"Do I have to?" Naruto asked when his new spouse that strangely nobody was calling his wife asked him to get up since he had to get ready for school. "We're supposed to be on our honeymoon! There's no school during a honeymoon!"

"That's because most people who get married these days are all grown up and don't have school." Naruto's pretty spouse whose name he forgot and whom he was mentally calling Mrs. Uzumaki said. "School unfortunately stops for no child until they graduate."

"So," Naruto asked, "Why aren't you going to school?"

"I've already graduated." Mrs. Uzumaki said as he pulled the blankets off of Naruto.

"Oh my god! You're old!" Naruto yelled when he realized how old his spouse had to be to be graduated already. "You're like thirteen-ttebayo!"

There was a faint, barely audible growl from Mrs. Uzumaki. Oh yeah, there was something on that one program where all those people got together and talked about their problems about never making comments about a woman's age or her weight. It was bad for some reason.

"Get dressed and ready to be out the door in five minutes!" his spouse ordered before turning and walking out of the room and towards the front room/kitchen/dining area.

"Okay, okay." Naruto grumbled.

And they said that being married was supposed to be fun.

Sasuke knew he should probably be looking for his brother who had disappeared the night before despite the fact that his mother told him to give his brother time to get used to things. Considering the fact that his Aniki was married to the Uzumaki - and who'd want to be married to the Uzumaki? - he should've realized that things would've been like they had when Keiko had run away from her marriage to Akira on their wedding night when she realized that she really loved the poor musician Shuichi instead, and had only married Akira because of the comfort his money would've provided. But, unfortunately for his search for his wayward brother who was probably disgracing the Clan by living in sin with either Shisui or Izumi right now, he had run into something far more interesting than a love polygon between the Uzumaki who was named after a ramen topping, his Aniki, Shisui and Izumi. He'd run into the old man he'd never been allowed to meet until the wedding. The old man who was so old that his wrinkles had wrinkles who told the most interesting stories, which had really livened up that boring wedding ceremony where the Uzumaki had gotten everything wrong like Everyone in the Academy knew he always did.

"What do you want?" the old man who had officiated at Aniki's wedding ceremony asked.

"Can you tell me a story?" Sasuke asked.

"Are you sick or something Madara?!" the old man whose eyes were milky with cataracts asked, looking stunned, like he was going to have a heart attack like the old Yakuza boss whose son was in love with the barmaid who was really a boy who was trying to avenge his family in disguise.

"You were always telling me to shut the hell up!"

Naruto frowned as he found his path blocked by a creepy old man with one eye and an arm in bandages. He tried to go around, only to have his path blocked by the old man's walking stick. He was almost certain he'd seen the old man with the iron grey hair and the one dark eye and the X shaped scar somewhere before, but he couldn't remember where.

"So," the man asked, sending an unpleasant shiver down Naruto's spine, "How was your first night as a married man?"

"Boring," Naruto replied, trying to find a way around the man who kept herding him with his stick that wouldn't involve him getting yelled at for jumping on old people. "My Missus made me go to bed early. I was told that something special was supposed to happen on your wedding night, but nothing did."

"I see," the old man said. "It would seem the reports are accurate, and Itachi's honor in this matter is above reproach. Rare for a Uchiha. But, then again, he's always been such a self-sacrificing little boy despite the fact that those he sacrifices himself for do not deserve such consideration."

"Tch, whatever." Naruto replied, wondering who the Itachi person was, but wanting to get to the Academy more than he wanted to find out so he wouldn't be nagged by Mrs. Uzumaki who was apparently one of those nagging wives he'd heard about from the television. The ones whose husbands cheated when they played games because they wanted revenge for the nagging.

"Well, hurry along boy, you'll be late for class." the old man said FINALLY stepping aside.

Naruto started running, not even bothering to look back at the man that all of his instincts were telling him he should never show his back to.

Wakane Kenichi, who was the latest in the long series of instructors to get the class with the Uzumaki in it was having what had to have been the strangest day of his life, and that included the time he'd been captured by that clan of Cooking-Nin who'd had that Iron Chef battle while they'd been trying to feed him until he was too fat to escape his cell. That morning, he'd gone to get his newspaper and been utterly convinced that his roommate had put a Genjutsu on him while he was asleep as some sort of prank when he'd seen the front page. What other reason would there be for the front page of the local news and gossip rag to be covered in an article about the wedding of Uchiha Itachi to the Uzumaki?

When he got to school, things had seemed normal until the Uzumaki had raced in with a minute to spare before the bell and started fielding questions from his classmates about exactly what he was doing there when he was supposed to be on his honeymoon. Several of the girls seemed to think the union between the Uchiha and the Kyuubi's vessel was romantic, rather than something that should rightly scare the crap out of everyone.

Things got settled, or about as settled as they could with the Uzumaki in the class, and it was starting to look like an ordinary day despite its rather unusual start. Then, a Uchiha kid from the other class for that year ran in screaming "I won't let you hurt MY Itachi-nii old man!" as he launched himself at the Uzumaki.

"Who're you calling old man?!" the Uzumaki yelled as he did his best to doge the attacks from the more talented Uchiha, all of those hours spent training the boy when he wasn't in trouble obviously having gone to waste considering the result of said attempts.

"Elder Hibari told me the truth!" the Uchiha boy who was apparently Uchiha Fugaku's other son yelled as he pummeled the Uzumaki who was lamely trying to put up a fight. "You're Senju Hashirama in disguise, and you married my brother to do perverted things to him like all perverted old men do to little boys!"

Okay. What. Seriously, just what.

Mikoto did her best not to smile as she saw the two boys who were sitting outside the Academy Administration Office very carefully not looking at each-other. There was something so utterly Kushina about Kushina's boy who would be the mirror image of his late mother had his coloration been different. Naturally, with Sasuke being so much Fugaku's boy, the Uzumaki child rubbed him the wrong way and there was conflict. She'd been called because her son and her new son-in-law had gotten into trouble for fighting in class.

"You two haven't really known each-other for more than a day, and you're already fighting." Mikoto said, shaking her head and trying to keep the fond smile off her face as she remembered that rather interesting row between Kushina and her husband that had ended with Kushina the the definite winner and Fugaku wondering what the heck had just happened.

"It's because he's evil mom!" Sasuke yelled. "He's back in Konoha to molest Itachi and destroy our clan like he's been planning since the Founding!"

Oh...Fudgenuggets. When had Sasuke found out about the Kyuubi?

"Let's go home you two." she said, very aware of the look she was getting from the Academy receptionist who had been supervising the two boys.

"No!" Sasuke yelled. "Don't bring Hashirama into our house!"

"Hashirama?" Mikoto said as she froze.

"Please don't tell me you've been talking to Elder Hibari, Sasuke." Mikoto said, dreading that that'd been exactly what had happened. The Clan Priest was...Well, frankly old enough to have gone completely gaga from age alone and rumored to have been pants-on-head crazy since long before he'd reached such an august age.

"Elder Hibari?" the receptionist asked.

Mikoto sighed, Elder Hibari had been something of a thorn in her family's side for the past eight years.

"Elder Hibari is a Sensor who's been alive since well before the Founding." Mikoto explained more for her Son's and Son-in-law's benefits. "He started going strange over a decade back when he began accusing various clan members of being Senju. The day we brought Sasuke home from the hospital, he was utterly convinced that he was Madara, and nothing we've said since has managed to convince him otherwise. Apparently, he's decided that Naruto is Senju Hashirama for some reason. Usually, we keep the more impressionable members of the clan away from him in order to prevent incidents like today."

"Oh," the receptionist said, giving both boys a strange look.

The Sandaime looked up from the Shodai Hokage's crystal ball which had been passed down to him along with the office. He frowned for a second before the memory of a legend he'd read and tried to comfort Orochimaru with popped up.

He snickered briefly as another memory, one that was about sixty years old, returned.

"So, that's what she meant when she said 'Next time, you carry it!'." the Sandaime said before the chuckles started again.

Then, reality intruded.

Having a reincarnated Hashirama back protecting the village was a nice thought, but such things just didn't happen.

Pity though. It would've been great if it had.

Omake:

Naruto smiled happily, genuinely happily, as Shisui rolled the dice. The best part of being married was that his Missus and his Missus' friends sometimes played games with him. Eventually, an opening presented itself.

"Naruto, why did you move your piece ahead three spaces when you thought I wasn't looking?" his Missus asked.

"I cheated because you're a nag!" Naruto yelled before sticking his tongue out at the Missus.

There was a long pause where nobody did anything, and then suddenly his Missus groaned and buried his face in his hands and Shisui started laughing like a hyena.