The Incredible Adventure of the Amazing OC

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away... probably though not necessarily twenty-first century America... a young teenage girl named Odessa Collins, commonly referred to as "OC" by everyone, was sitting in a chair in front of her computer watching her favorite anime - Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Yay! OMG Ed is soooo hot!" she squealed as usual when Edward dramatically tossed away the remains of his torn red coat, revealing his impressive muscles and automail. "He is so, like, my true love. I wish I could live in Amestris, that would have been so awesome." She paused. "Except for the whole military-state who orders genocide of an entire race and forces good people to act as human weapons..." OC shrugged. "But who CARES! Edward is HOT!"

As the episode went on, with characters ranting about something boring - philosophy, playing God, death and all that stuff - she quickly fell asleep. Suddenly she found herself in a white void.

"Huh? That's weird. Where am I?"

"Hello, OC," an eery voice greeted her, and she turned. There sat a white featureless figure, in front of an ominous-looking Gate.

"Hi," OC waved. "I just watched Episode 2 like ten minutes ago, but somehow I totally don't recognize you. Who are you?"

"I am the Truth, young OC," said Truth dramatically. "I am All, and I am One, and I am also... you."

"Gasp!" said OC.

"Now, because it turns out the chair at your desk was a Philosopher's Stone all along and I happen to be bored, I decided to send you to Amestris for some reason."

"Oh wow, really?"

"Yes, but I must take a toll from you first." Truth snapped Its fingers and suddenly OC lost all of her limbs.

"Oh." OC blinked in surprise. "That's... not good. How am I supposed to accomplish anything if you take away all my limbs?"

"Don't worry, you get automail as a bonus," Truth said, snapped again and suddenly OC had four automail limbs in place. "And some strange tattoos that may or may not imply you're kind of a Homunculus now." With a third snap OC's skin was covered with elaborate wicked-looking alchemical markings.

"Wow, thanks." OC brightened up immediately. "I thought I'd have to go through that super-painful surgery and three years recovery or something, but I guess this is fine."

"Who would want to read about dull realistic stuff like that?" asked Truth rhetorically. "Besides, time-skips are too bothersome anyway. Now, OC, go and fulfill your destiny!"

"You mean making Ed desperately fall in love with me so he'll be broken-hearted when I inevitably return to my own world at the end?" she asked eagerly.

Truth shrugged. "Sure, why not."

"Great, then let's gooo!" OC cheered as creepy black hands started dragging her into the Gate.

Ed and Al were walking around Central, because apparently it was all they did these days.

"Hey, Brother?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember how we bought our tickets to Liore for tomorrow morning?"

Edward shot his younger brother a strange look. "Yeeees? We literally did that five minutes ago. Are you feeling alright, Al?"

"I'm not sure... I just felt an unexplainable need to establish the timeline all of a sudden."

Ed stopped in mid-stride and paled. "Oh no."

"What?"

"Al, you know what usually follows those random compulsions, don't you?"

Alphonse gasped. "You don't mean...?!"

Suddenly a bright flash of blue light appeared in front of them. As it faded away it revealed an unconscious body of an ordinary-looking, yet somehow irresistibly attractive teenage girl.

"DAMN YOU TRUTH!" Edward yelled, spinning on his heel and stomping away. "This is the fourth time this month! I am so DONE!"

"But Brother!" Al protested, picking the mysteriously normal yet utterly appealing girl up. "We can't just leave her here unconscious. We have to get her to a hospital!"

Ed waved his hand carelessly. "She's probably fine, leave her."

"No." Al stood his ground. "Even if she's who we think she is, we can't just leave her alone in the street like that. We have to at least make sure she's okay."

Ed rubbed his face with a painful groan. "Ugh, fine. But," He pointed at Al with his automail hand. "After that, we're leaving her!"

"Sure, Brother," Al said as they went to the nearest hospital.

OC opened her average-looking, although absolutely stunning, eyes with a groan. "Where... am I...?"

"How are you feeling?"

The echoey voice sounded familiar. OC blinked blurriness away as a vision of a giant suit of armor revealed itself.

"Alphonse...?" the normal teenage girl said sleepily, her weakness making her impossibly endearing. "Is that you...?"

"Yeah, that's my name." The helmet tilted in curiosity. "How did you know?"

"Squee!" OC exclaimed suddenly, startling him. "I really am in Amestris! Hurray!" She looked around the hospital room. "Where's Ed?"

"Brother is-" He started uncertainly, when suddenly the door slammed opened.

"Al! Hurry up, we gotta leave before she wakes..." Edward faltered when his eyes landed on OC. "...up... oh crap."

"EDWARD!" OC cheered, jumping off from the bed and wrapping her arms around the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Gah!" Ed exclaimed helplessly, losing his balance and sending them both onto the floor. "This one is worse than the others! Al, HELP!"

"Sorry, Brother..." Alphonse shrugged, powerless. "I can't go against the plot, you know that."

Ed glared at him with betrayal. "You are so dead to me, Alphonse."

"OMG OMG OMG, I can't believe I'm finally meeting you for real!" OC babbled away as if unaware of the conversation between the brothers. "I'm totally gonna marry you, you're so much more handsome in like this than in 2D! It's weird, it's like the world is still animated but I can see in 3D, if you know what I mean?"

Edward, barely following, only blinked in confusion. "Uh, no."

"Your eyes are sooo gold!"

"Really? I haven't noticed." He deadpanned.

OC nuzzled her nose into his bangs. "And your hair, gosh, it's even more silky than I imagined! And it smells so nice!"

"Get your face out of my hair, you crazy molester!" The alchemist shrieked, freaked out.

"Oh, Edward," OC said pityingly. "Girls can't be molesters! Only guys can be called abusive, don't you know that?"

"Tell that to our Teacher," Ed muttered, his face red with anger and embarrassment. "Can you PLEASE give me my personal space back? I'm incredibly uncomfortable with you sitting on me."

"Oh, alright," OC reluctantly agreed, releasing the Hero of the People from her embrace, much to his relief. "So, what are you guys up to right now?"

"We're heading to Liore tomorrow morning," Al revealed despite Edward's chagrin.

"Don't tell her that! You'll only encourage her!"

"Sweet!" OC grinned joyfully. "I'm coming with you! I promise I won't be a bother and everything."

Edward exploded. "Oh HELL no!"

"Ed!" Al scolded him. "Don't be so rude. She isn't asking for much, she just wants to keep us company."

"See?" OC gestured at Al. "Your brother likes me!"

"Of course he likes you, he likes everybody!" Ed growled, standing up. "What's your name, anyway?"

OC happily introduced herself. "My name is Odessa Mary Sue Collins, but you can call me OC!"

"Sure, whatever. Listen, OC, we don't have time for-"

"And of course you're going to teach me alchemy on our way there," OC continued as if she couldn't hear him.

Ed sputtered in disbelief. "What?! No!"

"But Ed! I have to learn it! What's the point of being in Amestris if I can't learn to use alchemy? Besides," OC smiled innocently. "I probably gained enough knowledge from the Gate so I won't even have to learn all that boring stuff about chemistry and composition! See, I'm already fluent in Amestrian, even though I didn't speak a word of it yesterday! Also, you guys are in danger all the time so I have to learn how to defend myself too."

"She does have a point, Brother," Alphonse said. "We want her to be safe so we won't have to be rescuing her all the time, right? It usually leads you to those awkward romantic moments with them."

Ed shuddered at the reminder. "Alright, but!" He pointed at her face menacingly. "You have to respect my personal space, got it? And it's only until we figure out how to send you back. Also, keep it down with the fangirl stuff - that is so creepy."

OC nodded with a wide smile which didn't seem trustworthy at all. "Sure thing, Eddie!"

He made a sour face. "Don't call me Eddie."

"Alright, pipsqueak!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTER THAN A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK?!"

"Did someone say 'pipsqueak'?" Roy Mustang suddenly appeared, with Lieutenant Hawkeye one step behind him. "I already like them!"

Ed wailed in despair. "Not now, Colonel Bastard!"

Mustang assessed the situation with one glance. "Another fangirl sent from a different dimension, Fullmetal?"

"Yeah, and this one is the worst! She said she wants to MARRY ME!" Ed despaired, pulling his hair.

Mustang blinked in mild surprise. "That's new. They're getting more rabid each time, aren't they?"

"ROOOOY!" OC exclaimed all of a sudden, tackling Mustang to the ground.

"Uh...?" The Flame Alchemist stared at the girl in disbelief. She was surprisingly strong for someone her age. Then again, she did have four automail limbs.

"I am SUCH a big fan!" OC gushed, much to Mustang's undisguised horror and Ed's wicked glee. "You are, like, my second favorite character in the show! Your face is sooo HOT! Pun totally intended."

There was a sudden click of a loaded gun.

"Release the Colonel immediately," said Hawkeye sternly, pointing her weapon at OC.

OC immediately stepped back from Mustang, although it was apparent her actions weren't caused by intimidation, if judging by her excitement. "OMG IT'S RIZA HAWKEYE! I ship you and Roy so hard! I mean, you guys are so made for each other! Screw the yaoi fans."

"The what fans?" Ed blinked in confusion.

OC patted him on the head. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

"You better not try make any more advances at the Colonel, or I will use this," Hawkeye promised darkly, her dangerous aura making all the men present in the room shake with fear.

"Oh no, no way! He's all yours, promise!" OC waved her hands placatingly. Then she dragged Edward into a hug. "The only one I'm interested in is Ed, I swear!"

"Don't you think I should have a say in all of this?!" Edward protested, trying to squirm out of OC's suffocating embrace.

"Hush, darling. The girls are talking."

"Edward doesn't seem to be reciprocating, though," Hawkeye pointed out with slight amusement.

"Give him time, he'll love me," OC said freely. "Like I said, Roy is all yours! Ed is the one I'm keeping."

"She's crazy!" Ed yelled. "Al, help, OC is kidnapping me!"

"She's only hugging you, Brother."

Ed turned to his superior in desperation. "Bastard, help me! Use your gloves, I beg of you!"

The Colonel shook his head with regret. "I'm sorry, Fullmetal. We already know your fangirls from another dimension are fire-proof."

"Dammit," Ed cursed, having forgotten that detail.

"If you could let Edward go, I'm sure he would appreciate it," Riza said calmly, lowering her gun.

"Alright," OC replied and to Ed's eternal surprise released him.

"Why didn't you let go of me earlier?!"

"Because you didn't ask me directly!" OC told him.

"HOW DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?!" Ed slapped his forehead, then shook himself. "No, you know what, it doesn't matter! Al, we're leaving! And she is NOT coming with us!" He proclaimed, running out of the room.

"Hold on!" OC yelled as she chased after him. "You promised to teach me alchemy!"

"ASK SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT!"

"But I've seen the Gate and I can probably perform it without an array! That's impressive isn't it?"

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"But, I have four automail limbs and some super mysterious tattoos on my body!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

Roy, Riza and Alphonse sweatdropped as their voices faded away.

"Umm... I better go after them, before Ed does something drastic," Al said and left the room.

Colonel Mustang looked at his Lieutenant questioningly. "What does 'shipping' mean anyway, Lieutenant?"

Hawkeye sighed with resignation.

The end.

Author's Note:

As you can see, I've been reading some "Ed meets a real-world-OC" stories on this site and I noticed some common patterns... so I decided to make fun out of them. It's not that all those fics are BAD, necessarily, it's just they're so predictable. Also, Mary Sue OCs shipped with Edward are EVERYWHERE. It only inspired me more.

I had incredible fun writing this, I hope you had fun reading it too.

Thank you for reading, please favorite and follow and review if you can, but most importantly - read on and enjoy! :)