Chapter Four

            The next day, Saturday, Seifer allowed Zell to take a trip to Balamb to visit his mother. There were fresh cuts criss-crossing along his stomach. He was badly bruised. The cool weather gave him an excuse for the long-sleeved shirt.

            He was in a fairly good mood, despite his current situation. He felt as if he had nothing to worry about. He knew things could have been worse, so he thanked Hyne that Seifer hadn't killed him.

            Zell had learned to be thankful for the little things. He had learned to see the good in the bad. He guessed that's why he was still alive; because he was still holding on to hope. He was still holding on to the fact that Seifer loved him. Zell knew he did. Seifer was nice to him when no one was watching. Seifer cared about Zell. He always made sure Zell's wounds were taken care of, so they couldn't get infected. Seifer cared, and Zell hated Squall for not seeing in. No, Zell didn't hate Squall. Squall was only trying to help. He needed to mind his own business. Squall's snooping around was hurting Zell more than it was helping him. He had tried to tell Squall he was happy with Seifer; Squall hadn't believed it. Zell hadn't believed it either, because he knew it was a lie. He wasn't happy with Seifer, but he couldn't leave. Seifer needed him. Seifer needed someone to love him. He needed someone to love. And Zell was that someone.

            When Zell arrived at Balamb, he waved at a friend of the family and walked down the narrow streets to his Ma's house. He knocked on the door and waited for his Ma to answer.

            There was a brief wait, and then Ma Dincht's chubby face greeted a smiling Zell. "Zell! Sweetie!" She gave him a tight hug and pulled him inside, closing the door. "You don't have to knock; this is your home too."

            He smiled and kissed her cheek. "I don't wanna be rude."

            "You're never rude, Zell. Come in! I've got lunch cooking." She left for the kitchen, leaving Zell in the living room.

            He felt uncomfortable, thought it was his home. He had only visited a few days before, but it felt like it had been years.

            "Is everything all right?" she called from the kitchen, where she was stirring a pot of soup on the stove.

            He nodded absently, thought it he knew she couldn't see him. "Everything's fine, Ma. Just wanted to visit."

            "That's awfully nice of you, Sweetie."

            He nodded again. "How is everyone?"

            "We're all doing fine. How are you? Are they feeding you right?"

            He laughed. "Living on hotdogs."

            He could imagine her frown. "You can't live on hotdogs, Zell."

            "I've made it this far." He walked further in and sat on the sofa. He never knew how much he missed home and his Ma until he made little visits like this. He missed waking up to the smell of her pancakes. He missed the long hot showers he got to take without having to worry about having other guys in with him. He missed not having to worry about Seifer…

            Zell had been 13 when Seifer had claimed him. He had been training in the Training Center when Seifer had come up to him and asked him to spar. Zell had seen Hyperion and quickly shook his head. He explained his skills, but Seifer insisted that he needed to work on his hand-to-hand combat.

            Reluctantly, Zell sparred with Seifer. It had ended with Zell on the ground and Seifer sitting on his waist. It had been uncomfortable for Zell, with Seifer's larger body. Yet he endured it while Seifer enjoyed his newfound power. It was then that Zell learned of Seifer's obsession with domination.

            "You like to be on bottom?" Seifer had asked teasingly.

            Zell shrugged. He didn't know this guy, and he wasn't about to go along with his perverted games. "Get off."

            Seifer grinned. He leaned down so that his face was just inches from Zell's. "I will if you will." His warm breath poured over the smaller boy's face, causing Zell to shiver.          Zell couldn't help his body's reaction to the flirting, but Seifer took advantage of it. "Someone's a little excited."

            Zell blushed and tried to squirm away from Seifer. He was thankful it was past curfew, and there weren't any other student training. He would have been thoroughly embarrassed, had someone been there.

            Seifer smirked and climbed off before stooping to help Zell stand. "Come with me."

            Zell was then led to the showers, where Seifer practically forced Zell to have sex.

            Zell now belonged to Seifer.

            Zell blinked and shook his head. A hot drop of salty water trailed down his cheek. Frustrated, he brushed it away and wiped the damp finger on his jeans. "Hey, Ma, I think I'm gonna go."

            His mother turned and looked at him as he stood. "You're not going to stay for lunch?" She definitely sounded disappointed.

            "Nah. I need to be headin' back. I'm sorry." He went and gave her a hug.

            She peered at him closely. "Are you all right?"

            He faked a smile and nodded. "I'm perfect, Ma. Don't worry about me."

            "All right. I'll let ya go. Come back anytime." She walked him to the door and watched as he walked down the street, leaving Balamb.

*

            Since it was a Saturday, most of Balamb's students had left campus to get away for the weekend. Squall was one of the few people that actually stayed. He sat in his office, this time going over papers that involved Garden's financial issues. He was calculating numbers when his secretary buzzed in and said that there was someone to see him. Squall sighed. He honestly didn't want to be bothered; yet he knew it would be rude to ignore whoever it was. "Send them in."

            A moment later, Zell was in Squall's office. He took a seat in one of the chairs. He was quiet, waiting for to see if Squall would say anything. When Squall said nothing, Zell spoke, "I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

            Why? You have nothing to be sorry about.

            "Squall, I'm thankful that you're trying to help, but you're not really helping."

            "I'm sorry."

            "You have nothing to be sorry for! I just… I just want you to stop. You don't have to help me; it's not safe for you either."

            "I want you to be safe, Zell. And being with Seifer is not safe." Squall put his pen down and rubbed the scar between his eyes. He wanted Zell to be healthy. The abuse he was getting could not be considered healthy. It was probably going to end up killing him.

            "Thanks for your concern," he said with a small smile. "But…"

            "What did he do to you?"

            "What?"

            "What did he do to you?"

            "Squall, I…"

            "What did he do to you?"

            Zell sighed and looked down at his hands in his lap. "Cut me. Hit me."

            "Rape you?"

            A shake of his head. "Wasn't in the mood; he was fuckin' pissed 'cause you saw me." Zell looked up, meeting Squall's gaze.

            "Anything else?"

            "He hasn't let me eat in a few days…" Zell began to rock back and forth in his seat. "He controls my eating habits, Squall. That's not normal."

            "Why don't you leave him?"

            "He loves me."

            No, he doesn't, Squall wanted to say, but he didn't have the heart to destroy Zell's last hope.

            "I know what you're thinking." Zell chuckled coldly. "He doesn't love you." I know him, Squall, he loves me."

            If you want to think that, go ahead, but it's not true.

            "Didn't Rinoa tell you to voice your feelings?" Zell inquired, seeing Squall's thoughts in his eyes.

            Squall nodded. "No one ever said I listened." The two actually laughed at that, and for a moment, they each forgot that one day, Zell might die by Seifer's hand.