thanks for sticking with me through Remember! This one is shorter than I usually write, but I'm happy with its length. any longer and it wouldn't have been as poignant. it definitely was something out of my comfort zone, which i'm happy with! just so you know, i honestly am going on a short hiatus until my next fic. just a short break, then i'll be back again! thank you all again for reading and loving Remember!

XxXxXxXX

When I hear the doorbell ring, my stomach twists with nerves as I wonder if my date is here already. I glance at the clock and see that it's 7:17, and he said he'd pick me up at 8. That shouldn't be him, not yet.

"Mommy, mommy! Auntie Amelia's here!"

I sigh with relief as I look at myself in the mirror, towel tucked under my armpits and another wrapped around my hair. "Go ahead and get the door for her, baby!" I call from the upstairs bathroom.

I hear the pitter-patter of Aveline's footsteps rushing to the door, then the warm sound of Amelia greeting her. She offered to come pick Aveline up to watch her while I go out on a date tonight, though I told her thousands of times that we could hire a sitter. She has a sixteen-month old daughter, Ryan Grace, meaning she has enough on her plate. But she insisted on having Aveline over.

"Hi, honey!" Amelia calls from downstairs, and I walk out of my bathroom to look over the ledge at her.

She's holding Ryan Grace on her hip as she smiles up at me. "Hey," I say, adjusting my towel.

"I love your outfit," she says with a giggle.

I hate your outfit.

I turned around from the full-length mirror in my small bedroom to glare at Amelia, who was standing in my doorway. I was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a light pink cardigan, buttoned once over a stark white camisole, my hair pinned half back with a pretty barrette.

I touched my hair and frowned at her further.

Why? What's wrong with it?

She walked towards me, shaking her head and looking at me up and down.

This is for a date? This does not say 'date.' This says 'a day out with daddy at the apple orchard.'

Amelia-

And we're looking for a look that says 'a night out with daddy.'

Amelia!

She cracked up at her own joke - she was the funniest person she knew - and rifled through my closet. She spent ample time standing in front of my organized rack of clothes, discarding things that wouldn't work and sighing with annoyance, claiming that everything was too casual or too businesslike.

I'm an intern at a law firm. What do you expect?

Something with a little more style! And that something is not in your closet. Come on, follow me to the promise land.

The promise land meaning: her closet. She took me by the hand and led me down the hallway into her room, where she threw open her closet doors and let out a big, dramatic sigh.

Much better. Now, we're looking for something sexy.

I'm not going out looking like a prostitute.

She shot me a look. Did anyone say prostitute? Did you hear me say prostitute? No, I said sexy. Not hoochie, sexy.

I sat on her bed and slumped my shoulders, my hands sandwiched between my knees. I told myself not to fight her, because it would get me nowhere. I should just trust her; she could make me look good.

Let me see here…

She flipped through her tangled hangers, debating on each article of clothing she came across before passing it up. Everything took careful consideration. She lamented about letting Addison borrow her favorite black dress, because she claimed it would look amazing on me. I tried to argue that I had plenty of my own black dresses but, of course, she wouldn't hear it.

When she gasped, I knew I was in for it.

This is the one. This is definitely the one. You have to try this on.

She held up a long-sleeved burgundy dress without much shape, which I wasn't used to. I wasn't used to fabric just flowing over me without any sharp angles or zippers. But I had to admit, the color was lovely. My mom had always told me that it was one of my best, so I figured I'd give it a try.

I slipped it on over my head and Amelia walked over and took my hair out of its clip, fluffed it around my shoulders, then took a step back. She tapped her chin in thought, then walked over to her vanity and came back with two necklaces that she layered over one another to rest across the fabric on my chest, then a bracelet that I wore over the sleeve. I wouldn't have chosen the accessories for myself, but I trusted her.

She took another step back, and her face lit up.

You're a fox. You're a fucking fox.

Now, I stand in my closet and have no idea what to do. I can hear Amelia conversing with Aveline downstairs, switching between normal and baby talk as she brings Ryan Grace into the conversation, too.

I don't feel like anything I own is good enough. This first date is very different from the one years before - it's with a very different person. He's much different, yet my stomach still jumps with the same nerves. They're welcome, though. I'm excited for this.

Every dress I own, I've worn to work. They don't feel right for a first date. We're going to see a show at the Victory Gardens theater, though, so I have to dress up.

After I've been upstairs for an ungodly amount of time making sure everything is perfect - my hair, my makeup - everything except my outfit, Amelia calls up again.

"Need any help?"

I smile to myself and lean with one hand on the doorjamb. "Please," I call down.

I hear two pairs of footsteps head up the stairs, and Aveline appears in my bedroom first. "Mommy, you're naked," she states, taking notice of my outfit of a plain black bra and underwear set.

"Yes, I know," I say, then Amelia walks in.

"Hot outfit," she says with a laugh.

"Shush," I say. "I need help."

"Mommy, are you gonna get fancy?" Aveline asks, plopping on the end of my bed.

"I'm trying," I say. "Aunt Amelia's gonna help me."

"Because I'm," Amelia says, spinning around and raising her eyebrows at my daughter. "The expert."

Aveline giggles and flops onto her back with her arms straight out, and Amelia leads the way into my closet. "Baby duty, please," she says, and I gently take Ryan Grace from her as she looks through my clothes. "Christ, April, you're a stuffed shirt. I can't stand your clothes, I never could."

"God, don't hold back," I say, smiling at her baby. "Your mama is so mean. You know that? She's been being mean to me for years!"

"I'm mean because she deserves it," Amelia says, kissing Ryan Grace's temple then patting me on the hip a couple times. "I just need a minute to dig through all this shit you've had since you were twenty…"

"You said a swear!" Aveline scolds from my bed.

"Yeah, yeah, so I said a swear!" Amelia shouts back. "What're you gonna do about it, punk?"

Aveline busts up in giggles. Amelia knows just how to make her laugh.

"Okay, this is it," she says, pulling out a garment bag that I haven't looked at in years. She unzips it and unearths a long-sleeved, dark green dress with buttons down the chest and a chestnut belt around the waist. "This, with black tights and black heels."

I raise my eyebrows. "Seriously, this?"

She wiggles it in my direction. "Do you have a better idea, Donatella Versace?"

I grumble, but take it from her anyway. "I haven't worn this since I was like, twenty-five," I say.

Amelia pinches my waist as I turn around to slip the dress on after I hand Ryan Grace back. "And has anything, anything changed about this body? I think not. Put the dress on, whiner."

I can't help but laugh as the fabric settles over my shoulders. I pull on the skirt to place the waist in the right spot and buckle the belt so it's tight but not too tight, then dig for a pair of black tights and put those on. I turn around and showcase it for my friend, and she nods approvingly with a warm look in her eyes.

"Oh, yes," she says, rubbing her baby's back. "Oh, this is it. Aveline, come look at how pretty your mama looks!"

I hear movement as Aveline gets up off my bed, and when she appears in the entrance of my closet, she smiles and covers her mouth. "Mommy, you're so pretty," she says.

"Thanks, honey," I say, kneeling down to find shoes. "Amy, you're sure? This is okay for the theater?"

"Yes, April!" she says. "You look perfect, you look amazing. I've always been jealous of that body."

I roll my eyes. "Shut up," I say.

"Seriously, though. You look hot and classy at the same time. He's gonna love it."

At the mention of him, my stomach twists again and I take in a sharp gasp of breath through my nose. I look at her over my shoulder with my shoes dangling from my hand, and she crinkles her eyebrows with confusion. "What?"

"I…" I say, eyes flitting to Aveline. I shake my head slightly. "I just got a big wave of nerves."

"It's just first-date jitters," Amelia says. "You're gonna have a great time."

Becoming bored with the grownup conversation, Aveline leaves us and goes off to busy herself elsewhere. I put the shoes on and stand a little higher than Amelia, but feel like I'm just an inch tall - having shrunk from the debilitating nerves.

"But what if I don't?" I ask.

She gives me a look. "You will."

You are not backing out of this. No way.

I pulled at the sleeves of the burgundy dress and paced my room, eyes directed towards the fluffy white carpet. Amelia was sitting on the edge of my bed, trying to talk me down. It wasn't exactly working.

I can't do it. I can't go out with this guy. He's way out of my league!

She scoffed so dramatically I'm surprised she didn't scratch her throat. And that's why he totally made out with you at Three Dots and a Dash the other night, right? Stop pulling excuses out of your ass. You're going.

I can't.

She stood, throwing her arms up so they fell down and hit the sides of her hips. Why? Why can't you go on a date with an amazing guy who finds you totally sexy and fuckable?

Because… of that! I don't wanna be… fuckable. I want him to appreciate me for my brain. I'm almost a law-

Shut up about the lawyer shit. I know what you're covering. You don't have to be so scared of someone actually seeing you, April. When's the last time you entertained a guy's feelings for you? Can I get 'never' for 400?

I had no counter-argument for that one. She was right, but I was still scared. As hell.

If you didn't want his dick so bad, then why'd you go up and kiss him?

He was a stranger! I didn't think it meant anything.

A totally hot stranger.

Amelia.

Admit it. A totally fucking hot, bangable stranger! And you want him between your legs, in your mouth-

Amelia! Stop, oh my god!

She burst out laughing as my face turned crimson, and I covered it with my hands.

Are you gonna tell him? That you're an angel virgin?

I glowered in her direction, pausing with my arms crossed over my chest. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind because this was a first date - and I didn't even think we would kiss again, let alone get close to having sex.

You are out of your mind.

Maybe so. But are you gonna tell him?

No!

She leaned forward with an elbow perched on her knee and looked at me mischievously.

Are you gonna let him take it?

I gaped, eyes widening to the size of dinner plates as I took one step back.

No, I'm not! I'm waiting for the man I'm gonna marry, you know that.

She eyed me and stood up, placing two firm hands on either of my shoulders.

He could end up being your husband.

You don't know that.

And if you don't go out with him tonight, we'll never find out…

I go downstairs with Amelia and Aveline and feel my palms start to sweat. The show will run late, so Aveline is carting an overnight bag over her shoulder as she sits in the shoe closet, finding her slip-ons. When she has them on, she lingers in the doorway and watches us, then realizes Amelia isn't heading right out the door. She asks if me she can turn on the TV, and I cave only because I feel like I'm about to fall over.

"What if this is a huge mistake?" I ask Amelia in lowered tones as I lean forward.

She gives me a look with raised eyebrows and bounces her baby. "April," she says. "It's almost been two years. Hasn't it?"

Ryan Grace starts to squirm, so Amelia goes and puts her in the baby jail we've crafted in the living room so she can watch TV with her pseudo-cousin.

"It's almost been two years since you've been… out there."

"More than that," I insist. "It's been like, eleven years since I dated anyone. I didn't have to worry about this kind of stuff when I was married." I plunk an elbow down on the island and massage my temples. "This is so stressful. No wonder I barely ever dated."

"Well, now's your chance," Amelia says. "Because you're not gonna flake. Oh, no. You are going through with this."

I sigh and look at her desperately. "I'm just so nervous. What if… what if there's no spark?"

"You spent plenty of time around him before he asked you out, didn't you?" she asks.

I nod.

"And there was… something, right?"

I nod again.

"Then you don't have to worry about there not being a spark. There'll be one. And guess what? If there isn't, it isn't the end of the world. If there's no spark, you can keep doing what you're doing and pretend like this part never happened."

Pretending like things never happened is something I'm good at, so that's a mild comfort.

"Okay," I say softly, and check the clock. I have about ten minutes. "You guys should get going," I say. "He'll be here soon."

He'll be here soon! Go! Go away!

Why? You don't want me to talk up my best friend to the hot guy of her dreams?

No! No!

I shoved Amelia's shoulders back towards her bedroom, and she complied with stumbling steps with my hands on her back.

Stay in here 'til I leave.

Maybe…

Amy, please. Promise.

She rolled her eyes. Fine, drama queen, I promise. But the second you get back, you better come in here and tell me everything. Except if you bring him home. Then I can wait 'til after you guys are done dry-humping.

Oh my god, stop. I'm leaving now. I'm going to go wait by the door.

She laughed and shut her door, and I walked as calmly as I could back to the front entryway. I didn't know what his car looked like, so I wasn't exactly sure what I was waiting for, but I subtly watched out the window all the same. With every car that passed, the butterflies in my stomach intensified. I had no idea how I was going to survive that whole night.

After I randomly kissed him in Three Dots and a Dash, he gave me his number but I was never brave enough to use it. It took running into him a second time at that same bar a week or so later, where he came up to me and asked why I hadn't called. I had no answer, of course, other than he made me so incredibly nervous. But it didn't matter, because he asked me out on an official date right then and there, and I had no choice but to say yes. I wanted to say yes, but I knew how much I'd freak out. And of course, I wasn't wrong.

I almost wished I'd turned him down. Then I could've just stayed in with Amelia, ordered pizza, and watched movies. But if I canceled, she'd kill me. And I doubted Jackson would take no for an answer at that point - he was a very headstrong kind of guy. I'd learned that much just from the slight interactions we'd had.

I jumped at the sound of the doorbell, having gotten lost in my own head and become less vigilant on my car-watching. I darted my head this way and that, looking for the purse I had just set down, and felt my palms break out in a sweat.

Be right there!

I grabbed my purse and looked at myself in the hall mirror, letting out a long breath towards my reflection. I told myself that this would be fun. We would have a great night. We were going to the planetarium; he wanted to show me the stars. I didn't know any other guys that would get that creative with a first date, so that was a good sign.

I pulled the door open and there he stood, casual and waiting, with a small bouquet of peonies and snapdragons in his hand. Before that moment, I'd never had a favorite flower. Then, I did.

He looked me up and down as a smile grew on his face.

You look gorgeous.

I blushed. I wasn't sure if any other man had ever found me gorgeous before, so I wasn't sure how to respond other than to thank him. The heat didn't die away from my face when he offered his arm, and I took it through my unignorable nerves.

I entwined my grip with his as he walked us to the car parked out front, and his hand lingered on my upper waist as he opened the passenger's side door for me. I thanked him again, and noticed that neither of us could keep the smiles off of our faces.

When we got in, he fumbled with the bouquet for a second.

Oh, I - jesus. These are for you, I was supposed to hand them to you, I'm an idiot.

I took them and breathed in deeply, my nose pressed inside as I looked at him.

Thank you, they're lovely.

Just like you.

It was the first 'real' first date I'd ever been on, and really it was the last. It was everything I'd ever fantasized that a first date would be - he was a gentleman, he held doors for me, he held my hand, and we lay shoulder-to-shoulder looking up at the star exhibit in the planetarium. Where are bodies touched, mine burned like I'd been singed.

I couldn't look at his beautiful face without blushing. I assumed I would get used to that, but not anytime soon.

When he dropped me off at home, he walked me to the door and under the porch light, gave me a gentle, lingering kiss on the cheek. He smelled like subtle cologne, and I floated through the front door after he left. He texted me right away and I responded just as quickly.

That time together was all it took, all we needed. We both knew it - we were going to fall in love.

"Okay, you're good with everything for tonight?" I ask Amelia, zipping up Aveline's backpack on her back.

"Yep, we should have everything," Amelia says.

"Got your stuffy?" I ask my daughter, and she nods surely. "Good. Okay, give Mommy a hug. I'll be there to pick you up in the morning, okay, baby bird?"

I kneel down and pull Aveline in for a hug, then give her a big kiss on the cheek. I wipe lipstick residue away with my thumb and she laughs, then I give her a softer kiss on the forehead that leaves nothing behind.

"Be good for Aunt Amy. If you need anything, just call."

"Okay, mommy."

"I love you."

"Love you."

I stand up again and smooth down Ryan Grace's downy hair as I talk to my best friend. "Thanks again for taking her," I say.

"Oh, you know it's no problem," Amelia says. "We're gonna have a great time."

"Okay," I say, smiling at them. "Don't get too crazy."

Amelia eyes me. "You better have a good time, too," she says. "Don't overthink. Just let yourself be. Alright? Don't freak out. And if things are going bad, just leave. You do what's best for you."

I nod. "I'm sure about this," I say. "I was nervous, but now it's kind of in a good way. I'm excited."

She grins. "Good. That's what I like to hear."

I wave them all goodbye as they leave out the front door, then gather my purse and feel the butterflies go crazy in my stomach. The minutes tick closer and closer to 8, and I'm getting more and more jittery with each passing one.

I tell myself that it'll be fun. I'm taking a big risk, but I'll have a good time. Both of us will.

When the doorbell rings, I take a moment to calm myself. I look in the mirror and inhale deeply, then open the front door.

As soon as I see him, another smile appears on my face. He's holding a bouquet of peonies and snapdragons - the flowers he made my favorite.

"Hi," Jackson says, smiling softly as his eyes drift over me. "You look amazing."

I step down and lock the door behind me, turning back to look at him. "So do you," I say, and my heart is beating so hard that I wonder if it'll burst from my chest.

He hasn't looked at me this way in years, like he's looking at someone he only just met. He doesn't take his eyes off of me for a long time, and when he does, he offers his arm and we walk to his car together. A car that I'm very familiar with.

"Oh, these are for you, obviously," he says, handing me the bouquet.

I look at him over the colorful petals. "My favorite," I say. "You remembered."

"How could I forget?"

He opens the door for me and I slide in, noticing how clean it is. He never kept a dirty car, but I can tell that he made sure it was spotless.

He gets in and once we're sitting next to each other, a natural calm washes over me. We're side-by-side, right where we're supposed to be. Through it all, we're partners. Best friends.

And now, we're giving ourselves back the chance to grow into something more. Lovers, spouses, soulmates.

The two years between us haven't always been smooth. We still fought, but over things that mattered. The fights were to work through things instead of work around them, and after they died down, they turned into open communication.

We started actually talking to each other. Going to therapy as co-parents. We learned to compromise, he learned to apologize. And when he told me he was sorry, not just as a blanket term but specifically for all the ways he hurt me, it opened up a new respect for the man who used to be my husband.

I saw him in a different light. I saw how much he'd changed. And he saw it within me, too.

We weren't the same people we were when we got married. We weren't the newlyweds moving into a brand new apartment, or the new parents we'd been after the birth of our daughter. But we also weren't the couple always at odds with each other, fighting over every little detail in our lives. We had grown from all of that. We were co-parents turned close friends, who had grown enough to try again.

We'd never gotten fully divorced, only separated. There was still enough slack to give us room for a shot. That's what we told each other; our relationship deserved a shot.

He asked me on a date when I came to pick up Aveline one morning and she was still asleep. I was in my yoga clothes, still sweaty from class, and he was in workout clothes, too, from having just finished a run. That was how we knew each other. Everything about him was still so familiar, from the way he smelled to where he sweat first, and so I made myself comfortable with a water bottle and sat down at his dining room table.

He didn't beat around the bush much, though I could tell he was nervous. He told me everything I already knew - how we had grown significantly and were much healthier - but then he told me something I wasn't aware of.

He still had feelings for me.

I'd been trying to suppress mine for him, knowing that acting on them or bringing them up would be dangerous and counteractive. But after he came out with his, I didn't wait long to admit that I felt the same.

So we agreed to try again. To date each other like we did in the beginning, and let ourselves fall in love with the new versions of who we once were.

I glance over at him now and see that he was already looking at me, and I can't resist. I do what we always used to do when we got in the car - I lean my head to the side and move my cheek towards him, and he knows exactly what I want. With a hand capped on my knee, he presses his lips softly to my cheek and lingers there for a long moment.

We aren't getting the fresh start I had tried to force. Instead, we're getting one we both grew into - stepping into a new life together while still giving ourselves room to remember our past.

When he pulls away, I look into his face and see my husband. I see the man who I kissed in a bar, the man who broke me out of my shell, the man who I fell in love with. And I know it will happen all over again, because I never stopped loving him, not really.