A/N: I mustered all I could to release this chapter earlier than scheduled, just because today is April 27th - that's right, the 20th anniversary of "The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask"! Hope you all enjoy this little celebration in the form of a new chapter of a fanfic dedicated to bastardize the original game. Heh. But seriously - happy birthday, Majora's Mask. You're the best Zelda game to me, right up there with Breath of the Wild and A Link to the Past. 3

Disclaimer: Well it's been a while since I wrote this seriously so here goes: I do not own any of the places, characters and plot devices listed below, nor those affiliated with the Majora's Mask franchise in general; they're all Nintendo's property.

Also, I'm a horse with human legs.

Day 1, Afternoon, Woodfall Temple

We left our heroes at quite the juncture in the last chapter. Link and Tatl found a Compass within the temple walls, and with it, they became able to pinpoint the exact location of item chests and other important markers. However, in order to do that, they needed a map - which they lacked. So, this means that our legendary duo of monster busters are in for some more aimless wandering.

"Well, we haven't climbed the stairs yet," Tatl reminded Link, who looked forward to see the staircase leading to the upper level of the room.

"Okay then, let's get going... Hey," Link stopped mid-climb, looking forward to see three platforms and an entrance sealed by what looked like a very thick web, "Are those..?"

"Skulltulas, yes. They tend to leave webs to block off entrances sometimes as a means of protection."

"I wonder what they're trying to protect with this? It looks like Spiderman trying to hide his porn stash or something."

"... More importantly," Tatl said, ignoring whatever it was that Link just spitted out, "We can't just muscle through it using your body's weight. We'll have to find another way around... Link? Hey, Link? Where'd you g-"

"Way ahead of ya," Link said, holding a Deku Stick on fire and jumping from one platform to another until he reached the web, which was then promptly burned off, revealing the path ahead.

"Ok, there are two Skulltulas hiding up there..." Tatl said, while Link turned into a Deku to blast said creatures, "And another staircase."

"Huh. If we keep climbing stairways like this, we'll be in Heaven soon enough."

"..."

"Ha! Get it? Because it's Stairway to H-"

"You're being as funny as watching ice melt today."

"S-Sorry." I guess the ice is your very soul!

Climbing the stairs, our heroes reached what could be called the "upper level" of the temple, where they originally came from. Ahead of them was a corridor, but…

"Tatl, it's pitch black in here! I can't see a thing," Link said, taking his Deku Mask off.

"Hrrrrrmmmm... gah, it's no use..." Tatl said, forcing her body to shine more brightly but failing to beat the blackness surrounding them both.

"Well let's keep moving, maybe there's some sort of light ahead."

"Yeah. Keep close to the wall and use it as a guide so that we won't get lost."

"OK, I'm going t- Whoa! Y-You!" Link stopped after a small pair of yellow eyes appeared in front of him. He slashed the space ahead of him with his sword, and the dying noise that was heard from the creature confirmed that, yes, it was another Black Boe.

These... these THINGS won't leave me alone!

Our brave heroes continued walking forward, Link strifing alonside the walls to feel his way while Tatl shed light ahead of them. Soon, the corridor led into a wider area, and the wall curved left.

"Look!" Tatl said, flashing slightly in joy, "A torch!"

"It's only lighting around it, Tatl. I still can't see a th-" Link tried to say, but another horde of Black Boes attacked him. "OH MY GOD!" He screamed, "WILL YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! JESUS F- I'LL- I'M GONNA- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH"

I HATE YOU ALL!

Tatl just stood there, watching as Link, once again, lost his mind and temper without any sort of sign. The mildest provocations were setting him off like an atomic bomb ever since they came into the swamp; she, too started to feel like some sort of superior power was at play here, silently toying with his emotions.

Not hers, mind you - she's just this much of an asshole normally.

"Huff... huff... huff..." Link was breathing heavily after finishing the Boes off. T-That'll... teach them... huff…

"Link, I hope you realize that fighting this violently will only hinder you and leave you open to any counterattacks."

"I-I... I don't know, okay?! I can't help it, these goddamn creatures keep popping up and..."

"Whatever, Link. Look, there's another torch over here, close to the wall. Light it up, please."

You interrupt me while I'm venting only to rush me again like usual. Somehow I wish I wasn't so soft around fairies.

After lighting the other torch, Link realized there were more of them around the room, which was circular. After the last torch was lit, they heard a metallic noise; something being removed, or lifted.

"Gah! Tatl! The iron bars on that door suddenly lifted themselves!" Link said.

"Wait, we've seen like a thousand of those and you're only noticing it NOW?"

"I... I never thought too much about it, to be honest."

"How?!" Tatl replied, dumbstruck.

Because my former partner wasn't so bossy and did all the thinking for me?

"Anyway," Tatl changed the subject, "Let's go through the door."

And so they did. Link and Tatl proceeded onto the upper level of a big room; moving platforms with Deku Flowers on them were directly ahead, while down below, the floor was unstable and many square holes were spread around. Judging by the route which our heroes took, these holes probably would be above the main room of the temple, but they were so dark that you couldn't see a thing below. Falling through was probably not the brightest idea.

"Well, shall we?" Link said, then jumped on the nearest platform and put his Deku Mask on.

"Link, beware of those Dragonflies over there," Tatl said while Link floated to the next platform, and sure enough, a couple of Dragonflies did their rounds around a nearby tree.

"We can probably avoid them, no need to go into combat in a ground like this."

"Is that fear I smell?"

No, it's three days without taking a shower. "I'm tired, okay? I just had a temper tantrum. You think it's easy to have temper tantrums?"

"At least you acknowledge it," Tatl said, while Link waited on the current moving platform to meet another, completing an "L" route through the room.

"There's no winning an argument against you, is there?" Link said, disembarking on the other side of the room, in a stable platform that hosted a staircase going down.

After descending, our heroes found themselves back at the main room, but on a higher level. They could see the poisoned pool, the strange flower, the wheel of flames and everything, but more importantly…

"Hey, a switch!" Link said, a bit too excitedly, and stepped on it, hands on his hips and a winning smile on his face.

…

Two minutes passed and nothing happened.

Huh? Is it malfunct-

"Yo, idiot," Tatl said, cutting his thoughts, "You're still wearing the Deku Mask."

"Oh? Oh! Oh ho ho! I, uh... was... testing your observational skills...!" Dammit!

After removing his Deku Mask and ridding himself of the short and very light Deku body, Link - now in his original height and weight - pressed down the button, revealing a pair of stairs leading right below. Another pair of stairs also showed up on another platform to the east, near the wheel of flames.

Behind him, Link could see a door, which he promptly opened. The next room was a fairly simple one; they entered on the upper level, which contained the door they came in, another one to the east, and one more at the west side of the room. However, that one had no path leading to it, isolated from the rest of the upper level. Below them, more poisoned waters, four strange-looking lilypads arranged in a square shape, a Deku Flower smack dab in the middle, and two opposing platforms on the north and south walls, both containing doors.

"Hey... is that an eye I see right below that door over there?" Tatl asked, looking straight at the lone platform with the western door. Indeed, there was some sort of ornament onto the middle of the platform that resembled an eye.

"Strange..." Link mused.

"What's strange?"

"I know what these are - or at least I knew, back in Hyrule," he explained, "These were switches. I remember shooting arrows on the middle of the eye to trigger them."

"Huh. Well, you said you had a bow, right?"

"Right, but I don't have it with me, like I told you." Nevermind that stupid slingshot…

"Hmmm... maybe a Deku Bubble would do it?"

"Nah," Link denied Tatl's logic quickly, "Those things will only open with something solid stuck inside them. Bubbles aren't en- what's with that face?"

"Hahaha... 'something solid stuck inside them'..."

My god. And she tells me I'M the immature one.

Giving up on the switch for now, our heroes went through the eastern door, which was accessible. Upon entering, they came across a dead end; the room was just like the Dragonfly one, where they found the Compass, but empty.

"Gnnrh. Dead end," Link stated, mildly annoyed.

"You know, there's no need to get so miffed. We still have a lot of time to investi-"

Day 1, Evening, Woodfall Temple

"...gate?" Tatl's phrase was interrputed by the loud howl of a wolf (nevermind that they're neck deep into the temple and could still hear a wolf from far away) indicating that night was already making itself comfortable. Worse than that, as if waiting for the night to settle in, a surprise arrived for our temple scavenging buddies…

"DINOLFOS!"

Link's scream was overlayed by a sharp lizard screech. As our Hero of Time rolled to the side, a lizard warrior dropped to the ground, standing on its two legs and wielding a large blade with its right hand. These were the Dinolfos, a proud warrior race with amazing fighting skills strikingly similar to Link's.

"W-What in the..." Tatl stuttered, scared from the Dinolfos looking at them from above.

"T-This isn't like the Dinolfos I used to fight," Link said, "Their armor looks different, the blade is bigger, and... AAAAAAAAH!"

Link jumped backwards when he was surprised by these alternate-dimension Dinolfos' newfound power: spitting fire. The lizard exhaled a fiery breath around it and then prepared itself to attack, sidestepping closer and closer to Link, its blade close to it - apparently, it served quite well as a shield of sorts.

Link shook his body to scare the tension away and started to move similarly to the Dinolfos, trying to maintain a good angle of attack while keeping his distance at the same time. They stared at each other's eyes, trying to read their minds, find any sign of weakness...

"FUCK THE LIZARD PEOPLE!"

Tatl screamed some random conspiracy profanity, startling the Dinolfos and making it look to her. As soon as his enemy turned, Link struck, stabbing its shoulder.

Nice one. He thought to himself, giving Tatl a thumbs-up, but then jumping to the side by pure reflex; the foe was already on its feet again, and spat some more fire towards Link. He lunged forward to strike, but the lizard seemed more awake than ever; it blocked the hit with its blade, then blocked again when Link tried a second strike. Then, it jumped over Link and tried to slash at his back, but Link caught up to its plan and rolled forward, slashing its ankle in the process.

"W-Wow!" Tatl reacted, glued to the action. Link may piss her off 99% of the time, but like was previously stated, if there's one thing Link's good at... it's battling. The already debilitated Dinolfos was red in the face now, leaving defense behind and going at it, jump-slashing Link, who kept dodging and blocking with his shield.

D-Damn, that lizard's the one throwing a tantrum now! Hold on, Link, you can do this, don't let it slash you... yes, I just need an opening... keep dodging and it'll tire out eventually- NOW!

Just as Link thought, the Dinolfos eventually felt the fatigue from his unfruitful barrage of slashes, as well as its two very serious wounds. Its latest attack came out much slower and with less impetus, leaving Link with room to parry its blade with his much smaller sword and deliver the final blow:

A kick to the groin.

"... Seriously?" Tatl said, like she had seen a great movie with the most stupid ending ever.

As the Dinolfos lay on the ground with both its health and dignity gone, a huge chest appeared in the middle of the room.

Again?

"Well, let's open it! Maybe it's the map!" Tatl cheered up.

"I hope so. It's too hard to explore without knowing where to go."

"Open it then!"

"Don't rush me, damn it," Link said, opening the chest. After seeing what was inside, his expression changed.

Oh... T-This…

"What, Link? Is it the map?"

"No..."

"No?! It's not?!"

"Nope."

"W-What the... well, what is then?!"

Link turned to her partner's direction and showed the item to her. "... It's the Hero's Bow!"

I am going to be kicking some serious ass in this temple.