Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the MCU or any of the characters therein. And, sadly, I make no moneys from the posting of this fanfiction.

Hello! Long time, no posting! Sorry about that. Note to self—no coffee (or any other drinks for that matter) are allowed near my laptop from now on. Yeah, totally my bad. Needless to say, I needed some of the triple "F" in my life—Frivolous, fluffy fun! This story is completely alternative universe crack and I make no bones about it. Enjoy.

Please read and review!

…

Chapter One

S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters

June 1999

Hermione made her way along with the others there, as they strolled over towards the offices. The testing had been painfully simple, but then most tests were for her. But what this next part was, was quite beyond her. They all stood outside of what looked to be an interrogation room. She watched as men and women—some dressed in SHIELD uniforms and others dressed in military gear went in and out of different doors in between each time one of the test takers went into the room. Where they went to from there, she didn't know. There was more than likely another exit that emptied into an area that would be free of the people being tested.

She looked around herself, taking in the appearances of those around her. Fifteen now and they were going through the queue quickly. Soon enough, Hermione was walking into the room. It was a simple white room with a mirror and door on one side of the room. Sitting in front of the mirror was a long table with five different men and women, all dressed in black. She looked over and saw a chair that sat a good distance away from the table. Irritation had her grabbing the chair and moving it so that it was now one meter away from the table. She sat down, looking over all the agents there and settled on the black man with an eyepatch dead center of the table. He was the man in charge, she told herself.

"My name is Hermione Granger and I am here to interview for the personal assistant position," she said crisply.

He sized her up and asked, "How many people are in this room."

She looked around and back over to him before inquiring, "I require clarification."

"Proceed," the man told her.

"Do you require to know where exactly they are at this moment? Who they are working for? Or any sort of reasoning why they might be here?"

This had them all blinking at her.

"Explain," the man snapped.

"There are seven individuals here that work for SHIELD and another three that work for HARP. You have three high ranking military officials—one from the Army, one from the Marines, and the last from the Navy. The Airforce representative is running late. It's a tie on whether it's traffic or something to do with national security. But seeing as everything and everyone seems to be going on as if everything is normal, my wager is on the car breaking down or traffic. Something very mundane to be sure, but this kind of thing happens to everyone."

"How did you know that there was supposed to be a man from the Airforce?" a younger woman to the man's left asked.

"Seeing as the other three branches of the American military were represented, it's only logical that the Airforce would be as well. That in combination with a short conversation that took place between the man from the Army and the woman from the Marines gave me the information."

This had them all taking notes, even as the man in the middle said, "You never finished answering the first question."

"In total in the room?" she asked to which the man in the middle nodded. "Twenty-seven."

They were all silent a moment before the man in the center of the table allowed the corner of his mouth tick up very quickly.

A man at the end of the table said in a tight voice, "But we're the only ones in this room."

"No," she said, pointing to both of the walls behind them and behind herself. "Those are temporary room dividers rather than walls. And as I was outside waiting for this interview, I counted doors as a way to entertain myself. It was when I was doing so that I began to count the people going into and out of all the different doors. And of course there is myself as well."

The man shut his mouth then, looking towards the man in the middle of the table. She was expecting another question when the hair went up on the back of her neck. Getting quickly to her feet, she used the folding chair she had been sitting on to disarm the man of the .38 in his hand. She knocked the gun out of his hand before she proceeded to use the chair to rush him backwards and colliding into the wall where she pinned him.

Looking to the man in the middle of the table, she asked, "Was this supposed to happen as a part of the test or did I just upset the man?"

"If I tell you that he is?" he inquired.

She hit him with the chair to his chest hard, knocking his head into the wall. Looking over to the man at the table and waited.

Again the man smiled. "And if he isn't?"

That time she kicked him right in the crotch, making him fall straight onto his face and holding his groin the moment Hermione stepped away from him.

The man in the center of the table stood and strolled over to her. "My name is Nick Fury, I am the new director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and you've just have been hired. Any questions at this time?"

She thought that over and asked, "Did you know that your last name is a volatile emotion?"

His mouth ticked up in the corner quickly. "Yes."

"Very good then," she replied. "Whom will I be working with, sir?"

…

Phil looked around the office for what must have been the tenth time within the last three minutes and wondered yet again what he was doing there. Well, he knew what he was doing there. He had worked his ass off and made it to the position that had him being the head handler. But up until this time he had been in a small corner of a hive of other workers. One of many and now he was in charge of all of them. He had been in charge of others when he had been in the Army, but this had a completely different feel.

His office door opened and he watched as Director Fury walked into his office with a petite woman in a business pant suit. She had to only be, what, eighteen? Nineteen? What the hell would a kid be doing working for S.H.I.E.L.D.? If that weren't enough, it looked like the only thing controlled about her hair was the pins fighting to keep it up out of her face. It was a fight the pins were losing, as she had a frame of curls dancing around her all too young face.

"Agent Coulson, this is your new personal assistant Hermione Granger." And with that he turned, leaving them there staring at each other.

"Lovely to make your acquaintance, sir," she said, stepping forward to shake his hand.

"You as well, Miss Granger," he replied. "Please don't think me forward, but just how old are you?"

"Twenty," she told him, looking to the door. "May I close the door so we may speak in private?"

"Of course," he said, moving around to sit at his desk.

She shut the door, sitting at one of the guest seats. "I am currently working my way through school. I'm writing my dissertation for my mastery in Mathematics and later I'll be working on my Ph.D. in the same." She worried her lower lip. "I'm still thinking about getting my post-graduate degree in Ancient Languages and Symbols as well, but given how much I work with them, it's nearly a given."

"You're a genius," he stated. "If that's the case, why work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

She blushed slightly. "I phoned my Gran when it became clear that my parents were well and truly missing. She's not at all well, but even so she made some calls on my behalf." She grinned. "And this is the kind of job one gets when Margret Carter makes such calls."

"Ah, I see," he murmured.

Clearing her throat, she said, "Now if you can tell me what I can do in order to make your job easier, I'd be grateful. I haven't a clue what an administrative assistant is supposed to do."

He allowed himself to crack a grin. "You and me both."

"Then allow me to ask one of the most important questions."

Phil arched his brow and waited.

"How do you take your coffee?"

"Black."

Smiling she said, "A man after my own heart."

TBC…

…

And there's the first chapter going out to you! Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Please if you could, review. I've been real bad about getting back to my reviewers as of late and I wish to apologize for that. Everyone's reviews are important and I will be trying my best to get back to everyone that took the time to do so. Thanks for your time and I hope everyone is having a grand day.