I sat on his bed, a small, light pink box in my trembling hands.

Earlier that night, the atmosphere around the dinner table was strangely uncomfortable.

Cassian kept looking at me, an emotion that I could not quite grasp brewing in his hazel eyes. I hadn't spoken to him much the last few weeks, after I snuck out of bed with him just before the sun rose. I hadn't had the courage to. I think he took it personal, and maybe it was. It was nothing against him, though. He was only ever good to me.

That was the issue.

I was the issue.

The rest of our group ate in silence, tossing around a lame joke every now and then. I tuned them out. I scarfed down my beef roast and vegetables and pushed my chair back, hastily, before excusing myself. Feyre called after me, but I pretended I didn't hear as I shuffled down the hall and through the front door.

Fresh air always helped when my anxiety was high. Fresh air, and Elain's garden.

Lying flat on my back among the dirt and roses, I closed my eyes and took a series of deep breaths. Not long passed before two beings, reminding me of late nights spent reading stories under the blankets in our cottage, lied on both sides of me. I let them take my hands before I acknowledged their presence.

"He was looking at me strange tonight," I admitted, quietly. "His eyes were full of longing, but he also seemed agitated. I don't blame him, I suppose. He has every right to hate me. Maybe I've been unfair to him."

I loved how close my sisters and I had become. I had never been good at opening up, but I was trying. For them.

They glanced at one another, earning a frustrated grunt from me. "Will someone tell me what's going on?"

"We can't-"

"Elain, she needs to-"

"No, it is not up to us to-"

"You of all people should-"

"Just because you would have wanted someone to tell you, Feyre, does not mean-"

"You don't need to talk to me like I'm a child, Elain, I am your High Lady-"

"There you go, pulling the High Lady card again. I'll have you remember that I helped change your diapers-"

"Hush!" I jolted upright, rubbing my temples. "One of you better tell me what's happening before I show off some of the training Amren has instilled in me in the last few weeks."

The two glanced at each other once more, before Elain opened her mouth. "You don't need to accept it. Remember that. Don't feel pressured, don't let it distract you. You don't need to even acknowledge it right away. Just because it snapped into place for Cassian doesn't mean-"

I stopped listening. My ears began pounding, ringing, as the blood rushed to them, and my face began to pale. "What snapped into place for Cassian?"

I already knew the answer, of course, I wasn't stupid.

They knew it, too, because neither answered.

"Nes-"

I held up a hand, cutting Feyre off. "I need a minute."

My little sisters watched me pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I hiked up my skirts, annoyed at how they swished around my ankles. The words were running through my mind, He's my mate, my mate, my mate, and I felt the truth of those words.

I felt the love, the passion, the honesty, the desire for him, and I hated myself for it.

Elain broke the silence. "What are you thinking?"

I shook my head, raking a hand through my loose hair. "I don't know. What am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel?"

Feeling bad that I snapped, I apologized to Elain before plopping myself in the grass.

"You're scared," Feyre said. It wasn't a question, so I didn't answer. "It's okay to be scared, Nesta."

"I can't accept it," I said, wistfully. "I can't allow the bond to….to…." I trailed off, unsure of what I was going to say.

"Would it be so bad?" Elain asked, inching toward me. "To have that with Cass?"

No. "Yes. To love someone, especially to that extent, is weakness. It's vulnerability. It's setting yourself up for heartache, and misery. I can't. I won't."

They didn't argue. Instead, Feyre took my face in her hands, and smiled. Just as she always had, she was taking care of me. "We are not blind. We know you better than anyone. We see how you look at him when you think no one is watching. I know how you feel, and it's okay to feel those things. You don't have to accept the bond. You can ignore it, or you can deny it, but if you love him like I know you do….would it be so bad? To have that with Cass?"

I blinked back tears, and that was answer enough for her. My sisters wrapped me in their arms under the starlight of Velaris.

After a minute of listening to the whistling of the wind and the chirps of the crickets, I sighed, "What now?"

Then, less than an hour later, I found myself in his room.

I had expected him to be back by then, but he was nowhere to be found. Sitting on his bed, and feeling ridiculous, my panic grew as I waited.

Deciding that looking around would take my mind off him, I found my way to his bookshelf. There were no books, which was to be expected, but what I found made no sense to me. There was a painting of a snowy forest, a dingy necklace, and a series of knives and daggers. The last thing I saw made me freeze, made the breath escape my lungs and stare in awe.

A ribbon. My ribbon.

I gathered the strip of blue silk between my fingers. I had no idea he had it. I hadn't even known it was missing.

"I didn't steal it, if that's what you're thinking."

Twirling around, I realized I was not at all prepared for the male standing before me.

He had been training, it seemed. I found myself staring at the warrior, his sweaty chest gleaming in the faelight. His pants were hanging loosely, low on his hips, a tattoo trailing down his side and disappearing beneath his waistline. Cassian crossed his arms across his chest, and when he realized I wasn't going to respond, he lazily raised an eyebrow. "Interesting of you to show up here when you've been ignoring me for the last month."

"You've been ignoring me," I snapped. "If you wanted to talk to me, you should have."

"Always blaming it on me," he chuckled, shrugging his broad shoulders. His wings fluttered behind him, a sign of his agitation.

I took a deep breath and held up the ribbon. "You kept this."

"Yes," he said, simply. "You left it in the library."

"You could have brought it back to me," I whispered as a small voice inside my head whispered, Stop wasting time, get on with it.

"It reminds me of beauty," he replied, and my heart shuddered at his words. "Of all the good things this world has to offer."

Turning my back to him, I nodded. "What about this?" I picked up the necklace, admiring the ruby that hung from the chain. "Who is this from?"

He laughed, breathlessly. "Jealous?"

Scowling, I placed it back where it belonged.

He chuckled, softly, as he came up behind me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body as he spoke, "I found that on the streets when I was a child. Someone threw it away, and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. One man's trash is a bastard boy's treasure."

"You kept it," I blinked. "After all this time?"

"Yes."

"Why?" I turned to him to find him studying me, curiously.

He shrugged, again. "I have a hard time letting go of certain things. That shitty piece of jewelry is one of the only things I owned as a child."

"You shouldn't swear in front of a lady," I scolded.

"I gave up on manners a few hundred years ago," he winked.

Rolling my eyes, I opened my mouth to ask about the painting, but he cut me off. "Why are you here, Nes?"

I hated when he called me that. Hated it, because it made me happy, because it did things to my insides that I didn't think were possible.

Closing my eyes, I decided to get it out before I lost it, before I ran out his room and never looked back. "I'm stubborn. I'm stubborn, and I'm not always the nicest person, and I'm working on that, but I just can't help it. I am a mess, and for some reason, you seem to like that. You're kind to me. You protect me. You even make me laugh. I don't know why you didn't tell me about the bond, but I know. I know, Cassian, that fate or destiny or whatever the hell it is thinks were made for each other….and that terrifies me. I'm scared. I'm scared to give myself to you. I'm scared to let you in. But, I would rather be completely terrified than lose you."

When he didn't say anything in return, I kept rambling on, unable to stop. "I was prepared to die for you, and I would have been okay with that ending. I wouldn't have regretted it in the afterlife. So, if you think that I don't-" my voice broke, but I went on anyway, letting the tears flow freely. "If you think I don't love you, you're even stupider than I thought. Yes, I've been ignoring you. Yes, I've been running away. But, I don't know how to feel these emotions. I don't know what to do with them. I don't know how to handle them. I need your help. I need- I need you, Cass."

His eyes widened with every word I spoke, his love and adoration written plainly on his face. I knew I was crying, pathetically, and I tried not to look embarrassed. I held my chin up high as I took a step around him, and grabbed the box off his sheets. I lifted the lid, and he laughed at the display of cookies from the bakery down the street.

"Feyre said I'm supposed to offer you food." To my dismay, I began to laugh with him. "I can't cook, and I know these are your weakness."

After grabbing a chocolate chip cookie, and taking a bite, he grabbed the box from me and sat it back down.

"You're my weakness, Nesta Archeron."

I didn't fight him as his fingers grazed my cheek, and he brushed away my tears. I didn't fight him as his lips pressed softly against mine.

I didn't fight him as he pulled me against him in a sweet, gentle embrace, and whispered into my ear, "I love you, too."

I saw it, then. Our life together. The memories we would make, the love we would experience together. Children, a house on Velaris' countryside, traveling and laughing and feeling joy.

I didn't fight him as we stopped being Nesta and Cassian, and became one.