These are my own words don't take what I write!

1914 Reflection on my life

Dear who ever will find this,

My name is or better was Helga Sinclair. Why do I say was well that's because I'm the girl who's laying dead on the ground. Yep that's me right there.

I'm DEAD.

If you find this letter than please read it until the very last point I put down. Then and only then you will understand why I did this horrible action, why I did what I did.

The reason why I helped

Commander Lyle T. Rourke

It all started pretty early in my life to be honest, I never was the normal little girl like all the other girls of the group and from a very very young age I had to learn that people wouldn't like me no matter how much I would try.

In the beginning I was alone but soon when I was able to play by myself my parents had another baby. That's the moment my younger brother was born (I was the only girl).

From that moment I think it started, I started to look for someone who would love me just for me. Looking for someone who would find me good enough and would not compare me to everybody else.

Even then tho I'm dead I can hear you think: Why?

Well I'll tell you.

I was never a very social person, I was a very shy girl who had already been through way to much for a little girl her age.

My younger brother on the other hand he's the complete opposite of me, he's very open, social, friendly and so on my family never had problems with him. I was a different story, I was a trouble maker I failed my first 2 years in high school, constantly got bullied and I lived more in my head that in reality. That's because we moved so many times when I was young that I basically learned how to play by my self, we stopped moving when my brother was 7. But I never had the luck my brother had.

I tried to be the perfect daughter cause my whole family only cares about perfection. I never told my family any of the trauma's that had happened. I tell you it took me years to tell them I was sexually harassed by my teacher when I was 8 and it took me months to tell them that I was raped when I was 19.

Nobody in my extended family believed in me cause they only saw me as a helpless and hopeless girl. They only believed in my brother cause he gets somewhere in his life.

I had to stop seeing them and removed them from my life. It hurt to much.

I was sick hearing how much better my brother was and all that kind of stuff. It all was always harder on me then on him.

When I was 17 I had my Chris he was 26 at the time but we already had our plans for a future together until 1 year later just a month before mu birthday he died.

I don't cry so easily but when I was alone or at night I locked myself up and I would just cry the entire night asking to I don't know who but I asked why why did he had to die why did he had to leave me. It was hard to move forward cause I never had the chance to say goodbye really or to give him one last kiss and to tell him that I loved him.

I graduated high school but even that was a challenge since my teacher played some really dirty trick on me that had almost had cost me my diploma, thank god that I always was prepared for anything.

At this point is when I met him for the very first time I still was 19 and completely broken inside and suddenly there he was.

Lyle T. Rourke

I met him at a family birthday party and he was there in that restaurant at dinner with a colleague when he saw us.

I was amazed by him, he was just retired from the military, everybody knew his dark and at the same time amazing reputation. He joined our family party and we talked the whole night.

After that I started training under him and assisting him on numerous expeditions.

He did was 24 years older than me but we both didn't care. He made me smile, he made me feel loved, he brought me back to life. I was the happiest girl on earth he made me feel so special.

I felt important and beautiful he made a promise that he or anyone else would ever hurt me again, he would make sure of that. He told me he would make me happy and that he would give me everything that I have ever wanted. Well the joke was on me cause see how this all worked out. Not that great at all if you tell me.

I did everything for him because I loved him.

Now years later we are here in Atlantis. To be honest I wasn't okay with his plan from the minute I knew that the Atlantean people were still alive, Rourke on the other hand never changed and I couldn't say no to him. It would always be us together forever.

But money was more important, also no one ever thought Milo had it in him to fight back and when the balloon lost altitude he without any emotions threw me over the edge of the railing.

I did got back on it and fought him with all I had but Rourke grabbed my foot and again threw me over the railing.

Just like that,all the things we did together, all the romance and cute photo's we took together, our wedding plans in the end meant nothing to him.

It was me who did shoot a flare with my flare gun at the balloon out of my anger but still.

My heart was shattered just like my body.

A single tear left my eye as I died with him cause I felt that he died too.

So now here's my conclusion, my extended family and all the other hurtful people were right I wasn't made to live a successful life and I wasn't made to love.

I was born to be a failure no matter what.