"The Big Switch-a-roo."

Chapter 5

"John's annoyed, Sherlock's is in deep trouble and Mycroft really doesn't want to know."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"Mycro-"

"Leave it."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"But it says it's-"

"I am aware of who it is, John."

"Then why-"

"I don't want to know."

"…oh."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"So you're just going to let it ring?"

"Yes."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"Mycroft this is getting annoying."

"Humanity does this from time to time, yes."

"… did you just insult our entire species?"

"Indeed I have."

"…"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

"It's not stopping, Mycroft."

"Give it a minute, John."

Riiiiiiiiiiii-

…

"Ah…there. You see Jo-"

'Hi, Barbie
Hi, Ken!
Do you wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Ken!
Jump in...'

"…"

"W-Wha… THAT'S NOT MY RINGTONE!"

"I believe you phone begs to differ, John."

'I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on, Barbie, let's go party!'

"HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?!"

"Perhaps pressing the 'off' button would help?"

"DON'T YOU GET SMART WITH ME, MYCROFT HOLMES!"

"I wouldn't dare, dear Watson."

'I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation'

"PRESSING THE 'OFF' BUTTON ISN'T WORKING!"

"Have you considered throwing it out the window?"

"Why would you even sugge- Can't you just hack it into stopping?!"

"I am not sure what gave you the impression that I even posses such an ability."

"Are you saying there is something the great Mycroft Holmes can't do?"

"… hand me the phone, John."

'I'm a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...
You can touch, you can play, if you say, "I'm always yours."

"I swear, the next time I see him I'm going to punch those high cheekbones of his so hard, he'll be mistaken for a smurf-human hybrid!"

"Please restrain yourself from bruising my brother. I'd so hate to explain to Mummy why he's more blue than not."

"Just focus on stopping this blasted song from playing, Mycroft."

'I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your crea-'

"There… it's quiet now."

"Okay… but what if they call again?"

"I fried phone's speakers. Even if they do, we won't hear a thing."

"Ah, that's goo- wait… you did what?!"

"I made it stop singing."

"BY BREAKING MY PHONE?!"

"Yes."

"WHY?!"

"Is there a problem?"

"You. Broke. My. PHONE!"

"Yes, we established that, why are you screaming?"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION WITHOUT MY PHONE?!"

"Not to worry, I'll get you a better one. This model is out of date anyway."

"*groans* My new phone better be worth all this…"

"Would the newest IPhone suffice?"

"…maybe?"

"Very well then."

"…"

"…"

"Mycroft."

"Yes?"

"My laptop just turned itself on..."

"…"

"Some invisible force is typing in my password..."

"…"

"It opened the notepad function and it's… writing something."

"…"

"The message says… 'Mycroft pick up the phone, I messed up big time and I need your help. SH' Huh… I didn't know you could do that… since when can you do that?"

"Tell him to 'sod off'."

"Tell him? As in-"

"Write it down on the notepad, he'll see it."

"Okay but… are you sure about this? I mean, whatever happened must be pretty bad if Sherlock admits to needing help."

"Sherlock can clean up his own mess for once. He's smart, I'm sure he'll find a way to fix whatever it is he broke."

"Oh… okay then."

"…"

"Did you write that?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now turn the laptop off."

"B-But he didn't even finish writing back…"

"That is, frankly, exactly why I am telling you to turn the thing off. I really don't want to know."

"Oh, alright then."

"…"

"Hey, Mycroft?"

"Yes?"

"What if they start calling your phone again?"

"I believe my ringtone is far more tolerable than whatever that was, that my brother set for you."

"Mycroft it sounds like an alarm clock."

"Yes, and your point is?"

"How can that sound not be just as annoying to you?!"

"Simple. I don't use an alarm clock."

"Oh? And how does our little king get up to work, then? Does Anthea come in every morning and junk the covers off you?"

"No. I rely on my internal clock to wake me up punctually at 5:30 every morning."

"What about emergencies? Your phone has to wake you up for those using this ringtone. You can't say it's not annoying during those times."

"Actually… I very much can."

"…what?"

"My emergency phone has 'Serenata Immortale' as a ringtone. That's why I always know if the situation I'm being called to handle is critical or not."

"…you have two phones."

"That is correct."

"Anthea knows about this?"

"…yes."

"Then what exactly stops her from calling you on it?!"

"I left it."

"W-What?"

"It's on my desk, back at the office."

"Okay… why?"

"Sherlock was bound to mess something up sooner or later. I wanted to make sure I'm completely out of reach when it happens."

"…so let me get this straight: You're willing to let Great Britain fall apart just so your little brother can learn a lesson or two?"

"Of course. How else would I make Sherlock learn to clean up his own mess? By cutting myself out of the equation, forcefully if necessary."

"I'm pretty sure he won't learn a single thing just to spite you."

"Yes that is a rather likely possibility, isn't it?"

"Yup."

"I wish him good luck then, because no matter what he does I'm not going to fix anything he messes up during his time as occupant of a minor position in the government. That will forever remain on his plate."

"Even if he promises to spend an entire month at your parents?"

"Goodness, no. I wouldn't do that to them, they suffered enough."

"Truly? How so?"

"Can you imagine a child Sherlock?"

"…oh God…"

"Mhm. Now try a teenage one."

"…I stand corrected, they have suffered enough."

"Exactly my point, dear Watson."

*A door opens and Ms. Hudson peaks in*

"Boys? Have you heard the recent news? The government-"

"Oh dear me, look at the time. I'm sorry for the sudden departing, Ms. Hudson but we have to meet Gregory Lestrade at the police station."

"But the news-"

"For a case."

"But-"

"Right now."

"If you'd just let me speak-"

"Come, Watson! We mustn't keep the good Inspector waiting!"

"…"

"*sigh* I'm sorry for this, Ms. Hudson. Wait for me, Mycroft!"

"..."

"*sighs and shakes her head* Kids these days..."

AN: I hope this isn't confusing for anyone. If it is, I apologise and promise to fix it first thing tommorow morning