When I was younger, my mom used to work as a nurse in a hospital a couple of miles away from where we lived. When my parents realized that he was getting a steady stream of money from the marketing company, my mom quit nursing and decided to become a fortune teller. When I asked her, she said she used to have a friend that was a practicing Wiccan. Ever since meeting that friend, she was fascinated with that lifestyle and religion. However, just like normal parents are, her parents weren't in support of that and refused to let her pursue that kind of field of work. So she settled for nursing.

When my dad had his first few lapses in memory, it became clear to his employer that he was not reliable with the work anymore. He was fired from his job when I turned 12. After that, he had different temp jobs; Working in construction and sanitation mostly. His condition got worse and soon he would have trouble remembering where he was and what exactly he was doing. There were more than several occasions where my mom was called to his workplace to pick him up. Finally, at the end of middle school, my dad had his first manic episode where he had gotten out of control. He could no longer do the same things he used to do. After a while, my mom became exhausted having to take care of him and her work and haul me around. Before high school for me could start, she packed his things and drove us to the mental home in Portland. We dropped him off, stayed for the weekend, and left that Monday morning. Her work as a fortune teller was small and barely reliable, but she didn't quit working. After entering Blackwell, I realized the scholarship was only gonna cover school expenses, but my things like food and lunch and having something to do was gonna be on me. My mom wasn't going to have enough to cover for me anytime soon so I took up summer jobs. Saved every penny I could for the following school years.

One summer, after I had been fed up by work, I snapped at my mom and asked why she didn't go back to nursing. Instead of appearing hurt, like I thought she would, she looked at me with a stern expression and replied.

"Your dad would have wanted us to continue living our normal lives even without him." She left that night and I didn't see her for several days. I hated her, hated her still for taking the chance to continue being selfish. I tried to tell myself that she just couldn't comprehend my situation, but that's no excuse. She could've stopped me from going to Blackwell, convinced me that we didn't have enough to support me in going to such a prestigious school. That we needed the money for dad's stay in the mental home. But she never wavered. I promised myself that I would never be as selfish as her. That I would choose my paths in accordance with what would be best.

I never thought that what I did to Nathan was selfish, but I had been blinded by his circumstances to see the harm. I wanted to mentally and physically punch myself. Taking his medication and giving him something different wasn't going to make him better. Especially since I didn't know him that well. That night when he dumped me in the empty halls, I realized that I didn't know who "Nathan Prescott" really was. I just knew the Nathan that he allowed me to see.

A week after our breakup, my mom left for Portland without me. My dad was having more frequent breakdowns and my mom needed to be there as his anchor. My dad hardly recognized me so there was no point in me going.

Left alone with my thoughts I decided the best option was to just try and relax. It was Friday afternoon and the school had been merciful in ignoring me. Victoria was also going easy on me and not pressing further about what happened during the Halloween party. Although the following day they had mentioned in passing that Nathan had gone back to his parent's place. My guess was to get his fix from his shrink. I pretended as it mattered. I'm sure the following Monday they had realized we had gotten in a fight when they saw Nathan ignoring me.

The sun was setting this afternoon and the light shone red on my carpet floor, it almost made me think it was warm out, but the chill in the air said otherwise. I looked at the basket overflowing with dirty clothes. I decided it was best to get them cleaned since I had gone the whole week without new shirts and using just sweaters and pullovers for cover. I decided it was also best to grab all my winter clothes from home. I sighed and started gathering everything together in a black bag. Before moving out I knew I would have to urge Warren to give me back my keys. I wasn't looking forward to going to the boy's dorm. And since I didn't have his number, there was no way to know he was in his room for sure. I took a deep breath and headed to the boys' dorms. Faintly remembering Warren's room I headed over and knocked on the door. There was a faint sound of shuffling and music. Then Warren was at the doorway. Behind him, I saw a girl sitting on his bed with a controller in her hand. I sighed gratefully that nothing weird was happening.

"I need my keys back," I spoke with my hand out. He was shocked, for some reason, before heading to what I assumed was his desk and coming back.

"I'm guessing you've got a lot of free time now that Nathans busy with homecoming," he said casually. I tensed at the mention of Nathan. My back started prickling, I remembered now that his room wasn't that far off from Warren's room. It was a feeling like if I turned around I would see him there.

"Yea, he's too busy to meet right now and I got errands to run," I finally responded. I took the keys and put them in my pocket. He rocked on his heels, hanging on to the doorknob.

"So, does this mean I'm off the hook," he gave me an almost mischievous smirk. I huffed and grinned.

"Not in the slightest, geek-wad," I responded and left. I doubted that was his attempt to cheer me up somehow but it did make me feel better. Nothing like measuring your success by someone else's misfortune.

I headed home and gathered my clothes into the washer machine. Then packed up all of my winter clothes in a duffel bag. It felt weird being here by myself. Especially after so long. I wasn't home for most weekends. Especially not when mom and I went to visit dad. I would usually head to school after dropping mom off at home. I looked around my old bedroom. Most of the things I had in middle school were neatly stacked around the room. All carefully placed from when I first got them all those years back. On my desk was a small tinder box with old photos. It was of me and all my friends from that time. Being in a normal neighborhood with normal aspirations, they had deliberately forgotten me when I started in Blackwell. They must've thought the school's sophisticated atmosphere would rub off on me. I felt a gloom hover over me. The sound of the washer machine finishing snapped me awake and I continued with my work.

After finishing putting my clean clothes away I gathered my winter things and left. On my way out I took another look at the living room. It used to be a normal living area. Probably like most of the people living in this neighborhood. But after mom started her fortune-telling and Wiccan rituals, she fashioned it to look like something in a movie carnival. All our photographs from road trips and family vacations were put away in boxes and stacked away in the attic. Save for a few photos my mom still had in her bedroom, I didn't have any sort of image of my dad in his younger years. Our younger years. The room smelled of dirt and an overwhelming incense that clung to the drapes that darkened the room. I exasperated and left finally.

Back in my dorm, as I was putting my winter wardrobe away in the miniature closet and hanging things on the separate rack, a knock came from outside.

"Who is it?" I called. I had debated for about five seconds whether to pretend I wasn't in. I settled on answering when I realized they could probably hear the clanging of the hangers.

"It's me, Taylor," the voice on the other side responded. As I was getting up I had to quickly run through my memory on which of the two minions was Taylor.

"Hey," I said as I opened the door. It was the blonde one. She was wearing a jean jacket with a navy colored wool lining folded out. She was ready to go somewhere and my guess was she was here to drag me along.

"I'm planning on going out with some other people if you wanna come along?" She said. I held myself back from scoffing. It was bad enough I hardly had any friends, now the juniors were taking pity on me.

"What about Victoria and Courtney?" I asked. Gearing up for an excuse not to go. Victoria or not, I didn't want to be out around people. What if they all started asking about Nathan and me? Homecoming could hold them back but only for so long.

"Victoria is getting some extra credit project done for Mr. Jefferson and Courtney is helping her out," she paused and gave an odd smile, "You know I do have a life outside of Victoria right?" I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Right, I'm sorry that was probably rude of me." she laughed at my response.

"Don't worry about it, I get that a lot."

I told her that I needed to get ready before that and she agreed to wait for me at the entrance of the building. With my new wardrobe still out on the floor, I decided on a white turtle neck sweater and a pair of distressed black skinny jeans. I decided on some sneakers since I didn't know where we were going and with these types, chances were that they weren't gonna be driving around.

Taylor wasn't pranking me and was waiting at the entrance with her other friends. Thankfully I recognized one of the guys from my year. If I remembered correctly, we were in the same science class. I think I remembered hearing his group of friends call him Nel. Though I thought it was Neil.

"Cool, we're all here, let's go," a girl of raven black hair and tanned skin said. She must be the leader of this pack. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought this was a cultist hazing ritual and I was the fresh meat being led to the slaughter. The guy, Nel, leaned into me and whispered.

"You seem familiar, have we met before?"

"I think I've seen you in my science lab?" I responded. He gave an "Aaah" sound as the cogs of his memory probably turned to find me in the class. If we were to never speak again after this, I wouldn't really care.

The raven-haired girl, Rina, led us to the parking lot to her car. It was a little red hatchback, ow apropos. After stuffing ourselves in, she drove us to the only place any kid this side of town knows where to go. The good ole' Two Whale Diner. Sitting there, sharing a large fry and stuffed yet again at a booth, I suddenly felt the high school youth I missed out on these past few years rush me all at once. If I hadn't gone to Blackwell, if I wasn't so proud to be making friends with these kids… maybe I could've had a normal high school experience. Taylor, who was almost sitting on my lap, moved her arm as if to nudge me. I guess she wanted some form of approval.

"The kids are alright," I said in a low voice. The others were talking about a play that had recently happened and was excitedly talking about Rachel Amber. Ah yes, the angel that had so humbly descended upon this school and blessed everyone with her presence. I didn't have anything against her. All of my short experiences with her made me think she was an ok girl, but still not enough to worship the very dirt she walks on. Then Nel turned over to me.

"Hey Maddie, how is Nathan anyway? Hardly seen him this week," he asked. I was sure this was code for Why aren't you two wrapped around each other like you've been all of last month?

"He's mostly been busy with practice, for Homecoming and he's been visiting his family house a lot lately too," I answered meekly. I prayed to whatever ultimate force in the universe was out there to make them stop asking questions here. Maybe my response was uninteresting enough that they wouldn't try to pry something more out of me.

"True, even Zack is so busy with the game, he can't even bother to make time for Juliet," one of the other girls, Sarah, answered. I think I'd seen Zack hanging outside of the computer lab the newspaper always uses.

After getting bored with the atmosphere in the diner, we left and headed for the park at the bottom of the lighthouse hill. Like every bored teen in the town, we headed up to the lighthouse. While Nel and another guy, Brian, made an impromptu fire outside the lighthouse, some of the others went to the public toilet and began to graffiti it. It was like a mark of the kids in the town, especially the Blackwell students to write things involving the Bigfoots.

"Bigfoot was here", "Bigfoots rule!", "go Bigfoots", and other ironic words of encouragement to the team. I wondered if someone had started this fad that later continued to the present students who would write these ironic phrases all over town. It was like they wanted to mark their territory. If I were to, what territory would I be in? North Arcadia or Arcadia Bay? I watched as the small group giggled amongst each other over their over what they'd written. One of them continued the tradition of writing something about the bigfoots. Someone else wrote a sarcastic comment about the bathrooms and their smell. I turned back to the growing fire. Watching as Nel took a dried leaf and burned the ends. The leaf curled into itself and just before it was engulfed in flames, Nel dropped it to the heart of the fire. Then picked up another and another. I picked up a stick and laid it on top of the charcoal, letting it get crisp before taking it out, blowing out the flame and writing in the air with the flicker inside the stick. The light didn't last and didn't show up well enough in the setting sunlight.

"You should take a photo of us," Taylor suggested. I looked around a little bit before realizing she was talking to me.

"Wait, me?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yeah, aren't you in that photography class?" She asked, holding back a giggle.

"I mean yeah, but I'm not very good at it." I looked away in embarrassment. A school full of art prodigy's, and I was admitting to being worse than a novice.

"Well then this can be your practice," one of the younger girls, Sarah, responded.

I sighed before standing up and pulling my phone out. I moved to the side and a little further away so I could get everyone and the setting sun in the frame. I told them all to smile and took a photo. Then as they went back to their natural postures and talking with one another, I took some more secretly.

The night gathering ended and we packed into the little car again and chatted the way back to the dorms. In my head, I came up with a secret plan in case the dorm parents started asking about our whereabouts. Heading to my room I called out goodnight to the others. For the first time since a while ago, I went to sleep without a weight on my chest.

I awoke to the sound of knocking at my door. Stumbling through my room, I opened the door without thinking. Half asleep, I had thought it was Taylor or one of the new kids I met last night. In the end, Victoria stood in front of my door. She eyed my sweatpant- thermal shirt combo. I shrugged it off and spoke in a groggy voice.

"Victoria?"

"I need to talk to you," she spoke in a stern voice. I turned to my room, looking back into my room where the clothes I failed to put away were strewn about. I sighed.

"Uh, just give me a minute to change." I closed the door before she could answer and quickly threw on a hoodie and jeans and walked into my sneakers before opening the door again.

"Okay, lets…" I looked around us and saw a few eyes on us. Even Ashley stared glanced over at us as she looked over the community board.

"Let's talk outside," I repeated. She followed after me into the courtyard outside the dorms. To the furthest corner, facing the door and the pathway to the student parking; just in case someone decided to eavesdrop on our conversation.

"So I heard you went on a late-night ride with Taylor," she began, I hid my hands in my kangaroo pocket.

"Not like I'm banned from talking to other people." We sat down simultaneously. She kept her arms crossed.

"Yea but you're banned from talking to others about your breakup." She said with a warning tone.

"Relax, the most they asked was if Nathan was busy or not." I avoided her gaze and instead pretended like I was very focused on my fingernails.

"Doesn't matter, they hear anything about how you two aren't seeing each other and we'll be bombarded by fangirls and haters with dumb questions." She replied. I let out a breath and rolled my eyes. The whole situation with his weird fans hardly even made sense to me. I could understand if it was just random students interested in what the richest kid in the school was up to. But for the most part, everyone used him as the crux to their frustrations towards capitalism.

"If he had a better reputation we wouldn't have a problem like this." I decided to change the subject lightly.

"What are you talking about? Wait! Samantha?" she spoke. I pressed my lips down before saying something stupid.

"Possibly… so?" I finally responded. It didn't help my situation.

"Don't trust everything she says. She's an attention whore that went crazy when Nathan decided to do things she didn't approve of!" She exclaimed in a whisper. I was surprised the Samantha story went deeper than just a one time fight where she was harmed. It made sense why her perspective of him was skewed. But if it was a lie, why did she seem almost traumatized by him? It wasn't like she completely disillusioned herself into believing her lie.

"Did she actually tell you all that?" I asked. She paused, probably trying to grasp back the memory.

"No, I don't think she did," she answered. She was more disappointed with her response than I was.

"It's irrelevant now I guess, considering he's taking some sort of meds now," I added. She looked at me a little confused. Perhaps it was best to keep something that wasn't my business from me.

"What are you talking about?" She asks with a skeptical look on her face. I swallow any of my thoughts before they're blurted out.

"Just, y'know some stuff I've heard about his… mental state…" my words are awkward and only seem to confuse her more. Thankfully, she must see me as you much of a dumbass to press on.

"Whatever. Just know that you need to do something before he decides to."

"You scared I'll get the short end of the stick?" I ask jokingly. She rolls her eyes and glances away. I can see her looking somewhere. It's a familiar window, his window.

"He's fucked in the head, but that doesn't mean he's automatically a bad guy," she turned back to me, "I think he was hoping to change something about himself. He was more interested in things like the club and football. I think because he finally had someone to look good for." I scoffed at that claim.

"It's true, he never liked falling in line for his dad or the teachers. He just did the bare minimum and messed around to push them to their wits' end. When they didn't treat him like he wanted them to, he'd continue his haughty behavior." She rested her elbow on her knee and then her cheek on her fist. Looking up at me with a smug look.

"That's a real lame excuse for being a shit person." I blurted out. I realized too late what I said, but I still felt no remorse for it. She scoffed and got back up again.

"Fine, think what you want. I'm not your guys' middle man. Just don't go spilling shit about the situation." she said, then turned to head towards the student parking. I slumped over and messed with my nail polish. What was I to do if people connected the dots? What could I say then? I got back up and headed inside.

I stood in front of a door I hadn't come up to before. She always just had a way of finding me in my most lost state. I knocked.

"Who is it?" her voice called from the other side.

"It's me, Maddie," I responded. I heard her head over and the sound of someone else. Kate didn't strike me as a playful girl.

"Hey Maddie," her smile faded as she looked over my expression, "you okay." From behind her, I could see two other girls. One sat on her bed and the other on the floor.

"Uhm, well I was hoping I could talk to you but," I glanced back at the other girls, then to her, "but you seem busy so-" I stepped back to leave but she took hold of my wrist.

"It's okay, you can talk to us," she led me into her room. Taking a closer look, it was Alyssa on the floor and another girl I'd never met, on the bed. On the floor next to Alyssa was a small rabbit. I took the seat at her desk as Kate sat next to the girl.

"I don't think I've met you before," I pointed to the girl next to Kate.

"Oh, I'm Stella," she said with a smile. She stood to shake my hand but I lifted my hand, palm towards her, to signal it wasn't necessary. They stayed quiet for a moment before going back to the conversation they had before I interrupted them. Something about a book they were reading. How I missed having friends. I didn't think I did. Having been just dumped when I moved schools by the North Arcadia friends, I thought I could move on from them. Kate glanced over at me again and had a worried expression. I knew she was gonna ask, and she did, but I couldn't answer. I didn't know how well I could trust these girls. As nice as they had been to me, I didn't know them. They could end up telling anyone what I had on my mind.

For a few weeks, I got into a habit of hanging out with the three of them. Kat and Alyssa were lifesavers in gym class. Keeping me distracted from interacting with Nathan. Every other moment I just hung around them. Not really chiming in on their conversations, barely being a part of their group. But being around a smiling youthful group sated my thirst for friends. If I didn't have them, I don't know who I would end up wasting my time with. And I didn't talk to nor about Nathan. Eventually, the school realized what was going on between us. Taylor and Victoria still talked to me every now and again. Courtney did as well, but I think she preferred it if Victoria was also there when she would run into me. Nel also started being a good source to find friends my age and in the same classes. I would talk to them in one class with Nel, then we'd leave and a few of them would come along with me to our next class. It's a shame I hadn't done this from the beginning. Jo came around, too, surprisingly enough. I'd heard from his mom that she found out he was dating a younger girl and forced to break up. When I was talking to Jo again, he said it was whatever since he started to feel like she was "pulling me in every direction." as he put it. Plus he apologized for always ghosting me. My mom had her hands full at the mental home. Dad wasn't feeling any better and it was worrying to hear.

Just a day after Thanksgiving, it was the homecoming game for the bigfoots. Most of the school was excited about going to the game. I had already asked Juliet and another student to go for pictures and notes so we could write an article before school started again on Monday. I didn't really know what else to do for the day. Nel and a few of his friends had invited me to come along to the game. At this point, they were fully aware of what was going on between Nathan and me. But they still wanted to hang out and possibly cheer me up. I couldn't go out by myself either unless I wanted to walk around at the dead of night on a Friday. Jo had borrowed my car since the car that he and his mom used was in the shop. His mom had to use it to go bring things for mom. Then he needed it for work and whatnot.

I was lying down in bed listening to some music and smoking when I heard a knock on the door. I put out the stub I had left and thrown the ashes out the window. I grabbed my perfume and sprayed it over me. It was Victoria.

"What's up?" I asked, leaning on the sill. She had a spirit sweater with some facepaint in the color of the school team below her eyes.

"You going to the game?" she eyed my outfit. I was in joggers and a simple long sleeve. I looked at my feet before looking back at her.

"I mean, not really. I was just gonna sleep the night away." I responded. She lifted her arms to her hips and gave me a skeptical look.

"Don't shut yourself in. Just because you and Nathan are on bad terms doesn't mean you can't enjoy things if he's there." She decided to let herself in and look around my wardrobe. She settled on some jeans and a red polo with a black collar. She ordered me to get dressed in the bathrooms while she had her way with the rest of my clothes. When I came back in, she had my tan corduroy jacket with the cotton lining and my high top sneakers.

"Let's go," she said with a cheeky smile and headed out. Once again, I followed her orders like the minion I really was and left with her. Outside, Courtney and Taylor were waiting.

"Sorry I'm late, but I had to drag this deadbeat off her ass," she pointed towards me with her thumb and the two girls giggled. I rolled my eyes and followed as we headed to the field across the school. We got our tickets and found seats in the middle. The game had only just begun and the players were already on the 30 line. At the front seats, I could see Juliet taking notes and talking with one of the cheerleaders. The other student I could immediately see, so I hoped he was in here taking snapshots. Apparently, the seats we had gotten were right next to Rachel. Victoria seemed to completely change her attitude around her. Her voice pitched and her shoulders hunched as if she was incomparable to the great Rachel. I was surprised to not see Chloe wrapped around her leg, though. I decided to focus on the players, then remembered that Nathan was one of those players. For a moment I wondered which one was him, but then I think I found him. Although three other players looked to have the same build as him, one of them stood out to me the most. The other players paid close attention to him, whether it was in loathing or awe. Though I couldn't hear his voice over the crowd, his gestures and posture demanded obedience. I memorized the number on his jersey, somehow hoping I was right. What would I do with the information, anyway? Would I go find him and then do what? Talk? He probably wouldn't even stand to look at me.

Somehow, the Bigfoots won and the cheering in the crowd became as loud as ever and incredibly rowdy. The players carried a kid that had given them the most touchdowns over to the home crowd while the opposing team walked in shame to their home crowd. Probably friends and family. The coach gave one of those heartfelt encouraging speeches and then urged the boys to the exit to go change.

"I hear some people want to go to the fancy hotel restaurant by the peer to celebrate," Taylor spoke in my ear. I wasn't too thrilled at the idea of being in an enclosed environment with Nathan where people would definitely ask about us.

"I think I'll pass," I said in her ear. She nodded, looking a little disappointed. Rachel wasn't planning on going either, probably had plans with Chloe. So her, Victoria, and I headed back to the dorms. On our way back, by the gates to the exit, I felt a buzz on my phone. I looked at it and saw 5 missing calls and three messages from Jo. I looked them over. They were all vague things like instructions to an address in Portland and telling me to come quickly. I stepped aside from the crowd and listened to the voicemails he'd left.

"Hey, Maddie, listen to me carefully. Somethings happened to your Dad. My mom had just come back when your mom called her and asked her to go back. They wanted me to stay to pick you up and take you over there but, well, you already know our car situation. I took your car with my mom. Come as quickly as possible, your mom doesn't know what's gonna happen." I felt my heart sink. My hands trembled as I stared back at the messages. It was probably the address to the hospital or wherever he was now. Rachel and Victoria stared at me in confusion.

"Maddie are you okay?" she asked. I moved my mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. I didn't know what to do.

"Do you, do you have a car or do you know anyone who's willing to drive to Portland?" I finally said, still trembling. A cab suddenly popped in my head but I didn't have the money for such a long trip.

"Portland?" Rachel asked.

"It's an emergency, I have to go there as soon as possible, I- I don't have my car right now- my dad- he's, I don't even know what but I gotta-" Tears were falling down my cheeks and Victoria was holding me up by my shoulders. Rachel looked around for a second and blocked me from everyone's view.

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, we'll try to find you a ride, but… I don't know who's willing to make the trip. What about that friend from your class?" I didn't want to know how she knew about my personal life, but I shook my head. Blackwell kids were rich enough to go here but couldn't even afford a car for themselves.

"No he doesn't, and I don't know who else has one." I responded. I saw Rachel about to say something before a familiar voice spoke over us.

"Why do you need a ride?" he asked, it was Nathan. He was still in uniform, holding his helmet at his hip. He was covered in sweat and his hot breath made vapor clouds when he breathed out. The two others didn't speak. Victoria for obvious reasons but I don't know about Rachel. I got up and looked at the ground as I walked over. I made a fist with the hem of my jacket and looked him in the eyes. I took a second to take all of him in. He had gotten a haircut; I heard about it but hadn't seen it. Droplets of sweat rolled down his neck.

"I need a ride to Portland, it's an emergency. I really really need to get there as soon as possible." As if almost on cue, more tears rolled down my cheeks. My mouth was stuck on a frown and I couldn't move it to give him a more serious look. He shifted his focus on Victoria, who I guess was standing behind me.

"Vic you don't got your car?" he asked.

"It's at my parents' house, and she needs to get there quickly it seems," she responded.

"You Rache?" Rachel didn't speak but I guess she must've shaken her head because he nodded slightly and turned back to me. He smeared the sweat on his brow and pointed to me with his helmet.

"Just give me 10 minutes, I can drive you over." He turned away before I could respond with a nod. Victoria grabbed a hold of my shoulders again and we walked over to the parking lot on the opposite end of the dorms. We found his truck and waited. We didn't talk about Nathan and they didn't ask about what was wrong with my dad. Chances were, he was either having a manic episode or he had just had one that resulted in some serious injury. If he was already in the hospital, I was inclined to believe the latter. Finally, we saw a figure in the low glow of the light approaching us. He unlocked the truck and we got in. Before Victoria could make a move to enter the car, Nathan closed the door. The window was closed so he lifted his voice to compensate.

"I'm just driving her to the city, no need for a large party." He was leaning on my lap and sat back up straight and started the car. Victoria gave us a stern look and I saw a slightly shocked look on Rachel.

We didn't talk, and I could calm down enough to sleep or focus on anything else. Except for Nathan. A month had passed since I last laid eyes on him and I didn't know when the next time I could see him would be. There was still some sweat on his forehead and with the passing glow of the streetlights, he seemed to shine. Admittedly though, the light did him no justice. It was ugly in fact. With the hum of the fancy tires on the paved road and the scent of his tangy sweat, I became lightheaded. Not like I was car sick, but more like I was high. Maybe he had accidentally dropped some coke through the vents that were now blasting at us in full force. It was an ironic setting to see him sweltering but the heat warming us up, still. Maybe he did it because I had just spent over an hour in the cold on a cold seat. I tried focusing on something else, so I wouldn't make him uncomfortable with my staring. It was the least I could do since he was driving me almost three hours to Portland. I decided to focus on the mile markers on the highway. Counting how many miles exactly did it take to get to the city. That concentration was lost when I saw the sign saying "Portland Oregon". The gaudy sign made my stomach flip.

"Where are we headed now?" he asked, I pulled up my phone and looked where the address was on my map.

"The hospital on 58th," I responded in a low voice. Somehow, he caught what I said and we continued. I felt my breath become shallow and sweat building up on my neck and palms. I almost made a gesture to remove my jacket, but I knew it wasn't going to help. So instead I asked if I could turn off the heat. He nodded and with a shaky hand I turned it off. I moved quickly once I noticed my hands trembling. I made a fist 'til my fingernails dug into my palm. I saw the street we were on and knew we were approaching the hospital. I shut my eyes tight. If I can't see it, it can't exist. The car slowed but didn't stop. He was parking. I felt every movement, but I still refused to open my eyes. Then the truck came to a full stop and the engine was shut off. I pursed my lips and continued to dig into my palm. As if it was some ritual to stop time. Nathan must've broken the enchantment because he shook my shoulder and called out to me.

"Wake up, Thorne, we're here. I looked at him first, then slowly turned my head to the building. It was four stories high with the simple blue sign reading "Urban Hospital". Then I focused my attention on the emergency entrance. Someone was being rolled in from the ambulance and some other people exited from the same doors. I couldn't tell if they were staff or patients. I finally clicked off my seatbelt and we headed out. Through the doors, the security gate, and into the waiting room. Nathan stayed back; I didn't know why he'd even come in with me in the first place. I spoke to the nurse behind the counter with the calmest voice I could muster.

"I'm looking for a Roger Thorne," I said. She typed something on her computer then looked at me. For a second, I could swear she had a grim expression.

"He's still in surgery. The others are waiting in room 235," she pointed on a map that was taped onto the counter. I looked where she was pointing and nodded. I turned back to Nathan.

"He's in- surgery, but my mom's waiting for him in a different room. Thanks for driving me here," my calm voice was deteriorating.

"I'll walk you over there," he said, laying his palm on my back as we headed further into the hospital. We got to another service desk and asked for directions. Then we continued.

The room was at the end of a corridor, two people standing outside of the room. Even in the distance that we were at, I could see the state my mom was in. She was talking to a doctor. He looked to be in scrubs, with a face cover hanging around his neck. I approached slowly at first until I saw her throw her hands to her eyes and begin to sob. I quickened my pace, somehow keeping in mind to not be running. Jo's mom was there, holding onto my mom's shoulders. Rubbing them to comfort her. I knew she was in no state to talk, so I headed towards Jo. He was in a haggard state. At one point in time, his dad had walked out on him and his mom. This look he gave me, the short words that he was forcing out, unable to form a sentence could only tell me one thing.

"He's not dead, but…" I could tell he couldn't explain it. I looked back at the doctor.

"What happened to my dad," I said in a desperate voice.

"The damage to his head was too severe. He's a vegetable now." He spoke sternly. I felt my body trembling. Almost like the earth was shakily opening up to swallow me. He's not dead, but he might as well be.

I felt Jo's hand wrap around me, and as he pulled me into his chest, everything I had been holding in burst like a dam. Like screaming into a void, I let out a long and erratic sob into his chest. Even in this state, I couldn't help the negative thoughts from pouring in. How could we afford to keep dad around and still be living how we wanted. I knew there was no way she was gonna be okay with keeping him on a machine or in a bed somewhere. She sure as hell wasn't going to keep him around in the house. She wouldn't have time to do her money-making hobby to keep up with dad. And I would be too busy with school to help her out. How I hated her. I wanted to disappear. I wanted everything to end. I wanted the night to start over from the beginning and not bring Nathan along to witness all of this.

Is it normal for me to be this late? I don't know how bleak the future looks, but they just cut my hours at work and gave me more days off so I hope I'll have time to write the next chapter. Also, (I hate promoting this but) I thought you guys might be interested in this playlist I made for this fanfic. They're just songs I listen to when I write and what inspire the ambiance of the story. The playlist will be on my profile :)

You don't have to listen to my trash music if you don't want to it's cool!