea for a part that will come before the third part and after the second part. I don't know if I'll write it or not, but the idea is there.
Kati: Also, if you'll notice the arc name has changed.
Petra: The reason for this is that I'm going to start using music by Vertical Horizon, as well as Savage Garden.
DEDICATED: To the best things in life; that we may cherish them while we have them and never let them die.
WARNING: Angst, self-mutilation, and shonen-ai. Also, please note that I've messed with the Gundam Wing timeline.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the songs or the characters from Gundam Wing. I can barely afford to buy my own food, let alone anything else.
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Savage Hearts Arc ~ III ~ The Best Thing
"Instead of easing the pain, time only made it greater, reminding him with sharp hooks of what was lost to him. Memories did not fade. Love did not disappear. Pain became the only constant. The only thing that time erased was hope." -0083; As the Road Wandered Through the Silence (GW)
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Heero watched nervously as people began to exit the plane. Five years; god, it had been five years since he'd last seen Duo and six since that fateful morning he'd woken alone. After that the war had become more hectic and he'd only seen glimpses of Duo; never long enough to talk to the braided boy, let alone find out why he'd left. Then, after the war was over, Duo had disappeared without a trace; had left without telling anyone where he was going or why. Heero knew that the other pilots thought that it was because of him and, while it was, it wasn't the way they thought of it as being. However, Heero found that once Duo had disappeared he hadn't cared about much else and he started to throw himself into whatever work he could find until he could fall asleep without any of the dreams that usually wracked his subconscious. Hell, he'd stopped caring so much that he hadn't even bothered to tell the other pilots about the truth of Duo's bruise; not that they would have believed him anyway but, after Duo had left, what had mattered? When the second war had come, Heero hated to say it, but he'd been happy, thinking that he'd finally get the chance to see Duo. However, the two boys hadn't seen each other more than a few minutes and, just like last time, once the war was over, Duo had disappeared. It had taken five years of pain-staking searching before they'd found a lead and then Quatre had invited all five pilots together, albeit, Heero's invitiation had been a bit strained.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
He watched as people poured out, slowly and stiffly walking from the six-hour flight that they'd been on. Out of the corner of his eye, Heero noticed an extremely attractive man step to the side and look around, eyes sliding past him before flying back and doing a quick "up-down". Heero couldn't help the blush that worked its way up his cheeks. Heero had been approached by a lot of people, both male and female, and though he had tried with both to make a relationship work, he couldn't seem forget about Duo. He shifted his thoughts away from the attractive male and continued to watch as people came out, his mind racing a mile a minute, until finally the stewardesses stepped off, signaling that everyone is out. The four pilots looked at each other and Heero couldn't help the disappointment that coursed through him.
~(|)~ Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry / Stuck in a maze searching for a way to / Shut down turn around feel the ground beneath me / You're so close where do you end where do I begin? ~(|)~
"Quatre?" a voice suddenly asked and all the pilots turned toward the boy Heero had noticed earlier. His long hair, pulled up in a high ponytail, had been dyed a dark blue and his left ear was pierced all the way up the lobe with silver hoops. A silver eyebrow ring with a dark blue bead pierced his right eyebrow and his eyes were done with black eyeliner to enhance the dark blue, almost violet color. He wore blue jeans that fit him rather tightly, showing off nicely muscled legs and his white tank top showed his muscled arms and the many tattoos on his skin. Running up his right arm, from wrist to the below the inside of the elbow, was a beautiful black dragon. The claws appeared to be digging into the skin; there were even small lines of drawn blood coursing from where the "claws" dug into the "skin". A solitary gray-black wolf howled in front of a large moon on his upper left arm. Heero noted distractedly that his fingernails were painted black and that he was wearing a ring that looked Celtic on his left ring finger when the boy suddenly cried, "Quatre!" He dropped his duffel bag on the floor, scooped the boy up into his arms and twirled him around. Heero couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips as he watched both Wufei and Trowa step forward; the three of them had a great relationship going and, while it sometimes left Heero feeling lonely, he was used to the feeling.
As the boy set Quatre down Wufei demanded, "Who in the hell are you?"
The boy laughed and said, "You don't even recognize your good friends, Wu-man!" Everyone stared at the boy… The only one to ever call Wufei that was… "It's me, Duo!"
~(|)~ Always pushing and pulling / Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me / I'm in a daze stumbling bewildered / North of gravity head up in the stratosphere ~(|)~
Duo had been incredibly nervous when the plane landed and now, as he stood outside looking for his friends, he thought he might throw up. He'd become so different since the last time they'd seen him he couldn't help but wonder if they would accept him as he was now. Nervously he played with his Celtic ring and prayed to the Lord and Lady that this wasn't a mistake. He caught sight of Heero first and he couldn't help that his eyes roamed over the man that he still considered the love of his life. Sadly he noticed that Heero was standing separately from the rest of the pilots and Duo suddenly felt like the biggest ass as he, yet again, remembered that he'd left that night and never bothered to explain to the other pilots what had truly happened to give him that bruise. God, he thought, looking at the other pilots, none of them had changed at all. For an insane moment, Duo contemplated just walking away and going back to his private house out in the middle of nowhere. Sighing, he shook his head and walked up to Quatre.
"Quatre?" Duo asked, just to make sure that he wasn't mistaken and, as the boy turned around, Duo dropped his bag and cried, "Quatre!" He lifted the boy up and twirled him around, laughing out loud at the fact that Quatre still weighed next to nothing.
~(|)~ You're the center of adrenaline / And I'm beginning to understand ~(|)~
"It's me, Duo," Duo said, laughing at the looks on their faces. He quickly walked over and hugged Trowa and Wufei before turning to Heero.
"Duo," Heero said and Duo wanted to shoot himself at how broken Heero sounded.
"Heero," he replied with a smile and then hugged the other boy tightly, taking in a deep breath of the slight scent of vanilla that only Heero possessed. "I have really missed you…" Gently, not wanting to, Duo pulled back and looked at the slightly taller boy.
"You've changed," Heero said, gently brushing his fingers through the dark blue mass that is Duo's hair.
"So have you," Duo said and he resisted the urge to go up and kiss the boy like he was a starving man. Well… technically, he was a starved man, starving for Heero. He turned back to the other pilots but he kept his fingers on the small of Heero's back. "Well, guys, we need to go get my luggage." Duo ignored the warning glares that Wufei and Trowa were shooting Heero but he couldn't ignore the sharp pang that hit his heart. God, Duo thought, I really am a grade-A-jackass.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
"Maxwell, do you really need all this luggage?" Wufei asked incredulously for the seventh time as they unloaded the fifth and last suitcase. Duo stuck his tongue out at the Chinese man and, at the moment, Heero realized that Duo was wearing dark lipstick.
As Duo turned away to go the house Heero caught a glimpse of another tattoo, something red and white across his back and shoulder blades. "What's with all the tattoos and piercings, Duo?" Heero asked and Duo laughed as he threw himself on the couch, which Quatre and Trowa also happened to be sitting, sprawling contentedly across their laps. Heero smiled as both Quatre and Trowa gasped in surprise and Wufei suddenly decided that he should try his best to kill Duo with a look.
"Well, this one," he pointed to the dragon. "Is for Wufei. It's to remind me to always be fair and just. However, I need to remind myself that it's not an easy path but painful so that's what the blood is for." Wufei stared at Duo in total surprise. "This one is Trowa." He pulled his jeans down partially so that they could see a brown lion with green eyes caught in mid-leap across his right hip. "This is to remind me that everyone has strengths and that we need to use them to get where we want." He pulled up his pant leg so that they could see on his right ankle there is a Ying-Yang sign. "This is for balance, to remind me that for every down there is an up, for every sorrow a joy." He pulled down his tank top slightly showing a Celtic symbol that had been tattooed on his right bicep. "This is the Celtic symbol of being; it reminds me to be myself not matter what or who says not to." He stood up and, moving his ponytail out of the way, he showed them small bleeding white angel wings spread across his shoulder blades. "This is for Quatre, to remind me that even if fallen angels fall, they're still considered angels." Then, his eyes suddenly turned soft and he gently touched the wolf. "And this is Heero. He's there to remind me that, while wolves can be solitary creatures, they work much better in packs." He looked up with a soft smile. "He reminds me that I should ask for help when I need it." All the pilots stared at him and, really, what could anyone say to anything like that?
~(|)~ Walk on broken glass make my way through fire / These are the things I would do for love / Farewell peace of mind kiss goodbye to reason / Up is down the impossible occurs each day ~(|)~
Later that night Duo stood in front of the mirror getting ready to go to dinner. It had been agreed that, since everyone had things they had to do today, they would meet up at a nice restaurant and have dinner. Duo finished spraying his hair and looked at himself in the mirror. He'd taken out all the earrings and the eyebrow ring, only to put one gold hoop through each ear. Okay, so the guys would get a huge surprise; he had to admit that if one of his friends came to a restaurant in a dress that he'd be surprised to.
Duo sighed. His lips were painted a glossy pink color and his eyelids were a dark blue to match the long dress that fell about him. The dress shimmered in the light and it went up to tie at the back of his neck, leaving his back completely open. His hair was artfully coiled atop his head before dropping down to hang about his shoulders. He slipped on his shoes and then walked downstairs, keeping an eye out for a servant. "Excuse me," he asked, as he caught sight of one that was dusting right by the stairs. The servant turned to him surprise only to have the look quickly fade into confusion. "Could you call the limo? I'm ready to leave now."
"Ma'am?" she asked, confused. "Who are you and how did you get in here?" Duo sighed. He made a convincing girl, he knew it, and while he liked it, it could also be very annoying at times. Of course, part of the reason he enjoyed cross-dressing was the joy of seeing people's faces once the figured out he was a guy… but still!
"It's me," he said, smiling. He let the scarf around his shoulders fall slightly to show her the wolf on his shoulder.
"Mr. Maxwell?" she asked in surprise and Duo nodded, his eyes twinkling as he watched her blush. "Just a moment… sir…"
~(|)~ This intoxication thrills me / I only pray it doesn't kill me ~(|)~
Duo thanked the limo driver as he stepped out, smoothing his dress before continuing. He smiled at the men he passed, winking at a few before he walked up to the host. "Hello," he said, watching as the other man passed an appreciative eye over Duo; Duo can't help the small giggle that broke out of his lips. "I'm looking for the Winner table, please."
"Right through here, ma'am," he said and Duo didn't bother to correct him.
Duo smiled his thanks and let the host go as he caught sight of his friends. He couldn't wait for the other pilots' reactions. He walked over to the table and Trowa was the first to catch sight of him. "Hey," Duo said and then made to sit down only to be stopped by Wufei's hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry, m'am, but you must have the wrong table. We're waiting for someone," Wufei said and gently pulled on Duo's arm. Duo laughed and gently brushed Wufei's hand away.
"No, I do believe that this seat is meant for me," Duo said as he sat down before anyone else can protest.
"Don't make us call security," Trowa growled and Duo couldn't hold it in any longer, the laughter bursting out of his mouth.
"Seriously, you people have got to stop being so anal!" At that Wufei stood up, clearly planning to force Duo out of his seat.
"Sit down, Wu-man, you're making a scene," Duo said, leaning back in his seat and watching their faces.
"Duo?" Heero asked.
"Yep, it's me, Hee-baby," Duo said, making a kissy face at Heero who blushed.
"Why… are you dressed like that?" Heero asked.
"'Cause I like to," Duo laughed again. "Besides people's faces are damn funny when they find out the truth." He turned to Wufei. "And now you know what I had so many suitcases, Wu-man."
Wufei just stared at Duo before reaching over and smacking the other boy upside the head. "Baka," he growled affectionately.
Duo lets out an offended noise. "Now my hair's all messed up. I guess I'll just have to go to the ladies' room to make sure you didn't mess it up." Before anyone could truly think of what he had said, he was out of his seat and walking down the aisle. The pilots looked at each other a moment before Quatre asked, "Did he just say ladies' room?"
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
Later that night, Duo sat curled up on the couch, still in the dress, reading a book by the fire while gently pulling at his hair which is slowly coming down. A slight movement out of the corner of his eyes made him look up and he smiled as he saw Wufei. "Come in, 'Fei," Duo said. "What's up?"
Wufei sat down across from Duo and for a long moment there was silence. Then, suddenly, Wufei said, "Heero still loves you."
There was silence for a moment before Duo said, "Yes, I know."
"Are you going to go back to him?"
"If he will take me back, I would love to go back to him."
Wufei shook his head, worrying entering his eyes. "You shouldn't. You don't have a healthy relationship."
For a long moment Duo looked at Wufei and then, turning his gaze to the ground, Duo said, "Heero never hit me."
~(|)~ You're the center of adrenaline / And I'm beginning to understand / You could be the best thing about me ~(|)~
Wufei stared at Duo in surprise. "What?"
"Heero never hit me. That night, I was trying to hit him. I couldn't stand the way he made me feel so I tried to attack him. He held my wrists but he never hurt me and then, when I swept his legs out from underneath us, I didn't stop to think of the consequences. I fell and hit my head." Duo let out a long sigh. "Heero has never been anything other than perfect to me."
"But… why didn't Yuy tell us?" Suddenly, anger entered Wufei's voice. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Heero didn't tell you because… I guess because he thought he deserved it. Even though it wasn't really his fault, he still felt responsible. He also probably thought that you guys wouldn't believe him. I guess…" Duo felt a tear slide down his face and fall onto the dress below as he continued, "I didn't say anything because I was trying to drive him away. I didn't want him to love me and I didn't want to love him." A self-deprecating smile touched his lips. "I thought that anyone who loved me would die, so I kept trying to push him away, figuring he would break. He did, but not in the way I thought he would." Duo felt another tear drip down his face. "He started cutting himself. I found out, told him how I felt, he told me, and I freaked and left."
"We've been treating him awful for the past six years… for no reason…" Wufei whispered, pain in his features.
"Don't blame yourself, it's my fault…" Duo said.
"Damn right it's your fucking fault!" Wufei yelled, surprising Duo. "How could you do that to him? Do you know he didn't stop? He kept cutting himself?"
Duo stared in horror at Wufei. "What?"
"Scars up and down his wrists, because we thought that he beat you up and so we treated him with barely restrained hostility." Wufei stood there trembling for a moment before he turned and stalked out of the room. Duo stared after him, the tears coursing down his face and refusing to stop.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
"Duo?" Heero watched as Duo looked up surprise before quickly scrubbing vainly at his eyes. "Duo, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Heero," Duo said, smiling gently at the other boy. Duo scooted over and patted the cushion beside him, asking, "Want to sit?"
Heero stood there for a moment before sitting beside Duo. Duo quickly grabbed Heero's hand and pushed up his sleeve, staring in horror at the interlacing scars. "Duo? What are you doing?"
Heero tried to pull his hand back but stopped when Duo turned to him with tear-filled eyes. "I am such a bastard, Heero. Why do you still love me? What have I done to deserve your love after everything I've done to you?" Gently, Duo pulled Heero toward him so that he was embracing the slightly taller pilot. Then, he carefully took and planted kisses up and down Heero's arm, over the scars.
"I still love you because I know that you had your own demons to fight and you can't be blamed for the things you did," Heero said, gazing lovingly at the boy in front of him.
~(|)~ You could be the best thing about me / What if you're the best thing about me? ~(|)~
"I should leave you now, before I hurt you more," Duo said, but he didn't loosen his hold or move away.
"You would hurt me most by leaving," Heero said into Duo's shoulder. "I've missed you so much and I still love you."
At that Duo broke and told Heero everything about his life, sobbing his stories of death into the Japanese boy's shoulder. At the end he said, "I don't deserve you!"
"I love you, Duo Maxwell," Heero said but then, after a moment, he continued. "However, we are both different people then we were six years ago." There was pause as Heero gathered his courage before saying, "I would like to try to work things out… if you want to…"
"Please! Please! Please!" Duo cried. It had taken a lot for Duo to get past his fear of those he loved dying, but by going out and creating new friends, none of which had died on him, he had finally realized what a fool he'd been. It had taken a long time for him to get up the nerve to call back Quatre and tell the other boy that he would come. However, in order for him to totally get past that fear, he needed to risk it on someone he really loved and, at this point, the only one he truly loved was Heero. He was suddenly filled with a thousand memories of Heero and he couldn't help the small smile that pushed up his lips. Heero and he would make it; he didn't know how but he knew they would and they would help each other get over their problems. "But… I want you to stop cutting yourself, Heero…"
"Why?" Duo was shocked to find that Heero was genuinely confused.
For a moment, Duo didn't know what to say. In reality, what right *did* he have to ask Heero to do anything for him, what real reason. In reality, there was only one answer to give. Gently, he took Heero's hand and placed it on his own chest, saying, "Because, it hurts in here."
Heero smiled so sweetly that Duo felt himself fall in love all over again as the short-haired boy nodded and held him tighter. The two boys sat for a long time in the living room, holding each other, and letting their demons go.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
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Petra: Now, some of you may be wondering why I made Duo a crossdresser.
Kati: Duh!
Petra: I don't really know myself. I guess, in some ways, it was just a way for Duo to change. I've read a lot of fics where the pilots have to do it for a mission or a bet, but the problem with that is that I think, sometimes, it's degrading to people who do it for a life choice.
Kati: They're people too.
Petra: They have reasons for dressing like they do and, though I don't know exactly what those reasons are, I feel it's belittling to make light of something that, for many people, is very important.
Kati: So, that's part of the reason.
Petra: Also, Duo isn't a full-time crossdresser; he does it a lot and, if I write more in this series, he'll definately start wearing it more and soon it will be the opposite of the beginning. Meaning, that he'll be dressed as a girl most of the time, but he'll never do it full-time. Duo, the reason he started crossdressing, was because of the freedom it gave him to be someone else.
Kati: So, there're the reasons...
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
Kati: Third part, might be a fourth part.
Petra: Yes, there is an idea for a part that will come before the third part and after the second part. I don't know if I'll write it or not, but the idea is there.
Kati: Also, if you'll notice the arc name has changed.
Petra: The reason for this is that I'm going to start using music by Vertical Horizon, as well as Savage Garden.
DEDICATED: To the best things in life; that we may cherish them while we have them and never let them die.
WARNING: Angst, self-mutilation, and shonen-ai. Also, please note that I've messed with the Gundam Wing timeline.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the songs or the characters from Gundam Wing. I can barely afford to buy my own food, let alone anything else.
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Savage Hearts Arc ~ III ~ The Best Thing
"Instead of easing the pain, time only made it greater, reminding him with sharp hooks of what was lost to him. Memories did not fade. Love did not disappear. Pain became the only constant. The only thing that time erased was hope." -0083; As the Road Wandered Through the Silence (GW)
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Heero watched nervously as people began to exit the plane. Five years; god, it had been five years since he'd last seen Duo and six since that fateful morning he'd woken alone. After that the war had become more hectic and he'd only seen glimpses of Duo; never long enough to talk to the braided boy, let alone find out why he'd left. Then, after the war was over, Duo had disappeared without a trace; had left without telling anyone where he was going or why. Heero knew that the other pilots thought that it was because of him and, while it was, it wasn't the way they thought of it as being. However, Heero found that once Duo had disappeared he hadn't cared about much else and he started to throw himself into whatever work he could find until he could fall asleep without any of the dreams that usually wracked his subconscious. Hell, he'd stopped caring so much that he hadn't even bothered to tell the other pilots about the truth of Duo's bruise; not that they would have believed him anyway but, after Duo had left, what had mattered? When the second war had come, Heero hated to say it, but he'd been happy, thinking that he'd finally get the chance to see Duo. However, the two boys hadn't seen each other more than a few minutes and, just like last time, once the war was over, Duo had disappeared. It had taken five years of pain-staking searching before they'd found a lead and then Quatre had invited all five pilots together, albeit, Heero's invitiation had been a bit strained.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
He watched as people poured out, slowly and stiffly walking from the six-hour flight that they'd been on. Out of the corner of his eye, Heero noticed an extremely attractive man step to the side and look around, eyes sliding past him before flying back and doing a quick "up-down". Heero couldn't help the blush that worked its way up his cheeks. Heero had been approached by a lot of people, both male and female, and though he had tried with both to make a relationship work, he couldn't seem forget about Duo. He shifted his thoughts away from the attractive male and continued to watch as people came out, his mind racing a mile a minute, until finally the stewardesses stepped off, signaling that everyone is out. The four pilots looked at each other and Heero couldn't help the disappointment that coursed through him.
~(|)~ Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry / Stuck in a maze searching for a way to / Shut down turn around feel the ground beneath me / You're so close where do you end where do I begin? ~(|)~
"Quatre?" a voice suddenly asked and all the pilots turned toward the boy Heero had noticed earlier. His long hair, pulled up in a high ponytail, had been dyed a dark blue and his left ear was pierced all the way up the lobe with silver hoops. A silver eyebrow ring with a dark blue bead pierced his right eyebrow and his eyes were done with black eyeliner to enhance the dark blue, almost violet color. He wore blue jeans that fit him rather tightly, showing off nicely muscled legs and his white tank top showed his muscled arms and the many tattoos on his skin. Running up his right arm, from wrist to the below the inside of the elbow, was a beautiful black dragon. The claws appeared to be digging into the skin; there were even small lines of drawn blood coursing from where the "claws" dug into the "skin". A solitary gray-black wolf howled in front of a large moon on his upper left arm. Heero noted distractedly that his fingernails were painted black and that he was wearing a ring that looked Celtic on his left ring finger when the boy suddenly cried, "Quatre!" He dropped his duffel bag on the floor, scooped the boy up into his arms and twirled him around. Heero couldn't help the smirk that tugged at his lips as he watched both Wufei and Trowa step forward; the three of them had a great relationship going and, while it sometimes left Heero feeling lonely, he was used to the feeling.
As the boy set Quatre down Wufei demanded, "Who in the hell are you?"
The boy laughed and said, "You don't even recognize your good friends, Wu-man!" Everyone stared at the boy… The only one to ever call Wufei that was… "It's me, Duo!"
~(|)~ Always pushing and pulling / Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me / I'm in a daze stumbling bewildered / North of gravity head up in the stratosphere ~(|)~
Duo had been incredibly nervous when the plane landed and now, as he stood outside looking for his friends, he thought he might throw up. He'd become so different since the last time they'd seen him he couldn't help but wonder if they would accept him as he was now. Nervously he played with his Celtic ring and prayed to the Lord and Lady that this wasn't a mistake. He caught sight of Heero first and he couldn't help that his eyes roamed over the man that he still considered the love of his life. Sadly he noticed that Heero was standing separately from the rest of the pilots and Duo suddenly felt like the biggest ass as he, yet again, remembered that he'd left that night and never bothered to explain to the other pilots what had truly happened to give him that bruise. God, he thought, looking at the other pilots, none of them had changed at all. For an insane moment, Duo contemplated just walking away and going back to his private house out in the middle of nowhere. Sighing, he shook his head and walked up to Quatre.
"Quatre?" Duo asked, just to make sure that he wasn't mistaken and, as the boy turned around, Duo dropped his bag and cried, "Quatre!" He lifted the boy up and twirled him around, laughing out loud at the fact that Quatre still weighed next to nothing.
~(|)~ You're the center of adrenaline / And I'm beginning to understand ~(|)~
"It's me, Duo," Duo said, laughing at the looks on their faces. He quickly walked over and hugged Trowa and Wufei before turning to Heero.
"Duo," Heero said and Duo wanted to shoot himself at how broken Heero sounded.
"Heero," he replied with a smile and then hugged the other boy tightly, taking in a deep breath of the slight scent of vanilla that only Heero possessed. "I have really missed you…" Gently, not wanting to, Duo pulled back and looked at the slightly taller boy.
"You've changed," Heero said, gently brushing his fingers through the dark blue mass that is Duo's hair.
"So have you," Duo said and he resisted the urge to go up and kiss the boy like he was a starving man. Well… technically, he was a starved man, starving for Heero. He turned back to the other pilots but he kept his fingers on the small of Heero's back. "Well, guys, we need to go get my luggage." Duo ignored the warning glares that Wufei and Trowa were shooting Heero but he couldn't ignore the sharp pang that hit his heart. God, Duo thought, I really am a grade-A-jackass.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
"Maxwell, do you really need all this luggage?" Wufei asked incredulously for the seventh time as they unloaded the fifth and last suitcase. Duo stuck his tongue out at the Chinese man and, at the moment, Heero realized that Duo was wearing dark lipstick.
As Duo turned away to go the house Heero caught a glimpse of another tattoo, something red and white across his back and shoulder blades. "What's with all the tattoos and piercings, Duo?" Heero asked and Duo laughed as he threw himself on the couch, which Quatre and Trowa also happened to be sitting, sprawling contentedly across their laps. Heero smiled as both Quatre and Trowa gasped in surprise and Wufei suddenly decided that he should try his best to kill Duo with a look.
"Well, this one," he pointed to the dragon. "Is for Wufei. It's to remind me to always be fair and just. However, I need to remind myself that it's not an easy path but painful so that's what the blood is for." Wufei stared at Duo in total surprise. "This one is Trowa." He pulled his jeans down partially so that they could see a brown lion with green eyes caught in mid-leap across his right hip. "This is to remind me that everyone has strengths and that we need to use them to get where we want." He pulled up his pant leg so that they could see on his right ankle there is a Ying-Yang sign. "This is for balance, to remind me that for every down there is an up, for every sorrow a joy." He pulled down his tank top slightly showing a Celtic symbol that had been tattooed on his right bicep. "This is the Celtic symbol of being; it reminds me to be myself not matter what or who says not to." He stood up and, moving his ponytail out of the way, he showed them small bleeding white angel wings spread across his shoulder blades. "This is for Quatre, to remind me that even if fallen angels fall, they're still considered angels." Then, his eyes suddenly turned soft and he gently touched the wolf. "And this is Heero. He's there to remind me that, while wolves can be solitary creatures, they work much better in packs." He looked up with a soft smile. "He reminds me that I should ask for help when I need it." All the pilots stared at him and, really, what could anyone say to anything like that?
~(|)~ Walk on broken glass make my way through fire / These are the things I would do for love / Farewell peace of mind kiss goodbye to reason / Up is down the impossible occurs each day ~(|)~
Later that night Duo stood in front of the mirror getting ready to go to dinner. It had been agreed that, since everyone had things they had to do today, they would meet up at a nice restaurant and have dinner. Duo finished spraying his hair and looked at himself in the mirror. He'd taken out all the earrings and the eyebrow ring, only to put one gold hoop through each ear. Okay, so the guys would get a huge surprise; he had to admit that if one of his friends came to a restaurant in a dress that he'd be surprised to.
Duo sighed. His lips were painted a glossy pink color and his eyelids were a dark blue to match the long dress that fell about him. The dress shimmered in the light and it went up to tie at the back of his neck, leaving his back completely open. His hair was artfully coiled atop his head before dropping down to hang about his shoulders. He slipped on his shoes and then walked downstairs, keeping an eye out for a servant. "Excuse me," he asked, as he caught sight of one that was dusting right by the stairs. The servant turned to him surprise only to have the look quickly fade into confusion. "Could you call the limo? I'm ready to leave now."
"Ma'am?" she asked, confused. "Who are you and how did you get in here?" Duo sighed. He made a convincing girl, he knew it, and while he liked it, it could also be very annoying at times. Of course, part of the reason he enjoyed cross-dressing was the joy of seeing people's faces once the figured out he was a guy… but still!
"It's me," he said, smiling. He let the scarf around his shoulders fall slightly to show her the wolf on his shoulder.
"Mr. Maxwell?" she asked in surprise and Duo nodded, his eyes twinkling as he watched her blush. "Just a moment… sir…"
~(|)~ This intoxication thrills me / I only pray it doesn't kill me ~(|)~
Duo thanked the limo driver as he stepped out, smoothing his dress before continuing. He smiled at the men he passed, winking at a few before he walked up to the host. "Hello," he said, watching as the other man passed an appreciative eye over Duo; Duo can't help the small giggle that broke out of his lips. "I'm looking for the Winner table, please."
"Right through here, ma'am," he said and Duo didn't bother to correct him.
Duo smiled his thanks and let the host go as he caught sight of his friends. He couldn't wait for the other pilots' reactions. He walked over to the table and Trowa was the first to catch sight of him. "Hey," Duo said and then made to sit down only to be stopped by Wufei's hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry, m'am, but you must have the wrong table. We're waiting for someone," Wufei said and gently pulled on Duo's arm. Duo laughed and gently brushed Wufei's hand away.
"No, I do believe that this seat is meant for me," Duo said as he sat down before anyone else can protest.
"Don't make us call security," Trowa growled and Duo couldn't hold it in any longer, the laughter bursting out of his mouth.
"Seriously, you people have got to stop being so anal!" At that Wufei stood up, clearly planning to force Duo out of his seat.
"Sit down, Wu-man, you're making a scene," Duo said, leaning back in his seat and watching their faces.
"Duo?" Heero asked.
"Yep, it's me, Hee-baby," Duo said, making a kissy face at Heero who blushed.
"Why… are you dressed like that?" Heero asked.
"'Cause I like to," Duo laughed again. "Besides people's faces are damn funny when they find out the truth." He turned to Wufei. "And now you know what I had so many suitcases, Wu-man."
Wufei just stared at Duo before reaching over and smacking the other boy upside the head. "Baka," he growled affectionately.
Duo lets out an offended noise. "Now my hair's all messed up. I guess I'll just have to go to the ladies' room to make sure you didn't mess it up." Before anyone could truly think of what he had said, he was out of his seat and walking down the aisle. The pilots looked at each other a moment before Quatre asked, "Did he just say ladies' room?"
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
Later that night, Duo sat curled up on the couch, still in the dress, reading a book by the fire while gently pulling at his hair which is slowly coming down. A slight movement out of the corner of his eyes made him look up and he smiled as he saw Wufei. "Come in, 'Fei," Duo said. "What's up?"
Wufei sat down across from Duo and for a long moment there was silence. Then, suddenly, Wufei said, "Heero still loves you."
There was silence for a moment before Duo said, "Yes, I know."
"Are you going to go back to him?"
"If he will take me back, I would love to go back to him."
Wufei shook his head, worrying entering his eyes. "You shouldn't. You don't have a healthy relationship."
For a long moment Duo looked at Wufei and then, turning his gaze to the ground, Duo said, "Heero never hit me."
~(|)~ You're the center of adrenaline / And I'm beginning to understand / You could be the best thing about me ~(|)~
Wufei stared at Duo in surprise. "What?"
"Heero never hit me. That night, I was trying to hit him. I couldn't stand the way he made me feel so I tried to attack him. He held my wrists but he never hurt me and then, when I swept his legs out from underneath us, I didn't stop to think of the consequences. I fell and hit my head." Duo let out a long sigh. "Heero has never been anything other than perfect to me."
"But… why didn't Yuy tell us?" Suddenly, anger entered Wufei's voice. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"Heero didn't tell you because… I guess because he thought he deserved it. Even though it wasn't really his fault, he still felt responsible. He also probably thought that you guys wouldn't believe him. I guess…" Duo felt a tear slide down his face and fall onto the dress below as he continued, "I didn't say anything because I was trying to drive him away. I didn't want him to love me and I didn't want to love him." A self-deprecating smile touched his lips. "I thought that anyone who loved me would die, so I kept trying to push him away, figuring he would break. He did, but not in the way I thought he would." Duo felt another tear drip down his face. "He started cutting himself. I found out, told him how I felt, he told me, and I freaked and left."
"We've been treating him awful for the past six years… for no reason…" Wufei whispered, pain in his features.
"Don't blame yourself, it's my fault…" Duo said.
"Damn right it's your fucking fault!" Wufei yelled, surprising Duo. "How could you do that to him? Do you know he didn't stop? He kept cutting himself?"
Duo stared in horror at Wufei. "What?"
"Scars up and down his wrists, because we thought that he beat you up and so we treated him with barely restrained hostility." Wufei stood there trembling for a moment before he turned and stalked out of the room. Duo stared after him, the tears coursing down his face and refusing to stop.
~(|)~ Never want to fly / Never want to leave / Never want to say what you mean to me / Never want to run / Frightened to believe / You're the best thing about me ~(|)~
"Duo?" Heero watched as Duo looked up surprise before quickly scrubbing vainly at his eyes. "Duo, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Heero," Duo said, smiling gently at the other boy. Duo scooted over and patted the cushion beside him, asking, "Want to sit?"
Heero stood there for a moment before sitting beside Duo. Duo quickly grabbed Heero's hand and pushed up his sleeve, staring in horror at the interlacing scars. "Duo? What are you doing?"
Heero tried to pull his hand back but stopped when Duo turned to him with tear-filled eyes. "I am such a bastard, Heero. Why do you still love me? What have I done to deserve your love after everything I've done to you?" Gently, Duo pulled Heero toward him so that he was embracing the slightly taller pilot. Then, he carefully took and planted kisses up and down Heero's arm, over the scars.
"I still love you because I know that you had your own demons to fight and you can't be blamed for the things you did," Heero said, gazing lovingly at the boy in front of him.
~(|)~ You could be the best thing about me / What if you're the best thing about me? ~(|)~
"I should leave you now, before I hurt you more," Duo said, but he didn't loosen his hold or move away.
"You would hurt me most by leaving," Heero said into Duo's shoulder. "I've missed you so much and I still love you."
At that Duo broke and told Heero everything about his life, sobbing his stories of death into the Japanese boy's shoulder. At the end he said, "I don't deserve you!"
"I love you, Duo Maxwell," Heero said but then, after a moment, he continued. "However, we are both different people then we were six years ago." There was pause as Heero gathered his courage before saying, "I would like to try to work things out… if you want to…"
"Please! Please! Please!" Duo cried. It had taken a lot for Duo to get past his fear of those he loved dying, but by going out and creating new friends, none of which had died on him, he had finally realized what a fool he'd been. It had taken a long time for him to get up the nerve to call back Quatre and tell the other boy that he would come. However, in order for him to totally get past that fear, he needed to risk it on someone he really loved and, at this point, the only one he truly loved was Heero. He was suddenly filled with a thousand memories of Heero and he couldn't help the small smile that pushed up his lips. Heero and he would make it; he didn't know how but he knew they would and they would help each other get over their problems. "But… I want you to stop cutting yourself, Heero…"
"Why?" Duo was shocked to find that Heero was genuinely confused.
For a moment, Duo didn't know what to say. In reality, what right *did* he have to ask Heero to do anything for him, what real reason. In reality, there was only one answer to give. Gently, he took Heero's hand and placed it on his own chest, saying, "Because, it hurts in here."
Heero smiled so sweetly that Duo felt himself fall in love all over again as the short-haired boy nodded and held him tighter. The two boys sat for a long time in the living room, holding each other, and letting their demons go.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
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Petra: Now, some of you may be wondering why I made Duo a crossdresser.
Kati: Duh!
Petra: I don't really know myself. I guess, in some ways, it was just a way for Duo to change. I've read a lot of fics where the pilots have to do it for a mission or a bet, but the problem with that is that I think, sometimes, it's degrading to people who do it for a life choice.
Kati: They're people too.
Petra: They have reasons for dressing like they do and, though I don't know exactly what those reasons are, I feel it's belittling to make light of something that, for many people, is very important.
Kati: So, that's part of the reason.
Petra: Also, Duo isn't a full-time crossdresser; he does it a lot and, if I write more in this series, he'll definately start wearing it more and soon it will be the opposite of the beginning. Meaning, that he'll be dressed as a girl most of the time, but he'll never do it full-time. Duo, the reason he started crossdressing, was because of the freedom it gave him to be someone else.
Kati: So, there're the reasons...
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*