Things Danny Phantom is not allowed to do

By: FunahoMisaki

(A/N: I own nothing! And what if Phantom Planet didn't happen and Danny and his friends just gave up during Senior Year and decided to act like themselves? Or…well…maybe slightly OOC versions of themselves? This is what! AU OOC)

Rule # 1: Danny is not allowed to cook. No Fenton aside from Jazz is able to cook.

Rule # 2: Don't talk to Danny about his eating schedule around others. They will find it horrible and some will freak out.

-LINE BREAKING!

To be completely fair… This one was all the Home Ec teachers fault. Danny, Sam, Tucker, hell even Jazz tried to tell her that Danny literally could not cook anything more complicated than toast to save his half-life.

Those were literally Jazz's words.

The teacher brushed it off as simply bad experiences or inexperienced cooks trying something they weren't ready for…

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU BRING HOTDOGS TO LIFE?!" The Home Ec teacher, Mrs. Cutler, screeched as the class made a hasty barricade out of the lunch room tables since they had been using the lunch hall as the Home Ec classroom. The original classroom had been trashed by Lunch Lady two days ago and yet to be fully repaired.

"I'M A FENTON! THERE'S A REASON WE LIVE OFF OF TOAST AND CEREAL!" Danny yelled back as he hurried to the kitchen and grabbed several knives and forks, blasting a few hotdogs when no one was looking.

"WE WARNED YOU!" Two separate voices, one female and one male, yelled at the teacher as the rest of the school finally regained their bearings as they stared at the proceedings, having just come in for lunch.

There were walking talking green ghostly hotdogs attacking the Home Ec class and slowly turning their attentions to their new prey. Valerie was cursing in her head, she didn't expect this and she had no chance to get ghost hunting gar out to take down the weenies not without exposing herself!

"Quick get to cover!" Mrs. Cutler yelped when she noticed the others walking into the lunchroom. Lancer just stared at the Hotdogs for a moment before sitting down at one table still in its normal place and began drinking his coffee straight from his thermos. He had not had enough coffee to deal with this today.

The rest of the students were shoved behind the barricade which was quickly reinforced by the other teachers who began blocking themselves in.

"Sam! Tuck!" Danny yelled coming back from the kitchen loaded down with knives and forks, some of which were thrown to his friends who jumped out of the barricade despite protests and began forking the living wienies.

"Fenton toss me a knife!" Ishiyama called when one hotdog trying to escape Sam got a little too close for comfort, she caught the knife without even thinking about it and went to work slicing and stabbing anything that approached her or the barricade and glowed green.

Within minutes the four hotdog slayers had finished exterminating the hotdogs and the others slowly poked their heads out from where they had been ducking within the barricade to avoid any thrown condiments.

"Well…this wasn't as bad as your mom's last attempt at the Thanksgiving Turkey." Sam said trying for optimistic as she slowly helped right the tables that had once been a shield.

"You're telling me. That one nearly took off Jazz's head." Danny said with a half laugh as he went to work cleaning up the mess.

"I've heard of cooking things to Death mister Fenton but I don't think it was supposed to be taken literally." Ishiyama said a bit breathy as she set down the knife she had been using on a nearby table and went about checking the other students and teachers for injuries. Fenton and his friends were fine and would check each other, she's seen them do it before. Well… she's seen Sam and Tucker check Danny while Danny checked them.

"He didn't even mean to do it. To be fair though…we did warn her that he can't cook to save his half-life." Tucker said coming to his friends defense although he was a bit amused.

"No Fenton aside from Jazz can. I don't even know how you survived as a child when your parents would spend days on an invention." Sam said casually as she looked at Danny who looked her dead in the eyes. Ishiyama's head snapped up as alarms rang in it, a glance with Lancer showed that it had alarmed him too. Days without food as a child? Left alone while his parents worked on an invention?

"Jazz is a good cook. And besides. I know how to survive off of toast and cereal…as long as mom didn't make the toast that is." Danny said completely serious as he swept up the mess, making a mental note to feed it to Cujo later.

"Your dad burns toast so bad the ghost animals wouldn't eat it. Your mom… her cooking is a literal weapon! It's probably a good thing Jazz did most of the cooking growing up." Tucker said with a snort while Danny paused for a moment and looked at the massacred weenies.

"And I'm not much better… I'm glad my sister loves me." Danny said making Sam and Tucker snort as well.

"We are too. Seriously aside from when she cooked or you stay to eat at our places… how often do you actually eat?" Sam asked looking at Danny who paused and looked thoughtful.

"Danny that wasn't rhetorical." Sam said turning to look at Danny who frowned in confusion.

"Does school food count? If so I have at least one meal a day not provided by you two or Jazz." Danny said tilting his head at Sam like a puppy while Ishiyama was taking deep breaths nearby.

"Danny!" His friends said scowling as they looked at him angrily while he flinched back and held up his hands in the universal 'no threat' sign. Ishiyama's eyes narrowed, everyone but her, Lancer, and Valerie by the looks of it, were still too shocked or dazed by the formerly ghost hotdogs to pay much attention but she saw his reaction. It was too fast, reflex. How many times has he flinched back before from loud or angry voices?

"Dude the last time you ate with either of us was at least two weeks ago!" Tucker said frowning at his friend who blinked for a moment.

"Huh." Ishiyama's blood both boiled and ran ice cold at the implications and how casual Danny sounded about it. He hadn't eaten more than one meal a day for the last two weeks and didn't even seem to notice?!

"Daniel James Fenton." Ishiyama said sternly as she grabbed the boy by the back of his shirt, easily hoisting him up with one hand.

Too light, not healthy, much too light. Were the first thoughts in Ishiyama's mind as Danny yelped and squirmed in her grip as she walked over to a table and dropped him in the seat.

"Sit and if you move before I get back I'll have you in detention for the rest of your life." Ishiyama growled as she stalked off into the kitchen and began cooking.

"How do you think she'd react to the half detention?" Tucker asked snickering and earning a snort from Sam while Danny looked just as confused and surprised as everyone else at the principle's behavior as she walked back into the room with a steaming plate in her hand.

"Eat as much as you can without getting sick. Here. This is my home address and both my phone numbers. If you're hungry and your sister or friends aren't there then call me or just show up at the door. I don't care which but you will be having dinner at my house at least once a week to make sure you actually eat." Ishiyama said placing a plate of grilled fish, rice, and veggies in front of Danny before slipping him a paper.

"You can show up at my house as well Mr. Fenton. Only one meal a day isn't good for you. You could die of starvation or malnutrition if you don't eat right." Lancer said looking worriedly at Danny who blinked up at them in shock before giving a beautiful smile that stunned everyone. It almost looked like he was glowing and crystals were sparkling around him.

"Thank you." Danny said genuinely and sincerely grateful as he turned to begin eating the lunch Ishiyama had made.

Everyone relaxed for a moment although Ishiyama nearly panicked at Danny's next casually stated words.

Tucker just snorted and Sam face-palmed while groaning out 'Damn it Danny'.

"I appreciate it but you don't have to worry so much! I'm already half-dead!"