Chapter 1

"Vanity is selfishness." She scolded , having caught me gawking at my reflection .She slid the panel over the mirror, locking it in place, blocking my view.

Our faction permits us to stand in front of it, on the second day of every third month.

"But just..."I croaked, trying to get her to listen, instead was interrupted quite rudely.

"No more, that's enough, put it in a bun. Get ready. I'll meet you at the hub. "She said pointing at my hair, heading towards the door. The finality of her statement marking the end of our conversation, as she left for the day's work.

Janine Hathaway, the representative of our faction at the council, the fiercest of abnegation leaders, and much to her disappointment, my mother.

Conversations between us have always been short and limited, and our relation strained. It has always been order and obedience, tip the balance and see her wrath descend upon yourself.

She prefers to remain as detached as possible and calls it selflessness, but, I know the truth, its nothing more than a facade, a pretense to uphold her respected image.

..0..

On stepping out of my block I realize that it would be a long time before I saw these pale surroundings again.

I look around, trying to commit it to memory .The resident blocks located to the south of the hub, an expanse of grey square blocks located at an equal distance from the other, each having a similar layout on the inside , and a grey pavement leading from one to the other. Small patches of finely mowed grass on occasion, dotting the bleak landscape.

Moving down the street, its hard to notice much difference between people's appearances, the females wear loose grey dresses, that hang around them shapelessly, with grey shoes, hair up in a tight bun. The males wear grey shirts, pants, shoes and maintain neatly trimmed hair, no longer than two centimeters. Such specifics, rules and decorum, seeing all of which I wondered,

'Where did their identities go?

Where did the individuality go?'

None of us have any belongings to call our own (every thing is reused, recycled and repaired), nothing special, no mementos, it is selfish, or so I was told.

But I take it differently.

As long as I dont deprive others of what is rightfully theirs, harm them, or cause them loss, what harm would me owning something cause them.

Little does anyone know that I love stones, I never understood why, but something about their variety intrigues me, attracts me, and thus I have a small collection of them, usually hidden beneath the third floor tile on the left hand corner under my bed, but today, they have been segregated into two pouches and kept in the inside pockets of my dress.

By the time I reach the bus stop, it is hard for me to control the frown that has started to appear on my face, as my neck hurts from the constant nodding.

Stopping and speaking is self-indulgent, a waste of time, whereas not acknowledging ones presence, rude, thus everyone sticks to the nodding thing and since mom is the leader, everyone knows her, indirectly, everyone knows me.

Janine Hathaway is the epitome of selflessness and dedication, being her daughter, I am expected to follow her footsteps, which I horribly fail at and she doesn't spare any opportunity to remind me of it.

I have been brought up with the idea that I have to be selfless, kind, devoted and caring. It has been drilled into me that I have to put others and their needs before mine. It is our unofficial motto an unstated protocol -

"They come first."

We have been given rules to live by, but what I wonder is as to ,'why should it be so?'

'Who made them so?'

'Why should it be us?'

'Why me?'

'Why couldn't I just grow up to be me, my normal self?'

In all honesty, Ive never thought that I was suited to be a part of abnegation., I am only a misfit, a disappointment, an alien here.

Unlike others I am bad at being selfless.

I like the feeling of my thick brown locks untied, I love to stare at the night-sky after working hours, I can hardly resist picking fights when insulted, I hate the voluntary services that I have to be a part of involuntarily, because I am Miss Hathaway .

I had once punched a dauntless girl, right on her nose, for she had called me a stiff, a pet name for all who belong to abnegation, when she had reported me, nobody had believed her, because we were supposed to care for others not send them to medical care . Nobody had seen me in action that day, except a boy, whom I never saw again.

Belonging to abnegation has its perks.

But, I am curious to adapt, to be the normal me, not the child of an abnegation leader, not a pretentious being, not the one incapable of defending own self.

I want to grow not only as member of my faction, but also a good human.

I've made my choice and, today at the choosing ceremony, others will know about my decision .

I am determined not to return to abnegation, not to return to my mother.

I am determined to know,

'Why me?'