22 Ways To Kill Paige
Can you hear the dolphins cry?
I don't own Charmed.
Chapter 12
Pale Paige, the sadomasochistic freak walked down the stairs into the lounge room of Halliwell Manor, a large house that they called a manor so they sounded rich.
"Hey Paige! It's joke day!" Yelled Piper excitedly. "We're telling Paige jokes! Wanna hear one?"
Paige nodded eagerly. 'Oh boy!' She thought.
"What's pale and smells like shit?" Phoebe yelled animatedly.
"What?" Was Paige's willing reply.
"Paige on the toilet!" Phoebe shouted, cracking up at her joke. Paige started laughing too, before realising Phoebe was laughing at her. Piper shook her head, a humiliated look on her face.
"Phoebe that was pathetic!" She screamed aguishly.
"Like you could do much better!" Phoebe screamed.
"Hell yeah! What's pale and hated? PAIGE! So there!" Piper stuck out her tongue childishly and Phoebe sniffled noisily, wiping her nose with the back of her hand messily.
Just then, everyone gasped as Leo orbed in. What a surprise!
"Leo!" Piper screamed joyously, throwing herself at his tight, leather clad body. He made a face and uneasily picked her off using only his thumb and forefinger. "I didn't come down here just to shake my tail feathers with you, oh wifey one. I have a joke!"
Phoebe clapped her hands giddily. "Goody! Goody! Me wanna hear! Tell me, tell me!"
"Well okay then. See, it's like this! Once, there was this really pale freak and she had no friends and she made one cos this really nice girl made her feel sorry for herself and pale people everywhere were ashamed to be associated with the one really pale girl, so they booed her and pale people everywhere celebrated the victory of the pale girl getting booed, except the pale girl's friend felt sorry for her!" Leo finished, anticipating applause.
The other stared at him blankly.
"And that's funny how. . . . . ?" Piper asked scrutinisingly.
"Duh! Because she has a friend!" Leo said, implying it was the most obvious thing to be said.
Phoebe scratched her neck. Paige impatiently blew a piece of her hair off her face. Cole made 'Come here, sexy' faces to Leo, who looked to Piper, the one he knew he could count on for laughter. Crickets could be heard chirping in the distance as Piper coughed loudly, contemplating Leo's answer. Inside, her mind was working over time. 'The pale girl had a friend.'
"Oh! I get it!" She screeched loudly, making the others snap to attention. "It's funny cos she had a friend and the pale girl was Paige and no one's ever gonna like Paige and her friend is a loser cos she actually likes her and that's why it's funny!"
More blank stares. Pheobe joined in, trying to sound as though she were actually laughing, but her fake laughter was giving away by the fact that Pheobe's normal laughter sounds like a cow giving birth and her fake laughter was relatively normal.
"I'm bored now." Piper spoke up after more silence and uncomfortable coughs aimed at Pheobe and her pretentious bullshit.
"Is it still joke day?" Asked Paige.
"What kind of question is THAT?!?!?!" Piper yelled, outraged. "Geez! Let's all be Paige and ask stoopid questions! Is it still joke day? Why don't you go masticate in the kitchen since no one wants you enjoying our lunch out here anyway! Masticator! " Piper's shrieked was ear-piercing as Paige whimpered softly.
"Why don't you love me, Piper?" She asked, huddled in a corner.
"It's not just me, Paige. I'm sorry but nobody really does. It's cos you're a try hard and you think you're cool, but you're a ranga with truly evil- looking eyes and you're smile scares children. You can't look in the mirror because it's your worst nightmare, and to be honest, your personality sucks."
"That's a good enough reason I guess." Paige answered, walking into the kitchen to masticate by herself.
"Geez, all that Paige-talking to gave me a headache." Cole said loudly.
"I have an intestine ache." Piper commented.
She was met with raised eyebrows.
"What? It's possible! When you think you have stomachaches you REALLY have intestine aches! So urgh!"
"This sucks ass. Let's put our plan into action already!" Leo whined.
"Okay, boy. We can, but did you make Paige masticate on the orange?"
"I sure did!" Leo answered, thrilled.
"Good. Now we shall interrupt her mastication and kill her!" Piper cheered. She looked to Cole who was standing near the windows, watching a pretty butterfly.
"Mmmm, nice colours." He muttered to himself.
Piper shook his head and looked to Phoebe who was picking her nose, inspecting the waste she retrieved and then tasting it.
'Wow, that's a big one.' Thought Phoebe, shoving her finger up her nose higher. "I got it!" She yelled excitedly, but before anyone could congratulate her on her enormous triumph, she had stuck it in her mouth.
Piper and Leo set off to the room of mastication, hoping to kill Paige. Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I love masticating." Paige thought out loud to herself. She was answered with a snicker from behind the doorframe.
"Who's that?" She asked.
"Just me.us." Piper replied, walking in with Leo following her.
"Oh. Good. Thanks for letting me masticate, Piper."
"My pleasure. Will you repay me?"
"Of course. What ever can I do for you?"
"You could shut your head in that drawer over there. I know it isn't much, but I'm willing to let you make up for it with just that."
"Of course!" Paige jumped up, re-energized and ran over to a kitchen drawer, shutting her head in it quickly, slicing a large hole in her throat and bleeding to death in the cooking utensils drawer.
"Just great." Leo muttered. "More mess on my gorgeous floors."
So Paige died and again, a celebration was in order.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N~~ For those of you who don't know, and think I'm some sick freak, mastication means CHEWING. Come on, don't pretend you knew that!!!!
Can you hear the dolphins cry?
I don't own Charmed.
Chapter 12
Pale Paige, the sadomasochistic freak walked down the stairs into the lounge room of Halliwell Manor, a large house that they called a manor so they sounded rich.
"Hey Paige! It's joke day!" Yelled Piper excitedly. "We're telling Paige jokes! Wanna hear one?"
Paige nodded eagerly. 'Oh boy!' She thought.
"What's pale and smells like shit?" Phoebe yelled animatedly.
"What?" Was Paige's willing reply.
"Paige on the toilet!" Phoebe shouted, cracking up at her joke. Paige started laughing too, before realising Phoebe was laughing at her. Piper shook her head, a humiliated look on her face.
"Phoebe that was pathetic!" She screamed aguishly.
"Like you could do much better!" Phoebe screamed.
"Hell yeah! What's pale and hated? PAIGE! So there!" Piper stuck out her tongue childishly and Phoebe sniffled noisily, wiping her nose with the back of her hand messily.
Just then, everyone gasped as Leo orbed in. What a surprise!
"Leo!" Piper screamed joyously, throwing herself at his tight, leather clad body. He made a face and uneasily picked her off using only his thumb and forefinger. "I didn't come down here just to shake my tail feathers with you, oh wifey one. I have a joke!"
Phoebe clapped her hands giddily. "Goody! Goody! Me wanna hear! Tell me, tell me!"
"Well okay then. See, it's like this! Once, there was this really pale freak and she had no friends and she made one cos this really nice girl made her feel sorry for herself and pale people everywhere were ashamed to be associated with the one really pale girl, so they booed her and pale people everywhere celebrated the victory of the pale girl getting booed, except the pale girl's friend felt sorry for her!" Leo finished, anticipating applause.
The other stared at him blankly.
"And that's funny how. . . . . ?" Piper asked scrutinisingly.
"Duh! Because she has a friend!" Leo said, implying it was the most obvious thing to be said.
Phoebe scratched her neck. Paige impatiently blew a piece of her hair off her face. Cole made 'Come here, sexy' faces to Leo, who looked to Piper, the one he knew he could count on for laughter. Crickets could be heard chirping in the distance as Piper coughed loudly, contemplating Leo's answer. Inside, her mind was working over time. 'The pale girl had a friend.'
"Oh! I get it!" She screeched loudly, making the others snap to attention. "It's funny cos she had a friend and the pale girl was Paige and no one's ever gonna like Paige and her friend is a loser cos she actually likes her and that's why it's funny!"
More blank stares. Pheobe joined in, trying to sound as though she were actually laughing, but her fake laughter was giving away by the fact that Pheobe's normal laughter sounds like a cow giving birth and her fake laughter was relatively normal.
"I'm bored now." Piper spoke up after more silence and uncomfortable coughs aimed at Pheobe and her pretentious bullshit.
"Is it still joke day?" Asked Paige.
"What kind of question is THAT?!?!?!" Piper yelled, outraged. "Geez! Let's all be Paige and ask stoopid questions! Is it still joke day? Why don't you go masticate in the kitchen since no one wants you enjoying our lunch out here anyway! Masticator! " Piper's shrieked was ear-piercing as Paige whimpered softly.
"Why don't you love me, Piper?" She asked, huddled in a corner.
"It's not just me, Paige. I'm sorry but nobody really does. It's cos you're a try hard and you think you're cool, but you're a ranga with truly evil- looking eyes and you're smile scares children. You can't look in the mirror because it's your worst nightmare, and to be honest, your personality sucks."
"That's a good enough reason I guess." Paige answered, walking into the kitchen to masticate by herself.
"Geez, all that Paige-talking to gave me a headache." Cole said loudly.
"I have an intestine ache." Piper commented.
She was met with raised eyebrows.
"What? It's possible! When you think you have stomachaches you REALLY have intestine aches! So urgh!"
"This sucks ass. Let's put our plan into action already!" Leo whined.
"Okay, boy. We can, but did you make Paige masticate on the orange?"
"I sure did!" Leo answered, thrilled.
"Good. Now we shall interrupt her mastication and kill her!" Piper cheered. She looked to Cole who was standing near the windows, watching a pretty butterfly.
"Mmmm, nice colours." He muttered to himself.
Piper shook his head and looked to Phoebe who was picking her nose, inspecting the waste she retrieved and then tasting it.
'Wow, that's a big one.' Thought Phoebe, shoving her finger up her nose higher. "I got it!" She yelled excitedly, but before anyone could congratulate her on her enormous triumph, she had stuck it in her mouth.
Piper and Leo set off to the room of mastication, hoping to kill Paige. Again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I love masticating." Paige thought out loud to herself. She was answered with a snicker from behind the doorframe.
"Who's that?" She asked.
"Just me.us." Piper replied, walking in with Leo following her.
"Oh. Good. Thanks for letting me masticate, Piper."
"My pleasure. Will you repay me?"
"Of course. What ever can I do for you?"
"You could shut your head in that drawer over there. I know it isn't much, but I'm willing to let you make up for it with just that."
"Of course!" Paige jumped up, re-energized and ran over to a kitchen drawer, shutting her head in it quickly, slicing a large hole in her throat and bleeding to death in the cooking utensils drawer.
"Just great." Leo muttered. "More mess on my gorgeous floors."
So Paige died and again, a celebration was in order.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N~~ For those of you who don't know, and think I'm some sick freak, mastication means CHEWING. Come on, don't pretend you knew that!!!!