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The greatest pain someone could ever experience is giving up. And well, I did just that.
But I'll clarify one thing:
Life lost all meaning way before I gave up on letting it have meaning.
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Two pairs of eyes watched a table occupied by four men and a blonde haired voluptuous woman, who were all in the midst of a serious and high-staked poker game, with eyes filled with mild, perhaps even morbid, curiosity.
"I bet you a thousand ryō that Shishou will have to fold," smirked one of the observers, her green eyes filled with mirth.
Her companion quietly snorted, "Really Sakura-san?"
Sakura's smirk didn't drop, "Three thousand ryō says," she allowed her hand to go up and seemingly point at random, "That man will win." Her green eyes watched as her companion furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "Come on Shizune-san, there's a one in four chance that I'm right. The odds are in your favor. Four thousand ryō and a favor."
"Alright, fine!" Shizune cracked under the pressure, deciding that her three in four chance was something she'd take her chance on.
Though the eighteen year old still couldn't help but have a bad feeling. Sakura Haruno, who was a year younger than her, was never one to be reckless. Never one to do something for no reason.
"What's this about anyway?" Shizune couldn't help but ask.
"Maybe Shishou's ways have rubbed off on me. I mean it has been three years."
Shizune's eyes narrowed at the distant tone. As usual, Sakura was being vague. Of course. Ever since Obito and Rin, Sakura's always kept everyone at a distance, never letting them know what's going on in that brilliant and beautiful mind of hers. And Shizune, despite being the girl's senpai, was fascinated by Sakura. Who wasn't? The girl was a prodigy. A tragic prodigy, but a prodigy nonetheless.
"Shizune-san?"
Shizune shooed away her thoughts, an embarrassed flush creeping on her cheeks as she looked at Sakura. Thankfully, the lights were dim enough to hide her embarrassment and thus making sure Sakura didn't notice. "Yes?"
"Do you have a dream?"
Shizune blinked, caught off guard by the sudden inquiry. Everything was business and not personal when it came to Sakura. Even after three years of traveling with the girl, she didn't know anything personal about Sakura. She didn't know which color Sakura liked best or what food Sakura favored. The only thing she knew about Sakura Haruno was that Sakura lost her teammates during the Third War.
"...not really, no," Shizune admitted reluctantly, having a feeling that perhaps Sakura would be disappointed by her answer. "I just want to take care of Tsunade-sama."
"So, Shishou brings meaning to your life then?"
"I guess?"
For the first time in three years, Shizune saw Sakura smile. A genuine smile. "Good, don't ever lose Shishou, alright? Stay by her."
Shizune couldn't help another very ungraceful snort from escaping her. "Always." It wasn't even up to debate. Wherever Tsunade went, Shizune followed. Like a bee after the queen bee.
"NO WAY!"
Shizune and Sakura's attention went towards the table once again.
"I'll expect my money by tomorrow, Shizune-san," Sakura said, amusement coloring her tone.
"Sometimes, I really hate you Sakura-san."
"Should we step in?"
Shizune sweat dropped as Tsunade started pummeling the four men, raging about how they had to be cheating. Of course, the four men were also fighting among themselves despite being overpowered by Tsunade. It was a comical sight that Shizune had grown used to after years of traveling with Tsunade.
"I think Tsunade-sama has it covered. We just have to worry about property damage."
It was Sakura's turn to snort, "We'll just leave it on Konoha's tab."
"I don't think Tsunade-sama has been a good influence on you, Sakura-san."
Sakura turned a smirk Shizune's way, "Care to correct me?"
Shizune could once again feel a heat covering her cheeks. She mentally berated herself as she forced herself to roll her eyes at Sakura. Another thing she knew about Sakura Haruno? Sakura was emotionally stunted and loved speaking in innuendo to rile her up. It was stupid, and highly ironic, because for once it was the senpai lusting over the kohai.
Yes, Shizune had a thing for Sakura.
No, she wasn't solely into women. In fact, Sakura's the only female Shizune's ever had feelings for. Yes, she was sure what she was feeling was genuine, after a whole year of rationalizing and being in denial.
Though, Shizune was resolved to take her secret to the grave. Sakura Haruno didn't do emotions. Shizune did not need a relationship. No, these weren't excuses, they were facts. (And excuses.)
"Shizune! Haruno! Let's get outta here!"
Shizune yelped as Tsunade roughly pushed past them, stomping away towards the inn they were staying at.
"Rock-paper-scissor on who has to deal with her hangover ass tomorrow?" Sakura suggested.
"You're on!"
This time, Shizune grinned.
Because Sakura lost.
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REVERSED
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Tsunade stared down at the pig that was looking right back at her. Besides her, Shizune looked equally confused.
"What is this?"
"It's a pig, Shishou," came Sakura's bland answer. "A pet of sorts."
Huh.
Well, Tsunade was left more confused. The Haruno brat she took in three years ago had thus far never given her or Shizune a gift. Not even on their birthdays or special events. The only things she's ever gotten from the Haruno were sarcastic remarks, booze, and a good source to export her knowledge into.
"What for?" Tsunade grunted.
The Senju watched as the green-eyed girl glanced at a clock before looking back at her.
"It's a parting gift, Tsunade-sama," Sakura said, taking them by surprise by the usage of another honorific.
"What?!" Shizune yelled, probably focusing on the first part of the sentence.
"As of now, it's been exactly three years, one minute and four seconds since I've been in your care. Our agreement was for three years," Sakura bowed down, "Thank you for teaching me these last years, Tsunade-sama."
Tsunade couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped her, which caught both Shizune and Haruno off guard. Good.
"It's always just business, isn't it Haruno?"
Sakura blinked at her, not even hesitating to nod.
Of course.
It's never personal.
Tsunade couldn't even be mad, because Sakura didn't do anything wrong. Three years, that's what Tsunade had promised a fourteen year old who had lost everything. And those three years were up. Maybe, Tsunade mused, she was feeling a bit disappointed. Not only at Sakura, but at Shizune and herself as well. After they had been traveling for a year together, Tsunade couldn't help but think that Sakura found something with them.
That Sakura found a reason to live instead of breathe.
But of course Sakura didn't.
Tsunade couldn't even blame the girl.
"Are you going back to Konoha?" Tsunade asked, surprisingly calm.
"No, I was planning on eloping with a Kumo-nin and having dozens of babies," Sakura sarcastically answered, "Where else am I going to go? I'm a Konoha-nin, Tsunade-sama. My leave of absence is done."
Yes.
Of course Tsunade knew that Haruno's leave of absence was done.
But, the Senju had hoped that Haruno would go somewhere else. Abandon Konoha even. Because in the end, Konoha was the worst place Sakura could be in. Konoha didn't do shit for Sakura, even when the seventeen year old had given everything to the village.
"Don't," Shizune finally spoke up, earning their attention.
Tsunade's eyes softened at Shizune's watery eyes. The blonde woman already knew that her student had gotten very attached to the Haruno over the past years, which added salt to the injury considering Haruno didn't seem to be the least attached to them.
"Shizune-san?"
"Konoha doesn't deserve you, Sakura!"
Sakura's eyes widened in surprise, probably caught off guard by the lack of honorific.
It didn't seem to deter Shizune in the slightest as the eighteen year old continued, "You'll end up getting hurt all over again, Sakura. I...I don't want to see you revert back to the PTSD mess you were three years ago! So, don't go...stay," Shizune breathed, eyes wide in determination, "Stay with us. Please."
Tsunade watched as Sakura quietly ruffled Shizune's hair.
"I can't," Sakura, surprisingly, sounded regretful.
"Why?" Shizune choked out.
"...my best friend once told me that those who abandon their nakama are worse than trash. I've left my sensei alone for three years already."
Ah.
So it all came down to Minato and Sakura's desperate attempt to cling on to the memory of the dead Uchiha.
"Aren't we nakama?"
"Yes, but sensei is more important." Sakura didn't even sound sorry as she stepped away from Shizune.
"Just go already," Tsunade forced out in a clipped tone, "Shizune, the pig, and I have places to be. So scoot back to the village already, Haruno."
With a nod, Sakura walked away.
It was only Tsunade who caught the brief hesitance.
Once she was sure that Sakura was gone, Tsunade turned towards her other, or rather only, student. Shizune, for all her maturity, looked pathetic. Kind of like a kicked puppy that was left behind.
"The best way to heal a broken heart is alcohol," Tsunade wisely said. Temporarily at least.
"Konoha isn't good for her..."
Tsunade hummed, "Maybe Konoha is good for her."
Shizune looked at her, clearly confused.
"Haruno needs to confront her past and move on."
Shit.
She sounded like a hypocrite there, didn't she?
Whatever.
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REVERSE
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"Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash!"
Sakura's lips quirked up a bit, in a mirthless manner.
"I'm sorry Obito," she spoke as she headed towards Konoha, "I'm worse than trash, aren't I?"
She didn't need Obito to say yes.
It was obvious.
She had after all abandoned Minato for three years. Yes, she was hurting, but so? The man was hurting too, considering his wife had died and the Kyuubi was sealed into his newborn son by the Third Hokage.
They were both hurting.
But she ran away anyway, pragmatically offering herself up to Tsunade for three years.
Three, admittedly, liberating years.
But, the thing was, she was a Konoha shinobi. More importantly, she didn't deserve to be happy. Not when she had failed so many people in her life. Not when Obito's words constantly haunted her. Not when Rin, fuck, her best friend's smile lingered in her mind. Not when Kushina's excited ramblings on how she was going to raise Naruto kept playing in her head whenever she saw a child. Not when her parents' corpses accused her of choosing Minato over them.
"Fuck!" Sakura harshly breathed out, then in again, trying to calm herself down.
'That was entertaining.'
'Shut up.'
'So, what exactly are you planning to do in Konoha?'
'Whatever sensei wants me to do.'
'Lies, you're planning on getting back in ANBU, right Neko?'
'Maybe I was planning on working at the hospital.'
'Ha! As if. We both know you don't like socializing. Not since you murdered your own best friend.'
Sakura glared at nothing.
'Don't you ever talk about Rin, you fucking-'
'Now, calm down. No need to get mad at yourself.'
'Maybe I'll quit being a ninja,' Sakura continued, selectively ignoring the things Inner had said.
'One, you would have wasted three years for nothing then. Two, you're incapable of functioning as a civilian. Three, Minato won't have any use for you if you're a civilian.'
'Mmm, active duty it is. If Minato-sensei forgives me that is.'
'He'll forgive you. Without a doubt. The question is, will you forgive him? After all isn't he and Kushina the reason why the Kyuubi killed our parents three years ago?'
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Chapter End.
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Author's note: yes, yes, another story. This story is an AU. It's a what if Sakura and Kakashi switched places? What if Sakura was born during the Third War and Kakashi was born in the same generation as Naruto? Well, this is the what if story. We have an emotionally stunted and self-loathing Sakura. An alive!Minato with issues of his own.
The pairing(s), you ask? Well, wouldn't that be telling? Just kidding. For Sakura, it will be Sakuraxmany until further notice. For Kakashi, who knows.