Chapter 1

Deep in the lands of Zaron, the humans of Kupa Keep struggle to stay alive as they are attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnion.

Darkness falls as the humans beg their King to save them. A noble King, known only as the Grand Wizard.

For a thousand years the battle has been waged, with only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers.

But even though the Wizard King is so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf armies continue their attacks. They seek the human's most treasured relic- the Stick of Truth.

But the tides of war are soon to change, as news of a "new" kid spreads throughout the land.

In order to save the humans, the Grand Wizard must get to the new kid- before the Drow Elves can manipulate his mind and USE him, to take the sacred relic from human hands.

For whomever controls the Stick… controls the universe…

The moving truck's tires skidded across the road as it made its way to its destination, a town that was marked by a sign with its name: South Park, Colorado. The truck soon stopped at a bright red, newly bought house with the sign still on the front lawn. It read: For Sale, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen backyard, SOUTH PARK REAL ESTATE, but had a large, yellow "SOLD" sticker slapped right over the words.

You could imagine any other kid wondering around the house in amazement, but I just went right to my new room.

Downstairs, Mom and Dad were loading boxes into the house. When they were finished, Dad said: "Well, I think that's everything."

"We did it, hon, we're really moved in!" Mom exclaimed, hugging her husband.

"It's a new beginning for us," Dad said. "Things are finally going to be good!"

"Do you really think it will be better for…" Mom's voice faltered. "… him?"

Silence filled the room.

"They won't look for him here," Dad promised. "We just need to make sure he doesn't attract any attention. Come on; let's see how he's doing."

The two of them walked upstairs to my room. Mom knocked on the door and called, "Sweetie? Hon, you all dressed?" I didn't answer. Mom and Dad exchanged glances, before opening my door.

"Hey, champ," Dad said. "How do you like your new room?"

I looked around my room, awkwardly, to say the least, considering the fact that my parents were observing.

"I know it's a big change for all of us, but…" Dad changed the subject. "… son, do you REMEMBER why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?"

I didn't answer.

"He doesn't remember," Dad whispered to Mom.

"He doesn't remember at all-"

"That's good. That's good he doesn't remember."

I stood in silence, of all things.

"Uh, sweetie," Mom said sweetly, "we want you to have lots of fun here. Why don't you go out and make some friends?"

Before the room could be silent for too long, Dad added: "Right, get outside and PLAY, son. Like… like normal kids."

"We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter, sweetie. Just…" Mom hesitated, but kept a smile. "… be back before it gets dark."

I kept my silence, and my dad's expression changed from something warm and loving, to something sterner. "Yeah, we love you, too," he said sarcastically, before he and Mom left the room.

For a minute, after my parents left, I considered staying in my room all day, not interacting with anyone, or anything. But, I knew my parents, for some reason, desperately wanted me to go outside and socialize, blah, blah, blah. So, I did what I was told and wondered downstairs (not before checking out some upstairs rooms, of course), and went into the kitchen, where my mom stood at the sink. Sure enough, there were a few dollars on the counter like she promised. I took the money and started for the door.

But I stopped at the living room. My dad sat on the couch on his phone, probably checking emails, or something, not noticing me. He finally looked up from his phone and saw me staring at him, and not outside making friends (gasp!). His expression quickly turned to aggravation.

Great, here comes the Dad Monster.

"It wasn't a REQUEST, it was a COMMAND," he snapped, while standing up from his seat. "Now get out there and MAKE SOME FRIENDS!"

And before I knew it, I was standing on my front step.

The funny thing about me is that I make friends easily. No, I don't have one-hundred new friends when I walk down the street every day, I'm not famous; but, apparently, people find me "intriguing" and they seem to have a "real connection" with me, and stuff like that (those quotes are all from random people I don't give a crap about, who consider themselves my friend). It's mostly on Facebook, but real life, too.

So, you'd imagine I'd find making friends in this town to be easy, right? Well, yeah, sure, randomly on the street and social media, but my parents want me to actually play with these kids, like a "normal" kid.

The thing is: I don't really know how to play.

I usually just sit in my room watching Terrance and Phillip all day, and check my computer and, ding! I have forty new friends! Hooray!

But when I'm forced to play with other kids, who, by the way, know how to and have done it before?! How the HELL am I supposed to do that?! My parents know this stuff!

Eventually, I considered actually giving this bullshit a shot. Couldn't hurt, right?

Okay, fine, you got me: the front door was locked. I was forced to socialize. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Thanks a lot.

Anyway, I awkwardly walked down the sidewalk, looking for kids to play with. My parents were probably observing from the window, screaming at me to walk faster. Just in case that was actually happening, I increased my walking speed.

Suddenly, out of the blue, I heard a kid's (yes, kid's! Finally! Two minutes was way too long!) voice yell out:

"You shall die by my warhammer, drow elf!"

The first thing I thought of was: "What the hell?" but I didn't say it. I heard another kid's voice yell, "Nuh-uh!"

"I banish thee to the forest realm!" the first voice cried.

"No way, I banished you first!"

Wait… "Forest realm"? What is this, Dungeons and Dragons?

The two voices' owners came into my view: they were two boys who looked my age, in… weird costumes. The first one was a blond boy wearing a golden headband with a red jewel in the middle, with a blue superhero suit and cape, a rope belt, and a yellow badge and gloves. I could tell he had the first voice I heard because of the tool shed hammer- er, warhammer, he held in his hand. The second boy had darker blond hair, and was wearing a Link costume… well, dorky Link costume, with a wooden sword. Mr. Superhero had called him a drow elf, whatever that means. The two boys were fighting with their weapons on the sidewalk, and it looked like the superhero boy was losing.

The Elf hit the helpless Superhero with his sword. "HA HA! You can't hold out much longer!" he yelled.

"HELP! SOMEBODY!" the blond boy cried. "I can't hold out much longer! HELP!" and the two continued their fight.

I watched from the sidelines.

Almost instantly, the Elf pinned the Superhero to the ground and started attacking him, in which the Superhero replied with screams of, "Ow, ow! Ouch!"

To be honest, I felt kind of bad for the poor kid.

I mean, come on! He was getting his ass handed to him by some Hero-of-Hyrule wannabe! You would've felt bad too!

I then realized I should probably help this Superhero kid. After all, he was practically crying for help, and "can't hold out much longer". So, I clenched my fists, took a step forward, and swung.

It must not have been that hard of a punch to the back of the neck, but apparently it was, because the Elf stood up and swung around to face me. He was red with anger (probably because I wasn't in a Zelda costume, but it was most likely the punch. Yeah, the punch).

"Hey, no fair. That's cheating," he confronted me, keeping his voice level. "I'm going to tell my mom." He then ran off like the bastard he was.

Before I could yell out a clever comeback, the blond-haired kid stood up and brushed himself off from the dirt that was on his clothes. He walked up to me, and said: "Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion."

Again, I had zero clue what that meant.

"My- my name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin," he continued. I had no idea what he meant by "paladin", but before I could say anything, he excitedly said: "I live right next door to you! We should be friends!" and smiled.

Okay, so he's my neighbor, I thought. That's cool. Maybe we can-

Wait.

"Friends"?

Butters wants to be friends with me?!

HA HA! YES! I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MY GOAL! Take that, Mom and Dad! This guy just made a friend! Woo-hoo!

Suddenly, Butters said: "Now that we're friends, you should speak to the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival!"

"Wizard King"? Does Butters expect me to know who that is, and how he knows I moved here?

But, I didn't fight it. I let Butters lead me to this so-called "Wizard King's" house.

"The wizard lives this way," said Butters as he walked down the sidewalk with me close behind. "In the green house, over there."

Eventually, we arrived at a lime green house with a banner decorating the fence that read "Kupa Keep", whatever that means. Butters and I walked up the front steps, and he knocked on the door.

Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal… the Grand Wizard…