A/N: Chapter 5: Whee!

Beta Love: The Dragon and the Rose, Dutchgirl01, Flyby Commander Shepard

Chapter 5: Year Two—Howls and Hisses

Horror is like a serpent; always shedding its skin, always changing.

And it will always come back. It can't be hidden away like the

guilty secrets we try to keep in our subconscious.

Dario Argento

Summer was, by far, Hermione's favourite season. It hadn't been before, but now the feel of the warm sun on her scales made her want to sprawl out on a smooth rock by the lake and spend the day basking in it. Snape let her indulge herself more now since Hogwarts was empty save for the two of them and Filch.

Mrs Norris seemed far more acceptable company during the summer as well, often joining Hermione on her sunning rock and complaining bitterly whenever a wave got too close. Hermione didn't mind the water and the sun, but most felines were utterly repulsed by water. Minerva, apparently, was the exception to the rule, or she was really a miniature rarer-than-rare blue tiger. There was a part of Hermione that was beginning to suspect the Deputy Headmistress really, really was a miniature blue tiger. She had that instinctive ferocity and that 'take-on-the-world-no-matter-what' for her cubs, yet she wasn't so blind as to turn a blind eye to when some of her cubs happened to be the problem.

Mrs Norris seemed quite curious about Hermione's head-serpents, clawlessly batting at them, and the serpents would bob and bounce about to tease her. Sometimes the spiders would join in on the fun, and the game would end when the feline gently took a spider in her mouth and worried on it, causing a flurry of cute squeaking noises. Hermione would then "rescue" the spider, and the game would start all over again. Even Chika liked the game, never striking at Mrs Norris unless in play.

Summertime was also the time for replenishing Poppy's potion stores, and what Severus said was when the important learning would happen. While he promised to teach her all during the year, the real lessons came with time and peace in which to have the all important epiphany. That, he said, took time and quiet, not something she'd ever get in a classroom or a school filled with hormone-obsessed adolescents..

Snape had detailed all the chemical reasons as to why no teenager on earth could be trusted with Potions unless they had ample supervision of some sort, but sometimes Hermione questioned if it was really hormones that her master didn't trust.

One thing that made Hermione boggle was Rubeus Hagrid. He apparently lived on the grounds all year round, yet she still wasn't sure what he did. Technically he was the gamekeeper, and her master had said that he had been allowed to live on the school grounds due to Dumbledore's request, but as for why he never seemed to even want to get out, she had no idea. He avoided the centaurs, calling them a vicious lot, yet he tromped around the forest like a dragon in a china shoppe, and it really was no wonder the centaurs were cranky. They were hunters, after all. Pretty tough to sneak up on something making all the noise of a rampaging, drunken Erumpent attacking a horde of equally drunken trolls.

It was on one peaceful early morning, when Hermione was out sunning herself, enjoying the very first rays of a glorious dawn, that she was accosted by what she thought was a overgrown wasp or perhaps an intoxicated hummingbird. Her head-serpents stood straight up, hissing, unsure as to what exactly was going on, and Socrates and Zanique were out soaking in the lake, trying to loosen their skin for a nice round of shedding. She and her head-snakes had already done so—her first—and she hadn't even realised she'd done it until she woke up with a copy of herself outlined in skin on the floor, head-snakes and all. Her master had been quick to snatch that up for usefulness or posterity or some combination therein. She had to admit that she felt glorious afterwards and less apt to bite someone's head off for—well, any reason. She didn't exactly make much sense before a shed. It was like her head was full of cotton. Fortunately, that only lasted a few days before she simple shed.

Socrates and Zani knew their duty was to shed in the chambers so it could be collected, especially after Hermione's use of it had spurred on a rather lucrative side business. One pair of basilisk and spider silk socks commanded thirty galleons, and still they couldn't make them fast enough.

Hermione developed tasty spider supplements to give them so they wouldn't tire themselves out making all that silk, and they seemed more than happy to be picked up, tickle-cuddled, and then given their vitamins for the day. When Severus had asked Hermione what she had flavoured them with, she had flushed and said, "dark chocolate and raspberries."

"The spiders like chocolate and raspberry?"

"Technically, chocolate raspberry beetles," Hermione said, averting her eyes. "And they love them."

To prove it, the spider she was cuddling attached his mouth to the pipette and drained the drops until there was nothing, cooed, and trundled off to join his fellows.

She'd come up with a few different flavour mixes with different bug flavours, and her bouncing spider entourage seemed more than happy to test her different experiments, sometimes recommending a little more sweet or a little less tart . Hermione was glad to oblige her eight-legged friends, as it seemed a more than fair exchange for all they did.

Hermione was a bit afraid to feel around for whatever was hiding in her robes. If it was a giant wasp, she'd rather not have it test just how impervious her scales were compared to human skin. She slowly peeled part of her outer robe and looked in where a lump had formed.

Tiny, round, rainbow eyes whirled brightly from the darkness of her robes. Hermione peered into the dark, allowing her snakes' multiple visions to give her a clearer picture. They, too, swerved back and forth to get a better idea of what they were looking at, but neither of them did.

Butterfly patterned dragon wings connected a sort of plump body. Curving gemstone horns crowed the head as gecko-like hand-paws clung to her robes. Its tail was long and apparently prehensile, as it used it to wrap itself around Hermione's pocket rim and through her buttonholes.

"Um," Hermione said, unsure what the proper protocol was for the situation. "Hi."

"Are you a dragon?"

The creature squeaked in reply.

"Are you hiding from someone?"

It nodded.

"Well, I guess you can stay with me if you want to," Hermione said. "As long as you get along with spiders and snakes.

The little creature nodded with understanding and dove into her pocket with only the tip of its tail sticking out, but suddenly the colour of the tail changed to match Hermione's robes.

"Nifty!" Hermione cried, impressed. "Maybe Mam will know what you are."

"Oh, lassie, I haven't seen one of these little ones in ages," Minerva said. She reached out her fingers for the little creature to sniff her, and it crawled right up onto her thumb, stretching out its wings and flapping them. "Tis a faerie dragon this is," she said with a smile. "Guardians of the home. Scotland was always stronger with its ties to the fae-folk than England back in the day, well, and even now. While house-elves were the most prized because they had hands, the Scottish wizard and witches—and even the wisest of Muggles—would leave out saucers of milk and sweetened breads for these little guys. If one chose to bind to your family, the lands they lived in would always be fertile, or so they said. Plants would grow and give aplenty, and the air would always be sweet and pure. I nae haven't seen one since I was a child."

Hermione's eyes grew wide and she smiled at the little creature. "Amazing! Do you have a name?"

The little beast hung its head and seemed to pout.

"Would you like one?"

It perked immediately.

"How about Kai?" Minerva suggested. "It means fire."

The little dragon turned bright green and gold, radiating pure happiness.

"Kai seems to like—his? Her? Name," Hermione said.

"The old legends say that faerie dragons form in a single drop of dew under a blue moon, so I fear I cannot help ye there, Hermione," Minerva said.

Hermione tilted her head and her serpents did the same. The little dragon yawned sleepily and curled up in Minerva's palm.

Minerva's face softened and she rubbed it under the chin with her finger.

"Whatever do you have there, Minerva?" Snape asked as he seemed to materialise like a tall, dark spectre in the cat Animagus' office.

"A faerie dragon, lad, come see," Minerva said. "Hermione stumbled upon or rather it stumbled upon her out by the lake."

Severus extended a long finger for the dragonet to sniff, and the little beast perked up and scurried up Snape's arm and up upon his head to peer upside down into his eyes.

"Um, hi?" Snape said, boggling.

"I think you're being evaluated. So far all of us had this happen," Minerva said as she chuckled.

Kai chirped and squeaked happily, fluttering into the air and gave off a bright, golden light. When the light faded, Kai did a loop-de-loop and sported a new mane of black fur like Severus' hair, a silver tabby coloured body, and a scaled tail that seemed to be a calico patchwork made from various different snakeskins.

"Oh my," Minerva said.

"What just happened?" Hermione asked.

"I think Kai just made his choice," McGonagall said with wonder. " Looks like we're his family, whether we like it or not."

Kai chirped merrily and zoomed around their heads in a blur and frantic flutter of wings.

There was a knock on the door, and suddenly Kai transformed into a cup of quills on Minerva's desk.

"Yes?" McGonagall asked, trying not to stare.

"Uh, ma'am, Perfessor McGonagall," Hagrid said. "Did you happen to see a wee tyke about this big?"

Snape gave him a sidelong glance. "How very vague of you, Hagrid."

"Oh, well, it's nothing," Hagrid said. "I just, uh, well, I was moving Fluffy out into the forest since ol' Dumbledore doesn't need him anymore, and when I opened my door, one of my—" Hagrid flushed. "Well, I'll be going then." Hagrid rushed off leaving three very baffled people staring after him.

"Does he ever complete a full sentence?" Hermione asked, frowning.

"Sometimes," Snape said. "With great concentration."

The "cup of quills" turned back into a faerie dragon, and Kai twirled and landed on Minerva's shoulder and rubbed up against her cheek.

McGonagall sighed. "Why do I have a feeling that it was Hagrid's doing that brought little Kai into our lives?"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Do we thank him or give him to the squid to play with?"

"You can't be serious, Albus," Minerva said in clear consternation. "You actually wanted to hire that ridiculous charlatan?"

"Now, Minerva, Mr Lockhart's recommendations are long and his list of credentials even longer."

"I don't care if came with the Queen's royal stamp of approval on his arse, Albus," Minerva snapped. "That odious man, if you can even call him that, couldn't cast a shadow without screwing it up. Whyever would you even consider such a thing?"

Albus's face grew grim. "You are not unaware of the lingering curse on the position, Minerva. Bringing Lupin here now means next year we will have to find someone else."

"Surely you can unravel the curse? I don't imagine the Founders sitting idly by, permitting their school to carry on without them only to allow someone to curse a critical teaching position within its halls!"

Dumbledore sighed, stroking his beard. "I'm afraid that I foolishly underestimated him, Minerva. Both Tom himself and the power he possessed."

Albus shook his head. "Lockhart will be teaching Defense Against Dark Arts this next term, and I plan to have Remus researching and trying to lift that curse."

Minerva squeezed the well-padded arms of her cushy chair just a little too tightly. "And the children? They are to learn nothing?"

Albus tilted his head. "They shall learn what not to do."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose after watching the feline Animagus interloper storm in, curl up in the coils of a baffled-looking female basilisk, and refuse to speak or move ever since.

"Minerva, are you going to make me guess as to what has your Scottish knickers in such a knot?"

Minerva burrowed even more deeply into the basilisk's coils.

"Glorious," Severus sighed. "Come right in, Minerva. Don't even bother knocking, I mean, who does that anymore these days?"

He could practically hear Minerva's eyes rolling around in their sockets like gobstones.

"Two words. It starts with Gormless and ends with Lickspittle."

Minerva snorted, peering up over Zanique's coils. She stretched and rolled over onto her back, lazily and clawlessly patting Zanique on the nose. She rolled over and transformed into her human form. "Albus makes the final decisions, but sometimes I just want to shake him."

"Did he crawl into your mind, leaving twinkly eyed footprints on your grey matter?"

"No, thank goodness," Minerva replied. "He admits he underestimated Tom, but he cannot offer me a good reason as to why he thinks having Gilderoy Lockhart teach DADA this year instead of Remus Lupin other than a reference to the jinx." The elder witch rubbed her nose in thought. "Rude of him to replace Remus like that, changing the job at the last minute."

"Depends on if you believe in the jinx or not," Snape said thoughtfully.

"Unfortunately, I do," Minerva replied.

"Well then, that leaves Lupin one year in which to find the anchor and dispel the jinx," Snape said, "provided Lockhart doesn't blow himself up before then." He frowned suddenly.

"What?" Minerva asked.

Snape picked up a perfect silver button from the nearby table. He checked all of his and scowled again.

"Losing buttons?"

"Buttons I didn't know I had," Snape said, setting it down on the table. "I'll have to ask Hermione if she was practicing transfiguration."

"As long as it isn't the one the students used on Hermione—"

"That one actually was mine. It was how they implanted the compulsion on it. It had to have a connection to her." Snape wrinkled his nose. "I figure they got one when they set off that explosion in class. It was a setup. To distract me as they sliced off one of my buttons.

"Didn't you put half the class in detention after that? We heard the explosion from upstairs."

Snape nodded. "They did it for the button. I couldn't imagine someone wanting detention, so it never even occurred to be suspicious other than think them more inept than usual."

Snape blinked. "Odd."

"Hrm?" Minerva asked.

"The button is gone."

"Maybe it fell off the table."

Snape frowned. "Maybe."

"Where is Hermione this morning?"

"Having a good lie in," Snape said. "She helped Pomona coax all of the fanged geraniums to donate fangs and spend the rest of the day with a horde of geraniums following her around, bouncing around in their little pots." Snape snorted. "Sprout ended up teaching her how to deal with the Venomous Tentaculas, and the Tentaculas have a crush on her now."

Minerva chuckled. "They have no eyes, so I suppose they are safe from her."

"I think Gorgons have a sort of monster charisma," Snape said. "Humans may think she's freakish, but those that are not cannot help but think her kind and trustworthy."

Minerva shrugged. "She seems like a perfectly wonderful child to me," she said. "I'm not just saying that because she's mine, either."

Snape snorted.

He opened Hermione's door a crack and peered in to see Hermione snuggled with a gargantuan sea serpent plush (where had that come from?), Socrates, a cluster of Tentacula seedlings, a gargantuan three-headed hound, a pile of purple-spotted bouncing spiders, and—was that Fawkes?

Snape closed the door and shook his head.

"Trouble?"

Snape shook his head. "No, but I may have to make her a bigger bed for all of her friends."

Minerva, curious as any feline, poked her head in and then closed the door. "Oh dear."

The witch and wizard moved to the side of the fireplace to drink tea. Meanwhile, the eyes of the sea serpent plush sparkled and whirled mischievously.

Fooof!

It changed into faerie dragon and snuggled into Hermione close. Hermione, still dead asleep, curled her arm around the young dragonet and snuggled him tight. The little dragon purred softly.

There was a loud crash from the head table as Errol landed, headfirst into a platter of buttered toast, sliding across that into a bowl of link sausages, and coming to rest with a bowl of yoghurt on his tail.

Hagrid, dripping with bits of cereal and porridge, gave a cry as a swarm of purple spiders landed on him with soap and scrub brushes.

"Ach! No! Not again!" Hagrid wailed.

Dumbledore removed a fried egg from his face and peered at the Errol in question. "Gods, what on Earth do the Weasleys have to do to retire this horribly dysfunctional bird?"

The school owls, all pristine and shiny, sported their own breakfast spider pal and stared disdainfully at Errol as though he was an affront to owlish pride.

"Maybe you can arrange for them to win the lottery, Albus," Madam Hooch said with a sigh, prying bits of fried tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions out of her hair. "Nothing too arrogant, but enough to say—afford an owl."

Dumbledore poured juice into his glass from a nearby pitcher and frowned as his cup was full of black licorice snaps. He stared at the pitcher only to find it gone.

Some of the licorice snaps were clinging at his beard, snapping away. He stared a hole into the place the Weasley twins normally sat only to realise that the children weren't back at school yet. Having no one to blame, the wizard frowned, his attempt to stroke his beard stymied by snapping, irritable licorice. He stared at Hermione only to get a deep scowl from Snape.

No one seemed to notice the "extra" Gaboon viper on Hermione's head, a serpentine smile on the snake's snout.

"Oi, miscreant, out of my cauldron." Snape scowled down into the cauldron that had a faerie dragon curled up inside it.

Kai chirred sadly, staring up at Severus with big, adorable eyes.

Snape stared back.

Kai whisker-twitched.

"Kai, where did you go?" Hermione called.

The cauldron freeloader leapt from the bottom and zoomed out, practically slamming into Hermione's face.

"Oof! There you are. How's my favourite faerie dragon doing today?"

The dragonet chirred happily, purring as he rubbed up against her chin and cheek.

"Do try to keep him out of trouble today," Severus said with a sigh. "Mr Lockhart is having an interview with the Headmaster, and we've been told to play nice.

Hermione raised a brow at the comment but shrugged. "Yes, Master."

"No basilisk wrestling matches on the green until after he signs on."

Hermione put out her bottom lip. "There goes my morning, Master."

Snape looked skyward. He gave her the "look."

Hermione smiled, her head-snakes hissing with amusement as they mock struck and bounced up and down. She lifted up Kai and held him out to Severus, and the little dragonet slurped him on the tip of the nose and squeaked.

Snape sighed, looking tolerant under duress, but gently rubbed Kai under the chin and Hermione on the head, soothing her snakes. They wrapped around his wrist and mock struck, "gumming" his fingers and running their heads against his skin. "Here, take this to Minerva. It's her sourdough starter she wanted."

Hermione bounced on her toes as she took the jar of bubbling starter. "I love her sourdough bread."

"If we're lucky, she will make us some," Snape said. "If we're really lucky, Alastor won't visit and eat it all first."

Hermione grinned and scampered off with the jar, her head-snakes hissing what seemed to be their own snake song.

Snape shook his head. "I wonder how long that charlatan will last?"

He cleaned out his cauldron and set to work.

Augusta Longbottom sat patiently on a shaded bench just outside Hogwarts Castle's greenhouses, enjoying the outdoor flower and plant gardens as well as the cool breeze coming in from the ocean. It had been a long time since she had visited Hogwarts, and the reasoning for visiting was stressful all on its own. The gardens, however, were peaceful.

An excited neigh came from a shrub, and a young centaur filly whickered as she tagged someone. "Got you!"

"No fair, you're like a heat seeking missile!" a young girl complained, laughing.

The filly giggled, smiling. "I have no idea what that is, but if it means I find you fast, then yes!"

The girl in black robes laughed, giving her a hug.

Augusta noticed the thick vines of a Venomous Tentacula reaching out to grab the girl and was about to warn her when—

"Someone is jealous," the girl said, hugging the Tentacula. "Silly thing. Did you need water too?"

The filly and the girl lugged over a watering can and some mulch and they tucked the Tentacula into the outside pot, gave it some mulch, and watered it.

"There you go, Edmund," the filly said. "Better?"

The Tentacula stroked the girls on the cheek and settled into its pot with an almost happy sigh of relief.

"You know they say Tentaculas are cranky, but Edmund is perfectly well behaved," the girl said to the filly.

The girl lugged a picnic hamper over. "Lunch, Heather!"

"I love picnic lunches," the filly replied as she folded her legs under her to lay down. The tentacula used its vines to form a canopy for the pair. "What's in there?"

"Cucumber sandwiches, smoked fish—oo bananas!"

"I love bananas!" the filly said with a grin.

"Better than apples?" the girl asked, waving a deliciously perfect looking apple.

Heather pouted. "I can't decide."

"Good think we have both!" The girl handed her a little of everything from the hamper. "Mam put in some of her sun tea too." She pulled out a chilled carafe that gave off a cold aura in the summer heat.

"Lady Minerva is so kind," Heather said.

The two girls snuggled into the Tentacula and shared their lunch, oblivious to the person watching them, ever so often sharing their tea with the plant and giving it bits of their lunch.

"Sorry I won't be able to spend the rest of the day with you, Heather," the one girl said. "I've been told we have company this afternoon."

The filly frowned and then shrugged. "That's okay. Elders want and we do. Whatever is so important, Hermione?"

The girl sighed. "Another meeting for someone who wants special exception for our new potion treatment."

"Firenze says that potion is powerful," Heather said.

"It seems to be, but too much at a time and it can cause bigger problems. Healers know this, and can compensate, but you can't just give someone a vial and have them use it," Hermione said. "The master healers figured out the dose, so they have been instrumental in keeping it safe. I think—most people think it's like a pepper-up potion. You get sick, you take the potion, and the cold goes away."

Heather nodded. "Our elders teach us which herbs to gather, but we always check with them before eating them when we are sick, so we don't eat the wrong ones."

"Wise," Hermione said. "I trust my master to tell me when something is safe. There are so many herbs and reagents. Some have to be preserved, some pickled, some have to be fresh—some are nasty. Flobberworms."

Heather shuddered. "There is a type of slug we find when we have a wound, and they are really slimey. I don't like them, but if you're injured, it cleans the wound."

Hermione twitched. "Ew."

Heather grinned. "Very."

Kai trotted down Hermione's arm and hopped into Heather's arms, begging for treats.

"Silly Kai, what are we going to do with you?"

The dragonet opened his mouth to answer her.

"Bottomless pit of starvation," Hermione laughed.

Heather giggled and fed the dragonet a smoked fish. Kai rolled over onto his belly and allowed the filly to rub it as he chewed on his tasty prize. "Cute, adorable Kai," she cooed. "Even when you're eating."

Hermione's head-snakes bobbed up and down. "He and the spiders are competing for adorable fervor."

Suddenly Kai turned into a miniature hippogryph and zoomed around their heads, chirping like a robin. The girls laughed.

Talking started as a group of wizards and witches in shortcut working robes walked up to them. Hermione quickly checked her mask and robes automatically as Heather and she made sure nothing was amiss. The Kai-hippogriff darted into Heather's mane and disappeared.

"Oh! It's just Mr Godfrey and the construction folk," Hermione said, relaxing.

"Hallo, Apprentice Granger," and elder wizard with green, sparkling eyes said cheerfully. "Enjoying the weather out here today?"

The Tentacula rustled, but Hermione soothed it back, and it relaxed.

"Yes, Mr Godfrey!" Hermione said.

"Ah, Heather, good to see you haven't left just because of us."

The filly shook her head. "Firenze says as long as I'm with Hermione, I don't have to come home the moment humans are about."

"Hah! Good man, Firenze," he replied.

"Would you like to share some cold tea and cucumber sandwiches? There are a few smoked fish left too."

"That's very kind of you," Godfrey said. "What do you say, my friends?"

The construction folks settled around in a circle, sitting on the grass as Hermione and Heather passed out more from their hamper of picnic foods. They didn't have enough glasses, but the wizened older witch taught Hermione a spell to turn rocks into goblets. Hermione soaked up the skill with fanatical fervor and beamed when the witch told her she'd done well.

"How is the construction going?" Hermione asked.

"Well, Dumbledore had specifics on function but not on the look, so we've talked with Aurora Sinistra to get her specifications so it doesn't block any of her telescopes or hamper the beautiful breeze she catches from being up so high. I think we've come up with a pretty good solution. We should be done by next week. Plenty of time before the students come back."

"That's great news!" Hermione said. "I'll be sure to tell the Deputy Headmistress."

"Is it true what they said?" one wizard asked quietly. "Someone tried to push someone else off the tower?"

Hermione slumped. "They didn't actually try, but they—did threaten to. My master requested the Headmaster do something to prevent that sort of thing again, which is why you were also making Professor Sinistra's new living quarters there in the tower, yes?"

Godfrey nodded. "It's a beautiful set of rooms for her. I think she'll be very happy with them."

Hermione smiled, but Heather shook her mane. "Sleeping under a pile of stones without moving seems strange to me."

"Ah there are times I wish I could be as ready to up and go like the centaur, little lass," one woman said. "I'd have far less stuff to move and trip over."

Heather grinned and giggled.

"Apprentice Granger," one witch asked. "I'm Frances, by the way—it must have been serious that Headmaster Dumbledore wanted us to finish this before the next term. We hear stories, but what really happened?"

Hermione tilted her head. "There was a classmate up there, and he was being teased and bullied so much that he was about ready to throw himself off the tower. I tried to talk him out of it, and it did work, but he then began to blame me for his problems instead of himself. He figured if he threw me off the tower, the others would finally believe he had the stones they were always telling him he didn't have. I—I don't know if he would have actually done it. He was angry. Desperate. My master broke us up before anything else could be said. He was willing to let me talk him down, but he wasn't willing to listen to death threats."

"Wise master you have there, lass," another wizard said. "If someone would be threatening to push my granddaughter off of a small wall, I'd be up in arms and ready to shake them as it is."

"You okay then?" Frances asked.

Hermione nodded. "We don't speak anymore after that. He has two student mentors who look after him all the time now. Making sure he's okay."

"Well, when we're done, the Astronomy Tower will be the safest place in all of Hogwarts, at least architecturally-wise. People—some people are wild cards that can make even the safest places not so safe anymore."

"Well, Apprentice Granger, Heather, thank you very much for sharing your lovely picnic with us. I think we're ready to—"

"ACK, NO! I'm clean! That's just a little mud, there. It's good for the the—AHHHH!"

A half-giant ran by, arms flailing frantically, as a determined clutter of purple-spotted bouncing spiders scrubbed him down with sponges and suds. The giant squid lashed out with his feeder tentacles and sent a steady fountain of water raining down upon the fleeing man.

"That explains where all the spiders went off to," Heather said.

Hermione grinned as the construction crew boggled. "It's their pet project," Hermione said.

"You train spiders to—"

"No, we don't have to train them," Hermione replied. "They do it because they want to."

"I think I could use a few of them for my grandkids," one witch said thoughtfully. "They can't stay clean to save their souls."

Hermione shrugged. "Mr Hagrid may be a special case."

"AHHH! Dammit, leave me to my dirt!" Hagrid bellowed, slamming the door, leaving behind a small group of spiders milling about on his door jamb.

"What a strange man," Frances said, boggling at the sight.

"Is it true what you said out there?" Augusta said, wringing her hands in her lap. "My Neville was the boy that wanted to push you off the tower?"

Hermione looked to Snape immediately, and he nodded his permission to her.

"Yes, ma'am," Hermione answered.

"Why would he do that?"

Hermione looked away. "He was hurting, and be believed that no one could possibly understand that."

"That's no excuse to try and murder someone!" Augusta blurted and then turned away. "I'm sorry. I just—I can't get through to him. Neville's nothing like his father at that age, and I can't seem to get through to him at all."

"Mrs Longbottom," Snape said coolly, "I very much doubt that you came out this far just to hash out your personal conflicts with your grandson."

Augusta startled and then nodded sharply. "You're right. I wish to implore you to place my Frank and Alice on the list of approved to be treated. They were war heroes, and they don't deserve to be stuck rotting away in a hospital, not even knowing what is going on around them!"

Augusta took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Please, they've been getting progressively worse every year, and I think soon there won't be anything left to save. And if—if this thing with Neville was even partially because of his inability to believe he can function without real parents—"

"Then I've utterly failed him," she said sadly. "I see my son in him, and unfortunately, that's all I seem to see."

"There is no guarantee," Hermione said quietly, "that it will work or even be of benefit to them. It could potentially make things worse. We just don't know yet. It's far too new to—"

Augusta placed a pile of scrolls down on the table. "This is the request of their personal healers and the ones that have tried to treat them. It includes everything they've done and when they just stopped. They stopped. They stopped trying. They stopped caring!"

Severus frowned. "I highly doubt if the healers stopped caring, Mrs Longbottom."

Augusta winced. "They might as well have. Please. Look it over. I beg you. It's not just for their sake. Neville desperately needs his parents, or he needs to realise that just having your parents doesn't automatically make everything perfect. He needs to know. Find it out for himself because right now—all he can do is say that if he had his parents, everything would be better. I signed all the releases. Please, just—look at it, please. Consider them as candidates for the potion. It's been almost eleven years now and they haven't been getting any better at all."

"And you are willing to accept that if for some reason it doesn't work, Neville might be in even worse shape emotionally?" Hermione asked.

"He will be in far worse shape if he finds out when he's older that they had a chance and no one even bothered to try," Augusta said.

Hermione looked to her master and he sighed.

"Very well, Mrs Longbottom," Severus said. "We will agree to look over your materials."

"Thank you," she said, her face stretched with emotion. "That's all I ask. A chance. A bit of hope."

She frowned. "How is that such a young girl is so remarkably talented in the area of venom research?"

Hermione rubbed her head as her "curls" wrapped lovingly around her fingers. "I find the topic is quite attached to me."

"Why do you cover your face?" Augusta asked.

Hermione turned away. "I had an accident in Potions class first year," she said, using the canned and practiced response that kept a lot of unnecessary questions from being asked. People just assumed that she must've been highly disfigured from the accident and that the result of that Potions explosion had other side effects—like semi-sentient hair. It was easier that way, and it wasn't a lie to let others fill in the blanks with their own suppositions.

"I'm sorry," Augusta said. "Does it hurt you?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, ma'am."

"I'm glad," she said. "My Frank once transfigured his hands into hooves by accident. He had to eat with his face for a month until it wore off."

"What was he trying to transfigure them into?" Hermione asked, sensing mischief.

"Gecko paws to climb the walls and sneak up to see Alice," Augusta said with a sigh.

Hermione snorted with amusement but put her hand to her mouth in a belated try for politeness.

Augusta waved a hand and chuckled herself. "Oh, I didn't let him live that down for years. It was among the tales at their wedding."

The older witch closed her eyes. "You know, this could heal so much more than just the two of them," she whispered.

Hermione nodded. "We'll look over your papers." She looked up to Snape and smiled.

Snape's expression was stoic, but Hermione didn't take it as a bad sign. His aura was utterly calm, and her snakes were happy, and she was really trying hard not to giggle at the bright green feather sticking out of Snape's hair that might or might not be a certain mischievous faerie dragonet in disguise.

It was getting pretty hard to tell anymore.

Severus woke up with a faerie dragonet sleeping curled up on his neck, Kai's nose snuggled up to Snape's as his soft breath tickled his nostrils.

"Mrrrf," he grunted.

Kai stared at him with sleepy blinks, licking his nose lovingly. The dragonet purred and shoved his paw up one nostril as he stretched.

Snape sputtered and got up, moving the dragonet to his shoulder, mumbling. "Isn't it Minerva's day to be cuddled and slobbered on?"

Kai squeaked cutely, slurping his ear affectionately.

Severus sighed as he heard knocking on his chamber door. He knew it wasn't Minerva, Dumbledore liked to Floo-call him, Alastor always sent warning first to check if the coast was clear, and Draco and his snakes used the other door. He stared down at the black silk "kilt" Alastor had given him for sleepwear. Oh well. It was an off day. Whoever was knocking would just have to suffer through the sight of his pasty white skin and lack of shirt.

He opened the door, and saw—nothing.

"Sheverussss!" a dreaded voice cut through his morning as jaggedly as the woman's rancid breath. "I got your paper!"

The dreaded, horrible, bug-eyed, sherry-sloshed Sybill Trelawney, breathed up at him. She held the paper in her hands, and it already had red stains on it—making him suspicious as to what happened to the owl that normally brought his paper. Also, he wondered, why was she here already? Term wasn't supposed to begin for another—

"Get your inappropriate hands off my posterior, madam!" Severus hissed.

"But I brought you your paper, Sheverussss!" Sybill whinged.

Snape took the paper with the same expression of a man picking up a squashed flobberworm. "Thank you, Ms Trelawney. Now. Go. Away."

Snape slammed the door in her face and tried to ignore the drunken whimpering from the other side.

"How does that woman even function enough to know her name?"

Hermione was staring at him, her two basilisks gave him sulfurous stares of curious confusion. Glyph had a large yellow question mark over his head.

Snape threw the paper down on the table and pointed his wand at it, giving it a good paper cleanse—a charm that he had made up after getting sick of the Marauders throwing his books into the mud and the lake.

"I need to go dip myself in bleach," Snape said, storming off to the bath.

Hermione scratched her head, dislodging a few snakes. "What was Professor Trelawney doing with our master's mail?"

Longbottoms Finally Coherent After Eleven Long Years!

For those of you who remember Frank and Alice Longbottom, the miracle has happened at last. For the first time in over a decade, the Aurors Frank and Alice Longbottom have shown positive steps towards recovery.

While the family respectfully requests that they be permitted privacy in order to focus on helping their loved ones recover, the news of the Longbottom's steps toward recovery have the healer circles in an uproar of new hope for the future of helping cases that have not responded to conventional treatments.

The Longbottom's young son, Neville, stated after the news of his parents went public that, "I've dreamed of this, every single day, and now that it's finally happened, I really don't have the words to describe it."

Augusta Longbottom confessed to keeping news of the treatment secret from her grandson to spare him from the dashing of any hopes he might have had if something went wrong.

While there has been some protest from other parties who adamantly believe their loved ones deserved to be at the top of the acceptance list above the Longbottoms, Master Severus Snape, his apprentice, and more than a few master healers have stood up to remind each and every one of the protesters that the potion therapy is experimental and dangerous and requires a full master healer to balance out the treatment under constant observation. Master Healer Flagstone adamantly reminds us that people should not think it is like other treatments and refers to the case of Rita Skeeter's family, who had gotten ahold of a vial of the potion to cure her of her dementia only to realise it made it worse. Administered without the constant supervision of a qualified healer, patients most likely will suffer long-term if not permanent side-effects that are often far worse than the original condition.

"Think of the nature of any venom," Healer Flagstone explained. "It has both the power to heal and the power to kill, and far more people know it for the latter than the former. Each person has a specific chemistry and balance of innate magic. This potion may work well with one person and yet utterly destroy another. All those considering the potion for a loved one would do well to remember that rushing into treatment is never wise. Even potions we have used for hundreds of years like the Dreamless Sleep have side effects that many people prefer to forget. Even if we were up to our necks in this remarkable potion, we would still have a very strict screening processes. We would still be limited to the finite number of well-trained healers with enough background and skill to do intensive day to week-long treatments—treatments that frequently take them away from their other patients."

Dumbledore stood up in the Great Hall in front of the gathered students and raised his hands. "Welcome back, children. Welcome back. To some, I bid you welcome for the very first time. Today, I will tell you that things are quickly changing here at Hogwarts, but it is the betterment of everyone here at Hogwarts."

"It has come to our attention that we have been placing undue pressure on our students to join a house before they are truly ready, and by ready I mean they have made no friends without conditions and instead are forced into a mold before they are fully prepared. We have, however unintentionally, made the school an environment where one's house has become something that turns student against student prejudicially. This is not what we desire here.

"What we desire here is solidarity," Dumbledore continued. "Friendship, teamwork, learning, and above all respect for each other regardless of house, and we feel that one of the oldest traditions of Hogwarts long before now should be brought back: the Hogwarts House.

"Now, long ago, when Hogwarts was still being built each tower was still being built. Students were all joined as one united group. Everyone helped in the building of the towers. Only when everything was complete did they group people of common traits and interests into the Houses we know today—but by then, everyone was already strong and steadfast friends.

"The Founders of Hogwarts were all friends, and we here at Hogwarts believe that the Sorting should be something that happens later rather than sooner. So, today, there will be no Sorting Ceremony for our first years or second years. From now on third years will have the option of being Sorted or to stay in the Hogwarts House another year, but it will be fourth years that are Sorted out into the Houses they will spend the rest of their years at Hogwarts.

"We feel that you don't truly come into what you are able to be without getting to know yourself, and sometimes you can't truly know yourself until you are seen through a friend's eyes. We want all of our students to feel they can keep their friends regardless of House.

"To this end, we have—" Dumbledore waved his hand and a new section of the Great Hall expanded, showing a new line of tables. "A new set of tables for our Hogwarts House. For those of you who may have noticed as you came in, there are new towers here at Hogwarts—one here at the Castle proper and one overlooking Black Lake.

"It has long been Slytherin's tradition to be close to water, but we found that being under the lake has only given one more reason to be ostracized. Slytherin, you will find your things and all the things you remember moved to your new tower. And all of you in the new Hogwarts House will be escorted to yours. The old Slytherin chambers have been converted into a communal study area with viewports to see all the goings on under Black Lake as well as the new subterranean botanical gardens that Professor Sprout has adapted from our own Chamber of Secrets. This will serve as our study hall during such periods, but will be open to everyone as a peaceful place in which to work together."

Dumbledore stroked his beard. "Our newly-resurrected House will be led by our most experienced professor, Madam Hooch, who some of you may already know as she keeps you safe on your brooms and makes certain that you all play fairly in Quidditch, hrm? Since this is all so new, she will be escorting those of you in her House to your new home."

"All of you who are first through third years, please move over to the Hogwarts House tables, please."

Surprisingly, most of the children moved excitedly to the new seating, some of them sporting grins as they went to sit with their friends who had always been in another house. Their robes changed colours to sport the Hogwarts crest and all four main House colours instead of the separate ones.

"Oi! I'm not going over there! I belong in Gryffindor. You too, Harry!"

"Change is pretty hard for some people," a blonde girl said rather dreamily as she glided by. "I'm Luna." She was "walking" a charmed fish on a leash. "I see you noticed my koi on a string. They're very lucky, you know. Would you like one?"

Harry blinked at that. "Sure?"

Luna untied a black and white one from her backpack. It had glowing green eyes that matched Harry's. "Here you go. His name is Raoul. He really likes the earwax-flavoured Bertie Bott's Beans."

"Good to… know?" Harry said as the fish swam through the air and kissed his forehead. He followed Luna to the Hogwarts House table and sat down. Draco nudged Harry with his elbow, and Harry showed him his new fish, which swished over and gave Draco a smooch on the nose.

Theo and Blaise snickered.

"Hey, Harry, looks like we're stuck with each other for real now," Pansy giggled. "At least until you're sorted into Slytherin where you belong."

"HARRY POTTER DOES NOT BELONG IN SLYTHERIN!" Ronald screeched, his voice so loud and shrill that it made him sound eerily like his mother.

It was just in that moment that the Head of Slytherin House billowed by, his apprentice at his side, looking so very much like a miniature version of him, complete with illustrious billow. Snape nodded silently, acknowledging the Headmaster, and Dumbledore nodded to him briefly in return.

"You!" Ron hissed, grabbing for Hermione. "You did this. You brought this down on us! You bloody traitor!"

HisssSSSSSS!

One of Hermione's "tendrils of hair" lashed out lightning fast but Hermione's hand stopped it, pulling Chicka back even as she quickly averted her gaze. She had to do nothing further, as Snape scowled down at Ron as he used his presence to push him back without laying a hand on him. "It seems, Mr Weasley, that you are determined to start your House off with a bang. That is ten points from Hogwarts House for your assault on another student and my apprentice. I am sure Mr Filch is ecstatic that all of the chandeliers will be bright and shiny to start off the school year. Now, if you can manage to find your seat without tripping over yourself, the Headmaster was not finished speaking."

Ron, red-faced and more than a little angry, looked as if he was about to stand up and say something anyway, but before he could, Dumbledore began to speak again, and a bunch of former-Gryffindors pulled Ron to the new table as one girl hissed, "You know Snape and Hermione are the ones that saved your brother Charlie, right? What the hell are you trying to do?"

"What? It wasn't bloody Snape and that curly-haired fr—!" Ron exclaimed as his friends stuffed a bun in his mouth and forced him to sit down.

"Now, before we get into the business of Sorting for our third years who feel they are ready and our fourth years—since you have already been Sorted once, you have the option to return to the Houses you were originally Sorted to. There is no obligation to change or possibly change. However, those that feel as though they didn't quite fit the first time around have the option to choose a re-Sorting. There is no obligation, and no shame for recognising that you might be in the wrong place. People do grow and change, and young people most of all before they find that place in themselves in which they belong. And, as I said before—your Houses should not influence who you call friend, only ally yourself with people of likeminded goals to help you achieve them.

"And speaking of goals, those of you wishing to try out for Quidditch, please remember that you must have your release signed from each of your professors stating that you are currently in good academic standing. We wouldn't be much of a school if we allowed sports to hinder your education."

"But what if Quidditch IS what we want to do?" a voice blurted out from across the room.

Albus stroked his beard. "I supposed you can hope that your exceptional skill in the game will somehow keep you afloat when someone throws a curse at you, jinxes your broom, or you need to bring a potion to someone and there is no label on it. Do you really think that playing Quidditch frees you from your schooling?"

Silence.

"Ah, please be reminded that the Forbidden Forest is still forbidden. No one may travel there without a teacher and that teacher must be with you. The formerly restricted wing on the third floor is no longer, well, restricted, as it is now the home for Hogwarts House. Please thank the hard work of Mr Filch and our staff who came in a month early to make all these changes happen without having to lose time for the start of this term."

"Now I am pleased to relay some good news! Please allow me to lead you all in congratulating Deputy Headmistress McGonagall for her successful adoption of the now Hermione McGonagall. Apprentice McGonagall will still be working under Master Snape. Please remember that Professor Snape's apprentice, Miss McGonagall, is to be treated with all due respect. You will obey her as you would your prefect or Head Boy or Girl. Also, please take note of our new teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart."

Much swooning and cheering filled the Great Hall. The other teachers just shook their heads as the man apparently accepted it as his due with the royal wave, showing off his preternaturally white teeth. Hermione peered around Snape to take in the sight of the newest professor, and Severus scowled at her, causing her to nervously shrink back into her seat and sit on her hands.

"Well, on that note! Let us begin the Sorting."

"Did you hear that howler?" Blaise laughed, moving a gobstone.

"Who didn't hear that howler?" Draco said.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Theo mimicked.

"You know, that summer—reeducation as it were—seemed to have helped some more than others," Pansy said.

Harry shook his head. "He always believed the only place to be if you were worth anything was Gryffindor."

"But insulting Severus?" Draco said. "Attacking his apprentice right in front of him?"

"He's just lucky the boomslang didn't bite him," Luna said dreamily. "They are a bit nippy on every day."

The other children stared at Luna.

"You don't see them?" Luna said. "They're as bright as day, just like the Nargles."

"But Luna, you're not supposed to be able to see them!"

"That's silly," Luna said. "I wouldn't have eyes if I wasn't supposed to see them. Besides, you'd be an awfully strange Gorgon without snakes on your head. Did you know they're immortal? Well all except Medusa, and we all know what happened to her."

"But she's our age!"

"We'll she'll grow up, of course, but then she'll just stay that way." Luna tilted her head. "You knew that right?"

The others stared at her.

"Oh, well, now you do." Luna nibbled on her sandwich.

"Helllooooooooo, Ladies!" Fred and George chimed together as they sat down, sporting their new and improved Slytherin colours. "And gents for those of you with the pertinent plumbing."

"Hey, you guys," Harry said. "Getting along better with Snape?"

"It was just like you said," Fred said.

"Different on the inside. The tower has a glorious view," George said.

"You guys get a tower, I'm jealous," Draco said. "I can't wait to get back into Slytherin."

"We're building a water slide right out our window into the lake," Fred said with a wink.

"Purely for research purposes, of course," George said.

Fred looked serious. "Of course—now we know about Hermione, yeah? Ickle Ronniekins almost got himself murdered or at least magically assassinated."

"So, how is Neville doing. I mean—you're in Slytherin now," Pansy asked. "I don't imagine him taking that well."

The twins sighed. "Well, he's doing better now because I think his head is now busy thinking about his parents. They're getting better, yeah? Slowly. So instead of obsessing on not having parents, he's obsessing on getting to know them and all that nasty business of catching up with eleven years of your life that you missed."

"I think Professor Sprout is giving him projects to keep him busy. He likes plants you know?" Fred said. "That's what Lee told me anyway. Neville won't even look at us right now. I think Ron has him convinced we're possessed and under Imperius Curse."

"What about your parents?" Harry asked.

"Our dad thinks it's funny. Red headed snakes," George said. "He's always had more of a level head when it came to things. Mum burst into tears and said her babies were going to be Death Eaters, of course, but then Dad reminded her that Slytherin are who cured Charlie, yeah? Then she turned right around and was happy again. Mums right? Can't make sense of them."

Fred tilted his head. "I think no one understands Mum. Even Mum doesn't understand herself."

George shrugged. "Dad says it's hormones. Actually he calls them 'horrorphones', but we knew what he meant."

Harry raised a brow.

"Ron may not have told you, Harry, but mum has always had issues with Slytherin because of her brothers, Gideon and Fabian. They were both killed during the first war. Death Eaters. She…" Fred sighed, shaking his head.

George continued. "She was never sure who really did it even though they said it was Antonin Dolohov, but she came to believe it was someone she knew from Slytherin. Someone she had trusted. She began to believe that if she couldn't trust them, then she couldn't trust any of them."

Fred sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. "She's always been like that. The youngest always gets the lion's share of the attention, and I think—little git bro believed it would always be him. When Mum found out she was pregnant again it was like ickle Ronnie's entire world was a lie, yeah? He'd always be the youngest. He'd always be—special. Now it's Ginny. I'm thinking she's going to be even worse than Ron."

"Where is Ginny?" Harry asked, frowning. "I don't remember seeing her after the Welcome Feast."

"Oogling at the Lockfart guy."

"Lockhart?"

"Whatever."

George waved his hand dismissively. "I don't know what she sees in him. Even our mum acts like he's bloody Merlin incarnate."

"Have you seen my Potions book?" Seamus said, moving around and around the different clusters of students.

"Have you—"

"Please, have you seen my Potions book?"

"Oi, Seamus!"

The boy skidded to a halt and turned to double back to them. "You have my book?"

"No, Seamus, your book is most distinctively—charred," Harry said delicately. "I'd know it anywhere."

"But there is a pile of books right there."

"Those aren't ours, mate," Theo said, throwing a tasty tidbit to the squid.

"Well, they have to be someone's!" Seamus said.

The bell sounded from inside the school.

"Time for Potions," Pansy said. "Feed the squid later, Theo!"

Theo pouted, giving the squid a fond pat. "Later, mate. We'll swim with you later tonight, I promise."

The giant squid waved its tentacles and disappeared under the water.

"You spoil that squid silly," Harry chuckled.

"Hey, that squid makes the best ladder out the tower, mate," Theo said with a wink, causing the twins to frown.

"We've been making a slide for nothing?"

"You've a lot to learn about the real Slytherin," Theo said. "You may be wearing the green and silver, but now you're the first years."

The group hustled off as Seamus forlornly eyed the pile of books that had been left behind. He finally made a move towards them, snatching up the Potions book that was sitting tantalisingly on top—

Until the book burst into hysterical giggles and jumped into the lake, turning into an otter and diving into Black Lake to go play with the giant squid.

Seamus tried for the next book, but it was the wrong text. He cast it aside, only to have it clamp onto his leg like a vise even as a bunch of loving hearts projected up from the cover.

"What the—"

"Come ON, Seamus, we'll be late for Snape's class!" Dean called out to him from up the path.

Seamus grabbed for another book, but it was literally full of holes, tossed it to the side. The book burst into tears and wailed, and the giant squid rose up out of the water, snatched Seamus and dragged him under the water.

An hour later…

"Mr Finnigan," Snape drawled. "How nice of you to join us."

Seamus dragged himself into the potions classroom, covered in algae and strands of kelp. Suckermarks were plastered all over his pale skin, while he sported a large, purpling goose egg on his head.

"That will be ten points from Hogwarts House for being late to class. Now kindly march yourself up to the infirmary before something explodes and makes whatever it is you have worse."

Seamus slumped miserably and sloshed back out the door.

Lavender was staring at Snape, her eyes comically wide.

"Is there something that you require, Miss Brown?"

"Nu-no, professor."

"Then kindly finish your potion."

Lavender swallowed hard, but she ended up staring again at Snape.

"Miss Brown!"

"Y-yes, sir!" She stuffed her head into a book and busied herself.

More students started staring at Snape's head, which seemed to have grown a rather impressive crown constructed of vines and ripened berries. In the center of it all was perched an assortment of other tempting fruits, from apples, oranges and pears to cherries and clusters of grapes, even a pineapple.

Hermione, seeing what the students were staring at but ultimately too scared to say anything, stopped Crabbe and Goyle from putting something in their cauldron as she thought of some way to inform her master of the situation without causing even more of a scene.

She plucked a spider from her "hair" and whispered to it, and it bounced up and down before skittering off, climbing the tower of Snape's robes to get to his shoulder, collar, and ultimately to his ear, safely hidden from view under his long hair as it delivered her message.

Snape turned silently, walked over to his desk, opened a drawer, and stuffed his new "hat" into it, closing it firmly.

A sad, plaintive whimper emitted from the desk.

Snape sighed and opened the door a crack, and a blur immediately shot out, diving into Hermione's "hair" and hugging her neck. Snape shot Hermione a swift glance, and she patted the little mischief maker, gently tucking him into her hair. The head-snakes wrapped themselves around him like a reptilian safety belt system.

BOOM!

Ron Weasley was covered in a bright blue goo, making him look remarkably like an overgrown Smurf from the Muggle children's cartoon. To accent the highly amusing visual, his normal pointed hat was a pristine white to match.

"Mr Weasley," Severus droned. "I'm sure you're quite familiar with the way to Mr Filch's office for your detention tonight, hrm?"

"Smurf you," Ron muttered.

"What was that, Mr Weasley?"

"Absosmurfly, sir," Ron blurted.

Severus' eyebrow arched. "Clean up that disgusting mess at once, Mr Weasley."

Kai chirred and rolled around on his back, exposing his inviting belly for rubs.

"You," Snape said with a scowl, "are such a menace." He rubbed the dragonet's belly and Kai wrestled with his fingers and mock-gnawed on his hand.

"A faerie dragon?" Lucius asked, peering at the dragonet with interest. "How in Hades did you managed to get one of those?"

Lucius extended his hand for the dragonet to sniff, and Kai playfully batted at his fingers and chirred.

"We suspect he escaped from Hagrid," Severus said. "Hermione said he was scared and was looking for a safe place to hide when he quite literally bumped into her."

"You ended up bonded to a faerie dragon entirely by accident?"

Kai chirred and appeared on Snape's shoulder and rubbed his head against Snape's cheek before flitting off towards the next room.

"Very accidental," Snape replied.

"I—" Lucius slumped. "I think I'm jealous."

Severus eyed Lucius. "Don't be. He's a menace. He had Albus thinking his phoenix had cloned himself. He had Fawkes thinking he had a chick during the night and a gender change—no one is safe from his draconian mischief."

Lucius cracked a smile. "Just think of what he'd be like if he wasn't bonded to you. Rumour has it that faerie dragons are the inspiration for most of the trickster stories around the world, up to and including the Japanese kitsune. The wild ones in Japan are notoriously bad. Have you told that walking oaf where his dragonet is?"

Snape sighed. "He burst into tears and went to the Headmaster saying it wasn't fair. Tried to take him from Hermione—and well, you know Hermione. Her sense of fairness and respect for her elders. She came home and followed me around like a duckling, too proud to cry."

"Well that obviously didn't last forever," Lucius said.

"No, apparently Hagrid had him in one of those special cages they make to keep Nifflers. Kind of like Azkaban for creatures. Kai turned himself into a leaf, so Hagrid thought he escaped. So as he's turning his hut upside down looking for him, the dragonet escaped and glued himself to Hermione for the rest of the week."

Severus rubbed his temples. "Minerva and I took Hermione and Kai to the familiar registration office and went through a gauntlet of tests to get him approved, papered, and legally pronounced ours, and they sent Hagrid an owl saying if he wants compensation, all he has to do is provide proof of previous ownership."

"Where did he get it, anyway?" Lucius asked.

"Some bloke he met while he was out getting knackered at the tavern is what he wailed to Albus," Snape said. "No papers. It was a 'gentlemanly agreement' as he put it—a gift, so he said. They spit and shook on it."

Lucius twitched. "That's exceedly nasty, Severus."

"I'm not the one who did it."

Lucius shuddered.

"You realise," Lucius said. "That if he takes up a mate, you'll be up to your eyeballs in baby faerie dragons and they'll all be bound to your lines. They are very devoted to their family."

"He's not even grown, please don't even bring that up yet," Severus groaned.

Lucius chuckled. "Hogwarts will probably be mighty interesting when that eventually comes to pass."

"Nngah," Severus snorted. "I'm not listening."

"I always wanted a faerie dragon as a kid, but my father 'gave' me Dobby instead," Lucius said, rolling his eyes. "That elf was never right to begin with, but I think the Dark Lord did something to him around the time Regulus said he'd tortured Kreacher. I caught him 'organising' my library and beating himself over the head with the books. He said the book told him to do it."

"Real winner there, Lucius."

"I know," Lucius bemoaned. "Now he goes around proclaiming he wants to be given clothes so that he may be free. How could I do that and inflict the world with a deranged house-elf that thinks he'll be free when everyone who knows anything about house-elves know if he doesn't bond to someone he'll lose his mind and his magic."

"What little mind he has left," Severus said, "considering the last time I saw him, he tried to iron my robes—while I was still wearing them."

Lucius grunted. "That too."

"Did your father hate you?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me."

Lucius eyed Severus as the words slowly sank in. "Oh—well, it was never my place to really question my father's care for me, though I suppose while he wasn't the drunken bastard your father was, he wasn't a very caring sort. I can't say he was the best role model, considering the despicable life choices I've made trying to follow in his footsteps before pulling myself up and out of that cesspool of bigotry."

"Lord Malfoy!" Hermione cried from the door, having spotted him. All of her head-snakes whipped around and opened their mouths in a version of a reptilian smile. The Gorgon ran as fast as her legs could carry her and threw herself into his embrace.

"Oof! Well, hello there, young lady," Lucius purred, giving her excited snakes a few warm strokes. Even Chicka rubbed up against him excitedly. "How is my favourite Gorgon? I heard you gave Severus quite the shed."

Hermione grinned up at him. "Apparently I shed in my sleep."

"Well, that is better than getting stuck in an embarrassing position, hrm?" Lucius said. Lucius' expression visibly softened as Hermione thumped her head against his chest and snuggled in. He gave Severus a look, and the Potions master shrugged. "Thank you very much for the basilisk spider silk socks. Even Narcissa loves hers. They survive even Dobby trying to iron them."

"You iron socks?" Hermione asked, boggling.

"Alas, it is a long story and involves dysfunctional house-elves, my dear. Think nothing of it."

Hermione shrugged, her head-snakes wobbling. "Okay."

"Are you keeping on top of your studies?"

Hermione nodded.

"Draco tells me you've made sure to keep him studying too, so I thank you for that, my dear," Lucius said.

Hermione grinned.

"I did what Severus requested and made you some investments along with ours," Lucius said. "Most of them are highly productive and stable accounts with a few higher risk ones, but the stable ones will keep you afloat even if those crash. By the time you graduate, you and Draco will be well set to do whatever you wish to do rather than feel obligated, hrm?"

Hermione smiled. "Thank you, Lord Malfoy."

"Call me Lucius, my dear. Here, amongst friends, we need not worry about appearances." He gave her head-snakes a fond pat.

Hermione dropped off a pile of scrolls in front of Severus. "All of my homework is complete, Master. May I go find Draco and the others?"

Severus sighed dramatically. "I suppose, since you obviously did the minimum amount of work." He eyed the pile of scrolls that was almost as high as the pile he had to grade for three separate classes.

"Chirrr!" Kia admonished.

Snape gestured with his chin. "Go. Have—fun." He said the word fun as if it was a particularly foul specimen of week-old roadkill.

Hermione perked. "Thank you, master!" She bowed respectfully and then dashed out the chamber door, automatically changing her robes to her usual apprentice fare as her mask slipped smoothly into place.

"Oh noes!"

"She forgot us!"

"No!"

A half-clutter of spiders ran in frantic circles, making distressed squeaking noises on the chair they had been cuddling together on, fast asleep.

The door opened suddenly.

"Come on then, sleepyheads!" Hermione called.

"Yay! She remembered!"

The bouncing spiders scurried off to join their mistress, hurriedly crawling up her robes to join her on her next great adventure.

The chamber door shut again.

Lucius exchanged glances with Severus. "Brother, you have something special in her. You do realise this, yes?"

Snape gave a gallant shrug.

"When she grows up, she will be a witch to be reckoned with, I have no doubt."

"Of that, we can both be certain," Snape said.

"I think every child after us has been cursed," Fred said as he gave the squid a friendly pat before going to sun himself on the beach.

"Yeah, little git bro and Ginny both," George snorted.

"Why do you say that?" Millicent asked as her familiar jumped into George's lap and purred.

"Mum had our Aunt Muriel pitch in to get Ginny shipped off to Beauxbâtons," Fred said. "First day, she calls the Headmistress there a cow because her French is pathetic, and then she manages to get kicked by a flying horse."

"Beauxbatons?" Harry asked, frowning.

"French Wizarding school," Fred said. "I think the long name is, uhhh—"

George scratched his head. "Académie de Magie Beauxbâtons."

"Gesundheit," Theo said.

"She may not like it there any better," Pansy said with a shake of her head.

"Oh?"

"The Headmistress of Beauxbâtons is Olympe Maxime, and she tolerates no funny business in her school. Lots of people think it's an all-girls school, but she makes all of her students learn all of the arts. Male. Female. Doesn't matter. The males learn culinary art and cleaning magic and the girls learn martial magic just the same."

"So they can kick your arse and make you a great soufflé."

"Pretty much—"

"Why would Ginny not like it?"

"Everyone is equal in Beauxbâtons," Theo said. "They say if you mistreat one of the flying horses, they make you sleep with them. To—gain the proper respect for the animal."

"Rough," Harry said. "They took her in the middle of the night, yeah? I heard the portraits whispering about it."

Fred and George nodded. "She threw a real fit. It's her own damn fault for whinging to mom that she wasn't sorted into Gryffindor. She bombed mum with owl notes, hijacking Percy's owl to do it. She's the one who tattled on us for getting re-Sorted, had to go and tell mum that the Boy-Who-Lived was hanging out with a bunch of snakes, that Dumbledore is trying to take all the perks of being a Gryffindor away."

"She really said that?"

"Maybe it will do her some good, yeah?" Blaise said. "Get her away from Ron—seems like she's listened way too much to him as it is."

"Ron hasn't changed much at all," Hermione said quietly. "But the others—they seem to at least be minding themselves better after the summer hols."

"I heard Moody scared the shite out of them all," Draco said knowingly. "Told them that if they screwed up one more time, it was straight to Azkaban for all of them. One toe out of line and he'd escort them there personally."

"That'd do it," Theo shuddered. "Auror Moody is not a friendly man."

Hermione was silent, keeping her true opinion of one Alastor Moody to herself.

Theo reached for the picnic hamper but it suddenly burst into giggles and scampered away from him.

"HEY! Come back with my sandwiches you little—"

All eyes turned to Fred and George.

The twins blinked. "Hey! We didn't do that!"

"Uh huh."

"We swear we didn't!"

"But we would have liked to—"

George whapped Fred over the head.

"Hey!"

The other children just rolled their eyes as Theo chased the errant picnic hamper across the green.

There were pixies… everywhere.

There were pixies in Dumbledore's beard. There were pixies on the ceiling. There were pixies in the food, pixies in the drinks, and pixies dangling children from the chandeliers. There were pixies wrapping people up in tapestries. There were pixies wrapped IN the tapestries.

Kai let out a loud belch, rubbing his tummy as a pair of pixie wings came out his mouth. His body shuddered violently, and then he spontaneously grew about two inches. He chirred happily, snuggling up to Hermione's neck. The air was alive with Cornish blue pixies, and it sounded like someone had set loose a giant cage of budgies and heckled them into a frenzy.

The pixies avoided one side of the Head Table thanks to the predatory faerie dragon—but only after many of their mischief-making brethren had disappeared down the hungry dragonet's gullet.

House-elves were chasing pixies, threatening pixies, and catching pixies in butterfly nets. Pixies were carrying people off and setting them on the roof. Peeves was flying around, egging the pixies on and making everything so much worse. Argus was hanging by his belt from the rafters. Mrs Norris was yowling frantically from somewhere as yet unknown.

"Headmaster!" Pomona moaned. "Surely you want us to do something?"

"Nonsense, Pomona," Albus said cheerfully, flicking a pixie off his beard to take a drink of his tea. "I'm sure Professor Lockhart meant this as part of a most unique and fascinating lesson for his DADA class.I'm quite certain that he has everything well under control." He waved his hand to conjure a large, fluffy cushion to protect some unfortunate student from falling to the hard flagstone floor.

One mischievous and fatally brave pixie attempted to pry off Hermione's mask only to get about twenty vipers direct to the face. The unfortunate pixie then disappeared down Kai's seemingly bottomless gullet as he grew another inch.

"Oh dear. I had no idea that faerie dragons ate pixies," Flitwick said. "I hope they weren't overly expensive."

"No, people usually pay you to take them," Minerva sniffed.

"Can't imagine why," Snape muttered, stabbing a tomato with his fork and eating it.

"Might as well shield the table, Albus, or our faerie dragon friend is going to end up the size of this room."

Kai burped up a few more pixie wings.

"Oh, very well," Albus said, seemingly put out from his obvious enjoyment of his dinner. "Why don't you have your young apprentice show off her lessons, Severus. We all know you've been teaching her more more than adequate Defence, hrm?"

Snape rolled his eyes and made a shooing motion at Hermione.

Hermione stood up, took out her wand, and aimed it towards the ceiling. "Immobulus," she said, sounding rather bored.

Hundreds of Cornish pixies froze instantly in mid-air, drifting along but unable to move otherwise as a few students fell onto the cushions scattered about, released from their abduction by pixies.

Kai looked about ready to fly up and do some cleanup, but Snape pulled the dragonet to him. "Eh. Enough pixie for you, miscreant."

The larger dragonet chirred, disappointed, but offered his belly for a rub.

"Dragon stealers is what you are," Hagrid mumbled from down the table.

"Do give it a rest, Hagrid," Minerva admonished. "Just turn in your paperwork to the registry and they'll arrange for you to get another under special circumstances."

"Easy for you to say! He was mine! And you helped steal him!"

Minerva's eyes darkened. "Be careful, Hagrid. Accusing me or any of my family of stealing—"

Hagrid spilled his drink over himself, and about twenty sets of spider eyes fixed on him. "No! I'm cleaning it up, see? I'll just use this napkin—" He pulled on the tablecloth instead of the napkin, which had been tucked into his collar like a napkin, jerking all the food down the table and covering him with a smattering of everything from pudding to salad.

Bouncing spiders immediately pounced all over Hagrid, soap and sponges at the ready, and they simply proceeded to lather him down right in front of Merlin and everyone, causing the previously pixie-traumatised children to burst into uproarious laughter.

"That was quite therapeutic," Rolanda said, munching on a cherry that had managed to not be flung into the far corner. "You know, Hagrid, you might as well simply resign yourself to being the cleanest one around."

"I want me dirt back!" Hagrid wailed hysterically, as the spiders left him, their impromptu cleanup job done.

"That's a rather unhealthy obsession, Hagrid," Pomona sternly informed the unhappy half-giant. "I deal with dirt every day, but I'm certainly not all that attached to it."

"There is nothing wrong with perfectly healthy dirt!" Hagrid yelled, storming away and leaving the scent of sweet almond blossoms in his wake.

"There is nothing wrong with being clean, either," Poppy said, rubbing the space between her eyes.

Hermione welcomed her spider entourage back, tickling their abdomens and offering them drops of her special spider tonic. They loved on her hands, wrapping their legs around her fingers as they drained the pipette, and then happily scurried up to nest in her "hair".

Snape sighed, plucking a frozen pixie out of the jelly.

A very happy Kai made that one disappear with all due haste.

Urp.

Pixie wings fluttered to the table as Kai grew another inch.

Snape pinched the young dragonet's mouth shut. "That will be quite enough pixie for you, little man."

Kai licked his finger.

When Hermione met Remus Lupin for the first time, she couldn't help but think the man needed a big hug and a large bar of chocolate. Both things always made her feel better, and he really looked like he needed a little of both.

His hair was askew as if her hair, her master's, and Harry's had a child together and bleached it light brown. He had a stubbly face that practically screamed unkempt, and she had to apologise profusely when her spiders leapt off of her shoulders, scrubbed him down in a flurry of peppermint-scented soap suds and gifted him a bar of chocolate for tolerating their impromptu efforts.

Strangely, the man seemed relieved, even grateful, hugging one of the purple spotted bouncing spiders until it squeaked.

Her master scowled down at the man like he had no self respect whatsoever, but Hermione could sense there was much more to their past than either wizard was saying. What that was, however, she had no idea.

The spiders apologised for getting over-excited, and they wove him some new clothes: trousers, shirt, tie, socks, robes and all . Hermione had the feeling that he'd never had silk clothes before, especially something as luxurious as spider silk. She had to admit, having a clutter of eager-to-please silk-weaving spiders had a lot of fringe benefits. By the time the man had been thoroughly washed, redressed, and given chocolate, he looked like a different man altogether.

Hermione stayed toward the back of the room as politeness dictated. As her master, Severus dictated where she was permitted to be until the rules of engagement could be decided. Lupin seemed to be a bit of a wild card he wasn't sure how to deal with yet.

"This is my apprentice, Hermione," Severus said slowly, gesturing at last for her to come over.

Hermione did, slightly nervous, but trusting her master to let her know if things were dangerous. "Hello, Mr Lupin," she said politely, giving the bow she learned from Lucius, Draco, and even Minerva.

"Hello there, Hermione," he answered, smiling kindly. "I'm Remus. Severus tells me that you've made quite a name for yourself already."

Hermione flushed. "It's still being tested."

"From what I hear the results have been overwhelmingly positive, test phase or no. There's no shame in being proud of what you have accomplished, even if you are being cautious."

Hermione smiled and nodded.

"Why don't you tell Remus what you sensed?" Snape suggested.

Hermione fidgeted but nodded. "A few of the other professors kept saying how Mr Hagrid's obsession with dirt was almost too odd, even for him. I don't know him well, but I do know that he really, really likes things dirty. My spider friends have taken it upon themselves to scrub things down every time they can, and they cleaned out his hut as well as him with the help of the squid."

Remus snort-laughed, but tried to keep a straight face for Hermione.

"Today, he ended up spilling something on himself, and he pulled the entire tablecloth over, getting food all over him, so the spiders leapt in to help." Hermione rubbed her head-snakes. "The spiders said that Headmaster Dumbledore encouraged them to keep it up, but you'd think being clean was somehow going to kill him. It—it seems really odd to me. Off somehow. Like a compulsion."

"A compulsion you say?" Remus said, visibly interested.

"It could be nothing—" Hermione said somewhat uncertainly.

"Or it could be something," Remus said. "From what the Headmaster told me, the jinx on the DADA position is quite insidious. Somehow, it is anchored without anyone, including Dumbledore himself, being able to find it. He's checked all of the usual places a jinx would be anchored, even to the point of asking the portraits if any of them remember gaining something they didn't start off with The room itself is clean, yet somehow this jinx remains."

Hermione frowned. "What kind of jinx?"

"Unfortunate harm to befall anyone who takes up the position that is not the one who cast the jinx."

"Master?"

"Hrm?"

"You said the other month that curses and jinxes could the anchored to something the caster knew would be protected either by the location or by people, thus cursing and jinxing sacred objects was common because no one would want to destroy them."

"Yes."

"What if that something was a condition?" Hermione asked.

Both wizards looked at Hermione a bit strangely.

Hermione's serpents drooped. She tried to think of a way to phrase it better. "What if the anchor was a condition such as 'for as long Scotland has bagpipes' only it was something no one would ever think to check?"

Severus' eyes opened, his brows shooting up into his hair. "Like being dirty."

Hermione nodded. "Is it possible?"

Remus shot up, startling Hermione's head-snakes. Chicka took a strike out at Remus, and Hermione soothed the strike-happy serpent with her hands. "Yes, it would be possible, especially if that someone had help staying that way or was already—easily suggestible."

Remus smiled at her. "I'm going to have to do some research and some good old poking around. Since I'm not teaching, it'll be much easier for me."

"I do not think I need to warn you of the dangers that may be lying in wait for you, Remus," Severus said, his eyes narrowing.

Remus shook his head. "No, Severus, I am well aware. I promise this is simply about recon for now.

Hermione's snakes peered at Remus, tongues flicking. Hermione found herself doing the same; a strange scent lingered on her tongue. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Socrates whispered something into her ear, and her eyebrows rose. She stared at her master, hoping for guidance.

"I think I've been found out," Remus said rather sheepishly. "I'm used to being the one with the good nose," he said as he tapped his nose. "I was bitten as a child— retaliation for my father boasting of his plan to eradicate all werewolves. Fenrir Greyback decided turning me into what my father hated would be amusing. Either he'd kill me, my father that is, or I'd die due to the strain of the change."

Hermione's head-snakes stood on end, whispering to each other. Socrates curled a little tighter around Hermione's neck as Zanique glared suspiciously.

"Should be safe around you, Hermione," Remus said. "Humans are the only target the werewolf wants to bite, and Severus has been kind enough to brew the Wolfsbane Potion to keep me under control. Tastes bloody awful, though."

Snape harrumphed. "Better than the alternative."

Lupin sighed and nodded. "You're right, of course."

"I'm going out to hunt for a snack," Socrates said, rubbing up against Hermione's ear.

"Okay, Socrates," Hermione said, kissing him on the nose.

The basilisk slid off from around her neck, leaving Zanique in charge of guarding their beloved mistress.

"Bring me back something?" Zanique requested. "I'm feeling a little peckish too."

"Of course," Socrates replied, puffing up proudly. "What would you like?"

"At this size, a nice fat rat would do nicely," Zanique replied.

Socrates nodded and slithered off.

"Where is the basilisk going?" Remus asked, only to get Zanique staring at him suspiciously again.

Hermione pulled Zanique back, cuddling her. "Overprotective thing," she cooed, giving her a kiss. Zani settled around her neck, tongue flicking. "Hunting for a snack."

"Do you mind introducing your friends?" Remus asked.

Hermione perked. She looked to Severus for approval, and he nodded silently. "This is Zanique," she said caressing the basilisk. "The other basilisk is Socrates."

"I've never seen basilisks, but I was under the impression they become very large," Remus said.

Hermione nodded. "The special eye covers have a helpful spell. It allows them to be more portable, if they want. People get scared when they are full size, but they are easier to sleep on when they're big."

Remus' eyebrows shot into his hair. "You sleep on them?"

"Of course," Hermione replied. "They're nice and warm." Hermione startled as Glyph bonked her with his head, a question mark over his head. "Oh! This is Glyph. He's an— eastern brown snake."

The orange headed, blue snake bobbed up and down. "This is Mal."

She drew out the two cobras. "The white cobra is Nag; the black is Nagaina."

"The Jungle Book," Lupin said, clearly approving. "My mother used to read me those stories. Rikitikitavi."

Hermione grinned. "This one is Dundee," she introduced, tickling the inland taipan under the chin. "This is Ash, Chicka— hey, no striking during introductions!" Chicka dropped her head, tongue flicking. "The coral snake is Border, the mottled black and brown—"

Candy yawned widely, showing off her white mouth. "That's Candy," Hermione giggled.

"This is Dia, Jig, Ray, Ada, Gabby— good morning, sleepyhead," she cooed, pressing her nose to the Gaboon viper's snout. "And this is Rose, Penny, and Gem. Gem has a little more self control than Chicka."

Gem puffed proudly, while Chicka hung her head. Hermione snuggled them one by one, and soothed Chicka with smiles and cuddles.

"That's quite a family you have there, Hermione," Remus said in awe. "They seem quite protective of you too."

Hermione nodded. "They like making new friends, but they have strong instincts sometimes and strike before they realise it. Rose won't. She's a thinker. Gabby only strikes for food, unless someone is antagonising her."

She thumped Jig on the snout, giving him the eye. Jig hung his head, tongue flicking apologetically.

Hermione peered curiously at the self-admitted werewolf, unsure what to believe. Stories said werewolves were mindless, violent beasts, but he gave off a kind demeanor, if not a little sad, even a little nervous. Perhaps, the nervousness was part of being a werewolf, as losing control was one of the few, proven things about werewolves.

She tried to imagine being outed as a Gorgon as a really young child and realised her parents would not have taken it well then, either. Parents liked to look their children in the face and protect them from harm. When faced with something like Hermione, her parents couldn't cope. She wondered if his parents had been able to.

"Well, if this is the key, Severus," Lupin said to Snape. "Then it could explain why Hagrid has been wandering around as his own personal dustbunny."

"Dust elephant, more like."

Remus snorted then chuckled, and then both men laughed together.

Lupin sighed. "There may be hope for us, Severus. If you are willing to give it a go."

Snape narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Maybe there is a chance, Lupin."

Harry dipped his toes in the water as he sat on Socrates. "Any luck finding a nice rat for Zanique?"

The basilisk yawned. "Nothing worthy of such beauty."

Harry pondered. "You could always get her one of those hogs."

"She deserves a fresh meal," Socrates said, sulking.

"It has to be a rat?"

Socrates nodded. "That's what she wanted. I need to get her a nice plump one, preferably fat so it will be extra chewy."

"Don't you swallow your food whole?" Harry asked.

"We like to chew on it so the venom tenderises the meat."

"Oh, well that makes sense." Harry nodded. "I mean, if I had a venomous bite and all."

"You should try it," Socrates said. "Perfect tenderness. Natural flavour."

Harry snorted. "Raw."

"Well, yeah, how else would it be?"

"I prefer my food cooked," Harry said.

Socrates shook his head. "Your loss."

Harry patted the basilisk. "All you, my friend."

"I still need a ra—" Socrates perked, seeing a waterlogged rat rummaging along the shoreline. "Oh, hello there, fatty." The basilisk flicked his tongue. "You'll be a perfect offering to Zanique."

"How do you even see anything that far away?" Harry complained.

"You should wash your glasses more often," Socrates replied as he slid under the water. "Hold tight. Don't drown. Hermione would disapprove."

"They all look like rocks to me. One is moving, but it's still a rock," Harry muttered.

"You need pit sensors and a proper snout," Socrates admonished. He shrunk himself down in size so his mouth was just big enough to serve as a cage and not be too widely spaced to allow escape.

"I'll be sure to put them on my list," Harry replied, clinging to the snake's body as he glided through the water.

By the time they hit shore, Harry stayed in the reeds as Socrates slithered off to wrangle up a snack. It didn't take long before he heard the tell-tale SNAP of jaws. Harry pulled himself up out of the reeds and cleaned himself off. "Where's a fleet of sudsy spiders when you need one?"

Socrates, who had shrunk his body down to come up to his knee, had a strange serpentine smile that showed all of his fangs at once. There was a rat tail sticking out between two teeth.

"Thith will do," Socrates said, his mouth full.

"Need me to carry you?" Harry asked.

"Yithpulese."

Harry picked the basilisk up and placed him around his shoulders, feeling a bit like the carnival man with the overgrown boa constrictor around his shoulders. "Hope this is worth it, mate."

Socrates nosed Harry's cheek. "Yiss."

The moment Socrates loosed his offering to Zanique, she struck, her violent hiss echoing as loudly as the clack of her fangs as they came down upon the furry blur. While her size was small, still sporting the much more portable size that allowed her to share Hermione's neck. She was, however, still a basilisk, and she was a hungry one at that. Her fangs sank in, and her coils tightened almost immediately after.

And then, everything went straight to hell.

Zanique found herself wrapped around the ankle of a screaming man. The screaming startled Hermione and Harry, who yelled for Snape. Severus and Remus immediately came rushing in from the next room.

The moment Severus and Remus saw the man, their wands were out, fury on their faces as recognition dawned.

"Pettigrew!" Snape hissed.

"Wormtail!" Remus snarled.

Hermione and Harry dove behind the sofa as they did the army crawl to a safer spot. Socrates and Zanique enlarged themselves to the occasion, their coils blocking all the exits with their combined mass. Harry and Hermione hugged the two basilisks, frightened, having only known their Transfiguration professor as an Animagus— and she was far less frightening.

Pettigrew was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, convulsing wildly, his leg swelling and turning a nasty-looking purple. Remus quickly sent out a Patronus, and the full-bodied wolf zoomed through the walls towards the Headmaster's office.

In a matter of seconds, Fawkes materialised in a swirl of flames, his wings unfolding as he seemed to expand to fill the space of the room.

"Basilisk bite!" Severus snapped, not even bothering with formalities.

Pettigrew was staring blankly up at the ceiling, twitching as the purple discolouration spread even further up his body.

Fawkes gave a loud scream and landed on top of the envenomated man, his head tilted as a glistening tear rolled down his beak.

Plip.

The tear splashed into the wound, and almost immediately, the purple began to recede.

Plip.

Another tear landed.

Socrates and Zanique looked like they wanted to have another go at the interloper, but Hermione held them back, trusting that Fawkes had his reasons.

There was a clatter of noise at the door as Dumbledore practically fell into the room, his wand raised to point up only for him to guide it down toward the floor where Pettigrew was curled into a fetal position. The elder wizard's eyebrows shot up into his hair as his grip on his wand tightened.

"Peter?"

Dumbledore slashed his wand in a great movement, and the heaviness of the school wards slammed down around them, cutting off all magical paths of escape even as his Patronus went flying off through the walls.

"What happened?" Albus asked, his eyes fixed on Pettigrew.

Silence was his answer along with multiple confused looks.

A wolverine Patronus whooshed in, speaking in Moody's distinctive lilt. "I'm on my way. You probably have the place locked down, so send someone down to let me through the front gate."

There was a resounding crash as something slid across the floor, and all heads immediately turned to look, thinking it was Pettigrew, but it was not.

It was Fawkes, his beak and feet bound by magical ropes.

Fawkes gave them meaningful birdy eyebrows, pointing his beak in the other direction, and they all looked to find both Harry and Hermione by the neck. Pettigrew had two wands in his hand, both jabbed into Harry's neck.

"Now, we wouldn't want the Boy-Who-Lived to the by Boy-Who-Died-Because-You-Were-Stupid, now would we?" The rat-like man asked, smirking. "Make one move, and he's not going to see tomorrow."

Somehow he had managed to position himself where the odds were the greatest for his survival. Any attempt to go after him would hurt the children instead, and the basilisks were as still as stone, waiting for a signal from Hermione.

"Thanks for the little pick-me-up," Pettigrew said. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to lift the wards, Headmaster." He said the last word with spite. "Then you won't have to see either of these fine little children get hurt."

Pettigrew jabbed the wands into Harry's neck so he cried out. "Ah, ah, ah, Remus. Old. Friend. Throw your wand over there. Now. You too. All of you."

Peter jerked up sharply with his arm, choking Hermione. She looked up at Severus, her eyes meeting his.

Snape let his wand drop as his arm went to Remus, firmly drawing him back. Lupin, too, dropped his wand.

"I wish I could say it's been nice knowing you, Pettigrew, but I fear it would be a lie on both counts."

"You're awfully smug, Snape. Do you want to see your little Mudblood carved up? I'm sure Bellatrix would just love to play with her."

"No, I don't think so," Snape said.

"You don't think I will?" Peter hissed. "You don't think I'll hurt her? You'd be wrong!" He jerked Hermione and Harry up harder.

"I think she knows exactly what you deserve, Pettigrew."

Snape gave Dumbledore a look, and Albus dropped his wand.

"You, Potter. Bring me those wands," Peter demanded, jabbing the wands into Hermione's neck. "Quickly."

He released Harry to do what he required, and Harry rushed out to grab the wands.

Sssssssssssss!

Hermione sank her fangs into Pettigrew's arm as her head-snakes went directly for Peter's face.

Sssss!

SSSSS!

SSSSss!

Thwack.

THWack!

THWACK!

Snake after snake after snake buried their fangs into Peter's skin— his forehead, his ear, his neck, his nose— anywhere and everywhere possible. Chicka sank her fangs in multiple times, over and over as globs of venom flicked every which way. Ash clamped onto the bridge of his nose, and Gabby sank into his bottom lip.

Albus summoned the wands to his hand, and they quickly had them all aimed at Pettigrew, but they needn't have worried. The rodent-man had thrown Hermione away from him, clutching his arm and his face as he screamed shrilly.

"You don't have to stay with him if you don't want to," Hermione said, seemingly to no one in particular. "You might like it better with me."

Pettigrew screamed even louder, frantically clutching at his arm as black "ink" flowed out of it. Suddenly his cry was cut off, his body turning as stiff as a board and he crashed to the floor. A large, serpent-shaped shadow slithered off of Peter and hustled over to Hermione, spiraled around her leg and up, disappearing under her robes.

Hermione giggled suddenly as bright red, orange, and black rat snake appeared on Hermione's head. The other snakes flicked their tongues, their heads tilted in curiosity.

Peter fell flat on his face, completely paralysed, as Socrates and Zanique curled around Hermione and Harry, bringing them into their coils protectively, placing their heads on top like the lid of a giant snake basket.

But what had the adults staring, afraid to even move, was the void where the Dark Mark had most obviously been. The skin was sunken as if someone had popped a blister and left a crater the shape of a skull and snake.

Dumbledore cast a quick stasis spell, binding Pettigrew's body and lifting it off the ground simultaneously. "Well then," he said. "Any other surprises you wish to share with me?"

"Hey!"

"Ouch!"

"Stop that!"

"He says to stop poking him!" Hermione said, wringing her hands.

"Oh, very sorry, my friend. We just want to be sure there is no residual Dark magic," the kindly older wizard said.

"He just wants to make sure you're healthy," Hermione said to the new snake.

The red rat snake sighed, tongue flicking. "Okay." He rose out of the mass of other head-snakes.

The wizard ran a wand over him a few times. He nodded to Amelia. "He's clean. No Dark magic on him or Hermione."

"Excellent. Thank you, Rodrick." Amelia smiled at Hermione. "Are you okay? Feeling alright?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Socrates told us everything from his point of view, and you and Severus both gave us wonderful reports, but are you feeling well?"

Hermione nodded. "Parker tickles."

Amelia chuckled. "Did you know what would happen if you asked the snake spirit to join you?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, I just wanted to give him a better option. He didn't like being stuck under that rat-man's skin."

"And he's okay with being with you?"

Hermione nodded. "He has friends now."

Amelia smiled. "I'm glad. I want you to know, we did a little analysis on your venom, and it's quite different from your snakes'. Do you want to hear about it?"

"Yes ma'am!" Hermione said, nodding. Her head-snakes nodded too.

"We started looking into it when you used it in your potion, and we think it's the key to turning the venom into something that heals. It is a healing venom, all on its own."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Would you like to see?"

Hermione nodded again, her head-snakes bobbing excitedly. Chicka extended himself out for a scale rub, allowing Amelia to caress his head and belly scales. The other vipers got jealous, bumping Chicka out of the way for their own share, ending with Amelia petting them all.

"Follow me, love," Amelia said, beckoning.

Hermione followed, smiling to the other Unspeakables as they passed them by. They entered into a very sterile looking white room, where witches and wizards in pure white robes hustled about.

There was a dark container on the counter, filled with swirling Dark magic.

Hermione looked at it curiously, her serpents all swerving around to get a good look.

"Mr Jones, could you show our Hermione what you discovered?"

"Oh! Yes, ma'am!" the wizard said. "Would you mind donating some venom, my dear?"

"Okay," Hermione said, unfolding her fangs for him to stick a pipette to the end. She used her tongue to massage the venom gland on the roof of her mouth, and he collected the venom.

"Thank you!" he said. "Watch closely!"

He pressed a button on the container and dripped in the venom and closed it quickly. The Dark magic writhed and swirled violently and then—

kerBLAM!

The inside of the container dripped with shining white fluid that gathered itself back up and swirled around with shimmering unaligned magic.

"Wow!" Hermione said.

"Very wow, my dear," Jones said with a smile.

"What does this mean, Amelia?" Hermione asked.

Amelia smiled. "It means, my dear, that your venom converts Dark magic into natural or rather neutral magic. I wanted to look you over to make sure nothing gave you side effects, but it seems this is what you do. This is your— calling."

"Does Eleanor have a calling?"

"Well, she doesn't have venom like you, my dear, but she has other wonderful talents to her name."

Hermione smiled. She tilted her head. "So, you would like some of my venom?"

Amelia nodded. "I think it could help us greatly in neutralising some very Dark magic out there, Hermione. Would you be willing to help us?"

"Of course." She looked up at Snape. "As long as it's okay with my Master."

Snape nodded grimly. "As long as you do not make a pest of yourself, Amelia— or rather your rather enthusiastic researchers." He gave the wizards in question a dark glare that did what it did to almost every Hogwarts firstie, and the other wizards all promptly tried to make themselves one with the floor.

"Severus, please," Amelia chided. "It is exceedingly hard to get competent help that can also withstand your scowls."

Snape wrinkled his nose, turning his gaze away.

Hermione looked up at him, and he looked down at her with a softened gaze. One hand gently caressed her head-snakes.

"Very well, Amelia. Take your venom."

"Let him go!" Hermione cried, throwing herself at Hagrid's body.

Kai screeched and twisted, trapped in the half-giant's dusty grasp.

"He's my dragon," Hagrid said roughly, shaking Hermione off his arm. "You stole him! You was my friend! A real friend doesn't steal!"

"I didn't steal him! He came to me!"

"He just dinna know better! You took advantage of him!"

Kai cried out and whimpered in pain, the iron shackle on his leg burning him.

"He's hurt! You're hurting him!" Hermione exclaimed frantically, beating on Hagrid with her fists.

"If you really cared, you'd let him go back home with his daddy. Me. I'm his person. He's mine!"

"If he wanted to go with you, I'd let him! He can make up his own mind!" Hermione yelled. "Let him go! Let him choose! What good is having him if he doesn't want to be there?"

Kai whimpered, his front claws and teeth trying desperately to bite and slash Hagrid's fingers to no avail, his shapeshifting ability neutralised by the iron band around his leg.

Hermione tried to jump up and pry Hagrid's fingers loose, but she ended up dangling from his thick fingers instead.

Hagrid used his other hand to shove Hermione away.

Thwak!

Chicka sank her fangs deep into Hagrid's thumb.

ThwackWACK!

Two highly agitated basilisks demonstrated their own extreme displeasure with the half-giant by sinking their fangs into Hagrid's flesh between his thumb and index finger.

Hermione fell to the ground, cradling Kai as she tried to take off the iron shackle. "It's okay. I've got you, Kai. It's okay!"

Hagrid flicked his bleeding hand, the two basilisks flying off into the undergrowth. He went for Kai again, but his hand missed and pushed off Hermione's headdress instead.

Hermione shrieked, covering her head as she attempted to squeeze her eyes shut. Kai trembled in her lap, whimpering.

As Hagrid's hand tried to move her out of the way to grab for the fey dragon, Hermione had to roll out of the way to keep her eyes covered. Kai tried to fly off, but Hagrid grabbed the chain connected to the shackle, yanking on it hard.

Kai let out a piercing screech of agony.

Hermione's hand reached out blindly, grabbing.

Her fangs glinted, and she sank them into the first thing she touched.

THUUUUUUUUOOOMP!

Hermione went sailing into the Whomping Willow just as the branches came crashing down—

"Immobulus!" Dumbledore's spell came down upon the scene as the headmaster seemed to billow in the wind. The tree instantly froze in place and Hermione was frozen in mid-fall even as Hagrid was held stationary, his hand still grasping the panicked dragonet on a chain.

Even as he stood there, an odd greenish glow came from the bite on Hagrid's arm where Hermione's fangs had sunk in. It spread rapidly across his arm and body, up his neck and chest, and then consumed his entire body as a blast of purative magic blazed across his skin.

Hagrid fell flat on his face in the dirt, Kai's immobilised body bouncing off the ground.

Snape billowed past, picking up Kai under his arm as he headed directly to where Hermione was and cancelling out the spell before cradling her to his body. She wept against him, trembling.

"He wouldn't let him go," she whimpered. "He wouldn't let him go!"

"Shh, shh," he soothed. "I have him. He's fine now."

"He's hurt!"

"I believe I can help with this, Severus," Dumbledore said kindly. He tapped his wand to the iron shackle on Kai's leg, and it vanished. He gently placed the headdress back on Hermione's head. "There you go, my dear. I'm sorry I was a bit late to the party."

Hermione sniffled and nodded, clinging to Snape's robes.

The staff was beginning to exit Hogwarts, rushing towards them.

"Minerva, Filius, please take Hagrid to the infirmary— in stasis. I have a feeling he's not going to be feeling well very soon."

"Of course, Headmaster."

Dumbledore sighed. "We'll also be having a rather in-depth discussion as soon as he's no longer dying."

Snape, cradling his traumatised apprentice to his chest, felt her arms wrap around him tightly as she buried her face in his neck.

"Please don't let go," she whispered.

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

She clung to him tighter, but her breath came in a relieved sigh. "Thank you for being here for me."

Snape's expression didn't change, but he soothed her anxious head-snakes with a gentle stroke of his hand. "Always."

End of Chapter 5

A/N: Did you forget about this one? Hah! Fooled you!

Please thank The Dragon and the Rose for staying up past her Pumpkin Hour to beta this chapter.

For the record, I still haven't gotten my Cinnabons *sadface*